Free Jokes

Contents

Funniest Free Jokes

The sweater my wife gave me was picking up static electricity, so I went to the store to change it. They gave me another one, free of charge.

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Funny Free Jokes
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How much space will Brexit free up in the EU? 1GB

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Why do you never see a church with free Wi-Fi? Because no church wants to compete with an invisible power that actually works.

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I like my woman like I like my Laptop On my lap , turned on ,Virus free

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The sweater I bought recently kept picking up static-electricity, so I returned it to the store. They gave me another one, free of charge.

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"Uniformed police eat free you say?" "No, sorry it's *uninformed* police eat free."
"Oh, I didn't know."
"It's on the house, officer."

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My doctor said if I get 1000 upvotes he will perform free LASIK surgery!! Upvote for visibility.

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I hate people who take drugs... specifically the DEA and US Customs.

Edit: Thanks everyone for the free Internet points. Appreciate it. :)

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I gave away all my dead batteries today.. free of charge.

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I used my stimulus check to buy baby chickens Money for nothing, and the chicks for free

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With the UK leaving the EU, the union has some free space. Exactly 1GB

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Why is free Wi-Fi never seen in churches? Because no church wants to be challenged by an invisible power that actually works.

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Free shipping? I walked into an airport with two bags:

"I want this one to go to Chicago, and this one to go to Paris."

"Sir, you can't do that."

"Why not? It happened the last time."

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Putting air in your tires used to be free now its costs a dollar... Its called inflation.

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Fidel Castro was a cigar-smoking, repressive leader who hated free speech and a free press. Donald Trump, in comparison, doesn't smoke.

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I like my women like I like my computer Turned on
On my lap
And virus free

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You can tell Monopoly is an old game... ...because there's free parking, a luxury tax and rich people can actually go to jail.

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Someone told be that on your Cake Day, you get free Karma! My Ma: I'm not buying you a car.

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Dear Brits: We have received your ultimatum and have scrounged for the ransom... ...but we could only come up with half.


Feel free to him back halfway and we'll wire the funds. Thanks, the US

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My wife is amazing She just bought me a $500,000 life insurance policy and a free all-inclusive trip to the Dominican Republic!

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Today I gave my dead batteries away.... Free of charge!

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How much do used batteries cost? Nothing, they are free of charge.

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America is a free country. Free to Play, but Pay to Win.

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If a service dog without a person approaches you, it means the person is down and in need of help. Follow the dog and you'll get a free purse or wallet.

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How much free space does the EU have since Great Britain left? 1 GB

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McDonald's will give you a free combo meal... McDonald's will give you a free combo meal and £127.38 if you go to the Drive Thru dressed as a clown.

With a gun.

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As a Canadian.. Every time I hear a bad joke about being Canadian...


...I go right to the Hospital and get my feelings checked for free

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What's the best thing about fingering a psychic on her period? You get your palm red for free

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"We Do Not Have A Child Slave Colony On Mars." They are free to leave the dome whenever they wish.

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Punctuality.... A company owner was asked a question, "How do you motivate your employees to be so punctual?"

He smiled & replied, "It's simple. I have 30 employees and 29 free parking spaces. One is paid parking."

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I got a free iPad and iPhone today. It's like... this gun is magic!!!

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What's the similarity between free healthcare and good jokes? Americans don't get them.

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How do I know China has Free Speech? No one says otherwise.

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PSA: IF YOU RECEIVE AN EMAIL SAYING, "You've won two free tickets to a Justin Bieber concert!" DO NOT OPEN IT. It contains two tickets to a Justin Bieber concert.

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What does alcohol free beer taste like? Like going down on your sister. It tastes the same but something's not right.

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A Mexican attempts to pass the border A border control officer catches them and says, "Papers."

The Mexican replied, "Scissors."

The border control officer replied,"Dammit! Well, you're free to go!"

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Wow I got all this for free today. iPhone, some weed, and $2 000 ... it’s like this gun is magic!

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Stop spreading the fake news that women are forced to wear hijabs. It's their free choice between wearing them or getting stoned to death.

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Why did the dad proton want his daughter proton to marry an electron? So the wedding would be free of charge

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When I was a kid, I had a lemonade stand. I'd give away the first glass for free and charge $20 for the second. The refill contained the antidote.

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New Free Jokes

What do you call a gluten free noodle? An impasta

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What do you call a stolen jar? A free mason.

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It used to be free to fill your tires with air now it costs $1.50! Now that's what you call inflation!

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My mom runs a car dealership and I am getting my new car from there. My mom asked me "So will you be writing a cheque?"

I replied "Not today! It's my cake day. I get Free Karma"

Score: 9

Free Speech Dude:I believe in freedom of speech


Bro:So does everyone else you idiot.You don't get brownie points for believing in a basic right


Dude:Hey you can't say that!

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From childhood, I believed air was free But then I bought a pack of wafers...

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I got a free pickle It was a helluva dill.

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Trying to win a free online video call with Lin-Manuel Miranda, Daveed Diggs, and Leslie Odom Jr. I wanna be in the Zoom where it happened...

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Why do amaricans eat like they have free healthcare? Because the only way they'll get to retire before 75 is by disability benefits.

