Holocaust Jokes

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Funniest Holocaust Jokes

Joke I heard from a 99 year old Holocaust survivor A Jew gets to heaven after passing and meets god. The Jew tells god a Holocaust joke, but god doesn't laugh. The Jew shrugs and says, "I guess you had to be there to understand".

Joke I heard from a 109 year old Holocaust survivor A Jew gets to heaven after passing and meets god. The Jew tells god a Holocaust joke, but god doesn't laugh. The Jew shrugs and says, "I guess you had to be there to understand".

A Holocaust survivor passed away, went to heaven, and told God a Holocaust joke God: Holocaust jokes aren’t funny
Holocaust Survivor: I guess you had to be there

Funny Holocaust Jokes

Cockroaches can survive a nuclear holocaust but can't survive a slap from a newspaper. That shows how toxic the media is.

An old survivor of the Auschwitz death camp dies and goes to heaven. Passing through the Pearly Gates he tells god a holocaust joke to which god replies, "I don't find that funny." The old survivor says, "Well...I guess you had to be there."

A Holocaust survivor dies and goes to heaven On arrival in heaven, the Holocaust survivor tells God a Holocaust joke. God says, "that's not funny." The survivor replies, "ah, well, you had to be there."

What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? A Jew is a person who follows Judaism, and pizza is a food...

I bet you expected a Holocaust joke. Jew thought wrong.

What's worse than finding half a worm in your apple? The holocaust

Holocaust survivor dies He goes before God and starts telling him holocaust jokes.

God says “My son I don’t know what you’re doing, but this isn’t funny.”

The man says”Oh well, I guess you had to be there.”

An old holocaust survivor dies and goes up to heaven.... He asks God,

"How do you get a girl's number in Auschwitz? Roll up her sleeve."

God doesn't laugh.

The Jew shrugs and says, "Eh. I guess you had to be there to understand".

Holocaust jokes aren't funny Anne frankly, they need to stop

What's the difference between the Holocaust and the Boston Marathon Bombing? The Boston Marathon Bombing ended a race.

What is a holocaust survivor’s least favourite subreddit? Showerthoughts

A holocaust survivor dies and goes to heaven And tells god a holocaust joke. god says "That's not funny." and the survivor says "well I guess you had to be there."

I'm very appalled by holocaust jokes. They are of poor taste and aren't funny.
My own grandfather died in a concentration camp.

The poor fellow, god bless his soul, went to get some food and accidentally fell down from his watchtower.

Two friends are having a conversation about World War 2 The holocaust wasn't that bad.

Of course it was!

I'm going to go out and kill a million Jews and one clown.

Why the clown?

See, no one cares about the Jews.

A Holocaust survivor passes away and when he arrives at the pearly gates... He tells God a Holocaust joke.
But God doesn't laugh, instead he sighs and says, "that's really not funny".
The Holocaust survivor responds, "Well i guess you had to be there".

Translating the German joke Germans only tell Germans. I don't like to talk about the Holocaust either. My grandfather died in a concentration camp.

He got drunk and fell off the guard tower.

I don't think holocaust jokes are funny. My grandfather died in a concentration camp. He was so drunk, he fell off the watchtower.

I'm getting really sick of all the Holocaust jokes... My great grandfather died at Auschwitz, so I find these jokes really offensive. Granted, he fell out of a guard tower and broke his neck, but I think that still counts.

"The holocaust wasn't that bad" "The holocaust wasn't *that* bad"
"Of course it was!"
"I'll prove it. I'll kill a million jews and one horse"
"Why the horse?"
"See? Nobody cares about the jews!"

So I was telling a holocaust joke to God the other day He didn't get it, I think he might've needed to be there to understand.

A Jew goes to heaven... And tells God a Holocaust joke.

God said, "I don't think that's very funny."

To which he replied, "Hm. I guess you had to be there"

I'm tired of Holocaust deniers! What if we could somehow round them up and systematically kill them?

The Holocaust Wasn't That Bad "The holocaust wasn't that bad."

"Of course it was!"

"I'm going to go out and kill a million Jews and one clown."

"Why the clown?"

"See, no one cares about the Jews."

A Holocaust Surviver Dies and Goes to Heaven A survivor of the Holocaust dies and goes to Heaven.

He gets past the gates, meets God, and tells him a Holocaust joke.

God says “that’s not funny.”

The man says “guess you had to be there.”

A holocaust surviver dies of old age and goes to heaven He meets God and tells him a holocaust joke. God said “Thats not funny.” The survivor says “well I guess you had to be there”

What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple? The Holocaust

A 90 year old Holocaust survivor told me this joke. How do you know when it's time to get a new Dishwasher?

When she cheats on you.

...

^(That makes it okay, right?)

