Momma Jokes

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Funniest Momma Jokes

Where do little jokes come from? Well, a dad joke meets yo momma joke and then they knock knock.

Funny Momma Jokes

Yo momma is so vegan and fat... ..that she ate a meal and got arrested for deforestation.

Where do little jokes come from? Well, a dad joke meets yo momma joke at a bar and then they knock knock.

Yo momma jokes are old, common and used by everyone. Just like yo momma.

What did baby corn say to momma corn? where is popcorn?

Yo momma so fat... Yo momma so fat when she talks to herself its a long distance call.

Yo momma is so fat that when she fell, no one was laughing but the ground was cracking up.

The heaviest things in the universe 3 - Neutron stars

2 - Black holes

1 - The collective weight of the people who thought this was a yo momma joke

What did the momma cow say to her baby cows? It’s pasture bedtime

Yo momma so fat, when she wants to take a bath... She fills up the tub and THEN turns on the water.

YO momma so nasty... She pours salt water down her pants to keep the crabs fresh.

Your momma so ugly Governments across the world conspired to spread a pandemic to get her to wear a mask.

Your momma is so ugly.... Bill Cosby gave her coffee.

Your momma so fat... She needs cheat codes for Wii Fit.

Yo momma cooks so bad... The flys all chipped in and fixed the screen door.
>we're here all night, don't forget to tip your waiter!!

Yo Momma so ugly... Scorpion from Mortal Kombat be like "Stay over there."

Momma always said police are like a box of chocolates... They'll kill your dog.

Your momma so fat It's been four weeks since Thanos snapped his fingers and she's still disintegrating.

My nine year old's yo momma joke Yo momma so fat her patronus is a cake

Yo Momma so fat (Avengers Edition) Yo Momma so fat it took Thanos 2 Snaps to destroy her.

Yo momma so fat Not even dolby could surround her

Yo momma so fat... The dinosaurs went extinct when she forgot her parachute.

Timeless Classic: What do you call a cow with two legs? Yo momma

Yo momma so basic... ...she got a pH of 15.

Yo momma so ugly .. Her portraits hang themselves

yo momma so ugly her vibrator needs viagra

Where do Baby jokes come from? A dad joke and a yo momma walk into a bar. They meet, knock knock, and put little pun in the oven.

Yo momma is so unfamiliar with the gym... ...she calls it James

Yo momma is so big that... I had to format my NTFS drive to a different file system to support her pictures

Yo momma so heavy She make memory foam forget!!!!!

Yo momma so fat she doesn't support NTFS.

Nerdy Yo Momma Jokes Post your best nerdy yo momma joke.

I'll start: Yo momma is so dumb, she thought a kernel panic was a KFC that was out of chicken.

Your momma so dumb she tried to climb Mountain Dew

Yo momma so fat.. The government cancelled her for being a mass gathering

Momma said life is like a box of chocolates... If you're fat it's not gonna last as long :/

Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates... ... if you're fat, it won't last long.

Yo momma so fat When she registered on MySpace there was no space left

Q: What did the momma corn say to baby corn? A: where is popcorn

Yo momma so stupid when they said, "Order in the court," she asked for fries and a shake.

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New Momma Jokes

Yo momma so fat... she don’t work the street corner, she work the freeway!

Yo momma so fat She has to wear a pillow case as a face mask

Yo Momma is so fat ...her memory foam mattress got alzheimer's.

You’re momma so ugly That when bob the builder see her he says I can’t fix that

Momma Momma, why am I walking in circles? Shut up before I nail your other foot to the floor!

Momma Momma, Can we play with Grandpa?! No! You already dug him up three times!

Yo Momma so dumb... She listens to non-instrumental music.

Your momma is so fat.. I thought of her the other day and damn near broke my neck.

Source: Some guy on TikTok

You momma is so fat that once she rolled out of the bed and fell off of both sides.

Alexa, tell me a " yo momma" joke. Me: Alexa, tell me a " yo momma" joke.

Alexa: Unfortanately I do not have enough space to store a "yo momma" joke

Me:awww



Alexa:Because your momma takes up all of it...

Your Momma is so fat... ...that she and the 2 guys DPing her are obeying social distancing guidelines.

What did the momma cow say to her baby? It's pasture bedtime!

