Inappropriate Jokes

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Funniest Inappropriate Jokes

Funny Inappropriate Jokes

The inventor of inappropriate innuendo jokes died suddenly yesterday. His wife is taking it really hard.

Jokes about female hygiene are totally inappropriate Period.

What do you call a midget who makes inappropriate jokes in the workplace? A little unprofessional

My girlfriend said “I believe in you” and it made me happy. But then I realised she had just affected a culturally inappropriate Jamaican accent to break the news that she was moving out.

I got hard during circumcision It was a rather inappropriate situation for me as a doctor.

2016 strikes again. The inventor of the inappropriate innuendo has died. His family are taking it really hard.

I made an inappropriate joke about water. It was clearly tasteless.

My granddad always used to say "there is no such thing as bad weather, only inappropriate clothing". I say "used to', he got hit by lightening.

I'm always hard at work. But Human Resources keeps telling me that it's extremely inappropriate to have erections at the office.

This woman is trying to get me fired for giving inappropriate massages in the office. Good luck with that, lady. I don't even work here.

What do you call a person who kneels after the President makes inappropriate comments? Monica Lewinsky

Everyone's talking about how inappropriate Louis CK's behavior has been... ...personally, I think he handled himself quite well.

Son, we need to talk 'Son, we need to talk!'

'Yes, dad?'

'Your mother said she saw you watching inappropriate videos online. Those videos are trash, they’re garbage and if you keep watching them, you’ll go blind!'

'Dad?'

'Yes, son?'

'I’m over here.'

Asiana Airlines will be filing a lawsuit against KTVU for its inappropriate and racist names that were falsely broadcasted mid day Friday 7/12... ....said Asiana's attorney Wi Su Yu

When interviewer asks you what you make at your current job Apparently they don't expect you to say stupid mistakes and inappropriate comments.

My wife says she’s going to divorce me because I always get erections at inappropriate times It won’t stand up in court

My dad hanged himself recently. We decided to set up a committee in his honour. However, we thought it would be inappropriate to have a chair.

Decided to eat some chips yesterday Apparently that's "super weird" and "completely inappropriate at a poker game"

The inventor of inappropriate innuendo has died. His family are taking it really hard.

A Black Man and a White Man fall out of a tree... Who hits the ground first? The White Man, of course...

Because the Black man was stopped by the rope.

p.s. Mods, please remove if inappropriate or whatever.

I don't work hard... ...because it would be inappropriate for me to be hard, at work.

What is the most inappropriate thing to say to someone who just lost their job? You had one job.

I think it's inappropriate for men to make fun of the gender wage gap; to ignore and minimize it, or to make cheap jokes about it. Also, you could easily find some women to make those same jokes way cheaper.

What's the most inappropriate Halloween costume this year? Hurricane Harvey Weinstein

My inappropriate uncle told me this one when I was 11: Where do cousins come from? ant holes

I always seem to be telling jokes at the most inappropriate moments. For years I've been attempting to suppress my gag reflex.

I used to date an English teacher... ...but she dumped me for inappropriate use of the colon.

What's it called when an oil rig makes an inappropriate joke? Crude humor.

My friend was arrested for his inappropriate attraction to details. He got off on a technicality

I got kicked out of medical school for inappropriate behaviour with the cadavers I wasn’t a student. They just asked me to leave the property

What does the inappropriate strip club patron say when he finally admits he has a problem? I come here too often

My girlfriend said 'i believe in you' and it made me happy. But then i realised she had just affected a culturally inappropriate jamaican accent to break the news that she was moving out.

New quarantine pickup line: Hey baby, just call me COVID-19, because I want to be inside you for 14 days without you knowing.


Was told this was inappropriate at work.

My teacher always touched me in inappropriate places. The kitchen...the living room....
I hated being homeschooled.

I saw all the people complaining about inappropriate YouTube ads, and at first I thought they were kidding. Then I saw a Trojan condoms ad. I thought they were horsing around.

Where is it inappropriate to have a Back to School sale? A gun store.

What do you call a cup of inappropriate coffee? an ejaculatte

Did you hear the one about Xi Jinping? This joke has been flagged for violations of our new content policy, specifically our policy against inappropriate speech.

When asked about the inappropriate behavior by his priests the pope said “it’s an age old problem.”

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The French version of Jaws finishes with the word FIN. It's really inappropriate

Why do people make puns at inappropriate times? It’s very irrespunsible

After weeks of isolation, my wife said she is getting tired of my inappropriate catch phrases... I said “That’s COVID, baby”.

