Mama Jokes

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Funniest Mama Jokes

Can we ban "Yo Momma" jokes from this sub? They're old, stupid, and have been done by literally everyone hundreds of times Just like yo mama

Every yo mama joke has been done thousands of times by thousands of people... .... Just like yo mama.

Yo mama so fat Before she was buried the earth was flat

Funny Mama Jokes

Depression/suicide jokes are basically yo mama jokes of our generation — they're lazy, unfunny and useless Just like me

Yo mama so fat... I pictured her in my head and broke my neck.

Yo mama is so fat, her alphabet starts with O OBCD

Yo mama so fat I swerved to miss her and ran out of gas

We should ban yo mama jokes from this subreddit. They're stupid, unfunny, obnoxious and everyone has already done them at least one thousand times Unlike yo mama, who is a lovely and respectful woman

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Lean beef. What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Yo mama

Yo mama so fat... ...she had an heart attack while running an app.

Yo mama so old... ... I told her to act her age, and she died.

Yo mama is so fat.. ..when she goes camping, the bears hide their food.

Yo mama so ugly She went into a haunted house and came out with a paycheque
Edit: not fixing the typo, deal with it.

Yo mama so fat... her carbon footprint turned to diamond.

Yo Mama has so many warts... Her face spells "ugly" in Braille

Yo' mama is so fat That she sends me nudes via torrent

Can we please ban yo mama jokes on this sub? All of the yo mama jokes have been done thousands of times by thousands of people. Kinda like yo mama!

Yo mama so fat... That when she sends me nudes, my phone storage gets full.

It was called a jumpoline... ...until your mama got on it

Yo mama fell down... The physicists discovered Gravitational waves today

Yo mama so fat... Thanos had to clap to get rid of her

Yo Mama so ugly, She went into a haunted house and came out with a paycheck.

Yo mama is so fat that when she walked in front of the TV, I missed 3 seasons of Breaking Bad

Guys, just remember that every yo mama joke that exists has been done hundreds of times by hundreds of different people. Like your mom.

Yo mama so fat.. Your dad was attracted to her by the force of gravity.

Yo mama so fat... Thanos had to snap twice.

Yo mama so fat.... pickup lines don't work on her.

Yo mama so fat... When she was buried, the flat earthers announced the earth is not flat anymore.

Yo mama so fat When she sings.. it’s over.

Dad jokes and Yo Mama jokes seem like they'd be the same But the difference is a parent.

Can we ban “Yo Mama” jokes from this sub? They are old, stupid, and have been done by literally everyone hundreds of times just like yo mama

Yo mama so fat... When she tripped, I didn't laugh, but the ground was cracking up

Your mama is so ugly She fell into a gorilla exhibit and got shot.

Yo mama so dumb, she tripped over the wireless network.

Yo mama so fat ... The sorting hat put her in waffle house.

What's a specimen? Mama mia, it's an Italian astronaut!

Yo mama so fat We all are seriously concerned about her health

A "your mama” joke for the books. Your mama is so stupid she puts lipstick on her forehead... Just to make up her mind.

Yo mama so fat... It takes more than a single processor to load her chunks.

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New Mama Jokes

Your mama is so fat... She can’t socially distance.

Yo mama so fat When she steps on a scale it says “To be continued”

Yo mama so dumb she thought reddits recent crack down on hate speech meant Trump couldn't speak in public anymore.

Yo mama so ugly The world created a pandemic so she'd have to wear a mask

Yo Mama so FAT NTFS refuses to run on her system

Yo mama so fat, When she stubs her toe, her forehead ripples.

Yo mama so fat She was blocking Route 11

Yo mama so stupid She thought Smash Mouth was a boxer

Yo mama so fat I had to leave the punchline in the comments

Your mama is so fat. She puts lipstick on with a paint roller

Yo mama so obese that when she became a social media star... It didn’t matter. She was global.

Yo mama so dumb Even her children get click baited

Yo mama is like the coronavirus She keeps trying to spread, but nobody wants her.

Yo mama so dumb... ... she sit on the television and watches the couch.

Your mama so dumb She climbs over a glass wall to see what's on the other side.

