I went up to this really cute homeless girl and asked if I could take her home She looked ecstatic until I picked up her box and started walking away
I call my wife Bambi. She thinks it's because she's cute with big brown eyes.... Actually, it's because I would like someone to shoot her mother with a hunting rifle...
I was about to smoke weed with a couple cute Mexican girls... I asked them if they had papers. They immediately ran off.
Met a cute guy at the bar, gave him my number and told him to text me when he got home I guess he's homeless.
I saw this cute homeless girl on the street.. ..so I asked her if I could take her home. She smiled and said "sure", boy the look on her face when I walked off with her cardboard box...
I told my friends I'm going on a date with a cute girl. They told me she's imaginary, but joke's on them, so are they.
Cute names to call your girlfriend with
5.1/2 lb butter
7.pour into pan
8.preheat to 375°
I've been texting this cute dyslexic girl. I think she likes me, but she keeps sending mixed messages.
I call my wife Bambi and she thinks it's because she's cute with big brown eyes... Actually, it's because I shot her mother with a hunting rifle...
I was sat on the train opposite a cute Thai girl today and all i could think was "please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection"..... ... But she did.
My cute younger brother's contribution.
Brother: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Me: Don't know, why?
Brother: To go to the ugly guy's house.
Brother: Knock, knock.
Me: Who's there?
Brother: The chicken.
My friends suggested I use tinder to meet some cute firemen or policemen Once it started to burn, I met so many! I even met a reporter and some lawyers!
I call my wife Bambi. She thinks it's because she's cute with big brown eyes... But in reality it's because I want someone to shoot her mother with a hunting rifle.
Best Way To Impress a Girl.. Boy To Gym Coach: "I Wanna Impress Cute Girl, I'm Gonna Meet In 3 Days Which Machine Should I Use?" Coach: "Use The ATM Machine Outside The Gym"
I had a little car accident
On the way home from work, I had a little car accident, I braked hard, but still hit the car in front of me. A cute blond got out and shouted "Ram me up the arse why don't you"?.
This, your Honour, is where the confusion began.....
I was chatting with this cute 14 y/o online She said she was an undercover police officer. How cool for someone her age!
Winter is like the Justin Bieber of seasons... It was kind of cute and exciting when it first started out, now its a bit obnoxious and should probably just stay in Canada.
I call my wife Bambi She thinks it's because she's cute with big brown eyes. But it's really because I want someone to shoot her mother with a hunting rifle.
Whenever I see lovers names carved into a tree, I don’t think that’s cute I’m just glad I’m not the only one who brings a knife on a date
Told my friends I had a date with this cute girl and they made fun of me saying she was made up, but jokes on them. They’re made up too
So Darwin comes across a sad penguin in an airport....
He goes up to the penguin and asks, "Why so angry, you cute little fella?"
The penguin looks up to him and says "flight's delayed."
So i asked a cute homeless girl could i take her home. But i dont know why she was so confused when i walked off with her cardboard box.
So, I bumped into this cute girl on the way out of the grocery store... We talked for a bit and ended up exchanging numbers. I'm trying not to make a big deal about it, but I'm pretty bummed that my insurance rates are going to go up.
Cute things to call your girlfriend:
5. 1/2lb butter
7. Pour into pan
8. Preheat to 375°
You remind me of my little toe
Why because I'm so cute and tiny?
No, I will probably get drunk later and bang you the coffee table.
Me: That’s a cute dog you got there. Whats her name?
Cop: Diesel, she sniffs out drugs
Me: Still in training?
I've been with a girl for a while She's this really cute anorexic girl, but lately I've started seeing less and less of her.
I may not have much else going for me, but at least I know I've got a cute butt.
Whenever I finish talking to a woman and I start to walk away they always say, "Finally! Thank you!"
You're welcome, ladies.
I call my wife Bambi. She thinks it's because she's cute with big brown eyes... In reality it's because I banged her mom.
Cute pickup line below I think I just gave you coronavirus because I can’t stop staring achoo
Mommy, buy this puppy, please, buy it!
"Look at how cute the puppy is!"
"No Isaac, I will not buy any puppy"
"Please mother, buy the puppy, pleaaaase..."
"I said no! Isaac, sell the puppy to someone else!"
Being bi isn't that hard to understand. Girls are cute and guys are cute. What more do you want from me? *Stranger cocking gun* Your wallet
So I went to a costume party dressed as a chicken when I bumped into a cute girl dressed as an egg, that night i found out the answer to the age old question Which came first
I was just remembering all the cute nicknames my girlfriend gives me.
"Intruder!" "I'll call the police!" "Who are you??"
"Where are you taking me?"
Yeah... I love her.
Colin was on a long drive from Portugal to Spain with this cute girl he liked. When Colin made a move and kept his arm on her shoulder. The girl winked and said you can go further. Colin drove to France.
"Your kitten killed our Rottweiler."
"I said your kitten killed our Rottweiler!"
"My cute little kitten? I can't believe it. How?"
"He choked on it."
It's so cute when those little fingers can only grab your finger. It was nice meeting Peter Dinklage.
My girlfriend asked me "if I was a vegetable, what would I be"? Apparently the answer she was looking for was "a Cute cumber", not "single"...whoops
Preaching the truth.
Guy talking to stranger: Bisexuality isn't hard to understand. Guys are cute girls are cute. What more do you want from me.
*stranger cocking gun* : Your wallet.
You know what sucks about having a twin sister as a guy? All my friends tell me how hot she is and how they want to sleep with her and I’m just like, I’m cute too
She: so what do you do for a living?
Me, trying to impress her: i work with animals.
She: aaww thats cute i knew you had a good heart.
Turns out being a butcher is helpful for picking up girls.
My cute female friend said we should streak on Snapchat. She did not mean what I thought she meant.
Just before we paid the check at a restaurant, a cute waitress saw some leftovers and asked my dad “you wanna box?” “Nah, I would rather wrestle”
I need help: every time I approach a cute girl on the street, I uncontrollably start to cry. Does anyone know how to cope with pepper spray?
Sansa: Hey, so I really like this cute top I saw on Amazon and want it to be delivered through Prime ASAP. What shipping speed shall I select? Arya: Not two day.
You will never date the cute bank teller you see every week. She's seen your account balance.
What cute celebrity couple name would the pairing of Jacques Cousteau and Natalie Portman get? Portmanteaus
Are you a goldfish? Because you’re the snack that smiles back A cute pickup line for you an me, a sick joke Hannibal lecter would say.
I used my friends phone to call my girlfriend when she picked up she said "hey babe," it was so cute how she recognized me without even talking
When parents post pictures of their kids in the bath it's normal and cute But when I save those pictures suddenly I'm a weirdo.