New Year Jokes

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Funniest New Year Jokes

Did you hear that NYC paid Hillary Clinton $2,000,000 as a consultant for New Years Eve? They wanted an expert on dropping the ball at the last second.

Funny New Year Jokes

My new year's resolution is to stay out of shape Maybe I won't stick with this one either.

I'm going to buy a 6k monitor for 2018 It's my new year's resolution.

Hoping to get a 4k tv after Christmas. Making my new years resolution 3840 x 2160.

I found someone else's ID on the floor last week. Oh well, new year, new me!

I need to buy a 4k TV, no matter what. It's my new year resolution.

My New Year's Resolution is to lose 10 pounds Only 13 more to go

If you start watching *When Harry Met Sally* at 11:15 pm, when the clock strikes midnight and brings in the new year... You will still be just as single as when you started the movie.

I achieved my New Year's revolution from last year. I made it all the way around the sun.

Im so poor... That my new years resolution is 144p

What's a priests least favorite thing about New Years? The balls drop.

I'm doing well on my New Years resolution to lose 10 pounds I only have 15 more to go.

I finally managed to achieve my new years resolution My 4K monitor turned up this morning, I'm so happy!!

Are you a new years resolution? Cuz I could see myself doing you for a month or two

What was the console gamer's New Years Resolution? 1280x720

Just got out of prison after attacking a man on New Year's. Excuse me for getting nervous while an Arab was counting down from 10.

My new year's resolution is to be more assertive... ...if that's OK with you guys?

I know the secret to leaving a casino with a small fortune Walk in with a big fortune.
Happy new year

I asked a nerd what his New Year's resolution was. He said, "1920x1080".

New Years resolution Programmers are always grumpy on January 1st - they turn on their monitor and the screen has the same number of pixels even though they keep hearing about the New Year’s Resolution

My new year resolution is 1024x768.

I've thought long and hard, and have decided on my New Year's resolution. 3840x2160

Every year since 2017, my New Year’s resolution is to not give up and continue to work on my novel. Three years later and I’ve almost finished reading it!

Seeing as it's almost time for New Years Celebrations for myself Tonight I am an exorcist, as I shall be ridding the house of all Spirits.

What day of the year are there no hackers on PUBG? Chinese New Year.

At the beginning of this year I made a New Year's resolution to lose 10 pounds.... ...Only 15 pounds to go.

Enough with the “I’ll see you next year” jokes on New Years! Those jokes are a decade old now!

My New Years Resolution was to lose 20 lbs. by the end of summer I’ve only got 30 lbs to go.

I came up with my New Year’s resolution. I will be more of an optimist But I know that won’t happen. Something will go wrong, and I’ll fail.

For this New Years resolution I'm not going to smoke any more weed. But I'm not gonna smoke any less either.

Happy New Years 2013! Hey guys I'm sending this through Internet Explorer, hope you guys had a great 2012!

My new years resolution for 2017 1920x1080

Why did China cancel Chinese New Years? Everybody was kung-flu fighting.

10 things for my new years resolution: 1. Stop being lazy.

My New Years resolution is to go to the gym more often, get into grad school, pay off my bills, and learn a new language. I don’t have a clue how I’m going to get all that done by tomorrow.

Mariah Carey'a New Year's performance. That's it...

I got arrested... I got arrested for punching a guy at a new years party, when you hear an Arab counting down from ten your instincts kick in.

My New Year's resolution for 2017 was to lose 10 pounds. Only 12 more to go.

It's almost 2018! My New Year's revolution is to proofread more.

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New New Year Jokes

Many veterans experience PTSD from the loud bangs of fireworks around holidays like 4th of July and New Years. My advice to them is to use noise-cancelling headphones, Netflix, and pharmaceutical-grade weed. Just like the children of Kabul.

What if? We make it to New Year’s Eve, but Will Smith said “its rewind time!

chinese new years 2009. Ox
2010. Tiger.
2011. Rabbit.
2012. Dragon.
2013. Snake.
2014. Horse.
2015. Goat.
2016. Monkey.
2017. Rooster.
2018. Dog.
2019. Pig.
2020. Rat.

