Nerdy Jokes

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Funniest Nerdy Jokes

My nerdy friend just got a PhD on the history of palindromes. We now call him Dr. Awkward.

My nerdy friend got a Ph.D on the History of Palindromes. He’s now Dr.Awkward.

I’ve been killing rich parents, throwing spiders at nerdy teens, dumping acid on kids, and calling disabled people mutants. I haven’t created a superhero yet, but it better happen soon because I need to be stopped.

Funny Nerdy Jokes

Nerdy Yo Momma Jokes Post your best nerdy yo momma joke.

I'll start: Yo momma is so dumb, she thought a kernel panic was a KFC that was out of chicken.

What's the difference between an archeologists convention and a basketball team? The archeologists convention is a nerdy bunch of diggers.

Nerdy financial humor. You have been warned. I started showing more interest in one of my investments.

It appreciated it.

What's the difference between Stanley Yelnats and the rest of the kids in Holes? He was just a nerdy digger.

Two school girls are arguing, one preppy the other nerdy The preppy girl says, “you’re just jealous because I’m a 10 and you’re not!”
The nerdy girl responds, “Yeah you’re a 10! On the pH scale, because you’re so BASIC!”

nerdy joke Why was Pavlov's hair so soft? He conditioned it.

Nerdy pickup line Hey baby, are you a compressed file format, because rar.

^^^^^now ^^^^^where ^^^^^did ^^^^^I ^^^^^put ^^^^^the ^^^^^bleach...

A nerdy sysadmin joke for today Why do programmers think Halloween's the same as Christmas?










Because 31OCT == 25DEC





(thank you very much)

What's the difference between a Star Wars fan on a hunt for buried treasure and a black man? One is a nerdy digger..

My nerdy friend just got a PhD on the history of palindromes. He's really good, knows his stuff forwards and backwards.

The weirdest thing I saw yesterday was my nerdy Redditor friend getting in a bar fight with a clown. It was virgin on the ridiculous.

Why didn’t the dyslexic racist want his child to be an anthropologist? He heard they were a bunch of nerdy diggers.

MY nerdy friend just received a PHD on the History of Palindromes. Now we just call him Dr Awkward

Aye girl, are you binary? Because i'd like to put my 1 next to your 0.

I know, I know... Too nerdy and not a great joke, I came up with it last night. 0 laughed at it but I was hoping at least 1 would.

What did the parrot say when he didn't have his lunch? Poly-no-meal

Sorry for the nerdy math joke.

What do nerdy mermaids wear? Algae-bras

Nerdy pickup line. Hey baby, Are you uranium because I'm Iodine and if it was up to me I would rearrange the periodic table around and put U and I together. ;)

What's the difference between a black man and an archealogist? One is a nerdy digger.

I went to see a guy from Geek Squad to look at my computer While he was working on it, he mentioned how hard the dating scene was for nerdy guys like him.

"Go to the grocery store across the street," I suggested.

"Why?"

"There are 'Best Buy' dates everywhere!"

What's a nerdy witch's favorite kind of spell? a hexadecimal

Me and my friend were having a nerdy debate over our preferred methods of backing up computer data... I told him cloud storage was overRAIDed.

TIL the Airbus A380, the world's largest passenger airliner, shares a type rating with yo momma! Clearly we need more nerdy yo momma jokes.

I used to always think the nerdy kids in elementary school were omnipotent... Those darn know-it-alls.

What do you call a nerdy killer whale? A Dorca

What did the little nerdy kid get for his birthday? Bullied

A nerdy science joke I was gonna make a joke about sodium, but NA, seeing most of the science jokes Argon, but my friend wanted me to say a joke about sodium, bromine and oxygen but I was like NaBrO

Here's a nerdy joke: If you use 8 bits from a Macbook, are you taking a bite from an Apple?

Crunch.

My wife made a super nerdy joke She said, "if we were binary code, youd be 1 and I'd be 0."

