Pun Jokes

Contents

Funniest Pun Jokes

Funny Pun Jokes

My friend really changed when she became a vegetarian... it's like I've never seen herbivore.


edit: I think I summoned the pun cult.

A pun walks in and kills 10 people... Pun in, ten dead.

What does the Trump administration use instead of emails? Alternative fax.

Edit: This is not a political statement. I do not have an agenda. This is a bad pun for you guys to enjoy. Wake up sheeple!

So there's a fly... and a gnat lands on its back.

The fly says, "is there a gnat on my back?"

The gnat says, "gnat at all."

The fly says, "that's the worst pun I've ever heard."

The gnat goes, "what do you expect, I just made it up on the fly!"

Awful pun I came up with whilst drunk last night. Who is the Australian Frankesntein's favourite singer?

Rihanna, mate.

A man noted for telling puns was locked into a dark closet, and told he would not be released until he made up a pun about the situation. He immediately shouted, "Oh, pun the door"

Smaller babies are always delivered by stork... but the heavier ones need to be delivered by **crane**.

Edit: Heh, didn't expect a terrible pun to be my most upvoted post.

A pun loving old man forgot to order his tombstone before he passed away This was a grave mistake

People often ask why I’m so good at Dad jokes and it’s simple. I take an ordinarily terrible pun and take it even father.

A man enters a pun contest in a local paper... He loses. So the next year, he enters 2 puns, doubling his chances. He still loses. So the third year, determined to win, he enters 10 puns. He waits, hoping at least one of his puns will win, but no pun in 10 did.

A pun walks into a bar, ten people die on the spot. Pun in, ten dead.

I once submitted 10 puns to a contest to see which one would win. No pun in 10 did.

What's the difference between a pun and a dad joke? A pun can make you groan, but a dad joke goes even father.

So I sent my friend 10 puns hoping that at least one of them would get a laugh out of him. No pun in ten did.

A man enters a pun contest He sent in ten puns, hoping at least one would win, but sadly, no pun in ten did.

You can't explain a pun to a kleptomaniac. They take things literally.

Never tell a pun to a kleptomaniac. They're always taking things literally.

Pun enters a bar. Bloody fight ensues, ten people die. Pun in, ten dead.

Today I wanted to make a broken pencil pun But there's no point.

I've submitted ten puns today trying to make the front page no pun in ten did...

I submitted 10 puns to a local newspaper, hoping one would make it in. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

A good pun... A good pun is its own reword.

A man sent ten puns to his friends, hoping at least one would make them laugh No pun in ten did.

What's better than a rose on your piano? Tulips on your organ

EDIT: This blew up. (No pun intended)

A man sends 10 puns to a pun contest in hopes that at least one of them would be selected as the winning entry No pun in ten did.

I once made a pun out of paper. It was tearable.

Pun enters the room and kills 10 people. Pun in. Ten dead.

I was going to make a joke about that bus... I was going to make a joke about that bus that rolled over and killed the driver and 9 passengers...

But there's no pun in ten dead.

I was trying to think of a pun about herbs and fish But it was neither the thyme nor plaice

What kind of doctors have the shortest temper? Paedatricians - because they have little patients.

Hurhur. Thought of this myself while attempting to pun on patience/patients.

I gave my brother ten puns to make him laugh. But they couldn't make him laugh, no pun in ten did.

I sent 10 puns to the world best pun contest... ...hoping at least one of them would win.
Well,no pun in-ten-did.

I'm in a band that makes stupid reptile jokes. We're a pun croc band.

I made a program to generate puns, but I stored them in the wrong type of variable No pun int. Ended

I tried to come up with a pun about famous German philosophers... but I Kant.

Where do Baby jokes come from? A dad joke and a yo momma walk into a bar. They meet, knock knock, and put little pun in the oven.

I like to write PUN on a sheet of paper and then rip it in half because... My puns are tearable.

I was going to tell a Sodium and Hydrogen pun But NaH

It's hard to explain a pun to a kleptomaniac because they always take things literally.

Popular Topics

New Pun Jokes

I got punched twice for making a dadjoke. Once in India, another in Pakistan.

It was Pun Jab.

Told my wive 10 plays on words to see how many make her laugh. No pun in ten did.

maybe a better pun next time.. ### I ordered a pair of sneakers from an online shopping site and found it to be defective.

Is that an e-shoe?

I love reading the local newspaper. Just last week, they had a pun contest and I submitted 10 jokes, hoping that at least one of them would win. However, no pun in ten did.

A Pun went inside a room of ten people and killed them all. Pun In, Ten Dead.

