Senior Jokes

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Funniest Senior Jokes

They say that Christmas is a Pagan holiday, but... A senior figure secretly dispensing the contents of his sack for every child he can get to sounds pretty Catholic to me.

Score: 10176

Just got a job as senior director at Old MacDonald's Farm... I’m the CIEIO

Score: 9602

A senior citizen called her husband during his drive home. "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 90, Please be careful!"

Herman said, "It's not just one car. There’s hundreds of them!"

Score: 1936

A senior citizen was driving down the freeway... when his wife called his cell phone.

"Honey, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!"

"It's not just one car," said the man, "It's hundreds of them!"

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Funny Senior Jokes
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I got a job as the senior administrator of the old McDonald farm I’m the CIEIO

Score: 91

A senior citizen is sitting at a bar.. A young woman walks in and sits down a couple seats over. The old man gets up, shuffles over to her, leans over and asks "So, do I come here often?"

Score: 73

Where do senior citizens often go to the restroom? Depends.

Score: 33

Driving down the highway So this senior citizen was driving down 93 when his wife called him on the phone. "Be careful! I just saw on the news there's a car driving the wrong way on the highway!"


"It's not just one car, it's hundreds of 'em!"

Score: 31

Guys, please don't drink and drive this holiday season! If you want to drive safely we can help.

Please call us. We have senior experienced people of all ages


Our volunteers will come and drink for you so you can drive safely

Score: 26

Just got the job as senior director on Old Macdonald’s farm. I’m the CIEIO

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Congratulations 2020 graduating class Reigning senior skip day champions!

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I finally found an app for my senior love life!! Carbon Dating <3

Score: 19

I’m going to be working as the senior director at Old McDonald’s farm. They’ve made me the CIEIO

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What do you call it when a guy named Jerry sleeps with three senior citizens in a nursing home in one night? A Jerry Hat Trick

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When people ask me what I do for a living I just tell them I'm a senior analyst It sounds better than saying I just stare at old people all day

Score: 13

Senior year of high school is a lot like a retirement home... You don't work anymore, you hate everyone who's younger than you, and in a few months, all of your old friends will be dead to you.

Score: 13

I just got a job as Senior director at old MacDonald's farm I'm the CIEIO

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Everyone in the senior class of ninja school was marked absent today. They all got an A+

Score: 12

I forgot to bring the drinks to my senior prom. But hey, look at the bright side. No punch line.

Score: 12

What's the difference between a junior software engineer and a senior software engineer? A senior software engineer writes wrong code faster.

Score: 12

What do Pink Floyd and Dale Earnhardt Senior have in common? Their last hit was the wall.

Score: 11

Just got the job as the senior director of the Old McDonald Farm I’m the CIEIO

Score: 10

Here's a joke about my senior year of college. I tried.

Score: 10

What was the radioactive senior citizen's super power? Gramma Rays

Score: 8

A senior citizen called her husband during his drive home "Sheldon, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 90, Please be careful!"

Sheldon said, "It's not just one car. There’s hundreds of them!"

Score: 7

Senior discounts are kind of like early going away presents

Score: 7

A well dressed 80yr old man walks into the senior center... he stops, surveys the room and sees an attractive 70 yr old lady sitting by herself. he adjust his tie and walks over to her.
" So," He says, " do I come here often?"

Score: 7

Help us choose a new name for our nonprofit. We're teenagers in China and Japan helping senior citizens. Apparently 'Youth in Asia for the Elderly' isn't having the effect we thought it would.

Score: 7

Have you heard of the new senior board game? It's called "Alzhimers Hide 'N Seek".

It's single-player.

Score: 7

How do you tell the difference from a guy's chromosome and a girl's chromosome? You pull down their gene's and have a look!

Credit:
I heard this from an older gentlemen today at a senior home.

Score: 6

Just got a job as senior director at Old MacDonald's Farm I'm now the CIEIO

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What do you call Australian senior citizens? Boomer-angs

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My Nan just got this sweet new senior citizen scooter And man is that thing fast! It can do 30 aisles per hour.

Score: 5

My Nan just got this cool senior citizen scooter And man is that thing fast. It can do 30 aisles per hour!

Score: 5

People say Christmas is a Pagan holiday... But a senior figure dispensing the contents of his sack to every child he can get to sounds pretty Catholic to me.

Score: 4

Where do the senior army officials buy stuff? A: The General store Why are the young recruits sexually active? A: They have Private parts

Score: 4

I was kicked out of the Army for prematurely ejaculating with a Senior Officer Dishonorable discharge

Score: 4

Do you know what JFK said to become senior class president? Ask not what you can do for your student body president, ask what you can do for your student president's body

Score: 4

There is a new site for senior citizen dating. Its called "I've fallen in love and I can't get up."

