White Jokes

Contents

Funniest White Jokes

My Chinese waiter thinks all white people look alike and gave my food to the wrong customer Wait. Never mind. That wasn't my waiter.

White people don't shoot each other in the streets like black people do. We do it in schools, because we have class.

White people are always annoyed that only black people can say the n word, but white people have some phrases only they can say too Things like “Hi Dad!” and “Thanks for the warning, officer.”

Funny White Jokes

I don’t understand why white people can’t say the N word We invented it after all

What does a racist joke and crossing the street have in common? White people looking both ways before they start

The only two white actors in Black Panther are Martin Freeman, who played Bilbo Baggins, and Andy Serkis who played Gollum. They're the Tolkien white guys.

























Edit: Swigity Swoo, I got a silver from you?

Edit: Golly Gee, a gold for me?

I'm AMERICAN and I BLEED red, white and blue! I really should see a doctor about it, but I can't afford the copay.

Liberal people support human rights and the idea that people with disabilities should have equal labor market opportunities. Now there is a disabled guy in the White House and all they do is compalain about it.

Why don't Native Americans like snow? It's white and settles on their land

White people don't shoot each other in the streets like black people do... We shoot each other in school because we have class

Racist jokes are like white people. They are the best.

I saw a man in the street with a dog and a white stick. I said ‘You must be blind.’ He said ‘Yeah, tell me something I don’t know.’ So I said ‘There’s a tree over there.’

Why is the white guy the scariest guy in prison? You know he's guilty.

White people don't shoot each other in the streets like black people do... We shoot each other in schools, because we have class.

Why do Indians hate snow? Because it's white and settles on their land.

Edit: well now I know what people mean by rip inbox.

Edit2: wtf happened to my headline, why is it Donald trump?

The only two white actors in Black Panther are Martin Freeman, who played Bilbo Baggins, and Andy Serkis who played Gollum. They're the Tolkien white guys.

I painted my computer black so it would run faster. Now it doesn't work.

Then I painted my computer white so it would work.

Now the whole system is corrupt.

TIL The American flag on the moon has turned white due to radiation Now it looks like the French landed on the moon

Why do white teenage girls always hang out in groups of 3, 5 or 7? They just, like, literally can't even

My Cocaine Is So White Police Let It Go With A Warning

Why do Native Americans hate snow? Because it's white and settles on their land.

Old rich white men selecting strong young black men to work on their fields? I'm not sure about this NFL draft thing.

Sure, white people can't say the "N word" but. atleast we can say phrases like, "Thanks for the warning, Officer" and, "Hey, Dad."

What's the scariest thing about a white guy in a prison? You know he actually did it.

What does a racist joke and crossing the street have in common? White people look both ways before they start...

If a stork brings white babies, and a blackbird black babies, what bird brings no babies? A Swallow.

A black guy and a white girl are at a party A black guy and a white girl are at a party. After a while they go together to a room, and she asks excited: "Show me if what they say about black men is true". He grabs her purse and runs

What do you call a fight between a Mexican and a white man with no girlfriend? Alien vs Redditor

I lose my White friends in the snow, I lose my Black friends at night, I lose my Asian friends in the sand, where do I lose my Arab friends? In an explosion.

how do you starve a black person? the same way you would a white person.... you racist.

Why do white girls only travel in groups of 3, 5, and 7? Because they literally can't even.

You can really see how much Trump cares about creating jobs in this country The White House seems to always be hiring.

Why do Indians hate snow? It's white and it's on their land.

Why do native Americans hate April? Because April showers bring May flowers and Mayflowers bring white people

Sure, white people can't say the n-word, but.... At least we can say, "hey dad", "thanks for the warning officer", and "that's my kid".

A cop is confronted by a white guy with a gun and a black guy with a nerf bat. Who does he shoot first? The bystander with the camera.

i'm not german, but this is a little jokie joke Overheard at the White House:

Trump to Vice-President Mike Pence: "the less immigrants we let in the better."

Pence to trump: "The FEWER.."

Trump interrupts Pence and says: "don't call me that in public".

A younger chimp asks one of his elders what's a conditioned reflex. The older chimp says: "When I press this red button an idiot in a white coat will open that door and bring us some bananas."

Black people are allowed to say the n-word while white people can't. But white people can say things that black people can't. Like, "Thanks for the
warning officer," and "Hi dad."