Today my culinary teacher challenged us to make a food pun She’s going to have a rutebega’ning when we tell her challenging kids isn’t kosher.

Why are obtuse angles so depressed? (BPI) Because they're never ***right.***

​

\- brought to you by the Bad Pun Initiative (BPI)

Enough with all the layered number pun jokes I’m getting six and tiered of them.

What was Tom Cruises first marriage called? The Manchild vs. Kidman


——

Please go easy, I know it’s not a very current topic but I just came up with the pun on this wonderful actresses name.

What do you call a fraudulent play on words? Pun crock.

A pun walked into a bar and ten people die instantly Pun in, ten dead.

I scrolled through 10 puns to see if they could make me laugh No pun intended

I submitted ten puns to r/Jokes, hoping one would make it to the front page. But no pun in ten did

Honestly, if I had to offer you lot money for every bread joke.. Y'all would have a pun per nickel.

Someone asked me if i wanted to hear a pun about a country. I said Norway!

Pun enters a room, kills ten people Pun in, ten dead!

Every eleventh pun can make you laugh Because no pun in ten did.

I Told My Friend 10 Jokes To Get Him To Laugh. No pun in 10 did.

A good hair pun Is a mane zing

(So i like to ask for pun topics) topic was “road trip”: “there was an accident on the A5 causing a huge acid spill” It made everyone On the freeway take a massive road trip

I entered 10 puns in the pun contest hoping at least 1 would win But no pun in ten did.

Plant pun "You know, i'm scared of plants"

"Why?"

"They have pistils"

A pun walks into a bar. A pun walks into a bar and ten people died on the spot.

Pun in, ten dead.

What do you get after making pun on GOD? Pun-ished

I told my friends ten puns to try to make them laugh But no pun in ten did

Reporter: “Sir, did you mean to come up with the, now famous, ‘no pun in ten did’ joke?” “Nope, unintended.”

I once told a man 10 puns, trying to make him laugh. Unfortunately no pun in ten did.

Never tell a pun to a kleptomaniac They always take things literally

I have an online friend who likes wordplay as much as I do. We've never met in person, but we like to exchange groan-inducing jokes by Email. We're pun pals.

A Guinness world record judge was fired for obsessing over pun world records He would go on to describe the firing as the worlds biggest mistake

I searched a list of 10 puns to make me laugh. No pun in ten did

Pun walks into a room and shoots ten people Pun intended.

A pun walks into a bar and killed 10 people Pun in, 10 dead

These 10 Dad Jokes will surprise you! No pun in ten did.

What do you call a South Asian who likes both men and women and have an overly fondness for wordplay? A Pun Jar Bi.

What do you call a half baked joke? A pun in the oven.

So a guy gave his friend 10 puns hoping that one would make him laugh Sadly no pun in ten did

Someone said I couldn’t tell a pun about crooked teeth Well brace yourselves!!!!

Some crocodiles got together to write parody songs. It's a pun croc band.

I like to play on words and measure objects. You can say I'm pun to be width.

Popular Topics

Long Pun Jokes

A fly feels a bug on its back

"Hey, bug on my back, are you a mite?", it asks

"I *mite* be", giggles the mite

"That's the worst pun I've ever heard", groans the fly

"What do you expect?", says the mite. "I came up with it on the fly"

​

^(I apologise. My bro just sent it to me and I had to pass on the misery)

Top 20 worst jokes ever !!!!

The 20 Worst Jokes Ever!

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The
Ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve
You, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and
says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does
this taste funny to you?"

7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not
Unusual."

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says
to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe
you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were
nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I
couldn’t find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He
shouted, Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know
you can't I've cut off your arms!"

13. I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other
and says Dam!"

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire
in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't
have your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were
standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about
an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But
why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand
chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

18. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them
goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in
Spain ; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself
to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband
that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds,
"They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,
which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate
very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from
bad breath. This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good. . .) A
super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different
puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make
them laugh. No pun in ten did!!!!!!!!

10 Funny Pun Jokes

1. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? *He's all right now*

2. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. *It's impossible to put down.*

3. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. *Then it hit me.*

4. I'm glad I know sign language, *it's pretty handy.*

5. It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, *he just didn't have the balls to do it.*

6. I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, *but eventually it came back to me.*

7. I used to have a fear of hurdles, *but I got over it.*

8. There was a sign on the lawn at a drug re-hab center that said *'Keep off the Grass'.*

9. Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? *He was lucky it was a soft drink.*
10. There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils.

So there’s a fly…and a gnat lands on its back.

The fly says, “is there a gnat on my back?”