All served with rice or chips, bat and pangolin scale sauce £1.00 extra.

Happy New Years! Can we just celebrate a new year tomorrow and be done with 2020?

I can’t wait for New Year’s Day So we can read all the “hindsight is 2020” jokes.

Happy new years day 260 days in advance Its a dope joke but still....

Everyone: *suffers three months of misery beginning with New Year’s Day* 2020(after March 31st): APRIL FOOLS!

This quarantine is a lot like the time between Christmas and New Years. I got new underwear, alcohol all over my hands, and my dad still hasn’t come back.

My New Year's Resolution was losing 9kg 15 more to go!

What’s Hilary Clinton’s favorite holiday? New Year’s, because it’s when she has the best Outlook.

Last Christmas, the boss promised everybody a little something crisp and green in our year-end paychecks. After New Years he had to promise that never again would he put freeze dried frogs into our paychecks.

Party joke A group of my friends decided to have a joint party for Chinese New Year and Burns night. They called it Chinese Burns night. I didn’t want to go but they twisted my arm!

A drunk guy was yelling at the bar \- "Happy New Year! Happy New Year!"
The bartender replied:

\- "New Year? We're in March"

\- "March already? Oh my! My wife is going to kill me, I had never arrived this late!"

New year wishes. My wife wished me :"May 2020 brings you lot of happiness". I wonder why she couldn't wish for the entire year!

What happens if you keep your Christmas lights up after New Years in West Virginia? Mothman steals them and takes them to his cave.

We’re only a month into the new year, and the effects of climate change are evident all over the world. Clearly, 2020 has no chill.

It’s nice to see one New Years resolution is being followed. One month in and the EU has already lost a pound.

Some friends of mine held a joint party for Chinese New Year and Burns Night. They called it Chinese Burns Night. I didn't want to go, but they twisted my arm.

This is finally going to be my year. My friends in jail have been telling me for years that I'm a rat.

Happy Chinese new year

Some friends are having a joint Burns Night and Chinese New Year Party this weekend They're calling it Chinese Burns Night.

I wasn't going to go but they twisted my arm.

My new year's resolution was to finally lose 50 pounds. Its going alright! 3 weeks in and I've only got 55 left to lose.

The satellite went into the orbit, right on January 1st, causing a New Year’s revolution. and a blooper for a punch line.

I just recently switched from a 1080p monitor to a 4k monitor I guess you could say that it's my new year's resolution

Happy new year 2019 guys!!! Posted via Internet Explorer

I'm Using Internet Explorer, I Hope This Posts Quickly... Happy New Year 2011!

On Midnight of New Years Eve, I lifted my left leg. Just wanted to start the year on the right foot.

I got kicked in the nuts at Midnight on New Years. I started the year off on the highest note possible.

My New Years Resolution this year was to be more selfless, but I gave up after four days. I realized that it isn’t for me.

My New Year Resolution for 2020 is... 3840 x 2160

My New Year's resolution was to go on a diet But my girlfriend told me it should be to try and be more direct. So I told her to go on a diet instead.

My internet is slow but hopefully this posts quickly...HAPPY NEW YEAR! Have a great 2019!

What is going on here? A new year starts and all the jokes just start over?

Trump made a New Year’s resolution to be more like Gandhi So he’s starting a nuclear war

Do you know what I'm calling my New Year's resolutions? My 2020 visions.

My new year's resolution is to upvote every joke that is OC Right after I repost it

My new year’s resolution is to procrastinate. But I will wait till tomorrow to start.

New Years resolution My new years resolution is to not have intercourse with supermodels.

So ever since new years my son has been making dinosaur noises. Hes really getting into the roaring 20's

My New Year's resolution is something my kids often forget It just goes in one year and out the other.

Man was ‘popping off’ rounds to celebrate New Year’s Day when he fatally shot girlfriend, police say. Another new year nut busted for firing load into girlfriend.

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Long New Year Jokes

A prostitute? Awesome!!!

Irish Prostitute

Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return her Father cursed her heavily.

'Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother through?'

The girl, crying, replied, Dad... I became a prostitute.'

