Types Of Jokes

Contents

Funniest Types Of Jokes

There are 3 types of people in this world Those who understand quantum computing

Those who do not understand quantum computing

And those who both simultaneously do and do not understand quantum computing

Funny Types Of Jokes

There are 10 types of people in this world. Those who thought they knew what the punchline would be, and those who are now searching for the original joke.

There are 2 types of people 1. Those who are worth mentioning

There are two types of countries, Those that use the metric system and those that have put a man on the moon.

They say that the 10 types of people in this world are those that can read binary and those that get laid. Can someone explain to me the other 8 types?

In marriage there are 3 types of rings The engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffering.

There's two types of people Those that can deduce facts from incomplete data

There are 2 types of people in this world 1. Those that are worth mentioning

There are two types of people in this world. And I hate them both.

There are 10 types of people in this world Those who understand the ternary numeral system,
those who don’t,
and those who were expecting this to be a binary joke

There are two types of people in this world Those who can extrapolate information based off of the given context

What are the two types of weather in Islamic countries? It's either Sunni or Shi'ite

There are only two types of people in this world... Those who can't extrapolate from incomplete data.

There are two types of people on the planet... Those who can extrapolate information based upon the given context

There are 2 types of people in this world Those with the ability to extrapolate information from incomplete data

Types of deodorant I went to store and asked for some deodorant.

The cashier asked "Do you want the roll on ball type?"

I said "No thanks, I want it for under my arms."

I've been researching some useless facts... Want some examples?
I have found out that there are over 10,000 different types of lice.

And that's just off the top of my head.

There are 11 types of people 01- Those who understand binary

10- Those who don't

11- those who write bad jokes on binary

*I'll see myself out*

There are 10 types of people in the world... Those who know binary, those who don't, and those who weren't expecting a ternary joke.

There are two types of people in the world: Those who complete their sentences.

There are three types of people... Those who can count, and those who can’t

There are eleven types of people in the world People who understand roman numerals and those that don't

There are two types of countries in the world.... Those who use the Metric System....

And those who have been to the Moon.

I am totally not a racist but... Compared to all the others types of races, I think the 400 meter hurdles present the most barriers for track athletes.

There are two types of people in the world: those who can extrapolate from incomplete data…

I'm very good at remembering random facts. For example, there are 3,500 different types of lice.

And that's just off the top of my head.

There are two types of people in this world. And I hate them.

There are 10 types of people Those who recycle binary jokes, and those who recycle other jokes.

There are two types of people in this world Avoid both!

There are 10 types of people. Those who know binary, those who don't, and those who did not expect this to a base 3 joke.

There are 3 types of people in this world, People who can count and people who can't

There are 10 types of people in this world... Those who know binary, those who don't, and those who weren't expecting a base 3 joke

There are only two types of people in this world: Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.

There are 2 types of people in this world Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.

There are 10 types of people Those who can read binary code, and those who can’t.

There are two types of people in this world: 1. Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data;

There are Three Types of People I Hate Racists, Blacks, and Hypocrites.

There are two types of people: Those who can extrapolate from an incomplete set of data

There are 10 types of people in this world... The ones who understand binary, and the ones who get laid.

Popular Topics

New Types Of Jokes

There are two types of redditors 1. Those who embrace content which echoes their own opinions.




^(just in case it’s missed, the joke is that the joke is an echo chamber. I’ll see myself out.)

There are two types of people I despise in this world... 1) Those who put animal names into words.
2) Hippocrites.

What types of jokes are allows during the quarantine? Inside jokes

There are 2 types of people in the world: those that apologize when they're wrong and those I double down on when I'm right.

There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand binary code and those who don't.

There are two types of people in this world: 1. Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data

2.

What's the difference between the two types of posts in r/jokes? One are all joke reposts, and the other are all repost jokes.