The gnat says, “gnat at all.”

The fly says, “that’s the worst pun I’ve ever heard.

” The gnat goes, “what do you expect, I just made it up on the fly!”

That wasn't very punny now was it?

...A guy goes into a nice restaurant bar wearing a shirt open at the collar and is met by a bouncer who tells him he must wear a necktie to gain admission. So the guy goes out to his car and he looks around for a necktie and discovers that he just doesn't have one. He sees a set of jumper cables in his trunk. In desperation he ties these around his neck, manages to fashion a fairly acceptable looking knot and lets the ends dangle free. He goes back to the restaurant and the bouncer carefully looks him over for a few minutes and then says, "Well, OK, I guess you can come in -- just don't start anything."

...This mushroom walks into a bar and starts hitting on this woman... She, of course, turns him down. Not willing, to give up, he pleads with her... "C'mon lady, I'm a fun guy..."

...This horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "Hey, buddy, why the long face...

...These two strings walk upto a bar... The first string walks in and orders and the bartender throws him out and yells "I don't serve strings in this bar... The other string ruffs himself up on the street and curls up and orders... The bartender shouts, Hey, didn't you hear what I told your buddy?" String says "Yeah." Bartender says, "aren't you a string?" ... String says, "No, I'm a frayed knot..."

...This grasshopper walks into a bar, and the bartender says "Hey! We have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper replies "Really? You have a drink named Steve?!"

...This baby seal walks into a bar and the bartender says,"What'll ya have..." The seal says, "Anything but a Canadian Club...

...This skeleton walks into a bar and says, "I'd like a beer and a mop..."

...A man walked into a bar and sat down next to a man with a dog at his feet. "Does your dog bite?" he asked. "No." A few minutes later the dog took a huge chunk out of the man's leg. "I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!" he said indignantly. The other guy replied, "That's not my dog."

...A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says. The bartender promptly serves up a beer. "How much will that be?" asks the neutron. "For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge"

...Descartes walks into a bar, and the bartender asks "Would you like a beer?" Descartes replies "I think not" and POOF! he vanishes...

...A three legged dog walks into a bar and says, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw..."

...A hamburger walks into a bar, and the bartenders says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve food here..."

...A termite walks into a bar and says, "Is the bar tender here?"

...A snake slithers into a bar and the bartender says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you." "Why not?" asks the snake. The bartender says, "Because you can't hold your liquor..."

...Baby seal walks into a club... what a tragedy...

...A guy walks into a bar. "OUCH!" he said...

...Two peanuts walked into a bar, and one was a-salted...

...Two vampires walked into a bar and called for the bartender. "I'll have a glass of blood," said one. "I'll have a glass of plasma", said the other. "Okay," replied the bartender, "that'll be one blood and one blood lite..."

...Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, 'I think I've lost an electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first says, 'Yes, I'm positive...'

...Two cartons of yogurt walk into a bar. The bartender, a tub of cottage chesse, says to them, "We don't serve your kind in here." One of the yogurt cartons says back to him, "Why not? We're cultured individuals."

...a man walked into a bar, sat down, and ordered a beer. As he sipped the beer, he heard a soothing voice say "nice tie!" Looking around he noticed that the bar was empty except for himself and the bartender at the end of the bar. A few sips later the voice said "beautiful shirt." At this, the man called the bartender over,"Hey...i must be losing my mind," he told the bartender. "I keep hearing these voices saying nice things, and there's not a soul in here other than us." "It's the peanuts" answered the bartender. "Say what?" "You heard me" said the barkeep."it's the peanuts... they're complimentary."

...Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist;s Novocain during root canal work because he wanted to transcend dental medication.

...Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak got chilly so they lit a fire in the craft but it sank proving once and for all you can't have your kayak and eat it too.

...Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina; one went to Hollywood and became a famous actor while the other stayed behind in the cotton fields never amounting to much and became known as the lesser of two weevils.

...There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns hoping at least one of the puns would win but, unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

...A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One goes to a family in Egypt and is named Amahl while the other goes to a family in Spain and is named Juan. Years later Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother and upon receiving the picture she tells her husband she wishes she also had a picture of Amahl. "But they're twins," says her husband, "If you've seen Juan you've seen Amahl."

...A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing around in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. About an hour later the manager comes out of his office and asked them to disperse. "But why?", they asked as they moved along. "Because," said the manager, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

...It was a doctor's regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home and, aware of his habit, the bartender would always have the drink waiting for him at precisely 5:18 PM. One afternoon as the end of the work-day neared the bartender was dismayed to find he was out of hazelnut extract but, thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar. The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of the drink, then exclaimed: "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri", to which the bartender replied, "No, I'm sorry, it's a hickory daiquiri, doc."