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New White Jokes

The other day I punched a white dude and got arrested for assault, Today I punched a black guy and got arrested for impersonating a police officer.

Why is the white bishop piece in chess the fastest? Because it's on F1.

Why do native Americans hate the snow? ...because it is white and settles all over their land.

One day I punched a white guy and I got arrested for assault, The next day I punched a black guy and got arrested for impersonating a police officer.

Joe Biden recently said his kid's won't have offices in the white house. Mainly because he also won't have an office in the white house.

Why are all the black guys afraid of the white guy in prison? Cause they know he actually did it.

Why do Native Americans hate snow? Because it's white and it settles on their land.

I’m on a plane and the lunch choices are white meat chicken or German sausage. Unfortunately, I’m seated in the last row. I’m hoping for the breast, but preparing for the wurst.

Why don’t Native Americans like snow? Because it’s white and settles on their land.

What's black, white and red all over? The slowest zebra in a herd

I bought this white noise generator to help me sleep better But it kept waking me last night by shouting "all lives matter" and asking to speak to my manager.

A white guy, a black guy, an Indian, an Asian women and a girl in a wheel chair walk into a bar They are celebrating being on the cover of a middle school math book

What’s the best drink to have on the 4th of July? A White Russian. Nothing is more American then a Russian helping you to make poor choices.

The other day I punched a white man and got arrested for assault, so when I got out I punched a black man.... and was arrested for impersonating a police officer

Why do Native Americans hate April? April showers bring may flowers. And may flowers bring white people

Why do white people own so many pets? Because they're not allowed to own people anymore.

It's ironic that in America, red white and blue stands for freedom... ... unless they're flashing behind you.

Why aren't there any white jokes? No one wants to get on the shooter's bad side.

Snow White and the 7 Dwarves were all in bed feeling happy Happy left soon afterwards, so they started feeling grumpy

If a white bird makes white babies and a black bird makes black babies, what bird makes no babies? A swallow

How does every racist joke start? With a white guy looking over his shoulder

Why do white girls travel in odd-numbered groups? They literally can't even.

What are a kidnappers favorite type of shoes? White Vans.

Things have gotten so bad in The US that during the last parade they surrounded Donald Trump with bullet proof glass. Just because he's a White guy with mental health issues doesn't mean he's gonna start shooting up the crowd

A black guy and a white guy each drink 3 beers at a bar, who pays the bill? They each pay for their own because men aren’t complicated

Dentists are racist and homophobic. They want to make your teeth white and straight.

What do you call 5 white guys on a bench? The NBA

What do you call someone in the White House who is honest, ethical, intellectual, law abiding, and truthful? A tourist

When your girlfriend comes home in a white suit, smelling of honey and covered in bee stings You know she's a keeper.

What's white and falls from the sky? Depressed Businessmen

The Winter Olympics. Letting white people win at sports no one else can afford to learn.

Why don't white supremacists take calculus in high school? They don't want to see integration in their schools

Trump cancelled his trip to Britain because he doesn’t want to go anywhere he doesn’t feel welcome... So what’s he still doing in the white house?

Do you know why native Americans hate snow?..... Because it's white and on their land.

I was originally ok with my wife getting a white noise machine in our bedroom turns out falling asleep to country music is harder than I thought

What's the difference between a white penguin and a black penguin? White penguins are walking towards you and black ones are walking away.

Apparantly all flags on the moon have faded to white by now. Now the French can claim to have been there.

“I’m black and I’m proud!” “I’m proud to be a black man!” Said the black man

“I’m proud to be an Asian man!” Said the Asian man

“I’m proud to be a white man!” Said the racist

Needed a Password eight characters long:: So, I went with 'Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs'.

WAS BARRY WHITE ? WAS CILLA BLACK ? WAS JAMES BROWN ? SURE MAKES STEVIE WONDER

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Long White Jokes

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago , another is from Tennessee , and the third is from Minnesota .

All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me."



The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me."



The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700."



The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?" The Chicago contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence."

"Done!" replies the government official.



And that, my friends, is how the new stimulus plan will work.........

In an African tribe village, the chieftain's wife gave birth to a white skinned child.

The chieftain quickly figured the voluntary doctor from Europe might be to blame. So the chieftain asked him to talk in his tent.

Chieftain: "Today my wife gave birth to a white child. She and I are dark skinned. You are white. It doesn't take a doctor to figure out that you have slept with my wife!"

