Clever Jokes

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Funniest Clever Jokes

Your mom joke, but clever Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin."
Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night ."
Kid 1: "As if."
Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister."
Kid 1: "I don't have a sister."
Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."

Funny Clever Jokes

Clever Insult joke If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb up to your ego and jump down to your IQ level.

So my wife said to me, "I swear, it's like all men share one brain" I wanted to think of a clever comeback, but it wasn't my turn to use the brain

Ok my 4 year old came up with this one, not sure he really understands how clever it is though... Why did the Dragon Cross the Road? He wanted to eat some chicken.

Clever Husband. Husband: Today is Sunday & I have to enjoy it. So I bought 3 movie tickets.

Wife: Why Three?

Husband: It's for you and your parents.

I came up with a clever strategy to get my girlfriend to like my wordplay-loving family.... ....but she didn't fall for my punning clan.

Clever guy applying for a job, ended up talking about the wages... Manager: '' So you will start at $15 a hour and later you could earn at least $20 a hour. ''

Applicant: ''Alright then I'll be back later! ''

most clever student Teacher: Who answers my next question, can go home.
One boy throws his bag out the window.
Teacher: Who just threw that?
Boy: Me and I’m going home now.

I don't like telling clever jokes about airplanes. They just go over my head.

“Daddy, I inherited my intelligence from you, right?” “That’s right my clever girl!”

“Makes total sense! Mom’s so lucky she's still got hers!”

What do you call a clever pig? Cunningham

Q: A word that defines "a quick, clever reply to an insult or criticism." Sorry, this was "a riposte".

What's the difference between a tribe of clever pygmies and a girls' track team? One is a group of cunning runts.

What is the difference between a clever midget and a woman jogger? One is a cunning runt.

Clever yo mama jokes The title says it all.

Heres one:
Yo mama so fat that light bends around her.

The trouble with translating jokes is... Many jokes rely on clever wordplay, which can get lost in translation!


(What? That always gets a laugh when I tell it in Basque.)

Did you hear about 50 Cent's clever new song about the small, detail-oriented urban cat? They're calling it "Fiddy's witty itty bitty nitty gritty city kitty ditty".

Got pulled over for drink driving and had to give a urine sample. But clever me drank it before it could be analysed.

Now I'm getting charged for taking the piss:

What's the difference between a clever midget and a yeast infection? One's a cunning runt...

I was tasked with coming up with a clever puberty pun But I guess I really dropped the balls on that one

In park people come across man playing chess with dog They are of surprise and say "What clever dog!"

But man say: "No, no, he isn't so clever. I am lead by three game to one!"

Three stereotypes (one that you don't like) are in this particular situation The first two act in a normal or clever way, while the third confirms some negative thing you want to think about the stereotype, but in a humorous way!!

Dolphins are really clever In fact, they have trained humans to stand at the edge of the pools and throw fish at them.

Got pulled over by the cops for drink driving, but clever me drank the urine sample. Now I am in court for taking the piss..

A clever one from Yahoo! Answers Sea water equals salt. That's what it boils down to.

What's the difference between a clever midget and a venereal disease? One's a cunning runt.

What's the difference between a clever child and a rude marathoner? One's a cunning runt...

What's the difference between a clever midget and an STD? One is a cunning runt.

The Vocabulary Theater is now open! I heard they have a clever word play!

Last night I did a theatrical performance about puns Really it was just a clever play on words

Bad joke I made but thought it was clever in 4th grade What do you get when you slice ice cream?

Slice cream!

... I think I'll join the reposting group now...

My better half said period jokes aren't clever So I wound up discarding 3 pages of jokes i had expounded on the Victorian period.

God said to Eve: "I will make your pains in childbearing very severe;" Clever as she was, she asked, "You mind if I pay in periods?"

What do you call a clever repost? A riposte.

Accountants are very clever opponents. They are used to being underestimated.

“Daddy, I inherited my intelligence from you, didn’t I?” - “That’s right my clever girl!” “That makes sense, because mommy’s still got hers.”

I know this one clever joke about salt, I wonder if I should tell it... ...Na

The girlfriend is clever enough I asked my girlfriend which sort of books she is interested in

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She said "CHEQUE BOOKS"

Did you hear about the clever nun who got tricked? She was nun the wiser

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New Clever Jokes

I've perfected the art of clever comebacks Too bad I have no friends to talk to in first place.

Did you hear about the dyslexic dwarf? It's not big and it's not clever

What do you call a girl that is both clever and stupid? Miss Understand.

