“Do you know how much it is to rent a church singing group?”
“Sir, do you mean a choir?”
“Fine, yes, do you know how much it is to ‘acquire’ a church singing group?”
If I had a dollar for everytime someone called me a boring nerd.. I'd have a mean daily income of $5.64 with a standard deviation of $1.25
You know that tingly sensation you get when you like somebody?
That's common sense leaving your body.
Edit: now I know what people mean when they say "RIP inbox".
I just saw my wife walk around with her sexiest underwear on, which can only mean one thing. It’s laundry day.
A girl I met on tinder said "don't even bother talking to me if your height starts with 5" Jokes on her, I'm 4'11
Do you know where I can rent a church singing group?
Sir,do you mean a choir?
Fine,yes,do you know how much it is to aquire a church singing group?
Why do Indians hate snow?
Because it's white and settles on their land.
Edit: well now I know what people mean by rip inbox.
Edit2: wtf happened to my headline, why is it Donald trump?
Bank robber pulls out gun, points it at the teller...
Robber: "Give me all your money or you are GEOGRAPHY!'
Cashier (puzzled) "Did you mean to say "or you're history?"
Robber: "Don't change the subject."
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? Steve. Just because he's irrelephant doesn't mean we don't use his name.
I like you, in a plutonic way.
"Don't you mean 'platonic'?"
No, plutonium, like radioactive exposure, the longer I'm with you the more I feel like dying.
If the number 666 is considered evil... does that mean that 25.8069758011 is the root of all evil?
If a robber robs a house under renovation and accidentally leaves his handprint on wet cement, Does that mean that the police have concrete evidence?
America is racist
When Barack Obama gives his speech, he stands behind a bulletproof glass . That shows how racist America still is.
Just because he's black, doesn't mean he's going to shoot anyone
Thanks Frankie Boyle
Wife: "Can you pick up milk?"
Me: *lifts gallon*
"Yeah, it's easy."
Wife: "I mean from the store."
Me: "I'd imagine it weighs the same there too"
A mugger holds a man at gunpoint and says, "Give me your wallet or you're science!"
The man says, "Don't you mean history?"
The mugger yells, "Don't try to change the subject!"
I believe that it is time for all the world's countries to come together and create one universal currency I mean it's just common cents
If a man with a foot fetish cheats on his wife... Does that mean he got off on the wrong foot?
A bank robber pulls out gun points it at the teller, and says, "Give me all the money or you're geography!" The puzzled teller replies, "Did you mean to say 'or you're history?'" The robber says, "Don't change the subject!"
Q: How many geeks does it take to ruin a joke? A: You mean nerd, not geek. And not joke, but riddle. Proceed.
Things have gotten so bad in The US that during the last parade they surrounded Donald Trump with bullet proof glass. Just because he's a White guy with mental health issues doesn't mean he's gonna start shooting up the crowd
*burst into doctor's office*
ME: I'm no longer canstopetid
DOCTOR: You mean constipated
ME: No I've had a vowel movement
DOCTOR: Get out
Mugger: Give me all your stuff or you're science!
Me: Don't you mean history?
Mugger: Don't try to change the subject!
I went to the doctor and he gave me 2 months to live. So I shot him.
Judge gave me 30 years.
So I mean who's the real winner here?
What’s the difference between praying in church and praying in a casino? When you pray in a casino you really mean it
If a white lie is a harmless lie that doesn't really matter Then does that mean that black lies matter?
What’s the difference between a church and a casino? When you pray at a casino, you actually mean it
Me: How much to buy the singing ensemble?
Person: You mean a choir?
Me: Fine, how much to acquire the singing ensemble?
“Take out” could mean food, dating, or murder. If you’re a praying mantis, it means all three at the same time.
A friend of mine always helps me out with maps and diagrams, pointing out all the little symbols and what they mean ... The guy is a legend.
I'm moving to Greenwich in a couple months. Don't know what I'm going to do in the mean time...
So if guns don’t kill people, people kill people Does that mean toasters don’t toast toast toast toast toast?
Me: I only got the bear essentials.
Wife: You mean bare essentials.
Me: *removes live salmon from mouth* I said what I said
Next year, I'm moving to Greenwich, England I don't know what I'm going to do in the mean time
A bankrobber walks into a bank...
and yells ''NOBODY MOVE, THIS IS A F*CK UP!''
a surprised teller answers ''Don't you mean a stick up?''
''No, I forgot my gun.''
Two men are discussing a business transaction.
Buyer: "How much does it cost to buy a singing ensemble?"
Seller: "You mean a choir?"
Buyer: \**visibly frustrated*\* "Fine, how much does it cost to *acquire* a singing ensemble?"
I got kicked out of the hospital today Apparently the sign "Stroke patients here" does not mean what I thought it meant.
My son got sent home from school today. It's serious.
Apparently he was letting a girl in his class jerk him off. That's going to mean he has to go to another school, which makes three times this year.
I don't think teaching's for him tbqh.
I can't believe somebody had the nerve to break into my house and steal my limbo stick. I mean seriously, how low can you go?
As I ate my hamburger I was told it’s mean to kill cows. What am I supposed to do, eat them alive?
A robber enters a bank and points a gun at the teller
Robber: Put all the money in the bag or you’re Geography!
Teller: Don’t you mean History?
Robber: Don’t change the subject!
How much to buy a singing ensemble?
"You mean a choir?"
Fine... how much to **acquire** a singing ensemble?
A blonde goes up to a priest and asks,"Do you know how much it is to rent a church singing group?"
He replied,"Do you mean a choir?"
She snaps back,"Ok,acquire a church singing group."
It's depressing to hear that a child can drown in just 2 inches of water. I mean it's 2019. Why aren't we using metric yet?
Joseph Stalin should have known Communism wouldn't work.
I mean seriously,there were red flags everywhere.
Me and my best friend had an argument yesterday
So, I stole his wheelchair because I was angry at him.
You'll never guess who came crawling back
[Note: I don't mean anyone anything by this. It's just a joke. Please don't get offended]
My wife said the lake was so pretty.
I said it's just like you
She said "aw I'm pretty!"
I said "no I mean large and frigid"
I love my new couch bed.
A father asked his son about his grades...
Son: They're underwater.
Father: What do you mean underwater?
Son: They're below 'C' level.
My wife says I get mean when I drink whiskey. Now I drink Canadian whiskey. I am still mean but I am apologetic aboot it. #sorry
A Roman walks into a bar and orders a martinus,
The bartender says "Don’t you mean a Martini?"
The Roman then says "Look,if I want a double I’ll ask for one.