The doctor remains calm: "The answer lies in the genetics. Some genetics have recessive traits, which are not apparent to the parents but may be passed on to the child. For example, last week one of your sheep gave birth to a black sheep."

The chieftain pauses for a thinking, then replies: "I tell you what. You say no word about black sheep and I say no word about white child."

A white man, a black man and an orange man walk into the bar.

The white man goes up to the bar to order a whiskey. The barman goes, "Hey, aren't you George Bush?"
"Yes, I am" he replies. "Well Mr. President it's an honor."
Then the black man goes up to the bar to get his drink. "Hey, aren't you Barack Obama?" asks the barman. "Yes I am", Obama responds. "Two presidents in my bar in one day; this is the highlight of my life" the barman gushes.

Then the orange man walks up to the bar. The barman immediately tells him to get out of the bar. Furiously, he asks why and the barman exclaims "Ted; you just got a new liver last week. Your wife would kill me if I gave you a drink."

Two 90 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives.

When it's clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day. One day Mike says, "Joe, we both loved football all our lives, and we played football on Saturdays together for so many years. Please do me one favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's football there."

Joe looks up at Mike from his death bed," Mike, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favour for you.

Shortly after that, Joe passes on.

At midnight a couple of nights later, Mike is awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, "Mike--Mike."

"Who is it? asks Mike sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?"

"Mike--it's me, Joe."

"You're not Joe. Joe just died."

"I'm telling you, it's me, Joe," insists the voice.

"Joe! Where are you?"

"In heaven", replies Joe. "I have some really good news and a little bad news."

"Tell me the good news first," says Mike.

"The good news," Joe says," is that there's football in heaven. Better yet, all of our old friends who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always spring time and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play football all we want, and we never get tired."

That's fantastic," says Mike. "It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's the bad news?

"You're on the team for this Saturday's match!"

Trump steps out onto the White House lawn in the dead of winter

Donald Trump steps out onto the White House lawn in the dead of winter. Right in front of him, on the White House lawn, he sees “Donald Trump Sucks” written in urine across the snow.

Well, he's is pretty ticked off. He storms into his security staff’s HQ, and yells “Somebody wrote an insult in the snow on the front damn lawn! And they wrote it in urine! Whoever did it had to be standing right on the porch when he did it! Where were you guys?!” The security guys stay silent and stare ashamedly at the floor.

Trump hollers “Well dammit, don’t just sit there! Get out and find out who did it! I want an answer, and I want it tonight!”

The entire staff immediately jump up and race for the exits.

Later that evening, his chief security officer approaches him and says: “Well Mr. President, we have some bad news and we have some really bad news. Which do you want first?”

Trump says “Give me the bad news first.”

The officer says “Well, we took a sample of the urine and tested it. The results just came back, and it was Mike Pence’s urine.”

Trump says “Oh my god, I feel so... so... betrayed! My own vice president! Damn. ...Well, what’s the really bad news?”

The officer replies “Well, it’s Melania’s handwriting.”

A woman’s on vacation and calls home

She asks her husband, "How’s my cat doing?"

The husband says, "The cat’s dead."

The woman’s upset and says, "Well, you could have broken the news to me when I got home. I can’t enjoy my vacation now. You could’ve just said a little white lie, like the cat’s on the roof and you can’t get her down."

"Okay, I’m sorry," says the husband, "I’ll remember that."

The woman says, "Anyway, how’s my mother doing?"

The husband says, "Your mother’s on the roof and we can’t get her down."

A husband calls the Sheriff's office to report his wife missing.

Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!

Sheriff: Height?

Husband: I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sheriff: Weight?

Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sheriff: Color of eyes?

Husband: Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed.

Sheriff: Color of hair?

Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can’t remember.

Sheriff: What was she wearing?

Husband: Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly.

Sheriff: What kind of car did she go in?

Husband: She went in my truck.

Sheriff: What kind of truck was it?

Husband: A 2016 pearl white Ram Limited 4X4 with 6.4l Hemi V8 engine ordered with the Ram Box bar and fridge option, LED lighting, back up and front camera, Moose hide leather heated and cooled seats, climate controlled air conditioning. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed, Weather Tech floor mats. Trailering package with gold hitch, sunroof, DVD with full GPS navigation, satellite radio, Cobra 75 WX ST 40-channel CB radio, six cup holders, 3 USB port, and 4 power outlets. I added special alloy wheels and off-road Toyo tires. It has custom retracting running boards and underglow wheel well lighting.