Dad Jokes are bad: Cause all their real jokes are inappropriate

Covid19 inappropriate playlist thread. Honestly, I'm surprised it not been done yet. I'll start.... REM It's the end of the world as we know it (and I feel fine)

This is a call to all my fellow inappropriate boner poppers Rise up

Interviewer- What do you make at your current job? Me- Mostly mistakes and inappropriate comments!

What do you call an inappropriate robot? A wire stripper

Is it inappropriate to post jokes about the hearing impaired? Deafinitely

Inappropriate. My girlfriend said “I believe in you” and it made me happy.

But then I realised she had just affected a culturally inappropriate Jamaican accent to break the news that she was moving out.

A patient walked in to an office to find their doctor taking inappropriate photos... "What are you doing, doctor?" The patient asked.

​

"It's alright, they're just medic pics."

In medical school, you really do learn something new every day... ...for instance, today I learned that it's inappropriate to refer to infertile people as "seedless".

I wanted to give some money to a homeless man... But apparently it’s inappropriate to ask him does he have an apple pay

I heard about a woman at work today who is taking medication to help releave inner vaginal pain. I wanted to make jokes but it was inappropriate so it was very painful to keep it inside Just like it is for her

I hate discussing things with Jay walkers they always try to cross subjects at inappropriate times.

How can someone make more free time? You need to f*ck a clock.




(This is more of a dad joke, but i thought that it is too inappropriate for that sub)

Why did the 2-Horned Unicorn keep getting sent home from work? Excessive Horniness is inappropriate in the workplace

My friend told me an inappropriate joke about time travelling in video games. Chrono Triggered

The interview Interviewer: What do you make at your current job?

Me: Mostly mistakes and inappropriate comments.

An Inappropriate Poem Bounced on my boy's D,

Slapped on my girl's V,

Fuck EU Article 13,

I will keep posting all my memes.

​

Free Internet please.

Inappropriate Joke "If you kill everyone, it's genocide. If you don't, it's bad press."

My father, who was on his death bed, told me that I make jokes out of the most inappropriate things. Let's just say he didn't live long after that.

Where is an inappropriate place to sleep? Insomniacs support group.

I used to get sexually harassed at a work. Lots of inappropriate touching. Then one day I had enough and quit. This is why I no longer work at home alone by myself.

It’s inappropriate to make a ‘dad joke’ if you are not a dad. It’s a faux pas.

What do you call a rapper who says inappropriate things after horrifying events? Too Soon

I've been fired from my job as a bingo caller... Apparently it's inappropriate to call the number 69 as *"A meal for two with a terrible view"*.

My buddy and his wife were furious with me after I threw confetti on them as they left the church… They shouted, "This is completely inappropriate at a child's funeral!"

Both President Trump and his handshake can be described the same way An inappropriate and overly-aggressive yanky jerk that baffles foreign heads of state

2016 strikes again today as the inventory of the wildly inappropriate innuendo dies. His family is taking is suuuuuuper hard.

This chick is trying to get me fired because she claims I've been giving her inappropriate massages in the office... I said good luck with that sweetheart.... I don't even work here.
(credit: Anthony Jeselnik)

I was asked who my favorite X-Man was Apparently, Kaitlyn Jenner was an inappropriate reply.

Request: inappropriate jokes for a funeral I'm not sick and twisted or anything, just dead! No really though, I'm curious about what is it there that will never be said at a funeral, unless with poor taste

I was asked who my favorite X-Men character was... Apparently, Caitlyn Jenner was an inappropriate answer.

Sensual Massages This girl at the office keeps trying to get me fired for apparently giving her sensual massages at inappropriate times.
I said, "Go right ahead and try, I dont even work here!"

Context is important. Context is important. It's fine to say "I'm coming!" when you're running to catch a bus, but totally inappropriate to say the same thing when you're on it.

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Long Inappropriate Jokes

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

6 never did trust 7. Sure, they worked closely together, but 7 always seemed at odds with him. 6 always preferred the company of 4, a perfect 10 of a duo, even though 2 kept them apart.
But when it came to 7? 6 always summed it up to bad luck. Then, 6 found the truth.
6 respected 9, even though lewd jokes always seemed to be made about the two. 6 found that 3 and himself could come together and be seen as equal to 9. When 9 was removed, 6 had a very negative feeling.
Some were considered prime suspects in 9’s death. 2, 3, 5, and 7. 6 knew it had to be 7. His involvement with 9 added up two well.
6 snuck into 7’s house. He looked up from the floorboards, and found himself under 7. An admittedly inappropriate position for him, but 6 saw the proof he wanted: 9’s body, half devoured. 7 was a cannibal... 7 8 9.
6 has spent the remainder of his days terrified of 7, worried that someday 7 will learn what 6 knows... And promptly solve his problem.

A lady walks into a pet store...

