Old Jews Telling Jokes

Herschel the Magnificent Jew

A sign at the theatre says: "Tonight, Herschel the Magnificent Jew - 8 o' clock". So the fella decides to go take in the show. At 8 o' clock, Herschel comes out in a dressing gown, takes it off and he is stark naked from head to foot. In between his legs is the biggest member you have ever seen. Herschel walks over to a table where there are 3 walnuts. He takes his member and he smashes each one in turn, to smithereens! The crowd go wild.

20 years later the fella is in the same city and he sees the same theatre and unbelievably, the same sign: "Tonight, Herschel the Magnificent Jew - 8 o' clock". So he decides he must see this again to see if it is really the same thing he saw 20 years ago. Sure enough, at 8 o' clock, Herschel comes out in a dressing gown, takes it off and he is stark naked from head to foot. In between his legs he still has the biggest member you have ever seen. Herschel walks over to a table where there are 3 coconuts. He takes his member and he smashes each one in turn, to smithereens! The crowd go wild again.

Of course, the fella decides he must see Herschel after the show and when he meets him he says "Herschel, 20 years ago, I saw your act. It was amazing but it was with walnuts. 20 years on, it's coconuts; what changed?" and Herschel says...

"My eyes aren't as good as they used to be!"

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*(from Old Jews Telling Jokes)*

Two women are sitting on a park bench

Two women are sitting on a park bench. One says to the other, "Oh, no, tonight's date night".

Her friend says, "What's wrong with that? Date night sounds nice."

The lady replies, "No, it's awful. Every date night my husband brings me flowers."

Her friend is confused and asks, "What's wrong with flowers?"

The woman says, "Well, every time my husband brings home flowers, I have to...lie on my back and spread my legs."

Her friend cries, "Oh my goodness! Don't you own a vase?!"

(from Old Jews Telling Jokes)

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