At this point the husband started choking up.

Sheriff: Take it easy sir, we'll find your truck!

Donald Trump meets the Queen...

Donald Trump meets with the Queen. He asks her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give to me?"

"Well," says the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."

Trump frowns. "But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?"

The Queen takes a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy. You just ask them to answer an intelligence riddle."

The Queen pushes a button on her intercom. "Please send Theresa May in here, would you?"

Theresa May walks into the room. "Yes, your majesty?"

The Queen smiles. "Answer me this, please, Theresa. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?"

Without pausing for a moment, Theresa answers, "That would be me."

"Yes! Very good," says the Queen.

Back at the White House, Trump asks to speak with Vice President Mike Pence.

"Mike, answer this for me. Your mother and father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"

"I'm not sure," says the Vice President. "Let me get back to you on that one."

Mike Pence goes to his advisers and asks every one, but none can give him an answer. Finally, he ends up in the men's room and recognizes General McMasters' shoes in the next stall.

Mike shouts, "General! Can you answer this for me? Your mother and your father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?

General McMaster yells back, "That's easy. It's me!"

Mike Pence smiles. "Thanks!" and goes back to the Oval Office to speak with Trump.

"Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's General McMaster."

Trump gets up, stomps over to Mike Pence, and angrily yells into his face, "No, you idiot! It's Theresa May!"

John dies and passes on to the afterlife...

He comes to, looks around and finds himself in what looks like the dirtiest alley of the world's worst urban center. As he's trying to come to terms with what's happening he hears a voice say, "Hey there old friend, fancy meeting you here."


John looks up and sees his old friend Jack! "Jack, how is this possible? I though you died in a car wreck almost five years ago..."


Jack replies, "I did, and it looks like you died too. Come on, let's get you some food and I'll explain everything." Jack leads John to what looks like a soup kitchen, inside is full of people waiting patiently in two lines. In one line they are grabbing bowls of soup and in the other they are taking cups of fruit punch.


The pair take some soup and fruit punch and Jack explains to John that this is the afterlife. He tells John that the afterlife is divided into multiple circles and that the way to move up is to save enough money. Currently they're in the lowest circle. It costs ten thousand dollars for a ticket to the next one. Jack then goes on to tell how he was actually on his way to buy his ticket as he found John.


"Now John... It'll be tempting to spend some money making you time here more comfortable, but I promise that if you do that, you'll never make it out of here."


With that final warning Jack bids John farewell with a promise to see each other on the other side.


Soon after John lands a job picking trash out of alleys and after five years of hard toil saves up ten thousand dollars. He purchases his ticket and heads through the gate to the next circle.


On the other side he is greeted by white picket fence and cookie cutter ranch houses, the trappings of middle class suburbia.


A familiar voice flags him down, "John old friend! It's so good to see you!" Sure enough it's Jack. The two decide to catch up over lunch. They head to what looks like a back yard barbecue, there are once again two lines of people. One for hotdogs, hamburgers and the like and the other for fruit punch.



The two take their food and sit beneath a tree, catching up. "I'm so glad you made it John, but don't get complacent now. It's a hundred thousand dollars for the next circle... As a matter of fact I'm on my way there now. Good luck, and don't forget my warning from last time."


The two part and soon after John gets a job driving a garbage truck. It's a long time but eventually after ten years he saves up enough.


John buys his ticket and heads through the gate. Before him lies an exquisite gated community. Mansions dot the landscape, complete with tennis courts, swimming pools and any other commodity you could imagine.


Much like last time a familiar voice hails him.


"John! I was worried you wouldn't ever make it! Let's grab some food and catch up."


The two head over to an extravagant banquet hall. As before there are two lines, one for all the most lavish foods John's ever seen: caviar, roast pheasant, braised swan to name a few. The other line is quite simply fruit punch.


They take their food and sit at one of the many tables. Jack informs John that he could stay here if he wished, bit if he could save up one million dollars he would gain entry to the final circle, the closest thing to his notion of heaven in this afterlife.


Once again, Jack bids John farewell, as he's already got his ticket.


After the meal and much deliberation John decides to follow in his friend's footsteps.


John gets a job as a supervisor for regional waste management and after twenty more long years of work saves up one million dollars.