'Ye what!? Get out a here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this Catholic family.'

'OK, Dad... as ye wish. I only came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion, plus a 5 million savings certificate. For me little brother, this gold Rolex. And for ye Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club ... (takes a breath) ... and an invitation for ye all to spend New Year's Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera.'

'What was it ye said ye had become?' says Dad.

Girl, crying again, 'A prostitute, Daddy!.'

'Oh! My Goodness! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a
Protestant! Come here and give yer old Dad a hug !!!

A new Navy recruit has his first day on a submarine...

He speaks with the officer, who assigns him his post.

"Go stand at the periscope entry-way, and make sure no unauthorized personnel touch the periscope."

The recruit follows orders, and stands by the periscope. After 15 minutes, the officer stops by.

"Son I'm changing your post to the mess hall. Go in there and start washing some dishes."

The recruit obeys, and heads to the mess hall. He's cleaned about 3 dishes when the officer walks up again.

"Listen here recruit, your new post is in the supply room. I need you to make sure everything is strapped down tight, in case of rough waters."

The recruit again follows orders, and heads off to the supply room. There, he sees a crewman, moving some boxes.

"Hey there," says the recruit. "is it normal to keep getting reassigned to new posts all day? I haven't kept one position for more than 15 minutes!"

The crewman says "Oh yeah- this sub is full of reposts."

Edit - RIP Inbox. I knew I would make it big someday! Thank you all for the votes and sorry for the repost but I simply couldn't resist. Happy New Year everyone!

The Irish Prostitue

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her Father cursed her heavily.

'Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother through?'

The girl, crying, replied, Dad... I became a prostitute.'

'Ye what!? Get out a here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this Catholic family.'

'OK, Dad... as ye wish. I only came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion, plus a 5 million savings certificate. For me little brother, this gold Rolex. And for ye Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club ... (takes a breath) ... and an invitation for ye all to spend New Year's Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera.'

'What was it ye said ye had become?' says Dad.

Girl, crying again, 'A prostitute, Daddy!.'

'Oh! My Goodness! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant! Come here and give yer old Dad a hug !!!

Probably old, but I got it in email and it made me chuckle.

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her
return, her father cursed her heavily. "Where have ye been all this
time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why
didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother
through?""

The girl, crying, replied, 'Sniff, sniff... Dad...I became...a prostitute."

"Ye what!!? Get outta here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a
disgrace to this Catholic family."

"OK, Dad, as ye wish. I just came back to give Mum this luxurious
fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a $2 million savings certificate.

For me little brother, this gold Rolex, And for ye, Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes Limited Edition convertible that's parked outside, plus a membership to the country club... (takes a breath)... and an
invitation for ye all to spend New Year's Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera."

"Now what was it ye said ye had become?" asks Dad.

The girl, crying again answered, "Sniff, sniff...a prostitute, Daddy!
Sniff, sniff."

"Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant.
Come here and give yer old Dad a hug!!!"

An Irish daughter had not been home for over five years.

Upon her return, her father questioned her mercilessly. “Where have ye been all this time? Why didn’t you write to us, not even a line? Why didn’t ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old ma through?”

The girl, crying, replied, “Daddy … I became a prostitute.”
“Ye what?! Out of here, ye shameless girl! Sinner! You’re a disgrace to this family.”

“OK, Daddy… as ye wish. I just came back to give Ma this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for $5 million. For my little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that’s parked outside, plus a membership to the country club and… an invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht on the Riviera.”

“Now what was it ye said ye had become?” asks Dad.
Girl, crying again, says….”A prostitute, Daddy.”

“Oh! Be the Hokey! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said … a PROTESTANT! Now, come here and give yer old man a hug!”

Haven't done that in a year..

A Dad wakes up and starts making breakfast on New Years Day. The son comes down to the kitchen and as the Dad serves him eggs he goes:

"Morning son, it looks like you haven't eaten all year."

The son scowls at the terrible Dad joke and digs into his eggs. The daughter comes down to the breakfast table and the Dad pours her a glass of orange juice:

"Good morning Daughter, you must be thirsty. It looks like you haven't had anything all year. "

both children scowl and continue their breakfast. The wife finally comes down to the table and as she sits down the father rolls some sausages on to her plate.