Yo mama so fat The photo I took with her on xmass is still printing

Your mama is so fat... When she goes to Rome it has 8 hills!

Yo mama so fat That when she enters a room her belly button gets there 5 minutes before she does

Yo mama so fat Donald trump used her as the border wall.
:)

Yo mama so fat She commits crimes to get her just desserts!

Yo mama so fat The avengers hired her for her ability to be everywhere at once!

Yo mama PG-13 Yo mama so fat your father died in 69.

Your mama is so fat... When she wants to eat some hot wings an ostrich must die

Yo mama so fat She needs an ssd to store 1 photo of her

Yo mama so fat She has to turn around twice to face the opposite direction

Yo mama so tall Obi Wan piggybacks her to get the high ground.

I’m used to being told to stay inside That’s what yo mama tells me every night.

If we want to flatten the curve so bad Then why can't yo mama sit on it

Yo Mama So Fat,... She must self quarntine in two different houses.

Yo mama so fat. She has more chins than a Chinese phone book

The stock market is down 30%... Yo mama must have skipped a meal

Yo Mama’s so fat. There’s flat mama theories about her.

Yo mama so fat She had to be baptized in the pacific ocean

Yo mama so fat that when she goes into the deep sea everyone thinks she is a new island

Yo mama so old Her last is osaurus

Yo mama so fat... That Internet explorer runs faster than her.

What's the difference between your mama and the Italian COVID-19 situation? Your mama's got flat curves

What did the papa goat say to the mama goat when she was giving birth? You've goat to be kidding me!

Sometimes I tell yo mama jokes. Sometimes she laughs.

yo mama is so old.. her dating profile is on carbon dating apps

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Long Mama Jokes

Papa Bear and Mama Bear are getting a divorce

You know Goldilocks and the 3 bears? Well mama bear and papa bear are getting a divorce. In court they bring in baby bear. The judge puts baby bear on the stand and asks him who he'd like to live with?

"Well not papa bear he beats me," says baby bear.

"So mama bear?" asks the Judge.

"Oh no she beats me even worse than papa bear," says baby bear.

"So who would you like to live with?" the Judge asks curiously.

"My grandma bear in Chicago." says baby bear.

"Your grandma bear doesn't beat you?" asks the Judge?

"Oh no the Chicago Bears don't beat anyone."

Mama and Papa Bear are getting divorced...

and the Judge is asking Baby Bear who he wishes to live with. "So, is it Mama or Papa?" the Judge asks.
"Mama and Papa beat me," says Baby Bear.
"Well do you have any other relatives?" asked the Judge.
"I have an uncle in Chicago," replies Baby Bear.
"Does he beat you too?" asks the Judge.
"Naww," says Baby Bear. "The Chicago Bears don't beat anybody."

I smell maple syrup!

A mama mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole all live in a little mole hole. One day the papa mole sticks his head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says, "Yum! I smell maple syrup!"

The mama mole sticks her head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says "Yum! I smell honey!"

The baby mole tries to stick his head out of the hole to sniff the air, but can't because the bigger moles are in the way. So he says, "Geez, all I can smell is . . . . .









molasses."

Susie Lee Done Fell In Love

Susie Lee done fell in love;
She planned to marry Joe.
She was so happy ’bout it all
She told her Pappy so.

Pappy told her, “Susie gal,
You’ll have to find another.
I’d just as soon yo’ Ma don’t know,
But Joe is yo’ half brother.”

So Susie put aside her Joe
And planned to marry Will.
But after telling Pappy this,
He said, “There’s trouble still...

You cain’t marry Will, my gal,
And please don’t tell your Mother,
But Will and Joe and several mo’
I know is yo’ half brother.”

But Mama knew and said, “My child,
Just do what makes you happy.
Marry Will or marry Joe,
You ain’t no kin to Pappy.”

Some campers wake up in the morning and start making breakfast...

Nearby is a family of moles living in their burrow underground. Papa mole wakes up and crawls up to the hole and says, "It smells delicious up here! I can smell sausage and eggs and is that some ham frying too?" So mama mole climbs up and she's greeted with the sweet smells of breakfast. "I smell fresh toast and flap jacks and maybe a hint of cinnamon!" Baby mole tries to enjoy the smells but can't get past mama and papa through the hole and says, "All I can smell is molasses."

