The best years of my life were spent in the arms of another man's wife... Happy Mother's Day!
For Mother's Day, I bought my mom new beads for her abacus... It’s the little things that count...
My Dad got a Mercedes for my Mom this Mother's Day. He says it's the best trade he ever made.
Mom asked me where I'm taking her to go out to eat for mother's day. I told her, "We already have food in the house".
What did 50 cent's grandma say to him when he gave her a hand woven scarf for mother's day? G u knit?
Mother's have mother's day and father's have father's day. What do male redditors have? -Palm sunday
My Dad got a new Lexus for my Mom this Mother's Day. He says it's the best trade he's ever made.
A Mother's Day joke.
A recruit at a police academy is asked some difficult questions when it comes to the job. He is asked,
"If you pulled over your mother, and had to arrest her, what would you do?"
The recruit replies, "I'd call for backup"
My kid asked me what he should get his Mom (my ex) for Mother's Day. I said how about something she can use in the bath? ....like a toaster!
My Mum said to me last week that she had been looking forward to Mother's Day for ages. I said "Why? Your Mum's dead".
I bought my wife a kitchen mixer for Christmas and she hasn't opened it yet which is great because I am going to give it to her for Mother's Day.
Shout out to the Kardashians, Who are undoubtedly having a tough time deciding what to get their father for Mother's Day.
Happy Mother's Day to all the great moms out there. And Shaft. Although I hear he is a bad mother...
Mothers are Selfish I told my mom Happy Mother's Day, but she never responded with Happy Sunday.
For Mother's Day
I'd like to share a joke from one of my favorite customers (RIP Bernie)
Bernie: So, what did you get for mother's day?
Bernie: Why not?
Me: Because I'm not a mom
Bernie: Well, want to try for next year?
I called the cops and asked them why there were so many police cars in front of the brothel next door.
"Sir, we can't tell you about our police operations. Those are confidential."
"Oh my bad, I just wondered whether it was mother's day..."
Last Sunday, on Mother's Day, I realised that it ...wasn't Mother's Day after all, so there's no need to panic.
Greatest Mother's Day advice ever, from my grandmother... You should beat your children everyday. Because if you don't know what they did, they do!
[OC] What do you call the mum with the most kids in the world? Maximum. What do you call a mum with just 1 child? Minimum. What do you call a woman with no kids?
Happy mother's day!
I asked my Mom what she wanted for Mother's Day. She said, "Thanks son, but all I want is a bit of caring and looking after." So I put her in a nursing home.
Imagine going from the high life. Blowjobs on demand, people at your beck and call. Suddenly, your paycheck disappears, no one wants to come near. You can't even see your own mother. On mother's Day!. Enough about Prince Andrew. How are you keeping?.
My mom told me I wasn't a failure
I appreciated the compliment so much I quit my job and moved in with her... a mother's day gift!
Her opinion changed greatly.
If Mother's Day is for mothers, Father's Day is for fathers, and Valentine's Day is for lovers, what holiday is for single men? Palm Sunday
I hope you were all kind to your mother's on Mother's day. Imagine the patience and travail of 9 month's pregnancy then painful labor... And then it's you.
The best years of my life were spent in the arms of another man's wife... Thank you, Mom. Happy Mother's Day!
Getting to the front page is like getting my dad's love
I may never get it, but still I keep trying.
Happy mother's day to all the wonderful mom's who picked both roles in their kids lives :)
For Mother's Day, all my mom wanted was 2 things: a clean house and exotic food. So, we cooked and ate the dog.
What do you do when your mother-in-law comes crawling to your front door?
Reload and shoot again.
Happy Mother's day!
In honor of Mother's Day, why do doctors whack newborn babies on the butt?
To knock the weenies off the smart ones!
Here's looking at you Mom, from the only gurl of four.
*Mother's day almost here* Mom: So are you taking me out to eat? Me: There's food in the house.
Looking at the Father's day deals, my gf asked why there was never much buzz about Mother's day in the US. Maybe the most hyped days exist to remember the ones who left.
What's the most confusing holiday? Well for Caitlyn Jenner it's Father's Day and Mother's Day
Visited my grandma for mother's day... My uncle Jack walked in while I was there and I greeted him "Hi Jack!" after which grandma said "Whatever you do, don't say that on a plane!"
[Joke Request] A great mother's day joke I can write on a card, give to my mom, and take credit for
Example: What did the mama buffalo say to her son when he left for college?
I hope you all had a wonderful Mother's Day today. Just kidding, here's a reminder it's on May 10th.