There are two types of people. Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data and those who know that extrapolation can be inaccurate and you run the risk of over-fitting

There are 10 types of people on this earth Those who understand binary and those who don’t

A tour guide is giving a tour of a noodle factory Someone asks "how many types of noodles they you make in a single day?"
The tour guide responds with "Well, the pasta-bilites are endless."

There are two types of people in this world Those who can read through typos, and those who want

There are two types of people in this world Those that can extrapolate from incomplete sets of data,

There are 3 types of people in this world. Those who know how to count and those who don’t.

What are the two most popular types of tea ? Booty and Titty .

There are 10 types of people in the world... Those that understand Binary and those that do not.

There are two types of people in this world The first type of people are those, who leave other people in anticipation.

Who are the worst types of blind people? The Notsees.

There are two types of people in this world. People who finish their jokes.

My father once told me, "Son, in this world, there are 10 types of people." Those who understand binary and those who don't.

There are 10 types of people in this world: Those who understand binary numbers and those who don't.

There are 10 types of people. Those who want to punch me in the face now and those who are very confused.

Lately I have been really busy and it's interfering with my hobby of collecting all of the different types of spices... ...I just don't have the thyme.

There’s two types of people who don’t like Easter. Type 1 People on diets and Type 2 Diabetics. \~ *Gary Delaney*

There are 10 types of people: Those who understand binary

Those who don't

And those who didn't expect this to be a trenary joke

There are 3 types of people Ones that can count and ones that can’t.

There are three types of people in this world The people who can count

And the people who can’t

In life you will only meet two types of people... The ones who are smart successful n have a life....

And then there is you!

There are two types of people in the world. 1. those who can extrapolate from insufficient information.

A friend asked me how many types of noodles there are I said the pastabilities are endless

There are 10 types of people in this word: those who understand binary, and those who don’t

There are three types of people in society. Those who can count.
And those who cant.

There are two types of people in this world... ...those who can be bothered to finish the sentence,

There are two types of people in the world: 1. Those who can make good inferences from incomplete data
2.

There’s only 10 types of people Those who understand binary and those who don’t

There are 11 types of people in the world. Those who can count to ten on their fingers, and those who can count to 3FF on their fingers.

Where can you find the definitions of different types of drugs? Addictionary

There are 10 types of people Those who know about binary, those who don't, and those who didn't know this was a joke about base 3.

There are 10 types of people in this world: Those who understand binary and those who don't

Source: Saw this in a book

There is two types of people in the world Those who finish lists.

There's 2 types of people in this world, those that finish a thought...

Popular Topics

Long Types Of Jokes

"My Daddy Plays Piano in a Whorehouse"

Mrs. Jacobson, a prim and proper, straightlaced lady, is a teacher of Grade Four students. One of the lessons is about the types of different jobs adults have...sort of a "what do you want to be when you grow up" type of lesson.

Part of it was asking the students what their parents do for a living.

"Sally, what does you father do?"

Sally proudly answers, "My Daddy is a Real Estate agent, and he helps people sell the house they own now, and buy a better house."

"Very good, Sally," replies Mrs Jacobson. "Jimmy, how about you? What does your father do?"

Jimmy smiles and says, "He works in a laboratory in a hospital and helps the doctors find out exactly how people are sick, so the doctors can help them get better."

Johnny has been sitting at his desk, shoulders slumped and staring down. He's asked, but mumbles something incoherent.

"I'm sorry, Johnny, I didn't hear you. Could you speak up?"

Johnny blurts out, "I said 'My Daddy plays piano in a whorehouse!'"

Mrs. Jacobson turns white as a sheet, and the whole class goes silent. She marches up to Johnny's desk, rips a piece of paper from his notebook, and scribbles a few lines.

Folding it, she hands it to Johnny, and firmly commands, "Young man, you take this note down to the Principal's Office right this minute. Go straight there, and you tell him that I sent you." She walks briskly to the door and opens it, glaring at Johnny as he meekly walks past her into the hallway.

