Man: Doctor, all five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up! Doctor: Wow! That's the worst case of parking son's disease that I have ever seen.
Don’t you just hate that situation when you’re picking up your bags at the airport, and everyone’s luggage is better than yours. A worst case scenario.
My boss said to me, "you're the worst train driver ever. How many have you derailed this year?" I said, "I'm not sure; it's hard to keep track."
The worst part about working for the department of unemployment Is when you get fired you still have to show up the next day.
The women I meet in bars have the WORST pickup lines... They're like, "Hey, what's your friends name?" Never works on me ladies.
Just found the absolute worst page in the dictionary What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest and disingenuous.
Dad: Doctor, all five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up! Doctor: Wow! That's the worst case of parking sons disease I have ever seen.
Worst Geometry Joke I Know
When does a Pentagon have only 4 sides?
When it is intercepted by a plane.
My grandfather killed 30 german planes during World War 2 He was easily the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.
Not bragging, but I made six figures last year, so they names me the year's worst employee at the toy factory.
The worst thing about celebrity deaths is the inevitable torrent of jokes referencing them from people trying to be witty when really it should be a time of mourning and respect. I won’t take any part in it. So wake me up when it’s all over
What is the worst part about locking your keys inside your car outside an abortion clinic? Having to go inside and asking for a coat hanger.
So there's a fly...
and a gnat lands on its back.
The fly says, "is there a gnat on my back?"
The gnat says, "gnat at all."
The fly says, "that's the worst pun I've ever heard."
The gnat goes, "what do you expect, I just made it up on the fly!"
What's the worst thing about accidentally locking your keys in your car outside an abortion clinic? Having to go in and ask for a coat hanger.
The worst part about being a giraffe
is having a lot of time to think about your mistakes when you’re sinking into quicksand.
Credit. The Joke Cafe
My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture. I have a hunch, it might be me.
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous
“Doc, all my 5 kids want to be valets when they grow up!” Doctor: WOW! That’s the worst case of parking son’s disease I’ve ever seen.
Whats the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl You have to drop the bomb twice before she finally gets it
What's the worst part about locking your keys in your car outside of a Planned Parenthood? Going inside to ask for a coat hanger.
What’s the worst part about being locked out of your car outside and abortion clinic? Having to go inside to ask for a coat hanger
Worst joke I've ever heard
What is the difference between Hitler and the Boston Bombers?
One of them actually ended a race.
The worst part about spring... Getting sued by the Fine Brothers for having an allergic reaction.
What’s the worst part of locking your keys in the car outside planned parenthood? Having to go back in and ask for a hanger.
My boss told me, "You are the worst train driver ever. How many have you derailed this year?" I replied, "I don't know; it's hard to keep track".
What's the worst part about locking your keys in your car outside of an abortion clinic? Going inside to ask for a coat hanger.
Hey guys, I just lost my virginity yesterday! What's the worst thing you've ever done to a dead body?
Minutes ago , my brother ran out of the room with tears in his eyes shouting : it is a boy , it is a boy ! Dont go to Thailand , my worst trip so far !
My sewing instructor just told me that I am the absolute worst student she has ever had... Oooops! Wrong thread...
My grandfather downed 50 German fighter planes in WWII. Yep. Worst engineer in the Luftwaffe.
I bought the world's worst thesaurus today. Not only was it terrible, but it was also terrible
The stock market crashing last week was worst than a divorce. Lost half of my money AND the wife is still there.
My grandfather was responsible for the downing of over 30 enemy aircrafts during WW2 And still to this day, the Luftwaffe considers him the worst mechanic they've ever had.
Why do the worst subreddits all seem like they are being run by drunks? Because alcoholics are terrible at moderation.
What does Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack? The best of thymes, and the worst of thymes
My boss said to me, “You are the worst train driver ever. How many have you derailed this year? I said, “I don’t know, it’s hard to keep track.”
What's the worst combination of two sicknesses? Diarrhea and alzheimer. You are running but you don't know where.
What’s the worst combination of illnesses? Alzheimer’s and Diarrhea. Your running, but can’t remember where.
I bought the world’s worst thesaurus the other day, Not only was it terrible, it was terrible.
A fly feels a bug on its back
"Hey, bug on my back, are you a mite?" the fly asks.
"I 'might' be," giggles the mite.
"That's the worst pun I've ever heard," groans the fly.
"What do you expect?" says the mite. "I came up with it on the fly..."
Getting my toy drone stuck in a tree isn’t the worst thing that happened to me today. But it is definitely up there.
My grandad was responsible for 28 downed german planes in WW2. Still to this day holds the record as the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.
My grandfather was responsible for 49 downed German planes. Still to this day, he holds the record for worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.
I'm so depressed because everyone keeps telling me I’m the worst mailman they’ve ever seen... Shit, I meant to post this somewhere else...
Why is EA the worst gaming company in America?
Because Ubisoft is in France.
^(9,90$ to unlock and extra line.)
What's the worst part about dating a Japanese girl? The breakup: You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.
Magician: and now for my final trick! I will disappear! Then he grabs a pear and says: you're the worst fruit ever!
Two men argue:
- *How could you sleep with her?!*
- She was naked, what else should I do?
- *The autopsy!*
- Dont tell me what to do!!
- *You are the worst veterinarian ever*!!
The worst part about kissing a perfect ten... ... is the cold feeling your lips get from touching the mirror.