Today is also Son Day if you want to make your momma laugh Hope this brings some Smiles

Yo momma is so lazy She took 9 months to deliver the joke

When I was a boy, my Momma would send me down to the store with $1 and I'd come home with 2 loaves of bread, 3 bottles of milk, 1/2 a pound of cheese, pack of tea and 6 eggs. You can't do that now.

​

Too many security cameras

Your momma is soooo fat..... she violates the social distance recommendations all by herself!

Yo momma is so ugly.... The CDC suggested she wear a mask whenever out in public!

Yo momma so fat... ... that when she died, her ghost made a cold spot so big that it saved the polar bears.

Yo momma joke Yo momma so fat, she got covid 38

Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates It doesn't last long for fat people

Yo Momma joke in 2020.. Yo momma’s a Whoarder

Your momma soo ugly... I'd unplug her life support to charge my phone.

Yo momma is so ugly That your father no longer finds her attractive and I am seriously concerned about the health of their marriage.

Yo momma is so fat That we are all extremely concerned for her health.

Yo Momma so ugly... Yo Daddy takes her everywhere he goes, so he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye

Yo momma so fat... She needs cheat codes for Wii Fitness

What did Momma Tomato say to Baby Tomato? Why won't you ketchup?

I think I thought of this joke when my mom was walking too fast for me.

Three tomatoes are walking down the street. Momma tomato, papa tomato, and baby tomato are walking down the street.

Baby tomato starts lagging behind so papa tomato goes back, squishes baby tomato, and says..

..ketchup.

Yo momma so fat You took a picture of her on an empty sd card and it said memory full

Yo momma so fat... She can't even fit into her Birthday Suit.

A good "yo momma" joke works on multiple levels. Just like yo momma does in bed.

Yo momma defies the laws of economics She's got plenty of supply, but there's absolutely no demand

Yo momma so crazy She got more issues than national geographic

Yo momma so dumb.... Someone said it was chilly outside and she went to go grab a bowl.

Yo momma so dumb she tried to surf the microwave

You momma so fat, Thanos has to snap twice

Yo momma so fat.. She broke the branch in her family tree!

Your momma so fat she is almost as fat as my mom

Yo Momma is so old Yo Momma is so old, that instead of using online dating, yo dad used carbon dating in order to need her.

People are strongly attracted to yo momma because of her gravitational force.

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Long Momma Jokes

Tony and Maria get married...

..and they're spending their honeymoon night at her mother's house. Maria, being a good Italian girl, is a virgin, and has never seen a naked man. The newlyweds go upstairs and start getting undressed.

Tony takes his shirt off, and Maria shrieks and runs downstairs where her mother is making some tomato sauce.

"Momma, momma! Tony has a hairy chest!" cries Maria.

"Men are supposed to have hairy chests, go back upstairs."

So Maria sheepishly goes back upstairs.

When she gets back, Tony starts pulling off his pants, and again, Maria shrieks and runs downstairs.

"Momma, momma! Tony has hairy legs!"

"Men are supposed have hair legs, go back upstairs."

And back upstairs she goes. When she gets back, she watches Tony pull off his socks and notices he's missing three toes on his left foot. He explains he got his foot stepped on by a horse and lost those toes. Once more, Maria runs downstairs.

"Momma, momma! Tony has a foot and a half!"

"Stir the sauce, honey, momma will handle this."

Edit: obviously my self post would make front page XD

There was a papa mole, a momma mole, and a baby mole.

There was a papa mole, a momma mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole out in the country near a farmhouse. Papa mole poked his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell sausage!" Momma mole poked her head outside the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell pancakes!" Baby mole tried to stick his head outside but couldn't because of the two bigger moles. Baby mole said, "The only thing I smell is molasses." -

My grandpa would always tell me...

that when he was growing up, in rural Texas, his momma would give him $1 and send him down to the store. He'd come back with 2 loaves of bread, half a gallon of milk, a carton of eggs, and a pound of pork. He says you can't do that now-a-days, way too many security cameras.

A family of Tortoise go on a picnic

A family of tortoise (Momma Tortoise, Daddy Tortoise, Uncle Tortoise, and Baby Tortoise) decide to go on a picnic. They pack up their hamper and begin their journey to the park.

A week later, they get to the park and unwrap their hamper and realize they've forgotten the salad dressing. They plead with Uncle tortoise to go back for it.

"No way, it'll take me two weeks to get there and back! You'll start the food without me and it'll be gone when I'm back!" he says.