"Good morning Wif--"

The son interupts:

"OKAY DAD WE GET IT. TAKE A DAILY ACTIVITY, SAY YOU HAVEN'T DONE IT IN A YEAR- NOT FUNNY"

The Dad calmly keeps serving breakfast and says:

"Son, I was just telling your Mother to enjoy her sausages. The joke wouldn't work since this would be her second serving today."

Edit: He winks

Edit Edit: Wife winks back

Edit Edit Edit: "In a year" to "all year"

A warning to all the drivers now, close to New Year's Eve...

Be careful about drink driving as we are getting close to New Year's Eve and Police are out there checking on people.
Last night I was out for a few drinks. One thing lead to another and I had a few too many cocktails and then went onto the wine. Not a good idea. Knowing I was over the limit, I decided to leave my car at the pub and took a bus home. Sure enough, I passed a police checkpoint, where they were pulling over drivers and performing breathalyser tests. Because I was in a bus they just waved it past.
I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise as I've never driven a bus before and I am not even sure where I got it from.

20 Things to do Before You Die...

1) Look at see through glass and when someone is on the other side shout "OH MY GOD, I'M HIDEOUS!"
2) Bring a big chair into the elevator facing away from the door and when someone walks in, dramatically turn and say 'we've been expecting you.'
3) Walk up to someone, hand them a potato, look them in the eyes and deadpan 'with great power, comes great responsibility.' Walk away.
4) Call someone to tell them you can't talk right now.
5) Point at someone and shout "You're one of them!" Run and pretend to trip. Crawl away slowly.
6) Buy a donut and complain that there's a hole in it.
7) Put Mayonnaise in a bowl, freeze it, and tell your friend it's ice cream.
8) Put up a "Lost Dog" poster with a picture of a cat on it.
9) In a public toilet, pass a note under the door next to you saying, "They're onto us. We need to go."
10) Walk up to a random person and say, "Wow! You've changed, I still have your picture from five years ago." And hold up a picture of potato.
11) Call McDonalds asking for directions to Burger King.
12) Order a pizza 5 minutes before New Years, and when it comes, yell, "I ORDERED THIS THING A YEAR AGO!
13) Bring a desk on an elevator. When people try to get on ask if they have an appointment.
14) Go to an electronic store with a banana and say that you want to upgrade to an apple.
15) Call Pizza Hut and ask for the phone number to Domino's.
16) Hide a walk talkie in a bush and scare people that walk by.
17) Get on a crowded elevator with a bag in your hands, sigh and say "darn my snake got loose again".
18) When someone asks you if you know what time it is, say yes and walk away.
19) Dress up as a duck and throw bread at people and say,"HOW DO YOU LIKE IT?!! HUH?!!!!
20) Go to a pet shop, point at an employee, and shout "I WANT THAT ONE MOMMY!!!"

A Catholic daughter had not been home for over 5 years.

Upon her return her Father cursed her heavily.

'Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother through?'

The girl, crying, replied, Dad... I became a prostitute.'

'Ye what!? Get out a here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this Catholic family.'

'OK, Dad... as ye wish. I only came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion, plus a 5 million savings certificate. For me little brother, this gold Rolex. And for ye Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club ... (takes a breath) ... and an invitation for ye all to spend New Year's Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera.'

'What was it ye said ye had become?' says Dad.

Girl, crying again, 'A prostitute, Daddy!.'

'Oh! My Goodness! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant!"

Trump's statement regarding China

Trump: "In little over a week when I take office, China will fall into a slump. Factories will shut down, shops will close, stock markets will not trade, and government will grind to a halt.The wealthy will flee overseas with their families, citizens desperately trade their currency for food, doors all across the country will be plastered with red notices and the empty streets will reek of lingering gunpowder. The people, with nothing to do will turn to day-long drinking and gambling. Children will roam the streets begging for money. So sad."



China foreign ministry: "That's Chinese New Year, dumbass."