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Long Nerdy Jokes

A police man stops a car and sees a nerdy little man sitting at the wheel...

A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says







"Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube."







The man says, "Sorry officer I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I'll have a really bad asthma attack."






"Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample."





"I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death."






"Well, then we need a urine sample."






"I'm sorry officer I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I'll get really low blood sugar."







"Alright then I need you to come out here and walk this white line."





"I can't do that, officer."



"Why not?"





"Because I'm too drunk to do that."

Totally Nerdy Joke: Einstein, Newton, and Pascal playing hide and seek

Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are playing hide and seek. It's einstein's turn to count. Pascal runs away and hides under some bushes. Newton draws a large box in the dirt and stands inside it. Einstein finishes counting, sees Newton and declares "Aha! Newton, I found you!" Newton replies "No, you found one Newton per square meter. You found Pascal."

Kinda nerdy IT thing that escaped my mouth today at work...

I'd set up a server and tested everything internally. I was able to visit pages on the apache server, and make calls to the tomcat rest api servlet just fine.

However, when I tried external tests nothing worked. I checked, rechecked and verified the firewall was allowing the correct ports through, the router had the correct port forwarding settings, and that apache and tomcat servers were set to those ports.

After a couple hours of pulling my hair out, on a whim I decided to check our internet providers, Cox, policies on incoming traffic. It turns out they don't allow certain ports access, for security reasons.

Finally having found the answer, in a room full of people, in astonishment I exclaimed, "I've been Cox blocked!"

(sorry all, I know it's really punny, but true stories occasionally are)

So there are a group of engineers and a group of mathematicians heading to a conference

They are sitting on a train together when both groups spot the train's ticket collector coming down the aisle. Quickly two of the engineers scuttle into the washroom, leaving the mathematicians confused. After the collector stamps all the mathematicians tickets he approaches the washroom and knocks.

"Ticket please"

A ticket slides under the door, and is stamped by the collector and returned.

"Thank you!" replies the collector.

Both groups then enjoy lots of nerdy things at the conference.

On the way home the mathematicians had learned the engineers trick. As the train pulls away the mathematicians all hide in the washroom, using the scam they had seen the engineers pull on the way there.

One engineer stands up and then knocks on the washroom declaring "Ticket please!" After which the mathematicians slides his ticket under the door.

The mathematicians pile out of the washroom and return to their seats with a grin on their faces.

Soon after the ticket collector enters the car, at which time all the engineers cram themselves into the washroom.

Euclid as a teenager

Back in his youthful days, Euclid was sitting around drawing circles with other nerdy Greek kids like he always would. One day, one of the edgier kiddos brought along some weed.

"I conjecture that if we light it up, we will be as high as Mount Olympus!"

"We must make sure to distribute it evenly based on each of our relative body mass and desire for doobies."

They start calculating the mass of weed and how to distribute it, when Euclid's mom comes to check on them.

"Is that the dank smell of weed?"

"It's not weed! It's just a cig-ma!"

(I'm so sorry)

A Compilation of Awful, Somewhat Nerdy Jokes

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"To."

"To who?"

"To whom*."
___________________________________________________________
What do they do to tickle me elmo before he leaves the factory?

Give him two test tickles!
___________________________________________________________
What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
___________________________________________________________
Two atoms duck into the trenches after an intense firefight.

One atom exclaims, "I think I lost an electron!"

The other asks if he's sure, and the atom replies, "Yes! I'm positive!"

A nerdy high school kid walks into a pub.

A nerdy high school kid walks into a pub. He asks the bartender, who happens to be his uncle, can I get something to eat? “Sure, we’ve a terrific red grape clam chowder.” He says handing a bowl to the kid.

“This is amazing!” The kid beams as he eats.