An old married couple are driving down the road.

They run over a mama skunk and the wife insists that they go back and pick up the baby skunk.

She says to her husband, "The poor thing is freezing."

"Put him between your legs and warm him up." is the husband's reply.

"But what about the smell?" she asks.

The husband says, "Just hold his little nose and he should be fine."

Two teenagers, Liam and Noah were sitting outside on a bench after school...

...Liam looked at Noah.

"Yo dude, did you do anything fun this weekend?"

Noah replied," Not really, how about you?"

"Oh man, I was at Joe's house for a party last night and he had toilet bowls made of pure gold, You wouldn't believe it!"

"No way dude, that's impossible, I don't remember Joe being rich"

"Come with me and see for yourself if you don't believe me"

Later that day, both Liam and Noah went to Joe's house. Noah rang the doorbell and Joe mama opens the door.

Noah quickly asks," My friend came to Joe's party last night and claimed that you have toilet bowls made of gold, is that really true?"

She stood there for a while and yells back into the house.

"Alfred, that scumbag that shat in your tuba is here!"

Holy Moly! - What's that smell!?

A mama mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole all lived in a little mole hole. One day the papa mole stuck his head out of the hole, sniffed the air and said: "Yum! I smell maple syrup!"

The mama mole stuck her head out of the hole, sniffed the air and said” "Yum! I smell honey!"

The baby mole tried to stick his head out of the hole to sniff the air, but couldn’t because of the bigger moles were in the way so he said: "Geez, all I can smell is..."

Are you sure you're ready?

You may never forgive me for this one...

*MOLASSES*

The missing sugar bowl

Mrs. Fisher comes to visit her son Jacob for dinner. He lives with a female roommate, Rachel.

During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Jacob's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Jacob and his roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Jacob volunteered, 'I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Rachel and I are just roommates.'
About a week later, Rachel came to Jacob saying, 'Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don't suppose she took it, do you?' Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure.' So he sat down and wrote an email:

‘Dear Mama,
I'm not saying that you 'did' take the sugar bowl from my house;
I'm not saying that you 'did not' take it.
But the fact remains that it has been missing
ever since you were here for dinner.
Love, Jacob’

Several days later, Jacob received a response email from his Mama which read:

‘Dear Son,
I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Rachel,
and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with her.
But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed,
she would have found the sugar bowl by now.
Love, Mama’

3 Missing Toes

Maria had just gotten married, and being a traditional Italian she was still a virgin. On her wedding night, staying at her mother's house,
she was very nervous.

Her mother reassured her;

'Don't worry, Maria, Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of you.

Meanwhile, I'll be making pasta.'

So, up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says,
'Mama, Mama, Tony's got a big hairy chest.'

'Don't worry, Maria,' says the mother, 'all good men have hairy chests..Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you.'

So, up she went again.. When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother. 'Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants and he's got hairy legs!'

'Don't worry! All good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man Go upstairs and he'll take good care of you..'

So, up she went again. When she got there, Tony took off his socks and on his left foot he was missing three toes.

When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs. 'Mama, Mama, Tony's got a foot and a half!'

Her Mama said, 'Stay here and stir the pasta.'

At my friend's house, her dad told us these jokes called "Mama mama jokes." I expected old fashioned "Yo' mama" jokes. I got these.

Mama, Mama, I don't like little brother!

Shut up and eat what you're told.

Mama, Mama, I don't want to go to Hawaii!

Shut up and keep swimming.

Mama, Mama, I don't like going in circles!

Shut up or I'll nail your other foot to the floor!

Honestly, I'm scarred.

moles

Mama mole, papa mole, and baby mole all lived in a hole. One day, mama mole stuck her head out and sniffed the air.

"That's weird, I smell grape jelly."

Papa mole squeezes up beside her, sniffs around, and says, "That's funny, because i smell strawberry jam."

Baby mole wanted to sniff the air too, but was stuck behind mama and papa mole, so he said "That's strange, all I smell is molasses!"

Mama whale and Papa whale ...

... swim and look upon sailors coming towards them. The sailors are on small boats and have their spear in hand.

