A blond man.
A blond man shouts frantically into the phone.
"My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only 2 minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" Asked the doctor.
"No. This is her husband."
Dry cleaners. A hot blond walks into a Dry cleaners. She tells the teller "I need to get a stain removed from my sweater. The teller being a little hard of hearing asks "Come again?" To which she replied " No, its mustard."
In light of all the recent blond jokes...
Why are blond jokes so short?
So men can remember them.
A blond girl turns on the radio and hears that 2 Brazilian men were killed As she starts to cry she asks "How many is a Brazilian?"
I had a little car accident
On the way home from work, I had a little car accident, I braked hard, but still hit the car in front of me. A cute blond got out and shouted "Ram me up the arse why don't you"?.
This, your Honour, is where the confusion began.....
Why did the blond girl became the Invisible Woman? Because she has to be dense enough for light to bend around her
Why was the blond excited when she finished her puzzle after 6 months? Because the box said 2-4 years!
Why do blondes have bruises around their belly buttons? Apparently blond guys aren't too smart either.
A blond is watching the news and hears that 2 Brazilian men died from Coronavirus. She cried and asked, "Oh my gosh, how many is a Brazilian?"
A blond takes her goldfish to the vet.
"I think it's got epilepsy" she tells the vet.
Vet takes a look and says "It seems calm enough to me".
The blond says, "Well DUH!!!, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet".
Whats the difference between a blond and a mosquito? If you slap a mosquito it will stop sucking!
James Bond gets called into M's office
M: I have a job for you. You will have to disguise yourself as a blond businessman called John Smith.
Bond: But I have dark hair! Do you expect me to wear a wig or something?!
M: No mister Bond, I expect you to dye.
You seem to like blonde jokes around here. Here is my favorite: Why did the blonde have such a terribly bruised belly button? Her boyfriend was blond as well.
A blond man walks into a bar
He sees a very attractive woman sitting by herself, so he goes over to introduce himself.
"Hello miss, my name is Billy. Can I buy you a drink?"
She says, "I'm Amanda."
The man says, "Oh, I'm sorry to bother you, sir." and leaves.
How do you tell if a blond has been working at your computer? There's white out all over the screen
A blond couple is in the hospital and the wife is in labor...
After a few laborious hours out pops a beautiful baby boy.
Two beautiful twins!
however, the father is furious....
"Ok! who's the other guy you're seeing?!"
A Blond walks into a library
A blond walks into a library and says "can I get some cheeseburgers?"
The librarian says "this is a library"
So the blond apologizes and whispers "can I get some cheese burgers?"
How about a blond joke. My cousin blond* was once asked at a restaurant if she wants her egg poached. She promptly replied "isnt that illegal." True story too.
20 blondes are standing outside a bar. On the other side of the street another blond is walking by; "Hey, come over here. You have to be 21 to enter"
My blond girlfriend ain't too bright. I told her I played Russian roulette once. She asked me if I lost.
Whats the difference between a blond girl and an elevator? An elevator only fits 5 people in it.
Why was the blond happy she finished the jigsaw puzzle in six months?
It said 2 to 4 years on the box.
A blond was listening to breathing exercises on headphones and her boyfriend came up behind her and took them off her head. She died.
Why did the blond take a car door down to the beach? If it get too hot he could just roll the window down and let some cool air in
A blond gets a toilet brush for her birthday
Her friend asks if it's any good, and the blond girl replies
"Yeah, I think it's Allright, but I prefer toilet paper"
Why did a blond decide to be a virgin for the rest of her life? Because she wants to be an example for her children.
Two blondes were standing on opposite sides of the river.
The first blond yells,"Can you tell me how to get to the other side of the river?"
The other blond yells,"Hello, you are on the other side of the river."
A blond goes to the doctor....
And says "I can't figure out what's wrong with me. When I touch my head it hurts, when I touch my boob it hurts, and when I touch my foot it hurts."
To which the doctor replies "ma'am I think you've broken your finger"
a blond asked directions to the store
this guy said, "Well that's just a hop, skip and a jump away."
"Well that's not how I'm getting there..." She said "You got directions for those who are walking?"
What’s the difference between a blond and a brick? A brick doesn’t come around bugging you for days after you lay it.
What did Captain America order at Starbucks?
An iced blond americano
... I’ll show my way out
If you see a blond girl wearing a headphone Don't ever take her headphone of. I ones did and a few moments later she died. Listening to her headphone i understood why she died. I heard : breath in, breath out!
My blond friend once used “GokuBatmanHulkPikachuBakugouLucinaMulanAangBangkok” as his e-mail password. He said that his password needed 8 Characters with 1 Capital.
3 guys in camping in one tent The guy on the left dreamed a beautiful blond was giving him a handjob. The guy on the right dreamed a georgous redhead was giving him a handjob. The guy in the middle dreamt he was skiing.
I didn't laugh at her dumb joke, then the blond said to me, "Well, it's an inside joke, hold on." So she let me into her house and told the joke to me again.
The blond reared back and clenched his fist
With all his might, he punched the tree, and the force of the impact broke his hand. "Ouch! I thought you said this tree was bouncy!"
His friend face palmed. "No, I said it was a rubber tree."
Two Blond men find three grenades
They talk about it and decide to take them to a police station. On the way there one asks:
What happens if one of them explodes?
The other one replied:
We’ll just tell them we found two.
A blond and a brunette jumped off the roof of a 10-story building at the exact same time. Who hit the ground first?
The blond had to stop and ask for directions.
Irony!!! Every blonde thinking that every other blonde except her was responsible for blond stupidity.
After the helicopter crash. After the helicopter crash, the blond pilot was asked what happened. She replied, "It was getting chilly in there, so I turned the fan off."
How can you tell a Blonde has been using your computer?
There's Whiteout on the screen.
How can you tell a second blond was using it?
There's writing on the whiteout.
A blond woman walks into a police station.
She tells a police officer, "I need help! A man stole my car!"
"Did you see what he looked like?", the police officer asks.
"No, but I got the license plate number!"
I asked this blond if she wanted to go out last month… she said “Can I think about it?” She’s been think about it for a month now, blonds really are dumb.
What would you do if a blond threw a hand grenade at you? You would pull the pin and throw it back
Why blond girls don't like to eat pretzels ? Because they get mad trying to untie the knots before eating them.
A blond gave her boyfriend a blow job for the first time and was pretty proud. It was a breeze for her, and a little too breezy for him.