What's the difference between a group of clever midgets and a women's track team? One's a bunch of cunning runts.

What do you call a clever person who knows multiple languages? A Cunning Linguist

To be funny you must make both a clever and witty statement that is understood by the majority of people Or just kick someone in the nuts

A Dutch man has invented shoes which have inbuilt sat-nav. Clever clogs.

Whenever I see a “Baby On Board” Bumper sticker, I think to myself.. The driver is either a really paranoid parent. Or a really clever child abductor.

A clever man decides he is going to steal a car Being clever he decides he seal steal a Tesla. The police find him and they say we are looking for this red Tesla. He reply’s this isn’t a Tesla, it’s an Edison

Need help with a clever response.. What can I do if whenever I hit my thumb with a hammer, it hurts?

Clever Boy ! A young boy came home from school and told his mother, "I had a big fight with my classmate. He called me a sissy." The mother asked, "What did you do?" The boy replied, "I hit him with my purse!"

When your not clever enough for metaphors... I've found literal comparisons make great fact similes.

I'm so proud of my mother-in-law We were sitting down to our St Patrick's day dinner. And I announced, "I took extra pickles, so Dill with it." I thought I was clever but she did me one better. She smiled sweetly and said, "That's ok. Today I'm Dublin everything!"

What did the farmer name the clever and scheming pig? Cunningham.

What do you call a clever idiot? An Oxymoron.

Everybody's trying to make clever statements on Twitter. In the end they always turn out as 'Stupid autocovfefe!'

I need some help with some really corny jokes.... I'm in need of some clever and creative corny jokes (example....what's brown and sticky? A stick) Keep in mind they need to be clean and appropriate for elementary students. Thank y'all!

Being in an interview and being a financial advisor are the same thing. At first you need to convince them you can make them money and then you try to take it all!

Let me know if it's a repost I feel very clever now!

clever pupil makes fool his teacher PUPIL: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn't do?
TEACHER: off course not.
PUPIL: good, because I didn't do my homework.

The clever boy Boy: Dear sir, I want to ask you something.
Teacher: yes boy, ask me, what do you want?
Boy: Sir, do you punish anyone for something they did not do?
Teacher: No boy. Why should I?
Boy: Thank you sir. That’s a relief. I haven’t done the homework. -

What's the difference between a clever midget and an STD? Well, one of them is a cunning runt...


side note: apparently Jim Morrison of The Doors said this gem at a meeting with some record executives.

Sherlock Holmes faced a tax audit because... all his clever deductions made the tax office very suspicious.

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Long Clever Jokes

Burglars are getting very clever these days..

Last night, my wife woke me up..

*Darling! Darling! There's a burglar downstairs!!*

So I go down, check every room and don't find anyone.

Then I realised I don't have a wife and when I went back upstairs my bed and tv were gone.

Three Irishmen and Three Scots are on a train

Three Scots and three Irishmen are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three Irishmen each buy tickets and watch as the three Scots buy only a single ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an Irishman.
"Watch and you'll see," answers a Scot.
They all board the train. The Irishmen take their respective seats but all three Scots cram into a bathroom and close the door behind them.
Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the bathroom door and says,"Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
The Irishmen see this and agree it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the Irishmen decide to copy the Scots on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money,and all that). When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Scots don't buy a ticket at all.
"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed Irishman. Watch and you'll see," answers a Scot.
When they board the train the three Irishmen cram into a bathroom and the three Scots cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterwards, one of the Scots leaves his bathroom and walks over to the bathroom where the Irishmen are hiding.
He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please."

Magic trick

An Englishman and a Scotsman go to a pastry shop.

The Englishman whisks three cookies into his pocket with lightning speed.
The baker doesn't notice.

The Englishman says to the Scotsman:
"You see how clever we are? You'll never beat that!"

The Scotsman says to the Englishman:
"Watch this, a Scotsman is always cleverer than an Englishman."

He says to the baker,
"Give me a cookie, I can show you a magic trick!"

The baker gives him the cookie which the Scotsman promptly eats. 
Then he says to the baker: 
"Give me another cookie for my magic trick."

The baker is getting suspicious but he gives it to him.  He eats this one too.

Then he says again:
"Give me one more cookie... "

The baker is getting angry now but gives him one anyway. The Scotsman eats this one too.

Now the baker is really mad, and he yells:
"And where is your magic trick?"

The Scotsman says:
"Look in the Englishman's pocket!"

Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference.

At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.

”How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?” asks an accountant.

”Watch and you’ll see,” answers an engineer. All of them board the train.

The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.

Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, “Ticket, please.”The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The accountants saw this and agreed it was  a clever idea.So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money.

When they get to the station they buy a single ticket for the return trip.To their astonishment, the engineers don’t buy a ticket at all.

”How are you going to travel without a ticket?” says one perplexed accountant.

”Watch and you’ll see,” answers an engineer.

When they board the train the three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. 

The train departs.Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding.

He knocks on the door and says, “Ticket, please.”

Two Cows

**Edit: Just to make it clear, I am not taking credit for the joke(s). I just merely found it/them whilst browsing around and thought you guys would appreciate it/them.**



SOCIALISM

You have 2 cows.

You give one to your neighbour



COMMUNISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and gives you some milk

FASCISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and sells you some milk



NAZISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and shoots you

BUREAUCRATISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then
throws the milk away

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell one and buy a bull.

Your herd multiplies, and the economy
grows.

You sell them and retire on the income

ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption
for five cows.

The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.

The public then buys your bull.

SURREALISM

You have two giraffes.

The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You sell one, and force the other to
produce the milk of four cows.

Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why
the cow has dropped dead.

A GREEK CORPORATION

You have two cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds,
dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds.

You still only have two cows.


A FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.

You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and
market it worldwide.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.

You decide to have lunch.

A SWISS CORPORATION

You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.

You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You have 300 people milking them.

You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.

You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.

You tell them that you have none.

No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country.

You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Business seems pretty good.

You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

So a three masted sailing ship is leaving port...

... just a day out of port the captain is standing on the deck when the lookout calls down "Sir! There's an enemy ship on the horizon!"

The captain turns to his cabin boy and shouts "Bring me my red shirt!"

After the cabin boy brings him the red shirt and he puts it on, the two ships close to fighting range and fight all day, with many heroics on both sides, but with the captain and his red shirt standing alive and victorious as the other ship sinks behind them in the sunset light.

Later that night the cabin boy is curious and asks the captain why he needed his red shirt, and the captain replies "Well, with my red shirt on, none of the men would see me bleeding if I was wounded, and so they would not lose heart and continue to fight on to victory!"

The cabin boy thinks that's pretty clever and goes to bed for the night.

The next day, the captain is standing on the deck as they sail along when the lookout shouts down "Sir! Twenty enemy ships on the horizon!"

And the captain turns to his cabin boy and says "Bring me my brown pants!"

Smart Boy

In a Store a man asked for 1/2 packet of butter.

The salesperson, a young boy, said that only full packs were available in the Store,

but the man insisted on buying only 1/2.

So the boy went inside to the manager’s room and said “An idiot outside wants to buy only 1/2 pack of butter”.

To his surprise, the customer was standing right behind him..!

So the boy added immediately, “And this gentleman wants to buy the other half!!!!!!”.

After the customer left, the manager said “You have saved your position by being clever enough at the right time. Where do you come from?”

To this the boy said, “I come from Brazil. The place consists of only prostitutes and football players!!!!!”

The manager replied coldly, “My wife is also from Brazil “.

To this the boy asked excitedly, “Oh yeah? Which team does she play for?”

Starting Early

There was a little girl named Suzy and she liked to play with one of the little boys in her neighborhood named Jack after school. One day, Suzy comes home ecstatic and her mother asks, "Suzy, why are you so excited?". Suzy replies "I was playing with Jack and he said he'd give me a dollar if I climbed the tree in our yard and I did. So now I have a dollar!" The mother realizes her little Suzy is wearing a dress and puts two and two together. "Suzy," the mom starts to say, "Jack didn't pay you that dollar to climb the tree, he tricked you so he could look at your panties. Don't let him trick you like that again." Embarrassed, the little girl agrees to not fall for any more of Jack's clever tricks. The next day, the mom is sitting in the living room when Suzy bursts through the door ten times more excited than yesterday. "Mommy! I just got 10 dollars from Jack to climb that tree!" The mother, in a scolding tone says, "Suzy! I thought I told you that Jack is just tricking you to look at your panties!" But the little girl smiles and says, "Don't worry mom! I tricked Jack because I didn't wear any!"

Burglars are getting very clever these days

Last night, my wife woke me up
Darling...! Darling...! There's a burglar downstairs...!!!
So I go down, check every room and don't find anyone.
Then I realized I don't have a wife and when I went back upstairs my bed and TV were gone.

Never panic, there's always a solution

In a store in US, a man asked for 1/2 kg of butter.

The salesperson, a young boy, said that only 1kg packs were available in the Store, but the man insisted on buying only 1/2 kg.

