Always marry an ugly woman, a beautiful one will leave you... An ugly one will too, but you just won't care as much.
Joke from my daughter
Her: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Her: To get to the ugly guy's house.
Her: Knock knock
Me: Who's there?
Her: It's the chicken!
A women called me ugly until she found how much money I make. Now she’s calling me ugly and poor.
Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.
An ugly girl grabbed my butt today....
...I turned around and asked her, "Do you have a pen?"
She smiled and said, "Of course I do!"
I replied, "Well, you better get back to it before the farmer realizes you're missing."
Girls used to call me ugly until they found out how much money I make. Now they also call me poor.
Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I'm making... ...then they call me ugly and poor.
My girlfriend was standing nude...
in front of a mirror and she wasn't happy with what she saw.
She said, "I'm fat and I am ugly I really need a compliment right now."
To which I replied, "Well your eyesight is near perfect..."
Boy: *calls 911* Hello? I need your help!
911: Alright, What is it?
Boy: Two girls are fighting over me!
911: So what's your emergency?
Boy: The ugly one is winning.
a guy picking up his kids at school sees another kid and says loudly "god, what an ugly kid!"
The person standing next to him says "he's my son..."
The guy, pretty embarassed, replies "oh man, I'm sorry, I didn't know you were his father"
"I'm his mom..."
You're so ugly that I'm going to have to stop drinking
just in case I start seeing two of you...
My wife looked at herself in the mirror and said to me...
'All I see is a fat, ugly woman, can you say something nice about me to make me feel better'
'Of course' I replied 'Your eyesight is perfect'
Women call me ugly until they find out how much money I make... Then they don't call me at all.
Today my wife asked, "would you still love me if I was ugly and fat?" Turns out "Yes I do" was not the right answer.
Yo mama so ugly
She went into a haunted house and came out with a paycheque
Edit: not fixing the typo, deal with it.
My cute younger brother's contribution.
Brother: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Me: Don't know, why?
Brother: To go to the ugly guy's house.
Brother: Knock, knock.
Me: Who's there?
Brother: The chicken.
Your momma so ugly Governments across the world conspired to spread a pandemic to get her to wear a mask.
Women used to always call me ugly, until they find out how much money I make. Now they call me ugly and poor.
Two women were fighting bitterly for the last seat on a bus...
The conductor tried to intervene but it was no use.
Finally, from up the front, the driver said, “Just let the ugly one have it!”
Both women remained standing for the rest of the trip.
A terribly ugly woman enters a store. On each hand, she has a child. The clerk asks the woman: "Are those twins?" "No," the woman says, "They´re three years apart. Why? Do you think they look alike?" The clerk says: "No, I just can´t believe you got laid twice."
My doctor called me fat.
I told him I wanted a second opinion and he said:
“OK, you’re ugly too.”
Women call me ugly untill they find out how much money i make Then they call me ugly and poor
Women call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.
Girls only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.
So I mentioned how my crush wanted me to give up beekeeping. I was holding one of them and she said "How can you hold that ugly creature?". I said I didn't think it was ugly. I guess beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder.
You know you're ugly when....
it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
(add your own)
My wife always tells me that I treat my kid unfair. I don't even know which one she means. Thomas, Carl or the fat and ugly one?
My therapist said that I was crazy
I said “I want a second opinion!”
He said “ok, you’re ugly too!”
I made a joke about ugly people the other day. Someone walked up to me and hugged me and said " it takes courage to talk about your face"
People call me ugly...
Until they find how much money I have.
Then they call me ugly and broke
You know you're ugly... You know you're ugly when you get handed the camera every time they make a group photo.
CoVid-19 is making the world a prettier place. I mean, the ugly people are still there, but the mask does a great job of hiding it.
She said to me "What are you holding that big ugly bee for?"
I said "I don't think it's ugly!"
I guess beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder.
People say there are no advantages to being ugly But conveniently, my portraits just hang themselves.
Yo mama's so ugly She took off her facemask during quarantine and was arrested for indecent exposure
My doctor said I needed to lose weight.
I said I needed a second opinion.
"Ok. You're ugly too," he replied.
Many people underestimate the benefits of wearing face masks. Besides preventing the transmission of the Covid virus, we don't have to see your ugly face anymore.
What women call me
Women call me ugly till they see how much money I make.
Then they call me ugly and poor.
Hair Salons, Tanning Salons, Gyms, Spas, The Clinique Counter...
It's getting ugly out there.
Your so ugly that when your mom dropped you off at school, she got arrested for littering. Just a joke calm down
Women call my brother ugly until they find out how much he makes Then they call him ugly and poor
Women always call me ugly until they find out how much money I make then they call me ugly and broke
Honey I get a feeling you discriminating one of our children... Which one? Dave, Lisa or the ugly one?
Women call me Ugly until they figure out how much money I have Then they call me ugly and poor
Yo momma is so ugly That your father no longer finds her attractive and I am seriously concerned about the health of their marriage.
Women always call me ugly until they find out how much I make... ... Then they call me ugly and poor
Girls used to call me ugly Until I told them how much money I make and call me ugly and broke
We all know that Australia is full of ugly insects But this "kill it with fire before it lays eggs" thing has gotten greatly out of hand...
Once a woman gave birth to a very ugly baby
When the nurse showed it to her, she told her husband:
-Look at this, isn't it a treasure?
The husband replied:
-Of course it is, bring a shovel and lets bury it
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
Women used to call me Ugly until they found out how much money I make Now they call me ugly and broke.
Is this done before?
Dad (to son): what do your friends think of you having two dads?
Son: They don't care but they make this one yo-mama joke.
Dad: Which is?
Son: Yo mama so ugly your dad had to get a husband