He buys his ticket and steps through a gleaming Golden gate. On the other side people are walking down a golden street in naught but pure white robes, whose look and feel reminded John of clouds.


Looking down John notices he's wearing the same, and that all of his aches, worries, and weariness has vanished.


Of course, waiting for him is his oldest friend Jack.


"Welcome, my dear friend. Let's grab a bite and catch up, one last time."


They head to a gilded ampitheater where the most heavenly ambrosia is being served. The smell reminded John of all his favorite foods, the scent of loves past and the whiff of treasured memories.


John pauses however, frowning. He turns to Jack and asks, "Where's the punchline?"


John replies, "There isn't one."

"My Daddy Plays Piano in a Whorehouse"

Mrs. Jacobson, a prim and proper, straightlaced lady, is a teacher of Grade Four students. One of the lessons is about the types of different jobs adults have...sort of a "what do you want to be when you grow up" type of lesson.

Part of it was asking the students what their parents do for a living.

"Sally, what does you father do?"

Sally proudly answers, "My Daddy is a Real Estate agent, and he helps people sell the house they own now, and buy a better house."

"Very good, Sally," replies Mrs Jacobson. "Jimmy, how about you? What does your father do?"

Jimmy smiles and says, "He works in a laboratory in a hospital and helps the doctors find out exactly how people are sick, so the doctors can help them get better."

Johnny has been sitting at his desk, shoulders slumped and staring down. He's asked, but mumbles something incoherent.

"I'm sorry, Johnny, I didn't hear you. Could you speak up?"

Johnny blurts out, "I said 'My Daddy plays piano in a whorehouse!'"

Mrs. Jacobson turns white as a sheet, and the whole class goes silent. She marches up to Johnny's desk, rips a piece of paper from his notebook, and scribbles a few lines.

Folding it, she hands it to Johnny, and firmly commands, "Young man, you take this note down to the Principal's Office right this minute. Go straight there, and you tell him that I sent you." She walks briskly to the door and opens it, glaring at Johnny as he meekly walks past her into the hallway.

He enters the Office, and one of the secretaries asks why he's at the office. "Mrs. Jacobson sent me," and hands over the note. The secretary reads it, gasps, and takes it into the Principal's office. She comes back and says, "The Principal wishes to see you in his office, *right now*."

Johnny walks into the office, and the Principal tells him to close the door, and take a seat. There is an awkward few moments of silence, as the Principal looks at Johnny, then at the note, then back at Johnny.

The principal asks, "Johnny, your father doesn't really play piano in a whorehouse, does he?"

"No, Sir." Johnny admits. "He plays defense for the Cleveland Browns, but there's no way I'm telling them THAT."

Classic joke for our Muslim friends today

There were two white christian men, John and Mike, whose plane crashed into a desert. Luckily they survived unharmed. As they traveled through the hot desert looking for food and water, they gave up and sat down, thinking of what to do.

As the dust in the air settled, they suddenly could view a mosque ahead. They became very hopeful. But then John said ''Muslims are there. They might help us if we say we are Muslim.'' Then Mike said ''No way, I won't say I'm Muslim, I'm gonna be honest''.

So John and Mike went to the Mosque ahead and were greeted by an Arab Muslim, who asked what their names were.

John thought of a Muslim name and said, 'My name is Muhammad'. And Mike said 'My name is Mike'.

The Arab man said 'Hello Mike.' And told these other men to take Mike and give him food and drink.

Then he turned to John and said, 'Salaam Muhammad. Ramadan Mubarak! (Hello Muhammad, Happy Ramadan)

There were two white christian men, John and Mike, whose plane crashed into a desert. Luckily they survived unharmed. As they traveled through the hot desert looking for food and water, they gave up and sat down, thinking of what to do.

As the dust in the air settled, they suddenly could view a mosque ahead. They became very hopeful. But then John said ''Muslims are there. They might help us if we say we are Muslim.'' Then Mike said ''No way, I won't say I'm Muslim, I'm gonna be honest''.

So John and Mike went to the Mosque ahead and were greeted by an Arab Muslim, who asked what their names were.

John thought of a Muslim name and said, 'My name is Muhammad'. And Mike said 'My name is Mike'.

The Arab man said 'Hello Mike.' And told these other men to take Mike and give him food and drink.

Then he turned to John and said, 'Salaam Muhammad. Ramadan Mubarak!

Redneck Divorce

A hillbilly walked into an attorney's office wanting to file for divorce.