Score: 4

I do really feel bad for the class of 2020. People say your senior year flies. I just didn't realize that it would Zoom.

Score: 3

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New Senior Jokes

Future surgeon here and this is going to be my senior yearbook quote &#x200B;

Dan Brady

"I love the feeling when I can make people open up to me."

Score: 1

A novice police officer ask his senior about how many bullets are usually shot on the job. The senior, surprised about the question, responds: “I don’t know that but I can give you an aproximal rate, probably around 5mm per second”

Score: 1

Apparently many senior Catholic clergy like to play really convoluted practical jokes. Yeah; they're all fiddly kidders.

Score: 1

The Coronavirus has stolen my Senior Year How Dare You

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I’ve been dating my girlfriend since high school.. ... and now as a senior in college people always ask us how we do it.

Well, usually missionary, I reply. Sometimes doggy if we’re feeling up for it.

Score: 2

A man walks into a buffet A man walks into a buffet. As he starts to pay for his drink he asks for the senior discount.

The cashier looks at him closely, and replies "but you're clearly not old!"

The man replies "but mi hijia, I am a señor."

Score: 1

My brother doesn’t like changes. He has gone to a prom with a high-school senior girl already for a decade.

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Apparently my grandma slept with a lot of men to get where she got President of her senior citizen's club

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What do you call senior citizens with erectile dysfunction training for the summer games? Oldlimpdick athletes.

Score: 3

For my senior quote, I’ll have a saying from a famous person “Nah” - Rosa Parks, 1955

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Why did she sleep with an old man? Senior dicks count

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My husband and I are taking my mother-in-law to the airport tomorrow and just leaving her there It’s senior ditch day.

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I’m going to open a night club for senior citizens. The Soft Rock Cafe

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When Silentó grows old, what will he be saying a lot to his senior assistant? Ooh wash me, wash me
Ooh wash me, wash me

Score: 3

I just got a job as a senior director in a nursing home. I tell old people where to go.

Score: 1

What do you call someone who thinks they deserve a senior discount? A white hair supremacist.

Score: 2

Senior year is like an abortion If you don’t try until the third term, the results are gonna be pretty ugly

Score: 2

My friend said he went down on a senior citizen. I asked him what it tasted like and he said,
Depends.

Score: 2

I was walking down the street after school when I saw one of the freshman’s in my senior Calculus class getting beat up by 4 dudes. So being the Good Samaritan I am, I joined in to help. That little nerd didn’t stand a chance against the 5 of us.

Score: 1

What do you call a High School Senior girl in Alabama? You call her a MILF.

Score: 3

I went into an old folks home the other day.... I asked why did they give the male senior citizens Viagra everyday. I asked... "Do these old guys get that lucky in here?" "Heck no" said the nurse. "This keeps them
from rolling out of bed"

Score: 2

I got promoted to the senior supervisor at the cheese factory. I am now the greater grater grader.

Score: 3

Why was the flat-chested college senior so well respected? Because she was the head of the Itty-Bitty-Titty-Committee.
(their influence and power knows no mounds)

Score: 2

So a dyslexic guy walks into a bra..... Credits to my uncle, for making this his senior quote in highschool. Not sure if he thought of it or not.

Score: 1

I heard George Bush Senior is in the hospital in critical condition... I guess some people really would rather die than watch Trump be sworn in this Friday.

Score: 2

What did the cop say to senior citizen he caught stealing Depends? 'Ur in trouble.

Score: 1

In Mexico every software developer is senior

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What's the best way to ensure that Asia's senior citizens' pension programs are financially sound? Sufficient amount of youth in Asia.

Score: 2

How many senior medical consultants does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one.


He holds up the bulb and waits for the world to revolve around him.

Score: 3

Why did the two most senior nuns in the convent break up a German terror plot to steal millions in bearer bonds? Old habits die hard

Score: 3

Why didn't Rick Grimes settle his group in an abandoned senior center? Too many walkers.

Score: 1

I'm a senior in college with 2 semesters left, and I'm considering picking up a minor Do I lie about my age, or do I just offer to buy her cigarettes and booze?

Score: 2

My grandpa flirting with a 91 year-old lady at his senior home. "You look young enough to be my daughter."

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What does it taste like to go down on a senior citizen? Depends.

Score: 1

Bush Senior broke his neck He was trying to show Jeb Bush how to dodge wrenches, hey Jeb if George can dog a shoe then I can dog wrench!

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Russian 'Matreshka' Doll store is looking for a senior manager... also a manager, a junior manager and a junior manager's assistant.

Score: 3

It would be horrible if a Mexican male's name was rita. Hello, Senior Rita.

Score: 3

What do you call a senior lady on her period A Ragtime Gal

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