Human drinks a Vampire's blood. Out of curiosity, the Vampire asks what it tastes like. "It's irony."
A vampire walks into a bar...
and orders a cup of hot water. The bartender asks "I thought you guys only drink blood?"
The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says, "I'm making tea."
A Halloween Limerick
A lady vampire named Mable
Had a period that was awfully stable.
So once a full moon
She took out her spoon
And drank herself under the table.
What did the Vampire say to the Teacher?
See you next period.
(Heard this 20 years ago, hope it's not overly recycled)
Why can't a vampire accidentally get you pregnant? They have to ask you before they come inside!
A vampire walks into a bar.. He approaches the barman. The barman asks, "what will it be?" The vampire asks for a mug of hot water. The barman confused asks "don't you folk drink blood?" The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says "I'm making tea"
Three vampires walk into a bar.
The first two order bloody Mary’s, but the third vampire only asks for water.
"Why water?" asked the other two.
The third one pulls out a tampon and says, "I'm making tea."
ME [a detective]: The victim has 2 puncture wounds on his neck. He was obviously bitten by a vampire.
######OTHER DETECTIVE [Holding up bloody BBQ fork]:
I think he was stabbed with this.
**ME [Pinching bridge of nose]:** Gary… why would a vampire use a BBQ fork?
A vampire walks into a blood bar with a big smile on his face.... The bartender looks at him confused and the vampire says, "Always B positive!"
A Vampire walks into a bar.... And orders a cup of hot water from the bartender. Upon hearing this request the bartender asks "Why just water?" To which the Vampire, pulls out a used tampon and replies "I'm making tea."
What did the woman say to the vampire when she woke up with her period? "I made you breakfast in bed!"
Her: Who's your favourite Muppet Show character?
Me: The vampire
Her: That's Sesame Street – he doesn't count
Me: I can assure you that he does
As a vampire I cannot bear direct sunlight, which is why I moved to Scotland
But now I can't find any virgins!
-- Frankie Boyle
The midget vampire woke up from his 100-year slumber His first words were: "Huh... I'm a little stiff".
Did you hear Stephen Miller's wife tested positive for COVID? It turns out swallowing vampire is as dangerous as eating bat.
There once was a vampire named Mabel...
... Whose menstrual period was stable.
So one week in four
She'd slip to the floor
And drink herself under the table.
To kill a French Vampire you need to drive a baguette through its heart. Sounds easy but the process is painstaking.
A vampire walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a mug of hot water.
The bartender looks confused and asks 'Don't you drink blood?'
The vampire holds up a used tampon and says. 'I'm making tea.'
Why didn't the vampire purchase the expensive suit? He just couldn't ever see himself wearing it.
Three vampires walk into a bar... The first two order a pint of blood each, the third asks for a jug of boiling water, confused the barman asks "why?". The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says "I'm making tea"
I once knew a vampire who refused to drink blood
He would satisfy his cravings with fake blood, which his body rejected and he ended up dying from it.
I asked him on his death bed how the fake blood tasted and he said "a little irony"
I found out there is this subscription service called Vampire Boyfriends. It's a once a month fee and only for women.
Did you hear about the vampire who had an eye for the ladies? He used to keep it in his back pocket.
Today in my business class, the teacher asked us what a stakeholder was. Apparently, Buffy the Vampire Slayer wasn't the right answer.
A vampire walks into a bar and orders a cup of hot water.
So the bartender gives the vampire a cup of hot water.
And the vampire pulls out a used tampon and says "It's tea time."
What do you call a vampire who is easily knocked over, possibly into other vampires? Dominosferatu
There was a young vampire named Mabel
Whose periods were quite unstable
By the light of the moon
She took out a spoon
And drank herself under the table
Why are there so many vampire stories, but only in Europe, the Americas, Antarctica, and Asia? Because vampires die if they touch holy water, and they bless the rains down in Africa.
A vampire walks in a bar and asks for a cup of hot water. The bartender looks at him and says “Hot Water? I thought vampires drink blood” The vampire pulls out a bloody tampon and says “I’m making tea”.
What's the difference between a vampire and a lawyer?
You can kill the vampire by stabbing a wooden peg in his heart.
The lawyer does not have one.
Why can't a vampire see his bride on the wedding day? Because an open casket ceremony costs more
C3PO is trying to get Nitrous Oxide for his robot friend. He walks up to a vampire and says 'I want Nos for Ar-Too'.