She sees a beautiful parrot with a sign on its cage: $10 OBO
The lady asks the pet shop owner, "Why so cheap?" The owner says "This bird used to live in a brothel, so he says a lot of inappropriate things." The lady can't pass up the deal and decides to get the bird anyway.
She gets the bird home and the first thing the bird says is "Finally cleaned up this dump, and the new madam isn't bad looking." The lady finds it amusing.
Her two teen daughters get home and the bird says "New whores in the house, business will be booming tonight." The girls are shocked but laugh it off.
A few hours later the woman's husband gets home and the bird says "Hey Jim."

A woman walks into a pet store..

She sees a beautiful parrot with a sign on its cage: $10 OBO The lady asks the pet shop owner, "Why so cheap?" The owner says "This bird used to live in a brothel, so he says a lot of inappropriate things." The lady can't pass up the deal and decides to get the bird anyway. She gets the bird home and the first thing the bird says is "Finally cleaned up this dump, and the new madam isn't bad looking." The lady finds it amusing. Her two teen daughters get home and the bird says "New whores in the house, business will be booming tonight." The girls are shocked but laugh it off. A few hours later the woman's husband gets home and the bird says "Hey Jim."

The clearance bird.

A lady walks into a pet store.

She sees a beautiful parrot with a sign on its cage: $10 OBO

The lady asks the pet shop owner, "Why so cheap?"

The owner says "This bird used to live in a brothel, so he says a lot of inappropriate things."

The lady can't pass up the deal and decides to get the bird anyway.

She gets the bird home and the first thing the bird says is "Finally cleaned up this dump, and the new madam isn't bad looking."

The lady finds it amusing.

Her two teen daughters get home and the bird says "New whores in the house, business will be booming tonight."

The girls are shocked but laugh it off. A few hours later the woman's husband gets home and the bird says "Hey Jim."

Bad Parrot

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.

For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior." John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird spoke-up, very softly, "May I ask what the turkey did?"

Penitent Parrot

A young man named Alan received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.

Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. Alan tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary.

Finally, Alan was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. Alan shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and
even more rude. Alan, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.

Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.

Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, Alan quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto Alan's outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behaviour."

Alan was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.

As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a
dramatic change in his behaviour, the bird spoke-up, very
softly, "May I ask what the turkey did?"

The nasty parrot

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird’s mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.

John tried and tried to change the bird’s attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to ‘clean up’ the bird’s vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.

For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he’d hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John’s outstretched arms and said “I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I’m sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior.”

John was stunned at the change in the bird’s attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird spoke-up, very softly, “May I ask what the turkey did?”





EDIT: John: Son of a b***h!

Son we need to talk.

“Son, we need to talk!”

“Yes, dad?”

“Your mother said she saw you watching inappropriate videos online. Those videos are trash, they’re garbage and if you keep watching them, you’ll go blind!”

“Dad?”

“Yes, son?”

“I’m over here.”

Good old #59123

A young man named Dave received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious, and laced with profanity. Dave tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.

Finally, Dave was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. Dave shook the parrot and the parrot got even angrier and even ruder. Dave, in desperation, threw up his hands, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he had hurt the parrot, Dave quickly opened the door to the freezer.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto Dave's outstretched arm and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions.I am sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."

Dave was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued, "May I ask what the chicken did?"

The Parrot

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot really had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with
profanity.

John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think
of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary.

Finally though, John was fed up, and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot, and the parrot got angrier and more rude! In desperation, John threw up his hands, grabbed the bird, and put him in the
freezer! 

For a few minutes the parrot squawked, kicked and screamed... then suddenly there was total quiet! Not a peep was heard for over a minute!

Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said, 'I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions, and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior.'

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude! As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in
his behavior, the bird continued,

'May I ask what the turkey did?'

My school does these things at the end of the year called "Senior Pranks".

Usually the same routine, with some alterations each year. Pull the fire alarm, play inappropriate music over the loud speaker, and throw a couple smoke bombs here and there. I'm always surprised how the local retirement home doesn't threaten to sue anyone.

A Parrot with an attitude

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior." John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued, "May I ask what the turkey did?"

Three people of distinctly different national and/or ethnic origins walk into a bar.

The first one says something normal and expected.

The second one says something equally typical of what a person in their position might say.

The third one insults all of their countrymen and/or other group to which they belong by making a remark or behavior that is both stereotypical of that group of people, as well as entirely inappropriate to the situation.

Mischievous twins

In a town somewhere there lived 2 very problematic 12 year old twin boys. If there was trouble in town, they were sure to be involved. It gotten to the point where every time some stranger came to their house it was to complain about something they did.