The door suddenly opens and a man in an ugly green mask sits down at the bar. The masked man scoffs, then says loudly “I didn’t know you let wimps like this kid eat here. Must be Wimp Charity Day”

Calmly the nerdy kid finishes his chowder and walks over to the man in the mask. Leaning in close, he whispers a retort in his ear so vulgar and intimidating the man in the mask falls to the floor and scrambles out of the pub as fast as he can.

The nerdy kid looks over at his uncle in absolute amazement, “I don’t know what that came over me!”

The uncle replies “Well it’s true what they say. With Grape Chowder comes great response ability”

A nerd goes to the beach

And none of the women pay him any attention. Embarrassed, he finds a popular guy and asks him for tips.

"Try getting a better haircut."

The nerdy guy tries it, but the women still don't notice him. He asks for more tips.

"Try getting contacts and more stylish swim trunks."

The nerd follows the advice again. He can talk to the girls now, but they still aren't interested. The popular guy says:

"Ok. As a last resort, try putting a potato in your trunks. Not all girls will like it, but it'll get some attention."

The nerd tries it - but it's worse than ever before. All the girls avoid him, even wading out into the water to avoid him. So he goes back to the popular guy, and the popular guy says:

"You're supposed to put the potato in the front, stupid!!"

Prom Date

A nerdy high school guy has liked a popular, beautiful girl at his school for years. Senior year he's had enough of being a loser, so he asks this girl to their prom. To his immense surprise she says yes!

The next day the nerdy guys date tells him she needs a new dress for the date, so they make plans. In their small town, they go to their one dress store, which is packed. Everyone needs a dress so the line is very long and takes hours to get passed. Eventually, they get the perfect dress and are super excited for prom.

Days pass and the nerdy guy realizes he needs a suit to go to prom, so his date and him go to the town's suit store, and the line is at least twice as long. They wait until the store is just about closed and get the last suit, which luckily fits perfectly.

The only thing they still needed was a limo, as every prom couple gets a limo. As they arrive at the store, the line's around the block. The couple waits all day until it's finally their turn to get the limo. The line had taken almost a full day, and they dont think there will be another limo. Fortunately they get the last limo and are all ready for the perfect prom.

As prom comes around the nerdy guy and popular girl arrive in a perfect suit and dress, and a beautiful limo. They go into the dance and are having a great time. They spend hours dancing and start to get tired. The guys date asks him if he could go get her some punch. The guy looks over and to his utter dismay, their's no punch line!

A couple walk into a nerdy restaurant

A waiter sits them down and asks what drinks they would like.

The man says “I’ll have a H2O”, which the waiter writes down.
The woman says “I’ll have a H2O, too”, which the waiter writes down.

The waiter brings the drinks in and one of them had an amazing night the other didn’t.

Moral; be careful what you wish for

Nerdy jokes.

I hate calculus, why did i sine up for this?

There are 2 types of people, those who understand ternary, those who don't, and those who don't understand this.

What type of fish is made up of only two atoms? 2Na

Hydrogen walks into a bar and the bartender says "I would offer you a drink but all the good ones argon." Hydrogen doesn't react.

Stuck in a time loop

a man jumps in to a pool, and enters a time vortex that is in the water, and it brings him back 5 seconds to where he is just launching in to the pool again. He keeps getting soaked over and over again until it starts to hurt. This continues to happen to the point where the water he carries through the vortex (as he keeps teleporting back to the updated timeline) with him is actually building up and flooding the pool. This goes on for a long time. To the other people at the pool it's just him jumping, but they keep getting shocked by how much water is coming through. It gets to the point where a tidal wave of water is collected, and he watches his friends die in the tidal blast every time loop.

He is battered and red all over. Finally he dies from the repeated impact to the surface of water. Eons later it's just a corpse flinging in and out of the time vortex. Tidal impacts destroy the world every 5 seconds. The whole universe is flooded because one man jumped in to a pool.

And this is what I tell my nerdy science fiction fan children every summer when I open the pool. They never jump in, and my water bill is that much lower.

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