I am faced with a Christmas dilemma If I tell Santa what I want for Christmas, then I’ll definitely be on the naughty list.
"What's your favourite position?" asked my date.
I said, "It's the spider."
She said, "I don't know it."
"Well," I said, "it's when I stand in a corner of the room and you scream naughty things at me."
Why is Santa so jolly?
He knows where all the naughty girls live.
Told to me by an old man while buying a box.
What did JFK say before going to visit Marilyn Monroe? I choose to go to Marilyn's hotel room this night and do the naughty things, not because she is easy, but because I am hard.
As an artist, it doesn't matter if Im naughty or nice for Christmas. Either way, Im getting charcoal.
A boy told his teacher he wanted to be Santa.
"Why so? It seems like a lot of work." said the teacher.
"Because Santa knows where all the naughty girls live."
When I was a kid my parents would warn me if I was naughty the boogie man would get me I was never scared though, I loved disco music
Osama, Ghaddafi, and Kim Jong Il? Santa must be taking his naughty list a tad seriously this year.
Why is Santa Claus so jolly?
He knows where all the naughty girls live.
I actually heard this in the video game LA Noire. Thought it was pretty funny so I bust it out every Christmas.
I like to abuse drugs. Nothing more satisfying than tying up the bottle, smacking it around a bit, and calling it a very naughty pill.
Why does Santa always have a smile on his face? 'Cause He knows where all the naughty girls live
i asked my wife to send me a naughty picture on snapchat... so she sent one of our kids playing in my electronics drawer
Why did the naughty child not get electrocuted when he stuck a fork in the socket?
Because he was grounded!
(I'll see myself out)
A naughty child
A naughty child was irritating all the passengers on the flight from London to New York.
At last one man could stand it no longer.
"Hey kid," he shouted.
"Why don't you go outside and play?"
Kevin spacey got turn down to play Santa. Apparently they didn’t trust him with the naughty list.
Why is Santa always happy?
Because he knows where the naughty girls live.
(a kid told me this one)
Hot Lady walks into confession: I’m sorry daddy, I’ve been a very naughty girl.. Father: for the last time, it’s “Forgive me Father for I have sinned!”
Why is Santa always so jolly
Because he knows were al the naughty girls live
Also the reason he says how how how
My wife was naughty all year and Santa didnt bring her coal. He brought a ball gag, I guess he was listening.
What do Santa Claus and pop-up ads have in common? They both know there are naughty girls in my area!
What did the naughty rabbit leave for Easter?
Q: What did the naughty rabbit leave for Easter?
A: Deviled eggs!
There was once a man of great fame,
Who thought every beast he could tame.
But deep in his soul,
The man was a troll,
And that's how you just lost the game.
Do you know why is Santa Clause is jolly all the time?
Because he knows where all the naughty girls are.
Which is a good thing because he only comes once a year.
*Heard this from an old white guy in the sauna today lol.*
Why did Santa go to jail? Several young women came out saying that santa asked them if they were naughty or nice when they were on his lap
Why’s is Santa always so jolly?
Because he knows where all the naughty girls live!
Credit to my FedEx delivery guy for this one.
Not sure if someone has said this one but I thought it was funny and maybe worth rehashing.
What did the mother turkey say to her naughty son Tom? If your dad knew how you were acting he'd roll over in his gravy?
My girlfriend said she wanted me to be more naughty in bed But now she wants me to give her toys back.
Why did Horse Santa put his dentist on the naughty list? You don't look a gift horse in the mouth.
I don't know why everyone is complaining about gender inequality in the film industry . . . Just the other day I saw *several* movies starring women in a variety of roles, such as a teacher, a pizza delivery girl, and a naughty horse trainer.
Why are steam trains naughty around Christmas? They're hoping Santa will give them a lump of coal.
Santa probably regrets giving coal Santa Claus probably regrets giving coal to naughty children now that global warming is threatening his habitat.