Quick Jokes

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Funniest Quick Jokes

Sometimes I wonder how vegans survive off of what little they eat Then I remember they feed off of attention.

EDIT 1: This blew up quick thanks guys :D

EDUT 2: When I typed edit 1 it had 500 upvotes now im waking up to 29K upvotes thanks eveyone :D

When you pull the pin on a grenade, how do you put it back in? Quick answers please.

How do you put the pin back in a Grenade? Quick answers please.

Interviewer: "I heard you were extremely quick at math" Me: "yes, as a matter of fact I am"

Interviewer: "Whats 14x27"

Me: "49"

Interviewer: "that's not even close"

me: "yeah, but it was fast"

All these people are so quick to criticize Melania Trump for wanting to take on cyber bullying when that's something her husband has a problem with But no one criticized Laura Bush for wanting to teach kids how to read

Funny Quick Jokes

A colleague of mine fell into a vat of chemicals. Ironically, his quick reaction killed him.

Quick question How much no more tears shampoo do you have to rub in a baby's eyes before it stops crying?

Is it possible to stop a grenade from exploding by putting the pin back in? I need a quick answer to this question

My car started making this whining noise... So I took it to the shop and had the mechanic look over it. Turns out all he had to do was take the Taylor Swift album out.


Sorry if this was a repost, I took a quick browse and didn't see it anywhere.

I was having a quick wee in the deep end of the swimming pool when the lifeguard blew his whistle. It was so loud I nearly fell in.

Interviewer: "I heard you were extremely quick at math" Me: "Yes, as a matter of fact, I am."

Interviewer: "What's 15x26?"

Me: "46"

Interviewer: "That's not even close!"

Me: "Yeah, but it was fast."

Pirate :"I have moles on me back, arrrrrgh!" The doctor takes a quick look and responds:"It's okay, they're benign."

Pirate:"Arrrrgh! Count again, I think there be ten!"

I was shagging this girl over her kitchen table when we heard the front door open... ...she said 'It's my husband, quick try the back door...
Thinking back afterwards I really should have made a run for it, but you don't get an offer like that every day.

And the Lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life" But John came fifth, and won a toaster.





*Last post of this was 6 months ago from my quick search, reposting because it is hilarious.*

Job Interview "It says in your CV that you are quick at mathematics. What is 17x19?"

"36"

"That's not even close!"

"But it was quick!"

The kids next door challenged me to water fight in the front yard. I'm just posting real quick while I wait for it to boil.

Quick dating joke -I only date black girls.
-Why?
-Because I hate meeting fathers

I saw a black guy running down the street carrying a tv I thought for a second, "man that looks a lot like mine' so I ran home quick and nope there was mine still shining my shoes.

How can you put a pin back into a hand grenade? I need quick answers guys plea

A quick guide on "How to fall downstairs"... Step 1

Step 6

Step 8, 9, 10, 11...

I suck at sports events It's a good way to make a quick buck.

Why is Blizzard so quick to resort to censorship? Because they're nothing more than a bunch of snowflakes.

Quick Thinking Teacher says, "Whoever can answer my next question, is free to leave class."
One little boy chucks his backpack out the window.
Teacher asks, "Who threw that bag?"
Little boy, "Me! I'll see you tomorrow!"

A quick and easy way to make money is to sell photographs of salmon dressed up in tuxedoes. It’s like shooting fish in apparel.

I told her I had lightning quick reflexes... Sounds better than premature ejaculator...

Hey guys quick question, can you put a pin back in a grenade? Gonna need a fast answer for this one...

A quick joke The bartender said "We do not serve faster-than-light neutrinos at this bar."

A neutrino walks into a bar.

I tried to sneak a quick pee in the public pool today but I think the lifeguard saw me. He blew his whistle so loud I almost fell in.

Micky Mouse isn't quick enough to avoid my punches. But Donald ducks.

How does every racist joke begin? With a quick look around the room.

Please pray for my mother-in-law. She was taken to hospital this morning. A bee landed on her face. Luckily she wasn't stung. I was too quick with the spade.

Job interview -It says in your CV that you are quick at mathematics. Whats 19x17?

-36

-Thats not even close!!

-But it was quick.

My dad always told me, "Don't be quick to find faults"... Good man, terrible geologist...