He enters the Office, and one of the secretaries asks why he's at the office. "Mrs. Jacobson sent me," and hands over the note. The secretary reads it, gasps, and takes it into the Principal's office. She comes back and says, "The Principal wishes to see you in his office, *right now*."

Johnny walks into the office, and the Principal tells him to close the door, and take a seat. There is an awkward few moments of silence, as the Principal looks at Johnny, then at the note, then back at Johnny.

The principal asks, "Johnny, your father doesn't really play piano in a whorehouse, does he?"

"No, Sir." Johnny admits. "He plays defense for the Cleveland Browns, but there's no way I'm telling them THAT."

An old dying man invites 3 of his friends to his deathbed and asks a favor...

He says, "We've been as brothers for longer than I can remember, and while I was not rich in life, I would like to bring some wealth with me as I die. If you could each leave $5,000 in my coffin, it would bring me great peace."

The three men saw no fault in this, as they were all very rich, and all upstanding members of their respective communities.

Jim was a devout, aging Catholic, and he brought the five thousand in large bills, so as not to occupy much space in the coffin. He later told the members of his congregation, and oh how they lauded him on his selflessness to ease the mind of a dying friend.

Michael was a converted Muslim, and he feared that the dead had no use for paper money, so he converted the five thousand into gold for his friend, leaving the ingots next to the bills. He felt a great warmth inside of him, a feeling that can only be brought about by a good, charitable deed.

David was born Jewish, but wasn't so devout as many of his colleagues. He refused to buck off the stereotype and worked as a moneylender, a loan agent. Because of this, he understood how exchange rates worked and how trying to convert 3 different types of money to one may be hard for a man with little experience handling cash. Therefore, he wrote a check for fifteen thousand dollars, and took the gold and bills as change. He left his friend's side with such a great smile, he must have known the time he'd saved him in the afterlife.

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories. There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved. But then the teacher realized, much to her dismay, that she had missed Janie.

“Janie, do you have a story to share?”

“Yes, ma’am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn’t break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops. She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, until the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.”

“Good Heavens,” said the horrified teacher.

“What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?”

“Stay away from Mommy when she’s been drinking.”

A small collection of my favorite science jokes

A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “How much for a drink?”

“For you, sir, no charge!”



What's 2 times 2?

Physicist: “After some measurements I am fairly sure it is somewhere between 3.81 and 4.13!”

Mathematician: “After some consideration I can now prove that the solution exists!”

Engineer: “4, obviously, but lets make it 5, just to be on the safe side.”



Three logicians walk into a bar. “You all want a beer?” the bartender asks.

“I don’t know,” says the first logician.

“I don’t know either,” says the second logician.

Says the third logician, “If that’s the case, then we all want a beer.”



Atom 1: “I think I lost one of my electrons somewhere.”

Atom 2: “Are you sure?”

Atom 1: ”Yes, I’m positive!”



A neutrino walks through a bar.



A photon checks into a hotel. “Do you need help with your luggage?” the clerk asks.

“No thanks, I’m travelling light.”



A mathematician walks into a bar. “I’ll have a pint, and then half a pint and then a quarter of a pint and then an eighth of a pint-”

The bartender, who is also a mathematician, interrupts him, “Two pints, coming right up!”



A biologist, a physicist and a mathematician travel together by train. Right after entering Scotland they see a black sheep standing on top of a hill.

“Look at that,” says the biologist. “Apparently the sheep in Scotland are black.”

“Nonsense!” says the physicist. “All we can say for sure is that there is one sheep in Scotland that’s black.”

“I am afraid you are both wrong,” the mathematician explains. “The only thing that is certain is that there is a sheep in Scotland, which is black on at least one side.”



There are two types of people in the world.

Those who can extrapolate from from incomplete data.



What is the value of the contour integral around Western Europe?

Zero, all the Poles are in Eastern Europe.



