Sarcastic Jokes

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Funniest Sarcastic Jokes

What's the most sarcastic body of water on earth? The Crimea River.

My interviewer kept getting annoyed at me... ...when I kept responding to each question with the same question - only in a really sarcastic way.

Apparently, I don't know what a "mock interview" means.

Funny Sarcastic Jokes

What do you call a sarcastic abyss? A sar-chasm.

Laughing scale Ha – Mildly amusing

Haha – Funny

Hahaha – Sarcastic laugh

Hahahaha – Stayin alive

What do you call a sarcastic crimminal going down the stairs? A condescending con descending.

The world's most sarcastic man stands trial. "How do you plead?" asks the judge.

"Well," says the man. "Usually on my knees with my hands together."

What do you call a sarcastic criminal who's walking down stairs? A condescending con descending.

What's the most sarcastic body of water on Earth ? Crimea River

It was so funny that I forgot to laugh... Said the sarcastic man with dementia.

If a sarcastic stoner is high and dry... And the old plane's future is up in the air...

Then my joke started on a high note til I ended up winging it.

Three things you should know about me: 1. I give a shit

2. I am sarcastic af

3. One out of three times, I lie

My girlfriend told me that I should stop being sarcastic I replied, "what's sarcasm?"

What did the sarcastic left hand say to the right hand? "You always think you're right!"

I opened up a New Sarcastic club recently And it's hard to tell if people are interested in joining my club or not...

A man holds his sarcastic wife at gunpoint. He tells her, "I'm not going to miss you."
The wife says, "It wouldn't surprise me if you did."

Speed is just sarcastic distance It's measured in m/s

You know the 'Done' button you press to exit a video? How come it only sounds judgy and sarcastic after I've finished jacking off?

I just bought a T-shirt with sarcastic sentence. Size /S

Not being able to tell if someone is being sarcastic on the internet isn’t a problem at all. Right?

Have you heard about the sarcastic gambler? He was a real eye-roller!

My wife says she can never tell if I’m being overly dramatic or just sarcastic I can’t tell you how heart broken I am to hear that.

What did the sarcastic chef say when his assistant over-cooked his steak? Well done.

No means no... ...unless she's being sarcastic

What did the sarcastic teen say to Jeffrey Epstein? Ok groomer

What did the sarcastic Canadian say when it started raining? It's a grade-A grey day...how great, eh?

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Long Sarcastic Jokes

A Nagging Wife

An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution for his death row client.

His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.

As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been? Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and on.

Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.

While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.

Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go up stairs and give him the good news.

As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet and said "They're not hanging Wright tonight!"

He whirled around and screamed,
'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?'

Attorney in the bathroom...

An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.

As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, 'What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been? Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and on.

Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.

While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Edward Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all.

Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs and give him the good news.

As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.

'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said.

He whirled around and screamed, 'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?!'

Idiot Teacher

"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic teacher.

After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.

"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" inquired the teacher with a sneer.

"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."

If there are any idiots in this room......

will they please stand up, said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet. "Now they mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" inquired the teacher with a sneer. "Well actually I don't" said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself"

Stay of execution

An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution.
His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.
As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about,
'What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been? Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'.
And on and on and on.
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.
While he was in the bath, the phone rang.
The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all.
Wright would not be hanged tonight.
Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go up stairs and give him the good news.
As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.
'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said.
He whirled around and screamed, 'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?!'

An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution

His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.

As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, 'What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been? Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and on.

Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.

While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Edward Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all.

Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs and give him the good news.

As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.

'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said.
He whirled around and screamed, 'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?!'

Thats the smart girl

"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one student rose to her feet. "Now then young lady, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" inquired the teacher with a sneer. "Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."

Three rubber ducks..

Three rubber ducks head down to the nearby pond after dinner. The sun sets and it becomes passed their curfew. Feeling rebellious, the three ducks decide to stay out. An hour passes and a police offer shows up. He charges the three ducks with trespassing; their court hearing is scheduled in two weeks.
At the hearing the judge questions the first duck,
"What were you doing so late at the pond?"
"I was just blowing bubbles," responds the first duck.
The judge thinks to himself it's a sarcastic response but disregards it. He moves on to the second duck, repeating the question.
The second duck responds, "I was blowing bubbles."
Alright, now the judge is ruffled. He gives the group another try and says to the third duck,
"Lemme guess, you were just blowing bubbles too, right?"
The third duck smiles and replies, "No, I am Bubbles."

Two men playing golf

Two men were playing golf at the club one day. One gentleman was winning easily. Not only was he winning, but he was enjoying his victory, rubbing it in with sarcastic asides. The loser didn't accept the defeat or the ignominy graciously; but he did endure them silently.

In the clubhouse locker room, they settled the financial part of the defeat. Then as the loser dressed, the winner noticed he was a priest. He put on the Roman collar.

Now the victor was embarrassed. He said, "I'm sorry. I had no idea you were a priest."
The clergyman said, "Yes, I am. Bring your parents around to the church sometime and I'll marry them."

FARM AND FAMILY

A man and his wife were taking an afternoon drive through the countryside. They had just had a big argument and were not talking to one another. Finally the husband decided to break the silence and say something sarcastic to his wife: “Look at all the cows and pigs in the pasture. Don’t they remind you of your relatives?”
The wife replied, “Yes, they do. They remind me of my in-laws.”

A man is hit by a car on a crosswalk.

The driver gets out in a hurry and asks "Are you alright?"

The victim replied "No, I think you broke my arm."

The driver points out towards a medical clinic; "You're lucky, there's a doctor there that can help you!"

The victim makes a sarcastic face.

"I know, I'm the doctor."

Response to a sarcastic teen (my son)

Being a Dad, I'm used to dropping the standard DAD JOKES from time to time.

My son is 14, and has started responding in a drawl "hilarious" (sarcastic).

​

I now reply "MOUNTAINS !!" or "MT EVEREST !!"

He said "whaaaa ?"

I replied "Hill areas...! I thought you meant Mountains...!" (to his word 'Hilarious')

​

*It's the gift that keeps on giving - Dad Jokes - LOL !*

So today I got into a car accident.

Nothing serious.
A little fender bender.
Anyways I get out of my car and this man steps out.
It was a dwarf. He was yelling at me and he seemed really mad, but my cocky self asked a sarcastic question.

So I asked him “Are you happy?!”
And he said “No! Why would I be happy?!”

So I said, “Oh, then which one are you? Grumpy?”

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