My friend fell into a vat of chemicals… Ironically, it was his quick reaction that killed him…

You ever hear of Randy the Brown Nosed Reindeer? He was as quick as Rudolph but couldn't stop as fast.

Knock, Knock, who's there? Grandpa! Quick stop the funeral!

As a Dad, it breaks my heart to see how quick my kids are to blame others. They get that from their mother.

Why is bungee jumping, and a prostitute similar? You pay money for some quick fun and if he rubber breaks, you're dead!

What do they call a grandma who’s quick to respond? ...an InstaGram.

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New Quick Jokes

My father always told me, "Don't be too quick to find faults" Great man, terrible geologist.

Quick Guide To Flirting dating coach: so, you've flirted before?

girl: sure, I have given 'the look'

coach: show me

girl: *bites lip seductively*

coach: have you considered biting the bottom lip?

People are quick to judge crowds at bars after reopening.. It’s a bar, by definition that’s where people go to make bad decisions.

After years of practice, I've finally mastered cloning deer... It's a great way to make a quick buck.

What do you call a quick video-conference at the Mazda factory? A zoom-zoom zoom Zoom.

A quick knock knock joke Me: Knock knock

Reddit: Who's there?

Me: Wu

Reddit: Wu, who?

Me: Woohoo, it's my blue triangle day!

What goes quick quick? A South African duck

Is there any way to put the pin of a grenade back in? Guys, I'm gonna need a quick answer on this one..

Boss: Should we hop on a quick call? Me: Sure

Boss: Do you have a number for me?

Me: No, the same number I use for everyone else

Why is Spiderman so quick with his comebacks? With great power, comes great response ability.

What does a squirrel and a manwhore have in common? They're both after a quick nut.

A woman on Craigslist said she wanted a man who prematurely ejaculates. I came as quick as I could.

What do you call a quick Doberman Pinscher? Adobe Flash

I’ve got some racing geese for sale. Let me know if you want a quick gander

My arm is on fire, quick somebody put me out before I get arrested! I don't want to be put in jail for illegal possession of a firearm.

A blind man was swinging his guide dog around his head in a store. Just having a quick look around.

Racing Goose I've got some racing geese for sale, let me know if you want a quick gander!?

I made a quick drawing of a dark alleyway yesterday. It's a very sketchy place.

My wife is divorcing me because I’m addicted to Pixar movies She asked what I’d want if we can agree to make the divorce as quick as possible

I told her I’d try to keep Up

I went in the chippy and said to the fella behind the counter ‘can I have a piece of cod?’ He said ‘yeah would you like it battered?’ I said ‘no thanks, just give it a quick slap I’m in a hurry’

Here’s a quick tutorial on how to walk up the stairs: Step 1:

Step 2:

Step 3:

Step 4:

Step 5:

Step 6:

Step 7:

Step 8:

Step 9:

Step 10:

Just been told I can get rich quick by buying an old Egyptian building. I think it's a pyramid scheme.

How do you put the pin back in a grenade? Quick answers only.

What do you call someone who is quick with a pun? Pun-ctual

I saw a blind man in the GroceryStore today and he was swinging his guide dog around his head. I asked “what are you doing” he’s reply “Just having a quick look around”.

I told the bartender he could borrow my blowup doll any time he wanted. "Eugh! That's disgusting!" he exclaimed. "Yeah..." I said. "But you were pretty quick to jump on my ex-girlfriend weren't you?"

Like my Grandad always said "Don't be too quick to find faults" Great man, terrible geologist.

Can we please stop with this whole FaceApp trend It’s getting old quick

Quick question: When was the first Burning Man festival? Germany, 1938

I dedicate this in loving memory of all those dads who never quit And a quick disclaimer that smoking is injurious to health...

Shout out to my dad who went to get a pack of cigarettes and never returned

Anyone else tired of seeing the same joke over and over again? The next election can’t come quick enough.

Any Questions? Science Professor: If a girl falls unconscious, give her mouth 2 mouth, blow air into her lungs and keep on pressing her chest with both your palms in quick succession...

Any Questions..?

Student : How to make her unconscious?

If you activate a bomb, how do you deactivate it? Quick answers please.

As I get older, I find that I miss my wife more than ever. My reflexes aren't as quick as they were..

What do you call 4 Mexicans in quick sand? Quatro Sink. Oh!

I'm concerned about my surgeon... Not only is he quick to anger, be he's known to lose his patients.