Why were the Romans so bad at algebra?

They always ended up with X equals 10.



“I never get any good data. Sometimes I think the particle accelerator hates me.”

“Never anthropomorphize machines. They hate that.”

George W. Bush was sitting in the Oval Office when...

...his secretary walks in with a phone in his hand.

He says, "Three Brazilian soldiers were killed today in Iraq."

Upon hearing this The President says, "Oh my God!" and he buries his head in his hands.

The entire Cabinet was stunned. Usually George Bush showed no reaction whatsoever to these types of reports.

Just then, Bush looked up and said, "How many is a Brazilian??"

A man's car breaks down outside of a monastery.

A man is driving home from a buisness trip. As he has a pretty low paying job, he doesn't have the best of cars.

After a few hours of driving, he drives past a monastery.

Unfortunately his car breaks down right in front of the monastery.

Being a man of God, he obviously figures, "I bet the monks will let me stay with them while my car is repaired." So he goes to the front gate and knocks on the door. A man in robes answers. He tells the monk his predicament and the monk, being a monk, lets him stay the night, and even helps with repair costs for his car.

While the business man is sleeping that night, he hears this strange noise. It just perplexes him, and for the life of him, he can't figure out what it is. He decides when he wakes up in the morning, he'll ask the monks about it.

When he wakes up, he finds the monk who he met when his car first broke down, and asks him, "Can you tell me what that noise I heard was last night?"

The monk replies, "I'm sorry, brother. I cannot tell you, for you are not a monk." The man accepts this. He thanks the monks for their graciousness, and goes about his way when he gets his car back.

3 years later, he is driving on another business trip. And wouldn't you know it, his car breaks down in front of the monastery again.

Again, he figures, he can stay the night. And, of course, the monks let him stay and offer him the same help as before.

And once again, during the night, he hears that noise. He has no idea what it could be. He decides to ask the monk once again, with hopes that he would trust him more this time around. In the morning he meets the monk again, and asks, "I'm sorry for asking again, but what is that noise!?"

The monk replies, "I cannot tell you, for you are not a monk."

The man says, "Alright! I'll become a monk! What do I need to do!?"

The monk replies, "I need you to travel the world, and count every blade of grass if you truly wish to become a monk."

The man swiftly accepts and leaves all of his worldly possessions behind him to travel the world on this mission.

He goes to all corners of the globe counting grass blades.

After 50 years, he comes back to the monastery. He gives the monk accurate numbers and the monks give him monk-hood. And obviously, the first thing he wants to do is find out what that noise was. So he asks the head monk.

The head monk beckons him to follow him and he does. After a few minutes of walking through corridors and rooms, they happen upon a wooden door.

The man can hear the noise. He gets excited. The head monk hands him a brass key. He reaches with the key to the lock, and unlocks the door.

There is another door though. This time iron. And the monk hands him an iron key.

This happens again and again. So many types of doors and keys. Every thing you could imagine. Glass doors, gold doors. Everything

Finally, they get to a door made of solid diamond. The noise is louder than ever. The monk hands the man the final key.

He opens the door and finally sees what has been making the noise.

But I can't tell you what it is, because you aren't a monk.

I was just in my local supermarket...

Saw a fellow whose trolley was full to the brim with hand sanitiser, baby wipes, soaps, toilet paper; everything that people are in need of.

I called him a selfish b\*stard and gave him a lecture about the elderly and infirm etc. who need these types of things. Told him he should be ashamed of himself!

He said: "That’s all good and well mate, but I work here, so can I carry on filling the shelves now?”

A man walked into a ladies department

A man walked in to a ladies department walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife."

"What type of bra?" asked the clerk.

"Type?" Inquires the man, "There is more than one type?"

"Look around", said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, colour and material.

"Actually, even with all of these variety, there are really only three types of bras," replied the sales clerk. Confused, the man asked what the types were.