Naturally their mother had it with their behavior, so she went to this famous priest who was said to have the ability to cure such cases. She explained the issue to him, and he said he'd be able to help, but that she needed to bring each of the twins separately.

The next day she brought the first one to the priest. After asking him some mundane questions, he asks if he believes in God. The boy, finding this to be an inappropriate question, refused to answer.

The priest asks again.
The boy doesn't answer.

The priest gets angry and shouts at the boy "do you not know God?!"
Hearing his tone the boy gets scared and runs away from the priest's office.

He keeps running like crazy until he gets to his home.
Seeing his fearful expression, his brother comes over to him and asks what happened.
The boy says "listen carefully, apparently something happened to God and they think we're involved."

Bad Parrot

BAD Parrot

A young man named John received a
parrot as a gift. The parrot had a
bad attitude and an even worse
vocabulary.

Every word out of the bird's mouth
was rude, obnoxious and laced with
profanity. John tried and tried to
change the bird's attitude by
consistently saying only polite
words, playing soft music and
anything else he could think of to
'clean up' the bird's vocabulary.
Finally, John was fed up and he
yelled at the parrot. The parrot
yelled back. John shook the parrot
and the parrot got angrier and even
more rude. John, in desperation,
threw up his hand, grabbed the bird
and put him in the freezer.
For a few minutes the parrot squawked
and kicked and screamed.
Then suddenly there was total quiet.
Not a peep was heard for over a
minute.

Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot,
John quickly opened the door to the
freezer. The parrot calmly stepped
out onto John's outstretched arms and
said "I believe I may have offended
you with my rude language and
actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for
my inappropriate transgressions and I
fully intend to do everything I can
to correct my rude and unforgivable
behavior."

John was stunned at the change in the
bird's attitude.

As he was about to ask the parrot
what had made such a dramatic change
in his behavior, the bird spoke-up,
very softly,

"May I ask what the turkey did?"

Bad dream. Kinda inappropriate

So after a long weekend of partying on a beach in Florida, these three men all have to book a hotel room. They had to book it last minute and got a hotel room with a single queen size bed. The middle man was a tall blonde male. He slept in the middle of the bed because he was the tallest. So when they wake up the next morning one of the guys go
“I had a dream last night that a hot blonde babe jerked me off.” The one on the other side said “ I did too she was tall and had huge hands, it was great.”
The guy in the middle says “that’s so crazy, I had a dream that I was skiing.”

So a Catholic walks into a bar.... during Lent[Long] [Cultural context wise kinda inappropriate given the season]

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender asks him, “You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; wouldn’t you rather I draw fresh pints for you one at a time?” The fellow replies: “Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is now in America and the other, in Australia. When we all left home, we promised we’d drink this way to remember the days when we drank together.” The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The fellow becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: he orders three pints and drinks them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the regulars notice and fall silent, speculating about what might have happened to one of the absent brothers.

When the fellow goes back to the bar for a second round, the bartender says, “I don’t want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss.” The fellow looks confused for a moment and then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs and says: “Oh, no, everyone’s fine. You see, it’s just that I’ve given up beer for Lent.”

Source credit Aleteia
Edit: removed link

Apparently it's inappropriate for a group of white kids to put on a play of Aladdin, as it is racially insensitive and cultural appropriation. Possibly white washing.

I wonder if we'll see more Jews in Nativity Pageants come Christmas season this year.

Russian Joke - little Wally

Little Wally was always saying mean or inappropriate things in his class. So the girls of the class decided that if Wally says something inappropriate or mean again, they will all storm out of a class as a sign of protest.

The following day, the teacher asks the class:
"kids, what is being built in our beautiful city nowadays?"
-Peter says... "A new apartment complex is being built".
-"Very good', says the teacher. "What else?"
-"a new factory is being built," says Mary.
-"Good one", says the teacher. "What else?"
-"A new whorehouse is being built", says Wally.
all of the girls got up to storm out of a class. Perplexed, Wally says:
-"Hold on you all, they have barely finished pouring a foundation"

So a girl is stuck babysitting her little brother...

When she finally gets him to bed on the bottom bunk of his bunk-bed, she decides to invite her boyfriend over so that they can have a little fun together. To avoid her parents walking in on her, she takes her boyfriend and they get up on the top bunk of her little brothers bed, being careful to not wake him up. She says to her boyfriend

"I don't want my brother to hear us saying anything that may be inappropriate so when I want you to go faster I'll say 'lettuce' and when I want you to go slower I'll say 'tomato'"

So they're going at it-

"LETTUCE! TOMATO" LETTUCE LETTUCE LETTUCE! TOMATO LETTUCE"

When her little brother wakes up and says,

"HEY! Can you guys STOP! You're getting mayonnaise all over me!"

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