Papa whale says to mama whale:

-"They're hunting us, we should make bubbles and tip them over."

The mama whale agrees. They dive underneath the ships and blow so many bubbles that the ships capsize and the sailors fall into the water, but they still have their spears in their hands. Papa whale is still weary.

He says to mama whale:

-"We should eat them".

Mama whale says:

-"Listen, I agreed to the blow job, but I'm not swallowing seamen."

Fascinate

Teacher: Can anyone use the word "fascinate" in a sentence?

Billy: I was fascinated by the sunrise.

Teacher: Good, but "fascinated" is past tense. Can anyone else try?

Suzie: It was fascinating to see the flowers grow.

Teacher: Good, Suzie, but you added an "ing" at the end of the word and made it an adjective. I just want to hear the verb "fascinate".

Ernie: Yo mama got a blouse with 12 buttons on it...but she so fat, she can only fascinate!

The Mole Family

A mama mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole all live in a little mole hole.

One day the papa mole sticks his head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says,"Yum! I smell maple syrup!"

The mama mole sticks her head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says "Yum! I smell honey!"

The baby mole tries to stick his head out of the hole to sniff the air, but can't because the bigger moles are in the way so he says, "Geez, all I can smell is MOLASSES!"

Three moles smell something.

Papa mole first pokes his head out of the hole and sniffs. He then says "I smell some good pancakes and syrup." Next mama mole pokes her head out of the hole and says "all I smell is fruits and honey." Then baby mole tries to poke his head out of the hole and says " I can't smell anything except molasses."

Justin told me my mama was so fat she had a gravitational orbit ...

I told him he doesn’t understand how physics works, cause everyone has a gravitational orbit.

Then I informed him his dad is so massive that his gravitational orbit is so large, not even light can escape it — and that’s why he hasn’t seen his dad in 20 years!

In and Out

(Part joke and part tongue-twister - lots of fun to tell out loud.)

Once upon a time, a mama skunk had twin baby skunks, who she named In and Out.

One day when they were just wee skunks, In and Out went out to play. At lunchtime, Mama Skunk poked her head out and called out, "In and Out, it's time to come in!"

After a few minutes, Out comes in. Mama looks at him and says, "Out, where is In? I just told you both to come in!"

Out says, "In is still out." So Mama tells him "Well Out, you go right back out, find In, and bring him in!" So Out goes out, and within just a minute he comes back in with In.

Mama Skunk is amazed. She says, "Out, how on earth did you find In so quickly?"

Out shrugs and says, "Instinks."

Maria had just got married, and being a traditional Italian...

Maria had just got married, and being a traditional Italian she was still a virgin.

On her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was very nervous.

Her mother reassured her;

Don't worry, Maria, Tony's a good man… Go upstairs and he'll take care of you.

Meanwhile, I'll be making pasta.'

So, up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest.

Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, 'Mama, Mama, Tony's got a big hairy chest.'

'Don't worry, Maria,' says the mother, 'all good men have hairy chests ...

Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you.'

"I'll be here making the pasta"

So, up she went again ... When she got up in the bedroom,

Tony took off his trousers exposing his hairy legs. Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother.

'Mama, Mama, Tony took off his trousers and he's got hairy legs!'

'Don't worry! All good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man…

Go upstairs and he'll take good care of you.'

So, up she went again. When she got there,

Tony took off his socks and on his left foot he was missing three toes.

When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs. 'Mama, Mama, Tony's got a foot and a half!'

Her Mama said,

'Stay here and stir the pasta.'

Goldilocks and the Three Bears (American Football Fans Will Understand)

Mama bear and Papa bear are getting a divorce after the fiasco with Goldilocks, but they must decide custody of baby bear.
The judge takes baby bear aside, and asks politely, "Would you like to live with Papa Bear?"
"No," Baby Bear answers, "Papa Bear beats me!"
"Oh no." the judge replies. "Then you can live with Mama Bear."
"No!" Baby Bear exclaims. "She beats me too!"
"Oh dear." Says the judge. "Well then, who do you want to live with?"
"I want to live with the Chicago Bears because they never beat anyone!"*

*This isn't true as the Bears are the best team ever.

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