The saleslady replied, "The catholic type, the Salvation Army type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?"

Still confused the man asked, "What is the difference between them?"

The lady responded, "It's all really quite simple. The catholic type supports the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills."

The moral of the story...

The Teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day, the kids came back and one by one, began to tell their stories.

There were all the regular types of stuff.But then the teacher realised that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share ?'

''Yes madam......My daddy told me a story about
my Mom.She was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit.
She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was
a flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife.

She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.

She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets,
killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.
.
Pin drop silence in the class !!
.
''Good Heavens,' said
the horrified teacher. 'What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story ?

"Stay away from Mommy when
she's drunk......!!!!"

Three Doctors

Three doctors are discussing which types of patients they prefer. Doctor Watson says, ''I prefer librarians. All their organs are alphabetized.'' Doctor Fitzpatrick says, ''I prefer mathematicians. All their organs are numbered.'' Doctor Ahn says, ''I prefer lawyers. They’re gutless, heartless, brainless, spineless, and their heads and rear-ends are interchangeable.''

10 blondes walk into a bar...

they say to the bartender, "We'll have the most expensive bottle of champagne you have! We're celebrating."
They sit down and crack open the bottle and raise their glasses and they all say "23" and drink.
The bartender is curious and goes to their table and asks, "What are you celebrating?"
They point to a framed puzzle and say, "We'll we were sick of all the negative stereotypes of blondes, so we decided to do this puzzle, it took us only 23 days, but on the box it says 2-3 years!"

A Small collection of my friend's favorite science jokes.

A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “How much for a drink?”
“For you, sir, no charge!”

What's 2 times 2?
Physicist: “After some measurements I am fairly sure it is somewhere between 3.81 and 4.13!”
Mathematician: “After some consideration I can now prove that the solution exists!”
Engineer: “4, obviously, but lets make it 5, just to be on the safe side.”

Three logicians walk into a bar. “You all want a beer?” the bartender asks.
“I don’t know,” says the first logician.
“I don’t know either,” says the second logician.
Says the third logician, “If that’s the case, then we all want a beer.”

Atom 1: “I think I lost one of my electrons somewhere.”
Atom 2: “Are you sure?”
Atom 1: ”Yes, I’m positive!”

A neutrino walks through a bar.

A photon checks into a hotel. “Do you need help with your luggage?” the clerk asks.
“No thanks, I’m travelling light.”

A mathematician walks into a bar. “I’ll have a pint, and then half a pint and then a quarter of a pint and then an eighth of a pint-”
The bartender, who is also a mathematician, interrupts him, “Two pints, coming right up!”

A biologist, a physicist and a mathematician travel together by train. Right after entering Scotland they see a black sheep standing on top of a hill.
“Look at that,” says the biologist. “Apparently the sheep in Scotland are black.”
“Nonsense!” says the physicist. “All we can say for sure is that there is one sheep in Scotland that’s black.”
“I am afraid you are both wrong,” the mathematician explains. “The only thing that is certain is that there is a sheep in Scotland, which is black on at least one side.”

There are two types of people in the world.
Those who can extrapolate from from incomplete data.

What is the value of the contour integral around Western Europe?
Zero, all the Poles are in Eastern Europe.

Why were the Romans so bad at algebra?
They always ended up with X equals 10.

“I never get any good data. Sometimes I think the particle accelerator hates me.”
“Never anthropomorphize machines. They hate that.”

A group of snails were tired of the stereotypes of being slow.

So they decided to enter an auto race. Instead of a number on the side of the car, they painted a large 'S' on it, for snail.


When they started racing, they were easily the fastest car out there, lapping all the other cars every few minutes.


The spectators marveled "Wow, look at that S car go!"

The Teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it

The next day, the kids came back and one by one, began to tell their stories.

There were all the regular types of stuff.But then the teacher realised that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share ?'


''Yes madam......My daddy told me a story about
my Mom.She was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit.
She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife.