Attorney: "May I help you?"

Hillbilly: "Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorces".

Attorney: "Well do you have any grounds?"

Hillbilly: "Yea, I got about a hundred acres."

Attorney: "No, you don't understand, do you have a case?"

Hillbilly: "No, I don't have a Case, but I have a John Deere."

Attorney: "I mean, do you have a grudge?"

Hillbilly: "Yea, I got a grudge. That's where I park my John Deere."

Attorney: "No sir, I mean do you have a suit?"

Hillbilly: "Yes sir, I got a suit, I wear it to church on Sundays."

Attorney: "Well sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?"

Hillbilly: "No sir, we both get up about 4:30 in the morning."

Attorney: "Well, is she a nagger or anything?"

Hillbilly: "No she's a little white gal, but our last child was a nagger. That's why I want this dayvorce."

Royal Wedding

On the day of the Royal wedding, Sophie was getting dressed, surrounded by all
of her family. She suddenly realised she had forgotten to get any shoes.
Panic!

Then her sister remembered that she had a pair of white shoes from her wedding so she lent them to Sophie for the day. Unfortunately they were a bit too small and by the time the festivities were over Sophie's feet was hurting real bad.

When she and Edward withdrew to their room the only thing she could think of was getting her shoes off.

The rest of the Family crowded around the door to the bedroom and they heard roughly what they expected, grunts, straining noises and the occasional muffled scream. Eventually they heard Edward say 'God, that was tight.'

'There,' whispered the Queen. 'I told you she was a virgin.'

Then, to their surprise, they heard Edward say. 'Right. Now for the
other one.' Followed by more grunting and straining and at last Edward said.
'My God. That was even tighter.'

'That's my boy,' said the Duke. 'Once a sailor, always a sailor.'

So I was at my bank today.

There was a short line. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yuan for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated.

She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hundred dollar for yuan. Today I only get hundred eighty? Why it change?"

The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations.

The Asian lady says, "Fluck you white people too!"

A black man and a white man walk into a bakery

The black man immediately steals three pastries and puts them in his pocket.

He says to the white, "See how good I am? The owner didn't see a thing." The white man says to the black man, "That's typical of you black people. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same result."

He goes to the owner of the bakery and says, "Give me a pastry and I will show you a magic trick."
Intrigued, the owner accepts and gives him a pastry. The white man swallows it and asks for another one. The owner gives him another one. Then the white man swallows that one and asks for a third pastry and eats that, too.

The owner is starting to wonder where the magic trick is and asks, "So what did you do with the pastries?"

The white man replies, "Look in the black mans back pocket....."

EDIT: I forgot that you don't get karma for jokes, :(

A balding white haired man walks into a jewelry store with a beautiful much younger gal at his side...

He
told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.

The man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.'

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought
another ring over. 'Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000the jeweler said.
The lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, 'We'll take it.'
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated,
'By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now
and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds; I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon.'

On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said
'Sir...There's no money in that account.

''I know,' said the old man...'But let me tell you about my weekend.’

I was at my bank today and there was just an Asian lady ahead of me

who was trying to exchange yen for dollars.
It was obvious she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?"
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations."
The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too!!"

Two blind pilots enter a plane

They have sunglasses and white sticks. As the plane starts to move, the passengers are uncomfortable. The plane gains speed, but it stays on the ground. The remaining runway gets smaller and smaller, and the plane is rushing towards a fence.

The passengers start shrieking and suddenly the plane lifts, avoiding the fence at the last second. All the passengers calm down, thinking it was a bad joke.

In the pilot cabin, the co-pilot turns to the pilot and says :
"You know what? One day they're going to scream too late, and we're all going to die"

An officer running a speed trap stops a car on the interstate for going dangerously slow.

He walks up to the car and sees two very old women. The driver with very thick glasses, and one very pale, wide eyed passenger.

"Ma'am I have to tell you, it's very dangerous going so slow on an interstate."

"What do you mean too slow? The speed limit is 10" as she points to a sign. "See?"

The officer chuckles kind-heartedly and responds, "Ma'am that's the route number, not the speed limit"

The old lady looks embarrassed, but thanks the officer for the correction anyway.

He looks over to the sweating passenger and says, "Is she alright? She's white as a ghost."

She pats her friend on the knee and says, "Oh she'll be alright soon, sir. We just got off of 195."

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