There's a gang in my area who recruit new members by threatening them with all kinds of horrible punishments if they don't join But enough about the church...
My girlfriend's parents called me a disgusting creep just because I am 36 and she is 24 What a horrible thing to say on our son's 10th birthday party.
I always knock on the front door of my fridge ...
Just in case there is a salad dressing .
This was horrible lol
One man's trash is another man's treasure. Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted.
A guy is feeling horrible so he goes to the doctor...
During the exam the doctor is shocked, "Oh my god! No wonder you feel bad, there's a piece of lettuce sticking out of your butt!"
The man says, "Yeah, and that's just the tip of the iceberg!"
I'm reading a horror story in braille. Something horrible is about to happen... I can feel it
We've had a horrible winter this year. It was so cold, lawyers were walking around with their hand is their *own* pockets.
I heard some guy tell two horrible Malaysian Airline jokes The first one got no response, and the second one was shot down in flames.
"One man's trash is another man's treasure," is an awesome phrase But it's a horrible way to tell your kid they're adopted.
Dr Horrible got a great deal on getting into the Evil League of Evil It only cost him a Penny
Hilary Clinton goes to a psychic. The soothsayer tells her, "Your husband will die a horrible violent death." Hilary asks, "Will I be acquitted?"
BREAKING: Stevie Wonder suffers major laceration in horrible accident The wound too big for regular stitches, doctors were forced to use very super stitches
One's man trash is another man's treasure... Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out you were adopted.
My wife is a horrible singer . When my wife starts to sing I always go out and do some garden work so our neighbors can see there's no domestic violence going on.
There's a gang in my city who recruit new members by threatening them with all kinds of horrible punishments if they don't join... But enough about church, how's your day been?
Are you a horrible person?
Just date a color blind person.
***They will never see your true colors.***
Did you hear about the drummer that got kicked out of his band for having horrible timing? He got so depressed that he threw himself behind a bus!
A friend of mine died recently
A friend of mine died recently after drinking a gallon of varnish.
It was a horrible end, but a lovely finish.
My uncle used to always say, "it's the journey not the destination that matters". Nice guy, horrible pilot.
I've got a horrible memory. I couldn't remember what onomatopoeia or metaphor meant and then BAM it hit me like lighting. It was like the time I remembered similes and realized I am dumb as a box of rocks.
What I learned from small crosses placed along the roadside with flowers. Christians are horrible drivers.
Some guy at the bar I went to last night told two horrible jokes about Malaysia Airlines. The first one received no response and the second one was shot down in flames.
There is a Hispanic train conductor going around committing horrible crimes.. No one knows why, but it's clear he has a loco motive.
Horrible joke I made up as a kid
Why are frogs on the endangered species list?
Because they croak a lot!
An old guy with a horrible toupee stopped me in the parking lot to tell me this random joke...made me crack up.
How do you get down from an elephant??
YOU DON'T! You get down from a goose!!
One man's trash is another man's treasure. Wonderful saying, but horrible way to find out you're adopted.
It's horrible when someone takes their own life... Will be very saddened to hear of Ghislaine Maxwell's suicide in 2021.
A joke I made myself So, I was walking around down town last night and decided to try the popular trend of "walking into a bar" and I did it, and I say that it's a horrible trend! Walking straight into metal does not feel good!
A horse walks into a bar
and says to the bartender, “Your entire family was just killed in a horrible accident.
Who’s got the long face now?”
According to latest news the current Governor of Florida used to own and run his own alligator farm. So not only does he have experience with horrible scaly reptiles he's also worked with alligators too.
Two chemists walk into a bar... the first asks "A glass of your finest H2O, please". The barman serves him, he drinks it, all is well. The second chemist asks, "And I'll have a glass of H2O, too". The barman serves him, he drinks it, and dies a horrible death.
I've got this horrible disease where I constantly tell airport jokes. The doctor told me it's terminal.
My friend Doug shocked and hurt me. He told me today that I make people very uncomfortable and have no respect for personal space. I mean, what a horrible thing to say to a friend? It totally ruined our bath.
Karen visits an art gallery
Karen: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon Ma'am, that is a mirror.
We all knew 2020 is going to be a horrible year We just expected it to be filled with 2020 visions jokes, rather than a deadly virus, locust swarms and murder hornets
What can you tell me about your father? "I hope he's dead." Why would you say such a horrible thing? "Because we buried him 20 years ago."
A horse walks into a bar.
The bartender asks, "Why the long face?"
Horse replies, "My entire family was just killed in a horrible automobile accident."
I logged on to Facebook the other day only to post on my daughter's wall that she's a horrible dancer.
She asked why I would do such a thing.
I told her because I heard we were supposed to be "social diss dancing"
My art teacher said my self portrait looked horrible However she did say it was extremely realistic and lifelike.
One man's trash is another man's treasure... Wonderful saying, but a horrible way to find out you were adopted.
On a first date, wear a bad outfit so the other person can see your great personality... ...if you have a horrible personality, wear Chanel.
I went to a hotel with June
The service was bad, the food was too salty, $500 for the night, and I had to pay extra because I worsened the crack.
In conclusion, June is a horrible hooker, 1 star.
Bad With Directions
My last girlfriend broke up with me because I was horrible with directions...
So I packed up my belongings and right.
It's a well known fact that women are horrible at keeping secrets. By comparison to men. By the time you've told a man your secret, he'll have already forgotten it.
Wife is horrible with money After receiving a decent inheritance from her mother, my wife decided to buy a boob job instead of start a 529 for our kids. Her prior titties weren't straight.
In the morning, I used to use one of those automatic things that makes you coffee, but it made this horrible screeching noise in your ear. So I divorced her and bought myself a coffee maker
This is for my fellow horrible people. Please don't hate me.
What's the difference between Santa Claus and Jews?
Santa goes *down* the chimney.
My nephew is horrible at pretending to be sick
When I asked him "What are you eating?"
he answers "cashew!"
Why do Hong Kong police go to work early?
They like to beat the crowd
(Dark humor, it’s horrible what’s going on in Hong Kong)
I hear the army of Holland has had very successful operations in the past, preventing horrible things from happening. They’ve dutched the bullet many times.
One man’s trash is another man’s treasure It’s a wonderful saying, yet a horrible way to find out that you were adopted.
My mom made a horrible joke the other day and I said "oh wow look at this comedic genius" She then replied to me saying "of course I am one. I mean I made you"