She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.


She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets,
killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.
.
.
Pin drop silence in the class !
.
.
''Good Heavens,' said
the horrified teacher. 'What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story ?




"Stay away from Mommy when
she's drunk......!!!!"

White Elephant

An old farmer is tending his crop one day when he spies a white elephant trampling the edge of his field. He knows that there are four different types of elephants in his area: red elephants, blue elephants, purple elephants, and white elephants.

To kill a blue elephant you use a blue elephant gun, to kill a red elephant you use a red elephant gun, and to kill a purple elephant you use a purple elephant gun. However scientists have so far been able to create a white elephant gun. So what could the farmer do?

Well the farmer had been working his land for 50 years, so he knew some tricks. One thing was that white elephants love cherry cheesecake.

So one morning the farmer goes out to the patch of ground where the white elephant was before and set out a cherry cheesecake with ten cherries arranged in a circle, and then retreated to his house to watch. The white elephant soon came across the offering and was overjoyed; it happily gobbled it up because white elephants love cherry cheesecake.

The next morning the farmer left out a cheesecake, but this time it only had nine cherries on top, this time in a star pattern. When the white elephant found the cherry cheesecake it was delighted, and quickly ate it without noticing that there was one less cherry (white elephants can't count well past 5) because white elephants love cherry cheesecake.

The next morning the farmer left out a cheesecake with seven cherries on it, in the shape of a light bulb. The white elephant subconsciously senses that there is less of a cherry flavor, but it doesn’t really notice because it's very lucky for there to be a cheesecake in the same spot three days in a row. It eats the cheesecake because white elephants love cherry cheesecake.

The next morning the farmer sets out a cheesecake with six cherries in a semi circle. The white elephant is beginning to think that something is wrong, because it definitely seems like there is something off about it. The elephant eats it anyway because white elephants love cherry cheesecake.

The next day the farmer put out a cheesecake with five cherries on it in a pentagon. The white elephant knows for sure that something is wrong because it can count to 5, and there used to be more than that. It grunts and waves its trunk around a little, but still eats it because white elephants love cherry cheesecake.

The next morning the farmer set out a cheesecake with just four cherries arranged in a square. The elephant is beginning to get upset about its dwindling cherries, but it eats it anyway because white elephants love cherry cheesecake.

The next morning the farmer left out a cheesecake with only three cherries arranged in a triangle. The elephant has now grown furious, so it storms out away from the farmer's field into his neighbor's, which the elephant proceeds to trample and destroy. Then, having cooled down a little it returns and eats the cheesecake, because white elephants love cherry cheesecake.

The next morning the farmer put out a cheesecake with two cherries. The elephant is again so furious that it angrily runs off and destroys the neighbor's house and crushes his car. Then it comes back because white elephants love cherry cheesecake.

The next morning the farmer sets out a cheesecake with only one cherry, stuck right in the center. The elephant is in full rage mode, and it goes to the neighbor's house. Since his house was destroyed the neighbor was living in a tent. The elephant trampled the tent and crushed him to death. Then it came ad begrudgingly ate the cheesecake because white elephants love cherry cheesecake.

On the final day the farmer changes things up a little. Instead of cherries, he covers it in slices of pears. When the white elephant saw this it couldn’t believe its eyes. White elephants HATE pears! They despise pears! And there was no cherry cheesecake! The white elephant was just so angry, just so full of rage that it couldn’t even move. It just stood there and turned purple with rage and the farmer shot it with the purple elephant gun.

EDIT: Removed TL;DR

Drunk guy sat at a bar

Drunk guy sat at a bar, is on his 15+ beer of the evening when he notices 3 newcomers enter the pub and sit at the bar next to him.

"Hey, wanna hear a dumb blonde joke?" he asks the nearest one.

The newcomer turns to face him and for the first time he see it's a lady with blonde hair.