So the boy went inside to the manager's room and said "An idiot outside wants to buy only 1/2 kg of butter".

To his surprise, the customer was standing right behind him.

So the boy added immediately, "And this gentleman wants to buy the other half".

After the customer left, the manager said "You have saved your position by being clever enough at the right time. Where do you come from?"

To this the boy said, "I come from Brazil. The place consists of only prostitutes and football players!"

The manager replied coldly, "My wife is also from Brazil!!".

To this the boy asked excitedly, "Oh yeah? Which team does she play for?"

Three engineers and three accountants were traveling by train...

Three engineers and three accountants were traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each bought tickets and watched as the three engineers bought only one ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked an accountant.
"Watch and you'll see", answered an engineer.
They all boarded the train. The accountants took their respective seats, but the three engineers all crammed into a rest room and closed the door behind them. Shortly after the train departed, the conductor came around collecting tickets. He knocked on the restroom door and said, "Ticket, please".
The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand.
The conductor took it and moved on.
The accountants saw this and agreed it was a quite clever idea. So, after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that). When they got to the station, they bought a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers didn't buy a ticket at all.
"How are you going to ride without a ticket"? said one perplexed accountant.
"Watch and you'll see", answered an engineer.
When they boarded the train, the three accountants crammed into a restroom and the three engineers crammed into another one nearby. The train departed. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers left his restroom and walked over to the restroom where the accountants were hiding. He knocked on the door and said, "Ticket, please."

Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump go into a bakery...

Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump go into a bakery.

As soon as they enter the bakery, Hillary steals three pastries and puts them in her pocket.
She says to Donald, "See how clever I am? The owner didn't see anything and I don't even need to lie.” I will definitely win the election.

The Donald says to Hillary, "That's the typical dishonesty you have displayed throughout your entire life, trickery and deceit. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same result."

Donald goes to the owner of the bakery and says, "Give me a pastry and I will show you a magic trick." Intrigued, the owner accepts and gives him a pastry. Trump swallows it and asks for another one. The owner gives him another one. Then Donald asks for a third pastry and eats that, too.

The owner is starting to wonder where the magic trick is and asks, "What did you do with the pastries?" Trump replies, "Look in Hillary's pocket"

Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton walk into a bakery.

As soon as they enter the bakery, Hillary steals three pastries and puts them in her pocket. She says to Donald, "See how clever I am? The owner didn't see anything and I don't even need to lie.”
The Donald says to Hillary, "That's the typical dishonesty you have displayed throughout your entire life, trickery and deceit. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same result."

Trump goes to the owner of the bakery and says, "Give me a pastry and I will show you a magic trick."

Intrigued, the owner accepts and gives him a pastry. Trump swallows it and asks for another one. The owner gives him another one. Then Trump asks for a third pastry and eats that, too.

The owner is starting to wonder where the magic trick is and asks, "What did you do with the pastries?"

Trump replies, "Look in Hillary's pocket"

How did Trump win?

"Hillary Clinton" and "Donald Trump" go into a bakery.

Hillary Clinton steals three pastries and puts them in her pocket.
She says to Donald Trump "See how clever I am? The owner didn't see anything and I don't even need to lie.” I will definitely win the election.

Donald Trump: "That's the typical dishonesty you have displayed throughout your entire life, trickery and deceit. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same result."

Donald Trump goes to the owner of the bakery and says, "Give me a pastry and I will show you a magic trick." Intrigued, the owner accepts and gives him a pastry. Trump swallows it and asks for another one. The owner gives him another one. Then Donald asks for a third pastry and eats that, too.

The owner is starting to wonder where the magic trick is and asks, "What did you do with the pastries?" Donald Trump replies, "Look in Hillary's pocket".

The clever Doctor

A Doctor can't find a job in any Hospital in USA, so he opens a clinic and puts a sign outside 'GET TREATMENT FOR $20 - IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100.'

A lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic...

Lawyer: "I have lost my sense of taste."

Doctor: "Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 22 and put 3 drops in patient's mouth."

Lawyer: "Ugh... this is kerosene."

Doctor: "Congrats, your sense of taste is restored. Give me $20."

The annoyed lawyer goes back after a few days to recover his money...

Lawyer: "I have lost my memory. I cannot remember anything."

Doctor: "Nurse, bring medicine from box no. 22 and put 3 drops in his mouth."

Lawyer (annoyed): "This is kerosene. You gave this to me last time for restoring my taste."

Doctor: "Congrats. You got your memory back. Give me $20."

The fuming lawyer pays him, and then comes back a week later determined to get back $100.