After assuring him they won't touch the food until he returns, he goes off on his way. 2 weeks later and the Tortoise family are getting hungry but there's no sign of Uncle Tortoise.

"I'm sure he'll be here soon, we promised we wouldn't start without him" says Momma Tortoise

Another week goes by and he's still not come back. By now the Tortoise family is starving.

"We're all hungry but we promised so we'll have to wait I'm afraid" says Momma Tortoise.

Another week goes by and still no sign of Uncle Tortoise.

"I can't take this anymore, we can't starve ourselves" says Daddy Tortoise grabbing the sandwiches and passing them around.

As he takes his first bite, Uncle Tortoise pops up from behind a bush and says "I knew you were going to start without me, I'm not going!"


I wish I knew where to give credit for this joke, I know that I read it in the comments of AskReddit long, long ago. I was just cleaning up my notes in my iPhone and found it copy and pasted there. I hope it made someone laugh!

Forest goes to Heaven

When Forrest Gump died, he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "Welcome, Forrest. We've heard a lot about you." He continued, "Unfortunately, it's getting pretty crowded up here and we find that we now have to give people an entrance examination before we let them in."

"Okay," said Forrest. "I hope it's not too hard. I've already been through a test. My momma used to say, 'Life is like a final exam. It's hard.' "

"Yes, Forrest, I know. But this test is only three questions. Here they are."

1) Which two days of the week begin with the letter 'T'?"

2) How many seconds are in a year?

3) What is God's first name?

"Well, sir," said Forrest, "The first one is easy. Which two days of the week begin with the letter 'T'? Today and Tomorrow."

St. Peter looked surprised and said, "Well, that wasn't the answer I was looking for, but you have a point. I give you credit for that answer."

"The next question," said Forrest, "How many seconds are in a year? Twelve."

"Twelve?" said St. Peter, surprised and confused.

"Yes, sir. January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd …"

St. Peter interrupted him. "I see what you mean. I'll have to give you credit for that one, too."

"And the last question," said Forrest, "What is God's first name? It's Andy."

"Andy?" said St. Peter, in shock. "How did you come up with 'Andy'?"

"I learned it in church. We used to sing about it." Forrest broke into song, "Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me, Andy tells me I am His own."

St. Peter opened the gate to heaven and said, "Run, Forrest, Run!"

A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15 kids...

"WOW," the social worker exclaims, "Are they ALL YOURS???" "Yep they are all mine," the flustered mumma sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before. She says, "Sit down Leroy. All the children rush to find seats.

"Well," says the social worker, then you must be here to sign up. I'll need all your children's names."

"This one's my oldest - he is Leroy." "OK, and who's this one?" Well, this one he is Leroy, also." The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues. One by one, through the oldest four, all boys, all named Leroy. Then she is introduced to the eldest girl, named Leighroy!

"All right..." says the caseworker, "I'm seeing a pattern here. Are they ALL named Leroy?" Their Momma replied, "Well, yes - it makes it easier. When it is time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I just yell 'Leroy!' An' when it's time for dinner, I just yell 'Leroy!' an' they all come a runnin.' An 'if I need to stop the kid who's running into the street, I just yell 'Leroy' and all of them stop. It's the smartest idea I ever had, namin' them all Leroy."

The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, "But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?" "Ah, that's so easy," said the momma. "Then I calls them by their last names."

The farmer's lonely son.

A rural married couple had only one child - a son. And when he got to be about 22 years old, his father realized that he had never seen him with a girl. He told him one morning, "Son, you need to go out and find yourself a girl and get married." The son went and found a girl and came back. His father was down in the kitchen. The girl was sitting on the couch.


"Momma, where's daddy?"


"He's down in the kitchen."


He went down to where his father was. "Daddy, I found me a girl."


"Where she at, son?"


"She down there on the couch."


He went down to check her out but acted like he wasn't paying her any attention. He came back shaking his head. "Uh uh. No son! You can't marry that girl. That girl is your sister but your momma don't know it."



About two weeks later, one Saturday morning, he came back with another girl. His father was out plowing the garden this morning.


"Momma, where dad at?"


"He out there plowing the garden."


He went outside to see his father. "Daddy, I found me another girl."


"Where she at, son?"


"She in there on the couch."


He went in the house like he was going for a drink of water, came back out shaking his head. "Uh uhh no, son! You can't marry that girl neither. That girl is your sister but your momma don't know it."


