If any of you are sad about being alone on valentines day, just remember... that nobody loves you on any other day of the year, and valentine's day shouldn't be any different.
I have a tip for all you lonely ladies on valentine's day.. Or you can just take the whole thing.
For Valentine's Day I made a chart of past relationships.... It has an ex-axis and a why-axis.
If Valentine's Day is for couples, what day is for single men?
First time posting, please be gentle.
My wife told me "For Valentine's Day, nothing would make me happier than a diamond necklace" So I got her nothing.
Valentine's day Mothers have mothers day, father's have father's day, couples have valentine's day and I have palm sunday
My wife called me on Valentine's Day
She said, "Three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers for Valentines Day. They are absolutely gorgeous."
I said, "Well that's probably why they've received flowers then."
I have my entire Valentine's day planned with my toaster! Okay, so first, we're going to take a bath.
To all the ladies and gents who aren't getting the V or the D in Valentine's day Happy Alentine's Ay
Girl, if your beauty was represented in stocks, I'd invest everything...
Because you're at an all-time low.
(Use it to seal the deal on Valentine's Day)
I bought my wife a new puppy for Valentine's Day! She's such a beautiful dog! Unfortunately, I forgot my wife is allergic to dogs... so I have to find her a new home. Can anybody help me out? She's 5'5", 125lbs, and blonde. Free to good home.
I bought my girlfriend a fridge for valentine's day..
A bit of an unconventional present, I know!
But you should have seen her face light up when she opened it.
This is the first time I didn't get a Valentine's day card from my secret admirer in 20 years; First my grandma died and now this;
To those who are sad because nobody loves them at Valentine's Day, worry not... ...nobody loves you on any of the other days of the year either.
For almost the last ten years, I've received a Valentine's Day card from the same secret admirer. So I was really hurt and upset when I didn't receive one this year. First me granny dies, now this?
I asked my wife what she wanted for Valentine's Day and she said 'treat me like a princess!' I'm having her killed in a traffic accident in Paris.
I wanted to go out for Valentine's day, but my relationship is complex I'm real, she's imaginary.
Happy Valentine's Day
Restaurant offers 25% discount for men who show up with their wife, 20% discount for men who show up with their girlfriend on Valentine's Day.
It's on the house for anyone who show up with both.
For the last twenty years, I've received a Valentine's Day card from the same secret admirer. So I was upset when I didn't get one this year. First my gran dies, now this?
For the first time in 40 years I didn't get a Valentine's day card from a secret admirer
I just don't understand it.
First Grandma dies, and now this!!
For Valentine's Day, me and the girlfriend are just gonna stay in and watch a movie. Can anyone recommend a good girlfriend?
I bought a lottery ticket on the way home on Valentine's Day... ...at least now I have a chance of getting lucky.
If you're worried about not getting a New Year's Eve kiss this year, just remember Valentine's Day is coming up and you're probably going to be alone for that, too.
The amount of Valentine's day cards I got this year has left me breathless. Turns out the card shop has a security guard and he gives a good chase.
My secret admirer who sent me love letters every Valentine's day didn't send me anything this time First my grandmother dies, now this?
If Mother's Day is for mothers, Father's Day is for fathers, and Valentine's Day is for lovers, what holiday is for single men? Palm Sunday
A man and a woman on Valentine's day :
W: Where are you taking me to dinner tonight?
M: Nowhere, I don't take married women to dinner, ever.
W: But I'm your wife!
M: NO EXCEPTIONS !!!
Feeling sad this Valentine's day because of having no partner? At least you're not the person reading this who will never get any love!
For valentine's day, I gave my wife a back-rub.
I told her, "Wow, they did a good job... when they removed your wings."
I kissed her forehead and whispered, "They did a good job on the horns too!"
I got my wife a new gym membership for Valentine's Day.
She was so overcome with emotion that she ran out of the house crying.
I think she must be still out telling her friends how wonderful I am, because she's not come back yet.
Hey girl, are you massive?
Because I'm feeling a strong attraction to you.
Happy Valentine's day all!
In Latin America, Valentine's Day is called “The Day of Love and Friendship” Because you want love, but she wants friendship
For Valentine's Day I was woken up with an awesome BJ! If only I could be posting this in any other forum.
Familiarity breeds contempt... ...is not the right thing to say to your wife if you forget Valentine's Day.
I'm finally going on a Date this valentine's Day I wish I could post this in another subreddit.
What is the true purpose of Valentine's Day?
To remind single people that they are single.
My buddy just got kicked out of his house. His wife was hinting at Valentine's day plans and asked him if he knew her favorite flower. "Gold Medal All Purpose" apparently wasn't the answer.
In India, children's day is celebrated on 14 November........
Exactly after 9 months from Valentine's day (14 February).
If you know what I mean.......
I got my crush a special edition DVD for Valentine's day... She was so happy she hi fived and hugged me. "That's friends!" my brother smiled as he watched us celebrate then put on the DVD. I said "No, it's love, actually."
People tend to give teddy bears as gifts for Valentine's Day.
The standard teddy or panda bears seem popular this year. I've got my girlfriend a koala bear because she loves them.
Plus, I don't know a better way to tell her that I've got chlymidia.
My friends always ask me what I got my significant other for Valentine's Day... I tell them I got myself a nice new pair of gloves.
Two friends discussing about their dates on valentine's day when one spoke about the electrifying moment he had with his date, to which the other friend responded.... What a Gal Val Nicing experience... I'll see my self out :)
Valentine's day for mlm
A guy sends his mom a fruit basket for Valentine's Day.
It was an Oedipal Arrangement.
I ordered my girlfriend flowers on Valentine's day
that didn't arrive (or were stolen from the porch), so I gave her the delivery confirmation instead.
Apparently it's not really the thought that counts.
I brought my girlfriend to Mexico for Valentine's Day. I got arrested on the way back for snuggling her over the border.
I wanted to make this a Valentine's Day to remember So I told her that her sister was better in bed, I don't think she'll forget that for a while.
I've got more action this Valentine's Day than ever before. I accidentally sat on my balls...