The sweater my wife gave me was picking up static electricity, so I went to the store to change it. They gave me another one, free of charge.
Why do you never see a church with free Wi-Fi? Because no church wants to compete with an invisible power that actually works.
"Uniformed police eat free you say?"
"No, sorry it's *uninformed* police eat free."
"Oh, I didn't know."
"It's on the house, officer."
My doctor said if I get 1000 upvotes he will perform free LASIK surgery!! Upvote for visibility.
I hate people who take drugs...
specifically the DEA and US Customs.
Edit: Thanks everyone for the free Internet points. Appreciate it. :)
Why is free Wi-Fi never seen in churches? Because no church wants to be challenged by an invisible power that actually works.
I walked into an airport with two bags:
"I want this one to go to Chicago, and this one to go to Paris."
"Sir, you can't do that."
"Why not? It happened the last time."
Fidel Castro was a cigar-smoking, repressive leader who hated free speech and a free press. Donald Trump, in comparison, doesn't smoke.
Dear Brits: We have received your ultimatum and have scrounged for the ransom...
...but we could only come up with half.
Feel free to him back halfway and we'll wire the funds. Thanks, the US
My wife is amazing She just bought me a $500,000 life insurance policy and a free all-inclusive trip to the Dominican Republic!
If a service dog without a person approaches you, it means the person is down and in need of help. Follow the dog and you'll get a free purse or wallet.
McDonald's will give you a free combo meal...
McDonald's will give you a free combo meal and £127.38 if you go to the Drive Thru dressed as a clown.
With a gun.
As a Canadian..
Every time I hear a bad joke about being Canadian...
...I go right to the Hospital and get my feelings checked for free
What's the best thing about fingering a psychic on her period? You get your palm red for free
"We Do Not Have A Child Slave Colony On Mars." They are free to leave the dome whenever they wish.
A company owner was asked a question, "How do you motivate your employees to be so punctual?"
He smiled & replied, "It's simple. I have 30 employees and 29 free parking spaces. One is paid parking."
PSA: IF YOU RECEIVE AN EMAIL SAYING, "You've won two free tickets to a Justin Bieber concert!" DO NOT OPEN IT. It contains two tickets to a Justin Bieber concert.
What does alcohol free beer taste like? Like going down on your sister. It tastes the same but something's not right.
A Mexican attempts to pass the border
A border control officer catches them and says, "Papers."
The Mexican replied, "Scissors."
The border control officer replied,"Dammit! Well, you're free to go!"
Wow I got all this for free today. iPhone, some weed, and $2 000 ... it’s like this gun is magic!
Stop spreading the fake news that women are forced to wear hijabs. It's their free choice between wearing them or getting stoned to death.
Why did the dad proton want his daughter proton to marry an electron? So the wedding would be free of charge
When I was a kid, I had a lemonade stand. I'd give away the first glass for free and charge $20 for the second. The refill contained the antidote.
The flight attendant asked me during the flight, could I offer you some free headphones? So I replied, “Sure, but how did you know my name is Phones?”
A sweater I bought kept static electricity, so I returned it They gave me another one free of charge
Passed an auto parts store today and saw a sign that read, “Dead batteries, $1” I thought, those should be free of charge.
My company makes parachutes for skydivers We offer free refund for defected products but it seems like our customers are very generous about small mistakes.
A new bar opened up down the road that offered free Wi-Fi. I asked the bar keeper for the password and he said "two drink minimum" So I quickly downed 2 shots and again asked for the password. He said "twodrinkminimum: all one word"
Why did the white lady want to talk the manager into giving her a free item? Because Sharon is Karen.
Thinking of starting a liquor brand and getting free advertising from the other major labels I'm going to call it "responsibly"
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So I returned it to the store. They gave me another one, free of charge.
If a service dog without a person approaches you, it means that their owner has fallen and is in need of help Follow the dog, and you'll get a free purse or wallet.
I wo der how people used their free time before the internet... I asked my eight siblings but they didn't know either.
My girlfriend told me that if anything happened to her, I am free to see other people. Apparently “getting stuck in traffic “ doesn’t count for anything.
Some of my friends go on Tinder dates just for free food I guess you could call it food for thot.
Today I gave a homeless person a warm new home..
I gave him counterfeit money to buy food which got him arrested.
Now he's got a warm jail and free meals twice a day.
I love vegans The meat is better because its grass fed, locally sourced and free of harmful chemicals
I was wondering what my parents did in their free time when they were young I asked my 27 siblings and they didn’t know either.
Teacher says, "Whoever can answer my next question, is free to leave class."
One little boy chucks his backpack out the window.
Teacher asks, "Who threw that bag?"
Little boy, "Me! I'll see you tomorrow!"
Air Hostess : Can i offer you free head phones? Guy : Definitely but how do you know my name is Phones???
The Trump administration is like the International Space Station They're in constant free fall, and they needed Russia's help to get there
I don’t understand why people pay so much to go to college when they can get a wife and get free lectures day and night
After all these years, I finally left my abusive relationship. I feel so relieved! Now that I don't have to beat my girlfriend anymore, I have so much free time.
The most well known person in the world Some Spanish guy named "Manual"... A copy of his autobiography, printed in multiple languages, comes free with every electronic device or machinery... although much of his life story is lost in translation.