...A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat when he came across two men; one was sitting under a tree reading a book while the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him proving even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp.

My Wife and I went to Spain.

The other week I went to Barcelona for a vacation with my wife. We stayed at a small local hotel about 30 minutes from the city. The first day we had a great time going around las ramblas and going taking pictures at La Sagrada familia. That night we even attended a Barcelona game against Real Madrid. It was a great game, but unfortunately ended in a draw. We took a taxi back to the hotel, but on the way I started to feel funny. I had some pains in my chest and felt short of breath. I chalked it up to the long day I had just had, but I continued to feel worse. As we got out of the taxi and walked into the hotel, I collapsed. It became apparent to my wife and I that I was having a heart attack! I thought for sure I would die because the nearest hospital was 1/2 hour away. Suddenly from the back room came a woman wielding defibrillators. She shouted to the other staff to help and they ripped off my shirt and restarted my heart right there in the hotel! The ambulance arrived 20 minutes later, but thanks to this amazing woman my life had been saved. I spent the night in the hospital but I got out around noon the next day. I went back to the hotel to thank this woman. I said “I’m amazed that a hotel this small has a full time doctor as skilled as yourself!” She replied “no one expects the Spanish inn physician.”

credit to u/ClintonHarvey for the pun

A pun from Colin Mochrie.

Some friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise the funds.

Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, the rival florists across town thought the competition was unfair. They asked the good fathers to close down, but the friars would not.

They went back and begged the friars to close. The friars ignored them.

They asked their mother to go and ask the friars to get out of business. They friars ignored them, too.

So, the rival florists hired Hugh Smith, the roughest and most vicious thug in town, to persuad them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close shop. Terrified, the friars did so, thereby proving that . . .

Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

So there’s a fly…and a gnat lands on its back.

The fly says, “is there a gnat on my back?”

The gnat says, “gnat at all.”

The fly says, “that’s the worst pun I’ve ever heard."

The gnat goes, “what do you expect, I just made it up on the fly!”

A Bee on a Fly

(Disclaimer) this is a repost from something I saw a long time ago, so if someone could get a source that’d be very cool

A bee is riding on the back of a fly. The fly turns around, and asks, “hey, are you a bee?”
In which the bee replies, “I might bee.”

The fly then says,”dude, that’s the worst pun I have ever heard.”

The bee responds,”I know man, I made it up on the fly.”

Classic Rocky and Bullwinkle pun

On a December trip to Frostbite Falls, Minnesota, Ferdinand Feghoot was summoned to the local college, Wossamotta U. by Inspector Fenwick, the Chief of Police.

There he was confronted with an appalling scene. Bullwinkle, the town's leading citizen, had been smashed flatter than a kippered herring by a falling safe.

"It's a common enough means of death for cartoon characters," Fenwick opined. "Every year, we lose five or six citizens to falling safes. But this time, it was no accident. This time, it's murder!"

He showed Feghoot the ingenious deadfall trap rigged to rain financial ruin on an unsuspecting victim. Bullwinkle's antlers were still entangled in the tripwire. Grasped tightly in one hand was a small statue of a Hindu god.

The dead quadruped's best friend, Rocky the flying squirrel had been with Bullwinkle at the time of his death, but when questioned by Feghoot, the distraught rodent said all he could remember was seeing a rabbi fleeing the scene upon a pogo stick.

Fenwick immediately issued an APB for the rabbi.

"You're wasting your time, Fenwick," said Feghoot grimly, as he stood from his examination of the body. "The rabbi has been framed. When you find him, he will tell you of some elaborate ruse that induced him to be on a pogo stick at this time and place."

"How do you know that, Feghoot?" asked the Inspector.

"This is the work of the Christmas Killer," Feghoot declared. "I have been on the trail of this fiend for years, and I fear that we might never catch him. Every December, he arranges one of these grisly messages."

"Look! Didn't you notice the smile on the victim's face? The corners of his mouth have been propped up... by these!" He displayed two toothpicks he had taken from Bullwinkle's mouth.

"I still don't see how you know the murderer is the Christmas Killer," said Fenwick.

"Isn't it obvious?" Feghoot asked. "Wee Vishnu, a merry crushed moose, and a hoppy Jew near."

There was a man who loved puns.

There once was a man who loved puns. They were his favorite kind of humor, and he would often spend time trying to come up with new ones. One morning he was feeling particularly inspired and thought up ten brand new puns. And so he went about his day with the intention of using his new puns to get a laugh from his friends, but unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

Why do happy people like to sleep in late?