Sweet jeebus, this panda is hurt! Quick call the bamboolance.

My drug dealer is so quick I nicknamed him... Instagram

Alright, before I start my speech I’d like to give a quick shout out to my grandpa! Cause that’s the only way he can hear

Why did Neymar make a quick exit at the world cup in Russia? He heard divers were needed in Thailand

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Long Quick Jokes

A cowboy walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman…

He gives her a quick glance then causally looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"

"No", he replies, "I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it."

The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"

The cowboy explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically."

The lady says, "What's it telling you now?"

"Well, it says you're not wearing any panties."

The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!"

The cowboy smiles, taps his watch and says, "Damn thing's an hour fast."

In a crowded city at a bus stop, a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt, with matching tight leather boots and jacket...

As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step on the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind and unzipped her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.

Again, she tried to make the step onto the bus, only to discover she still couldn't!

So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind and unzipped her skirt a little more and for a second time attempted the step and once again, still she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt.

With a coy little smile to the driver, she again unzipped the offending skirt to give a little more slack and again was unable to make the step.

About this time, a big Texan that was behind her in the line picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the bus.

Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero screeching at him, "How dare you touch my body!! I don't even know who you are!"

At this, the Texan drawled, "Well ma'am normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we was friends."

So Barack Obama and Donald Trump somehow ended up at the same barber shop...

As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear that it would turn nasty. As the barbers finished their shaves in silence, the one who had Trump in his chair reached for the aftershave. But Donald was quick to stop him, jokingly saying, "No thanks. My wife, Melania, will smell that and think I've been in a brothel." The second barber turned to Barack and said, "How about you, Mr. Obama ?" Barack replied, "Go right ahead, my wife Michelle doesn't know what the inside of a brothel smells like."

Trump and Obama getting haircut is same barbershop

Donald Trump and Barack Obama end up in the same barbershop As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were even afraid to start a conversation, for fear that it would turn into politics. As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Trump in his chair reached for the aftershave. Trump was quick to stop him saying "No way buddy, my wife will smell that and think I've been in a damn whorehouse." The second barber turned to Obama and said "How about you?" Obama replied, "Go ahead, my wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.

A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day.

She wasn’t unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing. She would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around, then speak to them.

Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money for something she carried in her bag. The couple assumed she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn’t know for sure they just continued to watch her.

After a couple of weeks the wife asked, “Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?”

He hadn’t and said so. Then she said, “Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she’s really doing.”

Well, the plan went off without a hitch, and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave. The man walked up the beach and met his wife at the road. “Well, is she selling drugs?” she asked excitedly.”

“No, she’s not.” he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have.

“Well, what is it, then?” his wife fairly shrieked.

The man grinned and said. “Her name is Sally and she’s selling batteries.”

“Batteries?” cried the wife.

“Yes,” he replied. “Sally sells C cells by the Seashore.”

Two men golfing...

Two guys are trying to get in a quick eighteen holes, but there are two terrible lady golfers in front of them hitting the ball everywhere but where it’s supposed to go.

The first guy says, “Why don’t you go over and ask if we can play through?” The second guy gets about halfway there, turns and comes back.

The first guy says, “What’s wrong?”

He says, “One of them is my wife, and the other one is my mistress.”

The first guy says, “That could be a problem. I’ll go over.”

He gets about halfway there and he turns and comes back, too.

The second guy says, “What’s wrong?”

The first guy says, “Small world.”

An Australian Army Recruit sends home a letter . . .

Dear Mum & Dad,

I am well. Hope youse are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin’ on the farm - tell them to get in quick smart before the jobs are all gone! I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don’t hafta get outta bed until 6am. But I like sleeping in now, cuz all ya gotta do before brekky is make ya bed and shine ya boots and clean ya uniform. No cows to milk, no calves to feed, no feed to stack - nothin’!! Ya haz gotta shower though, but its not so bad, coz there’s lotsa hot water and even a light to see what ya doing!

At brekky ya get cereal, fruit and eggs but there’s no kangaroo steaks or possum stew like wot Mum makes. You don’t get fed again until noon and by that time all the city boys are dead because we’ve been on a ’route march’ - geez its only just like walking to the windmill in the back paddock!!

