A woman who was married six times had just died.
During the funeral service, the pastor heard her sister say "I'm so glad they are finally together!"
The pastor replies "Which husband are you referring to?"
"None of them. I was talking about her legs."
When two bears asked a pastor to marry them in the forest, what did he say? "Hold on, let me get my bear rings."
If Lars Ulrich of Metallica provided religious support to Kermit and his friends He'd be a pastor of muppets
Higgs Boson walks into a church
Pastor says "*oh no, no you don't! You have caused the church plenty trouble already, I must ask you to leave immediately!*"
Higgs Boson replies "*but without me, how will you have mass?*"
Why do gorillas have such big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers!
Not mine. Told to me by my late grandfather, funniest pastor ever. :)
Thoughts and prayers
I went to my pastor and asked him to pray for my hearing. He put his hands on my ears and prayed. Afterwards he asked, "how's your hearing?"
I replied, "it's not until next Tuesday"
What’s the difference between Pastor Maldonado and a bus driver? One is a highly skilled professional driver, and the other is in Formula 1.
I saw that pastor from Aretha Franklin's funeral at Starbucks again He was just grabbing a Grande.
"What's wrong, Bubba?" asked the pastor.
"I need you to pray for my hearing," said Bubba.
The pastor put his hands on Bubba's ears and prayed. when he was done, he asked, "so how's your hearing?"
"I don't know," said Bubba. "It's not until next Tuesday."
I'm putting together a Christian Metallica all puppet cover band. Gonna call it Pastor of Muppets
Wedding At a wedding, the pastor asked all the married men in the crowd to put their arm over the person who makes their life worth living. The bartender was crushed to death.
I know a pastor of a failing megachurch. Poor guy doesn't know where his next Mercedes is coming from.
The pastor jumped at the chance to meet Ariana the other day He also grabbed, fondled, and fingered. Some might say he was milking the situation
What’s the difference between a pastor and acne? Acne waits until your 12 before it comes on your face.
When I was a young boy I tried to get the leader of our church to touch me inappropriately during confession so that I could sue him... But he just told me to stop pastor baiting.
What is the difference between James Hetfield and Paula White? One is a master of puppets, the other is a pastor of muppets.
Did you hear about the hipster youth pastor creating a new Christian sect combining elements of Protestant and Baptist beliefs? He's a Pabstist.
Did you know, James Hetfield from Metallica has recently been ordained as a priest at The Church of Jim Henson? He's a Pastor of Puppets.
"What's wrong Bubba?" asked the Pastor
"I need you to pray for my hearing" said Bubba
The Pastor placed his hands over Bubba's ears and prayed. Afterwards, he asked Bubba "So how's your hearing?"
"I don't know" replied Bubba. "It isn't til next Tuesday"
An older pastor gives an unusually long sermon. After the three hour service, he’s asked why. “I was running very late today and accidentally put my wife’s dentures in and couldn’t stop talking.”
A pastor asked the congregation what's the name of the city Cane found his wife? He said if anyone knows the answer "Nod"
What did the pastor say when informing two fruits that they couldn't marry? No, you cantaloupe.
A pastor walks into a bar... and asks for the punchline. Bartender says, "We don't serve punch here."
There’s always that one person who goes from church to church living off the congregation. Normally, we call that person the Pastor
"What's wrong, Bubba?"
Asked the pastor
"I need you to pray for my hearing," said bubba.
The pastor puts his hands over Bubba's ears and prayed.
When he was done he asked, "So how's your hearing?"
"I don't know," said Bubba "It isn't until next Tuesday."
It's has finally happened. A Pastor has died in the US after injecting himself with disinfectant. President Trump is being charged with a bleach of the priest.
Why did Bob Ross take his brushes washed in odorless thinner to Pastor Eric Dammann? So he could beat the devil out of them.
What do you call a pastor that started giving sermons at a different church because that church’s pastor quit? a step-father.
What did the pastor say to the boy ditching mass on Ash Wednesday? Get your ash back over here!
My dad studied Philosophy in college, and he's a pastor I suppose that makes him a Philosorapture.
A bishop, a pastor and the pope walk into a bar... The bartender says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"