A Holocaust survivor dies and goes to heaven He walks up to God and tells God a Holocaust joke. God says “that’s not funny”. The Holocaust survivor says “you’re right, I guess you had to be there”.

I was gonna tell a Holocaust joke but I ran out of gas.

I was recently told a Holocaust joke Anne Frankly it was terrible.

A holocaust survivor goes to Heaven When they meet God, they tell God a holocaust joke and God says, “That’s not funny”

“Well, I guess you had to be there”.

Can you stop making holocaust jokes? My grandfather died in Auschwitz He fell out of a guard tower.

Holocaust jokes are... out of Mein Kamf-ort zone, Anne Frank-ly I find them offensive.

Black jokes are funny, Jewish jokes are funny, Holocaust jokes are funny, 9/11 jokes.... are just plane wrong

So my friend tells me "The holocaust wasn't that bad." I say "Of course it was!"

He replies "I'm going to go out and kill a million Jews and one clown."

I say "Why the clown?"

He says "See, no one cares about the Jews."

Did you know it's Holocaust Denial Month? Happy JewLie.

In honor of holocaust rememberance day I told god a holocaust joke.

He didn’t get it.

I said “I guess you had to be there.”

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New Holocaust Jokes

So a couple months back I had to watch a holocaust documentary for history class Guess how I failed no nut november

A Holocaust survivor dies of old age and goes to heaven. He tells God a Holocaust joke.
God replies, “That’s not funny.”
He replies, “I guess you had to be there.”

A joke told by a Holocaust survivor A Jewish person goes to heaven after dying. They meet god and tells a Holocaust joke, but god doesn't laugh. The Jewish person shrugs and says, "I guess you had to be there to understand."

A Holocaust survivor dies of old age In heaven he tells God a holocaust joke and God says, that's not funny. The survivor says, well I guess you had to be there.

What's the difference between a cow and the Holocaust You can't milk a cow for 75 years

What is similar about the Holocaust and Pentecost? They both involve Jews and fire.

So I read a book about the holocaust And its really improved my cooking

A Holocaust survivor goes to heaven. He finds himself standing in front of God. Being a funny guy, he cracks a joke about the Holocaust. God: "That's not funny."

Survivor:. "Huh. Guess you had to be there"

A Holocaust survivor Meets God So, a holocaust survivor eventually dies of old age and goes to heaven.
He meets GOD.

And he tells GOD a Holocaust joke.

GOD : That’s not funny.

Man : I guess you had to be there.

A Jew from Auschwitz tells God a holocaust joke... God says: "That's not funny."

Jew says: "Well I guess you should have been there."

A holocaust survivor dies of old age. When he meets God, he starts telling his favorite holocaust joke. God stops him, saying, "That's not funny." "Well," says the survivor, "I guess you just had to be there."

How toxic is media? Cockroaches can survive a nuclear holocaust but can't survive a slap from newspaper.
That shows how toxic media is!

A Holocaust survivor who dies and goes to heaven. On arrival he tells God a Holocaust joke. And God says: ‘that isn’t funny’. The survivor replies: ‘Oh well, you had to be there.'

(not my joke)

A holocaust survivor dies of old age and gets to Heaven He meets God and tells god a holocaust joke

"That wasn't funny," God replies

"Oh, you must've been there"

A Jewish man tells god a Holocaust joke God says: that's not funny

Jewish man: I guess you had to have been there.

My grandfather survived the Holocaust in Germany. Then he quickly moved to Argentina.

What’s worse than having a worm in your apple? The holocaust

An anti-vaxxer, a flat-earther and a holocaust denier walked into a bar but got turned down by the bartender.

I don't understand Holocaust deniers. I think those people are in the wrong camp.

Rant: Please stop posting holocaust jokes. My great grandfather died in a concentration camp and it's very painful. He fell off the guard tower.

What’s worse than a worm in your apple The holocaust

What worse than finding a worm inside of your apple? A holocaust

A Holocaust Survivor dies... A Holocaust Survivor dies and goes to heaven, where he meets G-d. He tells G-d a holocaust joke, but G-d doesn't laugh. The man says "Ah, I guess you had to be there."

Holocaust jokes arent funny anne frankly, I think they're tasteless.

What month celebrates Holocaust deniers? July.

Whats worse than one bee sting? Two bee stings
Whats worse than two bee stings?

The holocaust
Whats worse than the holocaust?



Three bee stings

[Tasteless] Lost my great uncle in the Holocaust Dumbass fell off the guard tower.

I'd say Hitler was too dramatic. I mean, the Holocaust was pretty overkill.

Holocaust jokes aren't funny. ...Anne Frankly I won't stand for them.

My grandfather was a Holocaust survivor and made it out of Auschwitz alive. Then again, most of the Waffen SS did.