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Did you hear about the Starbucks no-mask deal? Mask-less customers who buy a Grande hot coffee today... Will get a free Venti later

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Man, I can never take free weed from my best friend bc i will always be in doubt that Rick rolled it

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WARNING IF YOU HAVE SEEN A LINK ON THE INTERNET OFFERING FREE DONUTS, DO NOT CLICK ON IT. IT IS A VIRUS THAT FORCES CAPS LOCK TO BE PERMANENTLY ACTIVATED ON YOUR COMPUTER!

// THE POLICE

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German lawmakers are considering a policy that makes all Uber ride sharing free If the law passes, then Deutschland will über alles

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Every girl I’ve ever liked is just like a hotel.... They all came with a free turndown service.

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Did you hear about the midget psychic who broke free from prison? Now there’s a small medium at large.

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Just gave away a whole bunch of old batteries... Totally free of charge.

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I'm selling my dead batteries They're free of charge if you're interested

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Free Drink! Paddy went to the Doctors. and said “do you treat alcoholics”, The Dr replied, “of course we do”………Paddy said “great get your coat on, I’m feckin skint

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How do you get a free sweater? You jacket.

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What do you call stacks of free bricks left for rioters? Free Masonry!

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Why was google translate banned in North-Korea? The speech option was free

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Being a free diving instructor requires you to teach others how to hold their breath under water while not using scuba gear. It's a tankless job.

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im selling old batteries and they're free of charge

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Saw this joke in this subreddit before. European: Want to hear a joke?

American: What?

European: Free healthcare

American: I don't get it

European: I know

Credits to whoever made the original

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I heard the easiest method for free karma today! It’s actually really a piece of cake

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As of today, I've been 50 days free from cigarettes. A friend offered me a pack. I burned them.

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Why she broke up with me?:( If you S my D, I'll E your P, and F that V till I make to C

If you Stay my Dear,I'll Ease your Pain, and Free that Vulnerability till i make you Contented

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China have announced their new rage of meat free snacks. "Not Poodle"

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My girlfriend said her free pass is Chris Hemsworth. I told her my free pass is much more realistic and she should change her pick. She even agreed with me.

So I don't know why she got so mad when I said mine is her sister.

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What's the difference between a Dutchman and a coconut? You can get a free drink out of a coconut.

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How do you sell a gluten free pizza? Take all the other pizzas out of the frozen section.

(too soon?)

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I saw a poster today for a free concert for those working in public health. It said 'Frontline Only'. Weird. I would've thought they'd fill the whole venue.

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Since MIT is giving free access to their courses online, I shall study Computer science web programming with Python and Java as I thought it would be so cool to have a large snake round my neck as I drink coffee.

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[OC] What do you call a medieval jouster recently released from prison? >!A Free lancer!<

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Your WinRAR 40 day free trial is up. Please pay to continue using your service

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With all this free time, I may finally look into scientology... ...see what all the hubbard is about

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A limerick i wrote One day i was feeling quite randy,

So i went for the thing i had handy.

The thing was, though, man,

A windowless van

That said "come N heer 4 free candy."

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People are dressing as different people to get more free face masks Bunch of masqueraders

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I stopped by my one of my bee keeper friends' farm to buy a dozen bees. When he counted out thirteen I said "that's too many". He said "that's a free bee".

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A European tells an American a joke European: Wanna hear a joke?

American: Sure.

European: Free Healthcare

American: I don't get it

European: I know.

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Social distancing for an introvert is like winning a free ticket to a Coldplay concert for an extrovert I feel right at home

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Feel free to live it up a little while trapped inside this week. What happens in quarantine stays in quarantine.

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With Governor Newsom Mandating all people over 65 stay indoors I just had my Grandpa ask if he could use my ID so he could sneak into Denny's for his free cup of coffee and Grand Slam Breakfast.

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I hope Planet Fitness really is a judgement free zone Gonna be taking my dumps there for the next couple weeks.

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I'm giving away dead batteries for free No charge

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What do fishermen do in their free time? They master bait

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Free yoyos! No strings attached!

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What happened to the man that robbed the tissue factory He got away snot free

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If you can't afford to pay taxes, the government will give you free food, housing, and healthcare. If you refuse to pay taxes, the government will give you free food, housing, and healthcare. They'll even throw in an orange jumpsuit.

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I got a free puppet today No strings attached

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A sweater I bought kept static electricity, so I returned it They gave me another one free of charge

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Congratulations to Whitney Houston! As of today she has been drug free for 8 years!

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In my free time I like to help blind people That’s an verb not an adjective

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Living on earth is expensive.. but atleast you get a free trip around the sun each year..

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50th Birthday Card As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said ti me: "You know, one would have been enough"

My older sister told me this joke and i chuckled against my free will. I hope you do too.

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Brexit The coolest thing about the Brexit is that the EU has 1 GB of free space...

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Why are there so many stock photos of 1790’s France? Because they’re royalty free

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I’m selling my dead batteries. They’re free of charge if you’re interested.

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Turkey can now finally join the EU Why? Well because now that the UK has left, there's 1 GB of free space

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Why does everyone in Hawaii get free WiFi? Cause they’re on a hot spot

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A man walked by a stand giving away free samples of fruit punch. He saw that the line was too long so he came back an hour later and guess what he saw! There’s no punchline

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