I saw a cannibal at the nursing home the other day, he was walking around making fun of all the residents. I realized then that I actually had something in common with him. I too find vegetables to be tastier if I roast them first.
Trump's ego is so big...
Trump's ego is so big that when he bangs a super-model, he closes his eyes and imagines he's jerking off.
-Seth Macfarlane, CC Roast of Trump
I'd just come out of the shop with a roast beef sandwich, large chips, ear of corn, & a jumbo sausage. A poor, homeless man sat there and said 'I haven't eaten for two days.'
I told him, 'I wish I had your will power.'
I went to my in-laws for dinner
An argument inevitably broke out and my wife told me not to take sides.
I told her "they wont notice", as I slid the roast potatoes into my pocket "they are to distracted"
Somebody made fun of my big, colorful beak the other day.
Well Toucan play at that game.
(first joke pls don't roast thx)
My overweight boss asked me to roast him at his retirement party.. I told him that as a lifelong Muslim, I was forbidden from consuming pork.
My wife is angry because I brought home a B.L.T. instead of a roast beef sandwich. Oops, wrong sub.
Which global disasters happen when you drop a roast turkey? The downfall of Turkey, the break-up of China, and the overthrow of Greece.
Whats the differance between a roast beef sandwich and a blow job?
You don't know?
soooo...you wanna do lunch tomorrow?
A cowboy walks into a bar...
He became a cowman
(Don't roast me too much... it's my first time posting)
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? You can roast beef but you can't pee soup.
A hot dog walks into a bar
The bartender says, "We don't serve sandwiches here."
The hot dog says, "That's ok. I came for the roast beef."
I was addicted to lunch meats, but I quit cold turkey. I'm still hooked on salami and roast beef though.
What’s the difference between roast beef and forest fires? Anyone can roast beef but only YOU can prevent forest fires.
What do you call a baby born out of incest?
...a gross domestic product.
Credit to u/frosty_biscuits, u/Geolassie, and u/mylifeintopieces1 for collectively arriving at this joke in a roast thread.
Guest at a restaurant!
Guest at a restaurant: “I refuse to eat this roast beef. Please call the manager! “
Waiter: “That’s no use. He won’t eat it either.
What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup. Anyone can roast beef, but it’s not easy to pea soup.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Everyone can roast beef, but no one can pea soup.
Ordered some spices online a while back to enhance my roast chicken recipe, unfortunately due to the pandemic I was told the package would be delayed. But today is the day, the thyme has finally come.
My wife told me...
she was going to make some roast beef in the slow cooker for dinner tonight,
but I think that’s a crock of bull.
Do you know why Eminem is the only person that can roast Donald Trump? Because nothing rhymes with orange.
My wife accused me of being immature I told her to get out of my fort or my dragons would roast her.
Whats the difference between roast bee and pea soup? If you roast enough people, you get beef. But R.Kelly never got any soup!
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef, but nobody can pea soup.
Mum got mad when she asked me to roast a chicken for tea Apparently "Yo mumma so fat they call her chicken *BIG*" wasn't an acceptable response.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef, but no one can pee soup.