This one will kill me brothers Doug and Phil with laughter. I keep getting medals for shootin’ - dunno why. The bullseye is as big as a possum’s bum and it don’t move and it’s not firing back at ya like the Johnsons did when our big scrubber bull got into their prize cows before the Ekka last year! All ya gotta do is make yourself comfortable and hit the target! You don’t even load your own cartridges, they comes in little boxes, and ya don’t have to steady yourself against the rollbar of the roo shooting truck when you reload!

Sometimes ya gotta wrestle with the city boys and I gotta be real careful coz they break easy - it’s not like fighting with Doug and Phil and Jack and Boori and Steve and Muzza all at once like we do at home after the muster.

Turns out I’m not a bad boxer either and it looks like I’m the best the platoon’s got, and I’ve only been beaten by this one bloke from the Engineers - he’s 6 foot 5 and 15 stone and three pick handles across the shoulders and as ya know I’m only 5 foot 7 and eight stone wringin’ wet, but I fought him till the other blokes carried me off to the boozer.

I can’t complain about the Army - tell the boys to get in quick before word gets around how good it is.

Your loving daughter,

Sheila

Donald Trump and Barak Obama end up in the same barbershop

Donald Trump and Barak Obama end up in the same barbershop
As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were even afraid to start a conversation, for fear that it would turn into politics.
As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Trump in his chair reached for the aftershave.
Trump was quick to stop him saying "No way buddy, my wife will smell that and think I've been in a damn whorehouse."
The second barber turned to Obama and said "How about you?"
Obama replied, "Go ahead, my wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.

Donald Trump and Barrak Obama end up in the same barbershop.

As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were even afraid to start a conversation, for fear that it would turn into politics.

As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Trump in his chair reached for the aftershave.

Trump was quick to stop him saying "No way buddy, my wife will smell that and think I've been in a damn whorehouse."

The second barber turned to Obama and said "How about you?"

Obama replied, "Go ahead, my wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."

EDIT : damn I didn't think this would get so much attention, and yes I am very well aware that I spelled OhBummer's name incorrectly. AND THANKS FOR THE GOLD KIND STRANGER

A man walks into a bar

and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"

"No," he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it."

The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"

"It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains.

"What's it telling you now?" she asked.

"Well, it says you're not wearing any panties." he said.

The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then because I am wearing panties!"

The man explains, "Damn thing must be an hour fast."

A woman tries getting on a bus, but realizes her skirt is too tight.

As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarassed and with a quick smile to the driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, but only to discover that she couldn't.

With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.

After becoming quite frusturated and embarassed, she once again attempted to unzip her skirt more in order to allow more leg room to get on the first step of the bus.

About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus,

She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!"

The texan smiled and drawled "Well ma'am, normally I would agree with you but after you unzipped my fly three times I kinda figured we were friends.

Donald trump and Barack Obama somehow ended up at the same barbershop.

Donald trump and Barack Obama somehow ended up at the same barbershop.

​

As they sat there each being worked on by a different barber not a word was spoken the barbers were even afraid to start a conversation for fear it would turn to politics.

​

As the barbers finished their shaves the one who had trump in his chair reached for the aftershave.

​

Trump was quick to stop him saying 'no way buddy my wife will smell that and think I’ve been in a damn whorehouse.

​

The second barber turned to Obama and said, 'how about you?'

​

Obama replied 'go ahead my wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.’

​

A girl with tight skirt tries to get on a bus....

In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight leather skirt. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn't.

So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more. For the second time she attempted the step, and once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to make the step.

About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!' The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we are friends."

Obama and Trump are at a barbershop

As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken.

The barbers were even afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn to politics.

As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Trump in his chair reached for the aftershave. Trump was quick to stop him, saying:

“No thanks, my wife will smell that and think I've been in a whorehouse.”

The second barber turned to Obama and said: “How about you, Mr. Obama?

Obama replied, “Go ahead, my wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.”

Marines

Two Marines boarded a quick shuttle flight out of Dallas, headed for Houston. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just before take-off, an Army soldier got on and took the aisle seat next to the two Marines. The Soldier kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Marine in the window seat said, “I think I’ll get up and get a coke.” “No problem,” said the Soldier, “I’ll get it for you.” While he was gone, the Marine picked up the Soldier’s shoe and spit in it. When the Soldier returned with the coke, the Marine in the middle seat said, “That looks good, I think I’ll have one too.” Again, the Soldier obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the Marine picked up the soldier’s other shoe and spit in it. The Soldier returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the rest of the short flight to Houston. As the plane was landing, the Soldier slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. “How long must this go on?” the Soldier asked. “This fighting between our services? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and peeing in cokes?”