Lawyer: "My eyesight has become very weak I can't see at all."

Doctor: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that, so take this $100."

Lawyer (staring at the note): "But this is $1" not $100!!"

Doctor: "Congrats, your eyesight is restored. Give me $20".

Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference.

At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.

"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant.

"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.

They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.

Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says,

"ticket, please."

The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all!)

When they get to the station they buy a single ticket for the return trip.

To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all.

"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed accountant.

"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.

When they board the train the three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby.

The train departs.

Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding.

He knocks on the door and says, "ticket, please."

A farmer has three daughters who all have dates tonight...

The doorbell rings and the farmer, armed with a shotgun answers the door to find a boy. The boy says, "Hello I'm Joe, I'm here for Flo, we're going to the show, is she ready to go?" The farmer thinks that the boy is very clever so he calls to Flo and sends her off with Joe

The doorbell rings again a little later and it's another boy. He says, "Hello I'm Eddy, I'm here for Betty, we're going to eat spaghetti, do you know if she's ready?" The farmer thinks that Eddy is just as clever as the first boy so he calls for Betty and sends the couple on their way.

The doorbell rings a third time and at the door is another boy. The boy says, "Hello I'm Chuck..." So the farmer shoots him in the face.

On a visit to New York, an Englishman and a Scotsman go to a pastry shop.

The Englishman whisks three cookies into his pocket with lightning speed. The baker doesn't notice.

The Englishman says to the Scotsman, "You see how clever we are? You'll never beat that!"

The Scotsman says to the Englishman, "Watch this, a Scotsman is always cleverer than an Englishman."

He says to the baker, "Give me a cookie, I can show you a magic trick!"

The baker gives him the cookie which the Scotsman promptly eats. Then he says to the baker, "Give me another cookie for my magic trick."

The baker is getting suspicious but he gives it to him. He eats this one too. Then he says again, "Give me one more cookie."

The baker is getting angry now but gives him one anyway. The Scotsman eats this one too. Now the baker is really mad, and he yells, "And where is your famous magic trick?"

The Scotsman says, "Look in the Englishman's pocket!"

Several centuries ago, the Pope...

Several centuries ago, the Pope ruled that all Jews in must convert or leave Italy. Obviously, there was a huge outcry amongst the Jewish community. The Pope then decided,

"So be it. Send to me your greatest scholar, and we will have a religious debate. If he can beat me, then you all can stay."

The Jews nominated Rabbi Moshe to represent them. Although he was aged, he was also one of their wisest. However, he spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Yiddish, so they had a silent debate. There must have been thousands watching.

First, the Pope held up three fingers. Rabbi Moshe responded by holding up one. Then, the Pope waved one of his fingers around his head. Rabbi Moshe then pointed straight to the ground. Then the Pope brought out a Communion wafer and a chalice of wine. Rabbi Moshe pulled out an apple. The Pope then admitted defeat, saying that the rabbi was too clever and had beaten him. There was much rejoicing among the Jews in Italy.

Later, the Cardinals met with the Pope and asked him, "We don't understand. What happened in that debate?"

The Pope responded, "First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity, but Rabbi Moshe held up one to show that there was still one God common to both our religions. Then I waved my finger around to show that God was all around us, but he pointed to the ground to remind me that he was also right there with us. Then I held out the wafer and wine to show that God absolved us of all sins. He then pulled out an apple to remind me of the original sin. He had me beaten and I could not continue."

Around the same time, some members of the Jewish community asked Rabbi Moshe how he won the debate. "I really don't know," he said. "First he put up three fingers showing that we had three days to leave Italy, and so I gave him the finger. Then he waved his finger around, proclaiming that all of Italy will be rid of us, so I motioned that we're staying right here. Then he took out his lunch so I took out mine."

EDIT: grammar, spelling.

Presence of mind helps

In a store in US, a man asked for 1/2 kg of butter.

The salesperson, a young boy, said that only 1kg packs
were available in the Store, but the man insisted on buying only 1/2 kg.

So the boy went inside to the manager's room and said
"An idiot outside wants to buy only 1/2 kg of butter".

To his surprise, the customer was standing right behind him.

So the boy added immediately, "And this gentleman
wants to buy the other half".

After the customer left, the manager said "You have saved your position by being clever enough at the right time.
Where do you come from?"

To this the boy said, "I come from Brazil. The place consists of only prostitutes and football players!"

The manager replied coldly, "My wife is also from Brazil!!".

To this the boy asked excitedly, "Oh yeah?
Which team does she play for?

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