Dumb Blonde Jokes

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Funniest Dumb Blonde Jokes

A dumb blonde, a smart blonde and Santa Claus are playing a card game. Who wins? The dumb blonde does. The other two don't exist.

Funny Dumb Blonde Jokes

I was telling 'dumb blonde' jokes in a bar. Suddenly a muscular blonde-haired man ran right at me with a sharp razor and screamed "I've had just about enough of you!" Luckily for me, I was left completely unharmed, as he couldn't find a place to plug it in.

Dumb blonde A dumb blonde calls the fire department because her home is on fire.

"Help me, help me! My house is on fire!" she says.

"Ok, how do we get to your home". replies the dispatcher.

"DUH! Big red truck!"

Why did the dumb blonde have a bruise near her belly button? Because blonde men are dumb too.

blonde joke Why are there so many dumb blonde jokes? it gives brunnettes and redheads something to do on friday and saturday nights!

A dumb blonde was asked, "What item would you bring with you if went back in time?" She said, "A calender from 2020, duh."

My girlfriend got her hair dyed blonde... Then she asked me if it felt like I was with another woman, and I replied... " Only when I go home to my wife."


I'm not really married, but she's a dumb blonde and will believe anything.

A dumb blonde, smart blonde, and the Easter Bunny are walking down the street. There is a $100 bill on the ground. Who picks it up? The dumb blonde. The other two are imaginary.

What do Boris Johnson and a Dumb Blonde have in common Breath In ... Breath Out

During mandatory sensitivity training, we were asked if dumb blonde jokes were appropriate in the workplace. Whatever you do, don't say "Isn't dumb blonde redundant?"

How are dumb blondes like peanut butter? They spread for the bread

What do you call a Dumb Blonde in a press conference. Donald Trump.

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Long Dumb Blonde Jokes

A blonde got tired of blonde jokes

One evening, she went home and memorized all the state capitals.

Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, "I've had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do. I memorized all the state capitals."

One of the guys, of course, said, "I don't believe you. What is the capital of Nevada?"

"N," she answered.

A young blonde girl in her late teens, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.

She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had
any odd jobs for her to do. "Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint the
porch" he said. "How much will you charge me?"


Delighted, the girl quickly responded,
"How about $50?"


The man agreed and told her that the paint and brushes and everything she would need were in the garage.


The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does
she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?"


"That's a bit cynical, isn't it?" he responded.


The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those
dumb blonde jokes."


A few hours later the blonde came to the door to collect her money.


"You're finished already??" the startled husband asked.


"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I even had paint left over so I gave it two
coats."


Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her along with a $10 tip.


"Thank you," the blonde said, "And, by the way, it's not a Porch,
it's a Lexus...

A blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman"

She started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?"

Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage.

The man's wife, hearing the conversation said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?"

He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"

The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by email lately."

Later that day, the blonde teenager came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" the startled husband asked.

"Yes, she replied, and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her along with a $10.00 tip.

“And, by the way," the teenager added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."

There was a blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes.

So one evening, she went home and memorized all the state capitals. Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke.

She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, "I've had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do. I memorized all the state capitals."

One of the guys, of course, said, "I don't believe you. What is the capital of Nevada?"

"N," she answered, proudly.

What a dumb blonde... wait...

*Blonde goes into a bank

Blonde: I need a loan for $5,000.

Bank-teller: We'll need some sort of deposit.

Blonde: Ok, here's the keys to my car (Mercedes-Benz S600)

*Blonde leaves

Bank-teller(laughing): She's so stupid! Leaving a $100,000 car as a deposit for a $5,000 loan.

*Bank-teller parks car in secret underground parking garage. Then he does research on the blonde and finds out she's a multimillionaire.

Bank-teller: She's an idiot! Why would she borrow $5,000 if she's a multimillionaire?


*Two weeks later

*Blonde comes back and pays bank-teller $5,000 with $15.41 interest

Bank-teller: Why would you borrow $5,000 and leave an expensive car here if you're a multimillionaire?

Blonde: Where else in New York City can you park a $100,000 car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it not to get stolen?

*Edit:
1) This is a joke, it's supposed to make you laugh. I'm sorry if the information isn't 100% correct.
2) Yes, this is a modified repost :P

My Grandpa's favorite "dumb blonde" joke.

A blonde is on an airplane to Chicago and gets up from her seat in coach and goes into the first class cabin and sits down.

The flight attendant goes up to the blonde and politely tells her that she does not have a first class ticket and must go back to coach. The blonde refuses and says , "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I am going to Chicago, and I am staying right here."

After repeated attempts and no success at convincing the woman to move, the flight attendant goes into the cockpit and informs the pilot and co-pilot that there's a blonde bimbo sitting in first class who refuses to go back to her proper seat. The co-pilot goes back to the woman and explains why she needs to move, but once again the woman replies by saying, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Chicago and I'm staying right here."

The co-pilot returns to the cockpit and suggests that perhaps they should have the arrival gate call the police and have the woman arrested when they land. The pilot says, "you say she's blonde? I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde. I speak blonde." He goes back to the woman and whispers quietly in her ear, and she says, "Oh, I'm sorry," then quickly moves back to her seat in coach.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to get her to move back to economy without causing any fuss.

"I told her first class isn't going to Chicago."

edit: Consistency. Apparently, just typing out this joke gives you 'dumb blonde syndrome'.

A blonde wants to prove to people that she’s not just a dumb blonde.

So she asks her friend, "How could I show people I'm smart?"

Her friend says, "Well- you could start by learning all the provinces and their capitals."

The blonde spends the whole week learning them. It’s hard, but she knows it will be worth it when people see how smart she is.

The next week she’s at a party and a man asks a question. Full of confidence, the blonde says, "I know the answer!"