Cannibals have historically described human as tasting like pork, while holocaust survivors described burning people smelling like chicken. It's like these people have never had pork or something!

Holocaust jokes aren’t funny. My grandfather died at a concentration camp. When he fell from the watch tower.

I think Holocaust deniers actually took what happened worse than the rest of us... I mean, they’re still stuck on the first stage of grief.

What do you get when you cross Donald Trump with a Holocaust Denier? Fake jews.

Holocaust jokes aren't funny. My grandfather died in Auschwitz... He fell off of the Guard tower.

A blonde is proposed by her fiancee. "Sara, will you marry me?"
"Yes, I will!"
"This ring is from my grandmother. She survived the holocaust with this."
"I didn't know they gave rings out to people during the holocaust"

So many jokes about the Holocaust but how would you feel if your grandparent died in Auschwitz? My grandad did, he fell off the guard tower.

Hitler may be responsible for the holocaust but EA is responsible for the hall of cost

Appreciating a joke As an epileptic, I appreciate jokes about epilepsy. As a Jew, I appreciate Jewish and holocaust jokes. As a Caucasian, I enjoy the very few white jokes.

If only I was an Oompa Loompa, then I can enjoy Donald Trump Jokes.

What's a Holocaust survivor's least favourite movie? Gone with the Wind

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Long Holocaust Jokes

A 90 year old Holocaust survivor told me this joke.

Two Jewish guys are walking when one notices a sign on a Catholic church that says "Convert to Christianity, and we'll give you $100."

The one says to the other, "should we do it??"
The other says "NO!! Are you crazy?"
The first guy replies "Hey, a hundred dollars is a hundred dollars... I'm gonna do it."
So he walks in to the church, and little while later, he walks back out. The friend says "well, did you get the money?"
He replies "Oh that's all you people think about, isn't it??"

An Atheist...

Walks up to the Pearly Gates. God says, "I will let you in if you can make me laugh."

The Atheist asks, "who is the greatest Jewish baker of all time? Hitler. He made over 60,000 Jews toast."

God looks at him and says, "A holocaust joke? That is not really funny."

The atheist replied, "Eh, I guess you should have been there."

So a holocaust survivor wins the lottery...

So Moishe wins the lottery, reporters start asking this Holocaust survivor about his plans for the money. without hesitation he says he is going to commission a statue of adolf Hitler... the reporters are stunned and ask why a survivor of such an atrocity would do such a thing. Moishe rolls up his sleeve - "he gave me the winning numbers"

Multijokes: How many Jews can you fit in a family car.

Standard Answ**e**r: Three in the back, two in the front and six-million in the ashtray.

Follow-Up Answ**e**r: Three in the back, two in the front and none anywhere else because the Holocaust never happened.

Alternate Answ**e**r: Three in the back, two in the front and a family of eight hiding under the roof-rack.

Efficient Answ**e**r: Not enough, we'll need to use trains.

Anti-Joke Answ**e**r: Please tell me, myself and some Jewish friends are going to Florida but ~~cannot afford~~ are too-cheap for plane tickets.

Racist Answ**e**r: Throw a dollar in there and they'll all get in.

A man walks into a bar and sees Hitler...

A man walks into a bar and sees Hitler.

"Hey, is that Hitler?" he asks the bartender.

"Yeah that's Adolf and his right hand man. Have a cold beer and go introduce yourself!"

The man gets a nice cold bottle from the bartender and makes his way over to Hitler.

"Hello Adolf."

"How are you?" Adolf asks.

"Good, what are you doing?"

Hitler's right hand man chimes in. "We are going over plans for World War III."

"Ah, what are your plans for it?" the bar visiting man asks.

"Well, we will kill 1 million Jews and 1 bicycle repair man," Adolf's right hand man answers.

"Why are you going to kill a bicycle repair man?" asks the man.

Hitler becomes excited and turns to his right hand man.

"Ha! See? I told you nobody would care about the Jews."

--

The Holocaust is a terrible thing. This is a terrible joke. However, it has made people laugh, even Jewish people because it is very unexpected. I have no issue with Jewish men or women.

edit: I'm sorry to the people saying this joke is posted here a lot. I have a busy schedule and am only familiar with a few subreddits... I wish I knew more about all the subreddits as so many people here do, but I don't. I didn't realize this joke is so common! Sorry!

A holocaust survivor dies of old age. When she goes to heaven she tells god a holocaust joke.

God responds “I don’t find that funny”

The survivor replies “I guess you had to be there”

Courtesy of Ricky Gervais in “Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee”

An old jew dies and goes to heaven.

When he gets there, he asks god if he wants to hear a holocaust joke.

God agrees and the man tells him the joke.