Because they aren't mourning people.


I just made this up!! Could you all help me with the wording? It feels like it could be a little better I just don't know how to word it differently while using the same "mourning" pun as the punch line.

Cryptic Pun

A man is walking home alone late one foggy night... when behind him he hears:

Bump.... BUMP... BUMP....

Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.

BUMP... BUMP... BUMP...

Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him.

FASTER... FASTER... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP...

He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him. However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping clappity-BUMP... clappity-BUMP... clappity-BUMP...

on his heels, the terrified man runs.

Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps. With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door. Bumping and clapping toward him.

The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup! Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...

and,

The coffin stops.

PUNS & BAR JOKES

Why did I invest all of my money into the coin factory?
Because it made cents.

Did you hear about the swiss cheese debate?
The arguments are full of holes.

Did you hear about the flutist who got hit in the face with a banana cream pie?
He is now called the pie'd piper.

So, a pun sprints into a bar, and the bartender says "I'm sorry, we don't serve puns here", so the pun dashes out. The bartender then remarks "Huh, must've been a running joke."

So a pun, a play on words, and an anecdote walk into a bar. No joke.

My favourite Math pun

There were once 3 kingdoms that bordered the same lake. In the middle of the lake there was an island, and the 3 kingdoms had been fighting over it for years. No one seemed to be able to keep the upper hand for very long and no one had been victorious. The wars over this little island were very costly, but all 3 kingdoms wanted it because of its great beauty and resources.

Finally, the monarchs agreed to a way to settle the matter permanently. Each would send their knights and squires to the island and they would
fight it out. Whoever’s knights and squires won the day would keep the island forever.

One kingdom sent many knights and each knight had a few squires. The night before the battle, the knights polished their armor while the squires readied the weapons. When the armor was finished, the knights sat around the fire drinking.

The second kingdom sent more knights than the first and each knight had several squires. The night before the battle, the knights drank around the fire while the squires scurried about polishing armor and readying weapons.

The third kingdom only sent one knight and he had only one squire. While the squire polished armor and readied the weapons, the knight hung a single pot from the tallest branch of the tree and tied a rope with a loop at the end from another branch. Then the knight sat by the fire and drank while the squire kept working.

The fateful day came and all the squires came out to the battlefield. (The knights had stayed up too long drinking.) The battle was fierce. In the
end, only the lone squire from the third kingdom was left standing. Proving once again, the age old theorem:

The squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.

Pun competition

One day, a man was sitting at home with a beer in hand when he read about a pun competition being held downtown. He got up early the next morning and came up with the best puns he had ever seen, and entered his 10 best puns hoping he would win, but unfortunately no pun in 10 did.

A World War II Pun

A German child was playing outside. Eventully, he was so exhausted that he went inside and asked his mother for a drink. She brings him a cup of water. After a sip, he asks "Mother, why can't I have something sweeter?" She replies, "I couldn't give you anything else because our Führer does not want us to have juice in our house."

Edit: If that didn't work so well for you try this revised one.
Hitler was going to breakfast with his advisors. After they ordered, the waiter came out with drinks. Upon seeing the glasses, the führer got angry and yelled at the server to take it away. One of the advisors took him aside and said,"You should not of done that. You kow how he feels about juice."

Money was a little tight, so I entered a pun writing contest...

I read the rules carefully, and it turns out that there was no limit on the amount of times you could enter, so I submitted ten separate entries.

I thought my chances were good, but I just looked at the contest winners to see if any of my entries won, and unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

The master of puns

All my life, I had loved puns. There was next to no situation that couldn't do with a good puns. My friends had a love/hate relationship with me sometimes, because I cranked them out, one after another.

Eventually, sick of them, but also slightly amused, one close friend suggest I enter competitions, just simple ones that you could fill out a form with your best pun and see if you could win a prize.

I decided to give it a go, but didn't even get in the top 5 in the first competition, and it was a real blow to my morale. I wanted to try again, so I tried 2 competitions at the same time, but I had an even worse result.

My friends were there to comfort me, but I decided to give it one last try, as surely with a lot more puns I could win. I went and entered 10 different puns into 10 different competitions, sure that I would get a result, and went to check later on if I won, but no pun in ten did.

The Pun Competition

A man enters a pun competition in his local newspaper. They will accept more than one entry if sent in separately, so the man writes out 10 puns and mails them off. A week later he opens the newspaper to see if any of his puns won. Unfortunately *no pun in ten did*.

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