The man is sceptical, but she says, "I'll have you know I'm not just a dumb blonde, I know all the provinces and their capitals."

He says, "Okay, what’s the capital of Saskatchewan?"

She grins and says, "Easy. S!"

Found this joke online thought I'd share it

Bubba and Junior were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.

A woman walked by and asked what they were doing. "We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said Bubba, "but we don't have a ladder." The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement and announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away.

Junior shook his head and laughed. "Ain't that just like a dumb blonde! We ask for the height, and she gives us the length!"

A long blonde joke

A Ventriloquist Tours Norway

A young ventriloquist is touring Norway and puts on a show in a small fishing town.

With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes.

Suddenly, a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting:

"I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes.

What makes you think you can stereotype Norwegian blonde women that way?

What does the color of a woman's hair have to do with her worth as a human being?

It's men like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as people.

Its people like you that make others think that all blondes are dumb.

You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women in general, pathetically all in the name of humor!"

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, but the blonde interrupts yelling:

"You stay out of this..I'm talking to that little asshat on your lap!"

There was a blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes.

One evening, she went home and memorized all the state capitals. Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, "I've had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do. I memorized all the state capitals." One of the guys, of course, said, "I don't believe you. What is the capital of Nevada?"

"N," she answered.

A blonde girl is tired of people making dumb blonde jokes...

So she decides to gather a stadium full of blondes to prove that not all blondes are dumb. She picks one woman from the crowd and asks her,

"What is the square root of 144?"

The woman thinks long and hard and answers, "Uhmmm, 7?"

The stadium starts chanting, "one more try! one more try!"

The host decides to try again, this time with an easer question, "what is 20 divided by 5?"

Again the woman takes a second to think and says, "14?"

Once more the stadium starts chanting, "one more try! One more try!"

Nervous, the host asks the simplest question she can think of, "what is 2+2?"

The woman thinks about the answer for about 5 minutes before saying "4!"

The whole stadium erupts as everyone yells "one more try! One more try!"

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs.....

...and one night he’s doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas.With his dummy on his knee, he’s going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: “I’ve heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes.What makes you think you can stereotype women that way?What does the color of a person’s hair have to do with her worth as a human being?It’s guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general.

..and all in the name of humor!”

The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, “You stay out of this, mister!I’m talking to that little jerk on your knee!”

A blind man walks into a bar...

...and after managing to find himself an empty seat at the bar he orders a pint.

Bartender fills the pint and as it is being placed in front of the blind man says, "hey Bartender, wanna hear a dumb blonde girl joke?"

Bar goes silent.

"Hey man," the Bartender says, "you're blind so there is a few things you should know before you tell your joke. You are in a dike bar, the only one in town actually, and many of us are blonde. I am blonde. Sid the biker chick next to you is blonde and so is her girlfriend. The bouncer is also blonde along with the 2 chicks behind you playing pool. Do you really want to tell that joke?"

"Nah, you're right." says the blind man, "I would have to explain it too many times."

edit: spelling

A ventriloquist was doing his gig at a nightclub...

A blonde stands up and begins to protest. She says,"Hey knock it off with the dumb blonde jokes.We're not all that stupid I'll have you know. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way?It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work,in the community, and from reaching our full potential as a person."

Embarrassed the ventriloquist tries to apologize but the blond interrupts yelling,"You stay out of this mister,I'm talking to that little creep on your knee."

Drunk guy sat at a bar

Drunk guy sat at a bar, is on his 15+ beer of the evening when he notices 3 newcomers enter the pub and sit at the bar next to him.

"Hey, wanna hear a dumb blonde joke?" he asks the nearest one.

The newcomer turns to face him and for the first time he see it's a lady with blonde hair.

"I am a high ranking detective with the FBI that has single handedly solved hundreds of cases and I happen to be blonde." She replies.

Pointing to her companion on her left, "My friend here is also blonde and happens to be a world renowned biochemist, who has found the cure for 9 different types of cancer."

Pointing to her far left, "And this young lady, who is also blonde, is an eight level dan in Jujitsu and has competed in the women's UFC for the last 3 years."

She looks back at the drunk guy, "Do you really wanna tell me this dumb blonde joke?"

Thinking about it for a second the man responds, "Nah, not if I have to explain it 3 times."

A ventriloquist is on stage telling a dumb blonde joke...

...when a platinum-haired beauty jumps to her feet. “What gives you the right to stereotype blondes that way?” she demands. “What does hair colour have to do with my worth as a human being?”
Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to stammer out an apology.

“You keep out of this!” she yells. “I’m talking to that little jerk on your knee!”

A blonde was fed up with all the jokes being made about her...

A ventriloquist was at a local bar. With the dummy on his knee, he was going through his normal jokes, many of which included "Dumb Blonde" jokes. After many of these jokes, a blonde in the crowd stood up and started yelling at the ventriloquist. "I AM SO TIRED OF YOU AND YOUR STUPID JOKES MAKING FUN OF BLONDES!" She was extremely angry. The man, fairly startled, began to apologize, when the blonde cut him off. "You stay out of this, mister, I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee!"

The blonde and the ventriloquist (someone with a dummy on his knee)

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting:

''I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!''

The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, ''You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee!''

DUMB BLONDE

A dumb blond was tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette.

When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.

After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought,
“Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!”

She got out and walked over to the farmer and said,
“If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?”
The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try.

The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, “157.”

The farmer was amazed – she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car.

Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said.
“If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?”

The blonde "handy-woman".

A blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman"

She started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?"

Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage.

The man's wife, hearing the conversation said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?"

He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"

The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by email lately."

Later that day, the blonde teenager came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" the startled husband asked.

"Yes, she replied, and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her along with a $10.00 tip.

“And, by the way," the teenager added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."

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