About three weeks later, his mother came up and asked him, "Son, you didn't like neither one of them girls well enough to get married?"


"I liked both of them but daddy said I couldn't marry them cause they were my sisters but you didn't know it."


She said, "WHAT!!! Well I tell you what, you can marry either one of them girls you want 'cause he ain't your daddy but he don't know it."

A Family of Moles

There was a papa mole, a momma mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole out in the country near a farmhouse. Papa mole poked his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell sausage!" Momma mole poked her head outside the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell pancakes!" Baby mole tried to stick his head outside but couldn't because of the two bigger moles. Baby mole said, "The only thing I smell is molasses."

Custody trial

Momma bear and papa bear are in court finalizing their divorce and custody of junior bear. The judge asks junior bear who he wants to live with?

J: "do you want to live with momma bear? "

JB: "no, she beats me."

J: "do you want to stay with papa bear?"

JB: "no, he beats me too."

J: "then who will you live with?"

JB: "I want to live with the Chicago Bears, they never beat anybody!"

A guy goes to the bar on his 21st birthday.

He says to the bartender, "I just turned twenty-one; give me a shot of bourbon!"
The bartender says, "Congratulations!" and pours him the shot. A prostitute approaches the man and says "You've just turned twenty-one huh? Ever been laid, boy?"
The man replies, "No ma'am. My momma always told me those things have teeth." The prostitute laughs and leads him upstairs to her room. She pulls down her skirt and laughs, "You see any teeth down there boy?" He says, "No ma'am; and with gums like those I can see why!"

There's 3 bears..

Mama bear, papa bear and baby bear.
The parents get divorced and have to go to court to decide custody of the baby bear. The judge decides to let the baby decide:
"do you want to go with your momma baby?"
Baby replies : " no because she beats me!"
Judge: " How about with your papa?"
Baby:" No he beats me too!"
Judge :"then what do you want to do baby bear?"
Baby: "I want to go with the Chicago bears"
Judge:" why the Chicago bears?"
Baby "Because they don't beat anyone!"

I'm from Chicago, a homeless guy told me this one on my way home from work because I have a bears patch on my bag. Found it funny but it hurt!

A momma mole, papa mole, and baby mole

A momma mole, papa mole, and baby mole lived in a hole outside of a farmhouse in the country.One day, the papa mole poked his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmmmm, I smell sausage!" The momma mole poked her head outside of the hole and said, "Mmmmm, I smell pancakes!" The baby mole tried to poke his head out of the hole but couldn't get passed the two bigger moles.Finally giving up, he said, "The only thing I can smell is molasses."

Don't Lie To Momma

John invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but noticing how beautiful John's room-mate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his room-mate, and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and his room-mate than met the eye. Reading his mum's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you Julie and I are just room-mates."

About a week later, Julie came to John saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."

So he sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying that you 'did' take the gravy ladle from my house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the gravy ladle but the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."

Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read:

"Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Julie, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Julie. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mum."

The 3 Bears

It's a sunny morning in the Big Forest, and the Bear family is just waking up.

Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table, he looks into his small bowl. It is empty. "Who's been eating my porridge?!!" he squeaks.

Papa Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl, and it is also empty. "Who's been eating my Porridge?" he roars.

Momma Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, "For God's sake, how many times do we have to go through this?

"It was Momma Bear who got up first",

"It was Momma Bear who woke up everyone in the house",

"It was Momma Bear who made the Coffee",

"It was Momma Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away,

"It was Momma Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper,

"It was Momma Bear who set the table,

"It was Momma Bear who put the cat out, cleaned the litter box, and filled the cat's water and food dish, and, now that you've decided to drag your sorry asses downstairs and grace Momma Bear's kitchen with your grumpy presence, listen good, cause I'm only going to say this one more time...

I HAVEN'T MADE THE DAMN PORRIDGE YET!!"

Notes from the Chicago welfare office....

A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15 kids.

'WOW." the social worker exclaims, "Are they all yours?"

"Yep, they is all mine," the flustered momma sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before.

She says, "Sit down Leroy." All the children rush to find seats.

"Well."' says the social worker, "Then you must be here to sign up. I'll need all your children's names."

"Well, to keep it simple, the boys is all named Leroy and the girls is all named Leighroy."

In disbelief, the case worker says, "Are you serious? They're ALL named Leroy?"