"I am a high ranking detective with the FBI that has single handedly solved hundreds of cases and I happen to be blonde." She replies.

Pointing to her companion on her left, "My friend here is also blonde and happens to be a world renowned biochemist, who has found the cure for 9 different types of cancer."

Pointing to her far left, "And this young lady, who is also blonde, is an eight level dan in Jujitsu and has competed in the women's UFC for the last 3 years."

She looks back at the drunk guy, "Do you really wanna tell me this dumb blonde joke?"

Thinking about it for a second the man responds, "Nah, not if I have to explain it 3 times."

Three men arrive at the gates of heaven and are greeted by St. Peter who introduces them to an angel to show them where they would be staying.

Three men arrive at the gates of heaven and are greeted by St. Peter who introduces them to an angel to show them where they would be staying. These men were greeted by this angel who says to them
"You're going to be spending a lot of time here in heaven and there is a lot to see, but first I'll show you where you guys will be staying."

So they began down the gold streets and into a neighborhood with large houses, the types of houses that you would find in the wealthiest part of town. They arrive at a large house and they all walk up to the door. The angel says to the first man,"This is where you will be staying, lets see who you will be spending it with" so they rang the doorbell and it was answered by a pretty ugly looking woman and the first man said to the angel
"I know I didn't live that great of a life but why her?" The angel responded, "because you cheated on your taxes."

So they left the first man and headed up the road and the houses were getting bigger and bigger, eventually they stopped at a massive house. Again they went up to the door and were greeted by another ugly looking woman. The Second man who was pretty upset asked "I lived a great life I fed the homeless every weekend and spent all of my time helping others. Why her?" The angel replied "Because you cheated on your taxes that one time remember." The man remembered and the angel and the last man were on their way again.

Walking up the road, the houses getting bigger and bigger finally they stopped at a house the size of a shopping mall and they approached the front door. The last man was anxious to meet the woman who he would be spending eternity with and they were greeted at the door by the most beautiful woman anyone had ever seen. The last man was very confused and asked the angel "How did I end up with her?" the angel replied, "Because she cheated on her taxes."


I heard this joke from my Econ Teacher and it's been my favorite ver since.

The Woman Marine Pilot

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment:
Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories. There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved. But then the teacher realized, much to her dismay, that she had missed Janie. Janie, do you have a story to share?' ''Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops. She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.

''Good Heavens,' said the horrified teacher. 'What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"

"Stay away from Mommy when she's been drinking."

Pleasing Women

Three women go on vacation to an extravagant resort.
Upon arrival, the manager tells them, "we actually just opened a new building for single women, such as yourself! It has four stories, and you get to choose one of which you will stay in. Each floor has different types of men, and there will be signs at the entrance to each story, telling you what types you will find."

Figuring that it would be a fun adventure, they agree to these terms.

The women get to the first floor of the building. The sign reads "The Men on This Floor are Short, Pale, and Ugly".

Not seeing a reason why they would want to stay there, they proceed to the next floor, where they see a sign that reads "All Men on This Floor Are Average In Every Sense".

They begin to see a trend, and proceed to the next floor, wondering if their luck will improve.

The sign on the third floor reads "All Men on This Floor Are Tall, Dark, and Stunningly Handsome".

The women begin to get excited. They realize that this would be a wonderful floor to stay on, but curiosity gets the best of them, so they press on to the fourth and final floor.

Upon arrival to the last floor, they find a sign that reads
"There are no men on this floor. This floor was built with the sole purpose of proving that there is no way to please a woman."

LAWS FOR ENGINEERS

Engineering is a science that runs on the laws of physics. We have all studied these laws in our formal education. There are other laws that are equally powerful, however. These are found through experience in the classroom of applied technology. Here is a summary of the laws of physics for your entertainment. The authors are unknown (or perhaps wish to remain unknown). We thank them for their insight into real-world broadcasting.