An Irish girl goes back to her father’s farmhouse for New Year’s Eve.

Her father asked: “Where have you been all this time? Why did you not write to us, not even a line? Why didn’t you call?”

Crying, the girl replied: “Dad, I became a prostitute.”

“What!? Out of here you shameless harlot! You’re a disgrace to this family.”

“Okay, Dad. If that’s your wish. I just came back to give Mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten-bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for $4 million. For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for you Dad, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that’s parked outside, plus a membership to the country club and an invitation for you all to spend a fun New Years’ Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera.”

“Now what was it ye said you had become, again?” asked the dad.

The girl, crying again, answered: “A prostitute, Dad!”

“Oh! You scared me half to death, girl! I thought you said a Protestant. Come here and give your old man a hug!”

I was standing in line at the supermarket checkout last week.

I turned around and saw a beautiful young woman who looked a little familiar. I told her that I thought I knew her, to which she replied, "Well you should remember me. You`re the father of one of my kids."

I had to stop and think, and then it hit me. "New Years Eve - 2008. That rooftop party in San Diego! Wow! We got so high together, didn`t we? That was some night, huh? I guess I should have stayed in touch."

She looked at me a little puzzled and said, "What are you talking about? I am your son`s pre-school teacher."

Edit: children → kids

The Irish Prostitute

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her Father cursed her heavily.

'Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother through?'

The girl, crying, replied, Dad... I became a prostitute.'

'Ye what!? Get out a here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this Catholic family.'

'OK, Dad... as ye wish. I only came back to give mammy this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion, plus a 1 million savings certificate. For me little brother, this gold Rolex. And for ye Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club ... (takes a breath) ... and an invitation for ye all to spend New Year's Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera.'

'What was it ye said ye had become?' says Dad.

Girl, crying again, 'A prostitute, Daddy!.'

'Oh! My Goodness! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant! Come here and give yer old Dad a hug !!!

It was Christmas Eve and my wife came home after a busy day of shopping...

As we were getting undressed for bed, I noticed a mark on the inside of her leg.

"What's that?" I asked.

"I went to a tattoo parlor today and on the inside of one leg, I had them tattoo 'Merry Christmas' and on the inside of the other one, they tattooed 'Happy New Year.'"

Perplexed, I asked, "Why did you do that?"

"Well..." she replied. "Now you can't complain that there's never anything to eat between Christmas and New Years."

I got arrested on New Year's Eve.

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New Year’s Eve

On New Year's Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local bar and said that it was time to get ready.

At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living.

Well, it was kind of embarrassing. As the clock struck 12, the bartender was almost crushed to death.

Champ, the much-loved pub mascot.

Ted was the landlord of the Nag's Head pub. Every night, the same guys would turn up, have a few pints of beer, share a conversation and the occasional game of darts or dominoes. At 8pm every night, Ted would receive a visit from one of his other regulars - Champ, a stray dog who always came for a bowl of water and a few bags of pork scratchings. The regulars all loved Champ, and he was treated like the pub's mascot.

One night just before 8pm, there was a screech of brakes outside the pub, shortly followed by a man running into the pub in a state of distress.

"This dog, it just ran out in front of my car...I think I've killed it!"

Ted immediately feared the worst, and sure enough when he went outside, it was the heavily mangled remains of Champ in the middle of the road. Only Champ's tail remained intact.

Ted and the other regulars were in shock, but soon decided that they should have some kind of tribute to such a well-loved regular of the pub.

"Why don't we get his tail stuffed, and hang it above the bar?" suggested one of the regulars. This was thought to be a great idea, and shortly after a taxidermist was called and Champ's tail was stuffed.

On New Year's Eve that year, Ted was having a quiet drink after having closed the bar at the end of a successful evening. All of a sudden, he heard some scratching noises coming from the front door. "That sounds like Champ!" thought Ted, but one glance at the tail above the bar told him it couldn't be. He looked into his drink, shook his head and carried on drinking.

10 minutes later, he heard the same scratching noises. This time, he couldn't shake off his curiosity and made his way to the front door. When he opened the door, he recoiled with a huge fright; there in front of him was the ghost of Champ on the door step, looking up at him.