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead rob a bank..

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead decide to rob a bank. Everything goes well-they have their masks on, the bank hands over the money-awesome.

Exiting the bank, they hear sirens and see several cop cars round the corner, so they dash into a small alleyway.

The cops are quick though, and are just about to reach the entrance. There are three empty potato sacks lying against the wall.

"Quick! Hide!" The brunette says, and the three women each crawl into a bag.

A police man comes down the alleyway, looking around for any signs of the women. The potato sacks stick out to him-so he gives the one with the redhead a kick.

"Meow!" goes the redhead, doing her best imitation of a cat.

"Just an alley cat..." The police officer mumbles, moving onto the next bag and delivering a quick nudge with his foot.

"Woof!" Goes the brunette, imitating a dog.

"Just a stray..." The officer mumbles again, heading to the last bag, and giving it a light kick.

"POOOOE-TAYYY-TOOOEE" grunts the blonde.

_____

Edited to meet popular demand.

For those who don't get the joke, the redhead and brunette both mimic things that might be in an alleyway-a cat and a stray dog. The blonde however wonders "What would be in a potato sack? Potatoes!" and thus tries to blend in by announcing herself as a potato.

Edit Edit: I'm blond. I can make these jokes.

a guy thing..

My three year old son had a lot of problems with potty training; and I
was
on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch
in
between errands.
It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I
smelled something funny, so of course, I checked my seven month old
daughter, and she was clean. The I realized that Matt had not asked to
go
potty in a while, so I asked him and he said, "No." I kept thinking,
"Oh
Lord, that child has had an accident and I didn't have any clothes
with
me."
Then I said, "Matt, are you sure you did not have an accident?
"No," he replied. I just knew that he must have, because the smell was
getting worse. Sooooo....I asked one more time, "Matt, did you have an
accident?"

Matt jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks
and
yelled.... "SEE, MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!!" While 100 people nearly
choked
to
death on their tacos, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down to
eat his food as if nothing happened. I was mortified!

Some kind elderly people made me feel a lot better, when they came
over
and
thanked me for the best laugh they had ever had!!!
Another old gentleman stopped us in the parking lot as we were
leaving,
bent
over to my son and said, "Don't worry son, my wife accuses me of the
same
thing all the time...I just never had the nerve to make the point like
you
did.
Edit: I did not expect this thing to blow up. This is a joke hence in /jokes. Thanks for the all the up votes .

The cow boys watch....

A cowboy walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman.
He gives her a quick glance then causally looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
"No", he replies,"I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it.."
The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What"s so special about it?"
The cowboy explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically."
The lady says, "What"s it telling you now?"
Well, it says you're not wearing any panties."
The woman giggles and replies "Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!"
The cowboy smiles, taps his watch and says, "Damn thing's an hour fast."

Why is six afraid of seven?

Since seven was a child, he has always been a prime number. He excelled at everything he did, but he was kind of odd. Seven was very vengeful and quick to anger. Even though he was popular and well praised, he couldn't stand the sight of six, who was well rounded and has a good circle of tight friends.

When prom came, seven was alone and bitter. Of all his achievements, not one helped him land a date. Then six came in with his +1. Filled to the brim with jealousy, seven spread rumors that 6 and 9 were performing unspeakable acts. Six was alone again.

While walking to class, six saw seven with six's former +1and averted his eyes. As they passed by eachother, seven whispered into six's ear "now, we're even".

A man gets pulled over by a cop

The cop goes up to the man's window and informs him that he appeared to be swerving a bit.

"Son I just need you to do a quick breathalyzer test."

"I can't do that, officer, I have severe asthma. If I blow into that tube, I could risk an attack."

"Alright, then just come down to the station and we'll do a blood test."

"I can't do that either, I'm a hemophiliac. Any puncture will end up bleeding for hours then I'll pass out."

"Okay, then step out of the car and we'll do a standard field sobriety tes-"

"Sorry, but I have a slight vitamin b12 deficiency, so I naturally shake while doing basic tasks, so the tests would be inconclusive."

"Well then just walk along in a straight line."

"I can't do that either"

"Why?"

"Because I'm drunk."

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