**GRUNDMAN'S LAW** -- Under the most carefully controlled conditions of pressure, temperature, humidity and other variables, the system will perform as it damn well pleases.

**KNIGHT'S LAW** -- A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants.

**HIDLEY'S LAW** -- Nothing is impossible for a man who doesn't have to do the work.

**DUNCAN'S LAW** -- When in doubt, mumble.

**EVAN'S LAW** -- Every man has a scheme that will not work.

**HULKO'S LAW** -- A theory is better than its explanation.

**STORYK'S LAW** -- The amount of work done varies inversely with the amount of time spent in the office.

**WORAM'S LAW** -- Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

**NORDAHL'S LAW** -- Everything goes wrong at once.

**EMERMAN'S LAW** -- In a crisis that forces a choice to be made among alternative courses of action, people tend to choose the worst possible course.

**TARSIA'S LAW** -- The obvious answer is always overlooked.

**SNODDY'S LAW** -- It works better if you plug it in.

**HARRISON'S LAW** -- There is always an easy answer to every problem-- neat, plausible, and wrong.

**MEADOW'S LAW** -- It won't work.

**WESTLAKE'S LAW** -- The first 90 percent of the project takes 90 percent of the time, and the last 10 percent takes the other 90 percent.

**HARNED'S LAW** -- Once you open a can of worms, the only way to recan them is to use a larger can.

**SCHNEE'S LAW** -- Anything that begins well will end badly. (Note: The converse of this law is not true.)

**STONE'S LAW** -- Necessity is the mother of strange bedfellows.

**GOLDEN'S LAW** -- A man with one watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never sure.

**PERRY'S LAW** -- If the facts do not conform to the theory, they must be disposed of.

**GARAY'S LAW** -- An object will fall so as to do the most damage.

**KELSEY'S LAW** -- Make three correct guesses consecutively and you will establish yourself as an expert.

**LIGHTNER'S LAW** -- If it happens, it must be possible.

**GUY'S LAW** -- The probability of a given event occurring is inversely proportional to its desirability.

**MOYSSIADIS' LAW** -- As soon as you mention something, if it's good, it goes away; if it's bad, it happens.

**CAPPS' LAW** -- If it can find a way to wear out faster, it will.

**LIPPELL'S LAW** -- If a research project is not worth doing, it is not worth doing well.

**NEUMANN'S LAW** -- Whoever has the gold makes the rules.

**CALBI'S LAW** -- Nothing is as easy as it looks.

**MARINO'S LAW** -- Everything takes longer than you think it will.

**TODRANK'S LAW** -- There are two types of people: those who divide people into two types, and those who do not.

**BROSIOUS' LAW** -- The components you have will expand to fill the available space.

**INGOLDSBY'S LAW** -- You cannot determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.

**MERTEN'S LAW** -- The more time you spend in reporting on what you are doing, the less time you have to do anything. Stability is achieved when you spend all your time reporting on the nothing you are doing.

**ZENTZ'S LAW** -- Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling to get out.

**LUDWIG'S LAW** -- The other line moves faster.

**DOZIER'S LAW** -- Negative expectations yield negative results. Positive expectations yield negative results.
**
RETTINGER'S LAW** -- Nothing is ever a complete failure; it can always serve as a bad example.

**RICKER'S LAW** -- Experiments should be reproducible. They should all fail the same way.

**BODEN'S LAW** -- If an experiment works, you must be using the wrong equipment.

**HANSCH'S LAW** -- Work expands to fill the time available for its completion.

**EBERLE'S LAWS** --
1. Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it
makes it worse.
2. No matter what results are expected, someone is always
willing to fake it.
3. No matter what occurs, someone believes it
happened according to his pet theory.
4. No matter what the result, someone is always eager to
misinterpret it.

**FULGINITI'S LAW** -- In a hierarchical organization, the higher the level, the greater the confusion.

**SAX'S LAW** -- All laws are basically false.

Popular Topics