When he finishes the joke, god looks at him and says "That's not funny, actually it's quite offensive."

The old man shrugs and says "I guess you had to be there".

(Credit to Noah Roth)

Best Read with a German Accent (Warning: Holocaust Joke)

One day during the war, Hitler gathered his top advisers to hold a top secret meeting. He said "Ok, tomorrow ve vill kill 1,000 Jews and three hamsters". His advisors looked at one another, and one said, "But Hitler, vhy ze three hamsters". Hitler smiled at his advisers and replied, "You see, no one cares about ze jews!"

As a man of Jewish descent

As a man of Jewish descent I don't like jokes about us Jews.
I think they often cement prejudices and misinterpretations of the Jewish people and culture.
But every now and then even I enjoy a good laugh and feel that I shouldn't be so serious about everything.

So I have a very good joke about the holocaust here if anyone wants to buy it?

A Holocaust surviver eventually dies of old age and goes to heaven

He meets God upon arrival and he tells him a Holocaust joke.

God: That's not funny!

Him: I guess you had to be there.



P.S. Ricky Gervais told this joke in "comedians in cars...", he doesn't remember where he heard it from.

An elderly woman wins the lottery

Edith, 95 years old, a holocaust servivor, one day scoops big on a $250m jackpot.
She is asked on to her local radio station for an interview. She brings along her best friend Betty who was with her in a concentration camp.

When asked by the host what she is going to do with her winnings. Edith says:

"Well I'm going to treat me and Betty to a lovely cruise, I'm going to leave most to my loving family. Oh and of course a large donation will be made to the German National Socialist Party."

The host and Betty are both stunned. After a brief silence, Betty scorns her friend:

"Edith, how could you? Do you not remember the camps?"

"Of course I do." she points to her wrist "But without them I would have never got the winning numbers"

Holocaust Joke

A holocaust survivor dies and goes to heaven, and meets god at the gate

The holocaust surivor tells a holocaust joke to god.

God says “That’s not funny, why would you joke about that?”

The holocaust survivor says: “I guess you had to be there.”

Two Jews die in the holocaust and go to heaven.

Jew 1: *laughing* Remember when they made us stay outside and caused our toes to freeze and fall off?

Jew 2: *laughing his lungs out* oh yes! And remember how the gave us “coffee” that turned out to be coal mixed with oil?


The two laugh and laugh and God approaches


God: why are you laughing? That sounds horrible!

Jew 1: *looks at him* sorry man, you had to be there.

My Jewish Grandmother's favorite Holocaust joke

It's Winter of 1942 and the German SS is in full extermination mode when a new train of Jews comes into the camp. Immediately the Train Conductor goes to the general and tells the general.

"These are the toughest Jews I have ever seen, General."

The general nods. "Then we will take no chances and immediately send them to the crematorium."

The Jews from the train are herded into the crematorium rooms and locked in for three days while the fires rage on. The general comes back to see the fruits of their labor, the toughest Jews burned to ashes. But when he opens the door...

"What are you doing?! You're going to let all the warm air out?!"

A holocaust survivor dies of old age and goes to heaven. The survivor tells God a holocaust joke, but God says, “That’s not funny. You can’t say that. That is offensive to everyone who suffered through that horrible event.”

“Huh,” says the survivor.
“I guess you had to be there.”

Source: Ricky Gervais on CICGC.

Holocaust survivor dies, goes to heaven and meets God. Tells God a holocaust joke and God stands there and says "thats not funny".

Holocaust survivor goes "yea... I guess ya had to be there"

Credit: Ricky Gervais (who heard it elsewhere but cant remember where)

A very layered joke told by Ricky Gervais on Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee

A Holocaust survivor dies of old age, goes to Heaven, and meets God. He then tells God a Holocaust joke to which God replies, "That's not funny." The survivor responds, "Well, I guess you had to have been there."

A holocaust survivor dies and goes to heaven. He meets God and they chat for a while about existence. They get to telling jokes, and the survivor tells God a holocaust joke. At the end of the joke, God looks dismayed and says it's not funny.

The survivor says, "well, I guess you had to be there."

Two historians are discussing about the Holocaust

\- The holocaust wasn't that bad; says one of them.

\- Are you out of your mind?; the other one replies.

\- What if I were to kill 6 million Jews and one actress?

\- But why the actress?

\- See, nobody ever cares about the Jews.

Today someone at work made a holocaust joke...

Today someone at work made a holocaust joke which I over heard.

I walked over to him and said " you have any idea how offensive it is to tell a holocaust joke?! My grandfather died at a concentration camp over in German, so think before you speak"

He started to apologize and said he was deeply sorry and not to report him to HR.

I said "It is ok, he fell off the guard tower so I am not too offended.

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