My girlfriend is so smart!
I forgot to bring my phone, so I used my friend's phone to call her.
She answered: "What's up, honey?"
What a smart girl! She knew I was the one on the phone!
"Remember, son, a smart person always has doubts about something. Only a total idiot can be 100% sure about everything."
"Dad, are you sure?"
"Remember son, a smart person always has doubts about something. Only a total idiot is 100% sure about everything."
"Dad, are you sure?"
Did you know that you can tell how smart an ant is by catching it on fire?
If it burns, it's a smart ant.
If it doesn't, it's retardant.
A man and a woman are lying in bed late night... ...and the woman asks her man: "Honey, do you prefer smart or pretty women?" and the man responds calmly: "Neither, baby, I prefer you."
My girlfriend is so smart
Once I forgot to bring my phone when I went out today.
I borrowed my friend's phone to call her.
She answered "What's up baby?"
She is so smart she knew I was the one calling her.
I was in a crash with a smart car today. The smart car was totaled. My bike was fine, though.
"When am I ever gonna use this?" Asked the student to the algebra teacher "Well you won't, but one of the smart kids might" he replied cheerfully
What idiot coined the term ex-fiancé
Instead of near-Mrs
Edit: ex fiancée. I'm not as smart as I thought I was..
The wife asks her husband
-What do you prefer, honey? A smart woman or a beautiful woman?
-Neither sweetie, you know I only have eyes for you
Did you know that light travels faster than sound? That's why some people look smart until they start talking.
My girlfriend is so smart
I called her on my friend's phone and she said "What's up, honey?".
She already knew it was me on the other side!
I’ll admit that Chinese kids in math class are pretty smart But doing it with their eyes closed... that’s a bit cocky
Smart Friend My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.
Why do blondes have bruises around their belly buttons? Apparently blond guys aren't too smart either.
My friend thinks he's smart
He said that onions are the only food that can make you cry.
So I threw a coconut at his face.
Wife asks the husband, who's the fool - you or me? The husband calmly replies, while sipping his coffee, "honey, everyone knows you are way too smart to marry a fool"
My girlfriend complained that there should be more women in technology So I put her in my new smart fridge
JFK must have really liked smart women Everybody used to look at Jackie O and say, “Check out the brains on her.”
Why did the blonde girl have bruises around her belly button?
Because blonde guys aren't smart either (Sorry if it's a repost.)
My girlfriend is so smart I called her from my friends phone and when she answered she said “hey babe what’s up?” How did she know it was me?
My friend told me I was smart enough to be the next Isaac Newton... Well Newton died a lonely virgin so clearly I'm doing something right
As a golfer, it's always smart to wear 2 pairs of pants. You know, just in case you get a hole in one.
Why do blondes have bruises on their bellybuttons? Because blonde guys aren't that smart either
The Smart Kid
A child asks his father:
- Daddy, where did I get my intelligence from?
- From your mother, I think. I still have mine.
Teacher: where is your homework?
Kid: at home.
Teacher: why is it at home?
Kid: it's called HOME work for a reason.
Teacher: are you being smart with me!
Kid: this IS school isn't it? Aren't you supposed to be smart.
What's the difference between a smart white guy and someone who tells jokes all the time? Nothing. They're both wisecrackers.
I hate it when people try and sound smart by using big words. It just makes them look ambidextrous
A requirement to be a pilot is to be good at basic math So I asked a couple pilots what 300 + 90 was and they all said 30. I guess they are not that smart after all.
In life you will only meet two types of people...
The ones who are smart successful n have a life....
And then there is you!
Apparently, Google is not that smart as people think Recently I asked Google Translator, how "Je ne sais pas" is translated, and it replied: "I do not know".
My teacher once told me
My teacher once told me I was a really smart student, but could also be an idiot at the same time.
I replied “does that make me an oxymoron?”
I bought a smart car recently and I unfortunately got in an accident Now my car has a learning disability
I am so forgetful that I always forget to pack my calculator before my math tests. But I am so smart that I have only failed them a few times... So few that I can count on my fingers
My wife does a lot of favors for me, I was well pleased. I looked at her dead in the eyes and said, hun did anyone tell you, you have such a...
Smart and handsome looking husband...?
She never did favors for me again...
Two smart jokes
What does a scientist call it when they're A/B testing and they find a third variable?
An emergent C
What element do British people like early in the morning?
Why are smart people so smelly?
Because genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration.
(My son made this up)
I use to support higher spending on education. But then I learned a harsh truth. No matter how smart we we make children, 50% of them will still be below average.
Dad, I inherited my intelligence from you right?
Dad: That’s right, my smart little girl!
Daughter: That would make sense since mom still has hers.
People have been assuming I'm smart when they see my glasses case but it's not until they see I store a mars bar in it they realise my true genius .
I thought I might have impostor syndrome. After learning how many incredibly smart and productive people it affects, though, there's no way I'm good enough to have it.
Back in the Middle Ages, horses were actually more intelligent than humans! There were so many smart horses that every knight could have a Nobel Steed!
I see these signs that say "slow children at play" I guess some people need the whole world to know how smart there kid is..
"I'm so annoyed with all the teasing I get ever since smart speakers became a thing."
"Why? Is your name Alexa?" He asked.
"No" sighed Google
Stupid people are sure on themselves
A football player tells his son:
\-You know, smart people are always full of doubts while stupid ones are very sure on themselves.
Google admits workers listen to private audio recordings from Google Home smart speakers. At least someone listens to me.
Calling your bug spray company "Off" is really smart because when your thrifty wife tells you to buy the "off brand" you'll still be buying the expensive name brand item. had this thought last night and I need help turning this into a joke