+I'd like my tail back, please+ came this voice inside his head.

"I...I...I can't d-d-d-do that!" stuttered Ted.

+I'd like my tail back, please+ repeated the ghostly form of Champ.

"I can't do that" replied Ted, having overcome his original shock.

+I have come seeking the return of my tail. I cannot transition through to the afterlife in such an incomplete state. Why can I not have my tail back?+ insisted Champ.

Ted glanced at the clock. It was now 3:30am.

"I'm sorry, but we can't retail spirits at this time of night."

Accordion and Tuba Duo

A party planner has organized a huge new year's eve party. At the last minute, the band he hired has to pull out because of death in the family. The planner is totally stressed out because he has 500 partiers and no band.

On December 30 he contacts the only local band that was avaliable, a duo consisting of an accordionist and a tuba player. He has hesitations, but he hires them so he will have live music.

To his surprise, the duo is a huge hit with the crowd. The party was better than he ever imagined.

After the party, he walks up to the band and says "you know, I never thought in a million years that I would be saying this, but you two were great and I would like to line you up now for next year"

The duo replies "Sure, can we leave our stuff?"

As we go into New Years, here's something a little more serious.

With Christmas behind us and New Years close upon us, I would like to share a personal experience with my friends and family about drinking and driving.
As you know, some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time, often on the way home after a "social session" with family or friends. Well, two days ago, this happened to me. I was out for an evening with friends and had more than several beers followed by some whiskey. Although relaxed, I still had the common sense to know I was slightly over the limit.
That's when I did something I've never done before - I took a taxi home.
Sure enough on the way there was a police roadblock, but since it was a taxi they waved it past and I arrived home safely without incident.
This was a real surprise to me, because I had never driven a taxi before. I don't know where I got it, and now that it's in my garage I don't know what to do with it..
So, anyway, if you want to borrow it give me a call.

An Italian guy named Vinny comes to America to become an American Citizen...

To become an American citizen Vinny has to go to court and stand in front of a judge.

Vinny brings his whole family to the courtroom to cheer him on. They are a very loud and rambunctious Italian family.

Vinny stands in front of the judge and the judge says, "Ok Vinny, before you become an American citizen I have to ask you a few questions about American history"

Vinny very confidently says, "Hey, not a problem judge." As he looks back to his family, he can see that they are all very excited and waiting with eager anticipation.

The judge says "Ok Vinny, who was the first president of the United States?"

Vinny responds, "Oh judge, that's-a easy one... George-a Washington!"

Immediately Vinny's whole family stands up and erupts into applause. You can hear "Hey Vinny!" "That-a boy!" Way to go!"

The judge puts his hands up "Ok, ok, everybody calm down... Second question, when was the Declaration of Independence signed?"

Vinny confidently pulls on his collar a bit, put his hands out in front of him, and says "Judge, another easy one... 1776!"

Once again his family erupts, making more noise than the last time. "Way to go Vinny!" "That-a boy!"

"Calm down, calm down" says the judge.

At this point Vinny is pretty confident. He is looking back at his family, giving them a couple of "Hey-yo, howya doins" and they are loving it.

It seems as if the judge has lost all control of the courtroom. The family is on their feet and Vinny is in love with himself.

The judge says, "Ok Vinny last question."

"Not-a problem judge" Vinny replies.

The judge kind of smirks, knowing there is no way that Vinny gets this one. He says, "Who assassinated Abraham Lincoln?"

The crowd goes silent.

Vinny is looking around with his head down, clearly very distraught. It becomes very apparent that Vinny will not get the answer to this one.

Vinny nervously grabs his collar and replies, "Hey-a judge... well I-a... I don't know."

His family erupts in the biggest uproar of the night. People are now jumping up and down in excitement. It seems as if the clock just his midnight on New Years Day. The judge is banging his gavel, completely confused as to what is going on. Vinny turns to his family and raises his hands high in the air as if he just won a grand prize.

From deep within the crowd you hear a voice shout out with great pride... "That-a boy Vinny! Don't-a squeal on-a nobody!"

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