Their momma replies, "Well yes, it makes it easier. When it's time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yells, 'Leroy!' An' when it's time for dinner, I jist yells 'Leroy!' An they all comes a runnin'. An' if I needs to stop the kid who's playin' in the street, I just yells Leroy' and all of dem stops. It's the smartest idea I ever had, namin' dem all Leroy."

The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, "But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?"

"Then I calls them by they last names."

a little offensive..but still the funniest non-jewish joke i've ever heard.

A black boy and his grandma get on a plane. While they are mid-flight the captain comes on the intercom and announces

"We are having a crisis and unfortunately the plane is too heavy to continue. If we don't get rid of some weight the whole plane will crash. The crew has already dumped all the luggage so now the only option is to start throwing off people. But we are going to do this in a very fair manner, and go alphabetically. First we will start with the A's..so all African Americans will be thrown off, then the B's...all the Blacks, then we get to the C's....all the colored people.."

The black boy looks up at his momma and says

"Mama..is we any of those??"

And the mom says

"Nah honey...today...weez niggas"

Yo Mamma so ugly...

Yo momma so ugly that we created a global conspiracy "plandemic" and ruined the world economy and expedited the new world order and ruined Trump's rally and banned the Confederate flag from nascar and cancelled major league baseball just so she'd wear a mask.

Crossing the street

A momma duck and her baby are waiting to cross a street with a momma skunk and her baby.

The mother duck offers to walk out first, to make sure the street is safe to cross. Not half-way across, she is hit by a car,and dies.

"Oh no!" says the baby duck, "My mommy died! I don't know who I am anymore..."
The mother skunk looks at him and says "Well, you look like a duck, sound like a duck, and smell like a duck. So, you must be a duck!"

Then the mother skunk offers to walk out into the street to make sure it's safe. Just like the duck, she is killed about half-way across.

The baby skunk says "Oh no! My mommy died! I don't know who I am anymore..."

The baby duck looks at him and says "Well, you're not white, you're not black, and you smell kind of funny. So, you must be a Mexican."

Top 10 Funniest Animal Jokes

Q. What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down?
A. It gets toad away.

A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog. He asks the shopkeeper, “Does your dog bite?”
The shopkeeper says, “No, my dog does not bite.”
The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him. “Ouch!” He says, “I thought you said your dog does not bite!”
The shopkeeper replies, “That is not my dog!”

Q. Why did the lion brake up with his girlfriend?
A. Cuz she was a CHEETAH!

Snake 1: ‘Are we poisonous?’
Snake 2: ‘I don’t know, why?’
Snake 1: ‘I just bit my lip.’

Q. What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A. “How do you breathe through something so small?”

A man went to sell his dog. A buyer asked him, “Is this dog faithful?”
The man replied, “Yes,I have sold him 3 times but he returns to me.”

Q. Why did the duck get arrested?
A. because he was selling quack

Q: What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?
A: “Put it on my bill.”

There was a papa mole, a momma mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole out in the country near a farmhouse. Papa mole poked his head out of the hole and said, “Mmmm, I smell sausage!” Momma mole poked her head outside the hole and said, “Mmmm, I smell pancakes!” Baby mole tried to stick his head outside but couldn’t because of the two bigger moles. Baby mole said, “The only thing I smell is molasses.”

A snake slithers into a bar and the bartender says, ‘Sorry, buddy. I can’t serve you.’
‘Why not?’ the snake asks.
‘Because you can’t hold your liquor.

“Leroy, sit down!”

A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15 kids... "WOW," the social worker exclaims, "Are they ALL YOURS???" "Yep they are all mine," the flustered mumma sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before. She says, "Sit down Leroy. All the children rush to find seats.

"Well," says the social worker, then you must be here to sign up. I'll need all your children's names."

"This one's my oldest - he is Leroy." "OK, and who's this one?" Well, this one he is Leroy, also." The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues. One by one, through the oldest four, all boys, all named Leroy. Then she is introduced to the eldest girl, named Leighroy!

"All right..." says the caseworker, "I'm seeing a pattern here. Are they ALL named Leroy?" Their Momma replied, "Well, yes - it makes it easier. When it is time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I just yell 'Leroy!' An' when it's time for dinner, I just yell 'Leroy!' an' they all come a runnin.' An 'if I need to stop the kid who's running into the street, I just yell 'Leroy' and all of them stop. It's the smartest idea I ever had, namin' them all Leroy."

The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, "But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?" "Ah, that's so easy," said the momma. "Then I calls them by their last names."

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