Writing Jokes

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Funniest Writing Jokes

I decided to kill off some characters in the book I am writing It would definitely spice up my autobiography.

Score: 9294

A conversation with god about Trump John (while writing Revelations): "So Lord, the end will be signaled by trumpets?"

God: "No... I said Trump/Pence."

John: Yeah, trumpets.

God: "Never mind. They'll know."

Score: 5080
Funny Writing Jokes
Score: 3188

I'm writing a book called 'Stop Overreacting.' If no one buys it I'm going to kill myself.

Score: 2036

What's a pirate's least favorite letter? Dear sir, we are writing to inform you that you have violated the copyright agreement..

Score: 1383

I decided to kill off a few characters in the book I'm writing It would definitely spice up my autobiography a little.

Score: 1101

Dear keyboard manufacturers, I'm writing to request a redesign so that g and t wouldn't be right next to each other Retards

/u/TheDarkKn1ght

(First post to this community, please be kind)

Score: 844

My computer crashed a few hours into writing my paper looks like I'm gonna have to write my name and the date again

Score: 803

My girlfriend is kind of like a ninja attack.. They're two things I'll never see coming.


(I've never been so proud of myself for writing a joke)

Score: 647

What' is a pirate's least favourite letter? Dear Sir,
We are writing to you because you have violated copyright ...

Score: 411

There's this hot girl in my college writing class. Her body is a 10, but her intro and conclusion need some work.

Score: 348

I was writing a joke about a stone rolling up a hill, but it lost momentum. It still has potential.

Score: 300

Me: Officer, are you actually crying while you're writing me a speeding ticket? Officer: It was a moving violation

Score: 299

I'm writing a book about WD-40. It's Non-Friction

Score: 198

I spent a year writing a romance novel where two blood cells meet and fall in love. It never got published. It was all in vein.

Score: 164

I have a fetish for writing the last paragraph of a paper. I just came to that conclusion.

Score: 127

A letter to Keyboard Manufacturers Dear Keyboard Manufacturers,

I'm writing to request a redesign so that 'g' and 't' wouldn't be right next to each other.

Retards,

Score: 122

Earlier today I saw the Facebook group 'kids vs cancer' Well, it turns out writing "my money is on cancer every time" is one way to get quite a bit of hate mail.

Score: 114

I started writing an abortion joke But it never fully developed

Score: 110

Facebook is like jail You have a profile picture, you sit around all day writing on walls, and you get poked by guys you don't really know

Score: 103

I just finished writing a book on cats It would have been a lot easier if I had written it on paper though

Score: 100

Warning, English not my first language, so sorry if hard to understand The creative writing students all shifted a little uneasy as they realized they had clearly picked the wrong professor

Score: 98

If it wasn't for my wife, I'd probably be writing depressive Facebook messages all day. But she changed my password.

Score: 94

What type of writing makes the most money? Ransom notes.

Score: 93

When writing your calculus exam, make sure you don't sit between twins. Because you might not be able to differentiate between them.

Score: 81

I got a paper cut while writing my suicide note. It's a start.

Score: 80

Why is Microsoft so bad at writing music? Because they can only use OneNote!

Score: 75

An English class is writing an essay One of the students asks how long the essay should be.
The teacher responds, "Like a skirt. Long enough to cover the subject, but short enough to keep me interested".

Score: 71

I'm writing a movie about a woman who kills her husband by giving him poisoned Viagra. Calling it "Die Hard".

Score: 67

My fiance, feeling a bit under the weather, just blurted out this knee-slapper at 3AM... Why does Bill Nye get sleepy after writing calligraphy?

Because of the Nye Quill.

Score: 63

I'm writing a musical about puns. It's a play on words.

Score: 61

I'm writing this from the hospital Don't worry! The doctors say I'm going to be OK but I must warn you. The Dyson Ball Cleaner has a very misleading name!

Score: 59

Im writing this from the hospital. Don't worry the doctors say that im gonna be fine. But i feel i should warn you that the "Dyson Ball Cleaner" has a very misleading name

Score: 55

There's a strange new trend at work, people are writing names on the food in the company fridge Today I had a chicken sandwich named Kevin

Score: 54

Russian kids were writing an essay about their heroes.... ..... The title was: "Who is your hero and why Stalin?"

Score: 54

what do you call sodium chloride crossed with a poisonous writing utensil from out the sea a salt with a deadly wetpen

*hides*

Score: 50

What's a pirate's least favorite letter? Dear sir,

We are writing you because you have violated certain copyright laws...

Score: 47

What's a pirate's least favorite letter? Dear Sir,
We are writing to you because you have violated copyright ...

Score: 41

I majored in Politics, Computer Science, and Dance. Now I'm stuck writing Al Gore Rhythms.

Score: 40

I'm writing a song about getting my front door lock replaced. There’s a lovely key change at the end.

Score: 38

I've just finished writing a script for a film I titled "American Schools" Shooting starts soon.

Score: 37

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New Writing Jokes

Why do people spend so much time and effort into writing detailed text messages? Time is money, you know. But sometimes, it's not about the money. It's about sending a message.

Score: 3

I’m writing this rom-com, it’s a classic two people who hate each other fall in love by the end. I’m calling it Stockholm Syndrome.

Score: 1

Its funny Dr. Seuss ended up writing kid's stories because his older sister learned massage. Ms. Seuss

Score: 2

My mom runs a car dealership and I am getting my new car from there. My mom asked me "So will you be writing a cheque?"

I replied "Not today! It's my cake day. I get Free Karma"

Score: 9

I'm writing a piece for the theatre. It's called "Dictionary: A Play on Words"

Score: 3

What did they call Norse god of lightning after he turned into gold and began writing books? Author

Score: 11

Writing the script for the Tetris movie must be hard, Every time they write a line, it disappears.

Score: 21

I'm sorry i am not sure if this's against the rules or not but I need some joke writing tips I would really appreciate it

Score: 1

I’ve created a writing software to rival Microsoft. It’s their Word against mine.

Score: 28

My brother has been writing a stage drama about a dictionary and a thesaurus. I'm really looking forward to it. I love a play on words.

Score: 9

Boss: If I knew your writing was so small I'd never have hired you Me: Well it was on my resume, you should have read the small print

Score: 9

I’m writing a novel about a guy that can kill with words Working title “Death Sentence”

Score: 4

What did they rename the Norse god of lightning after he turned into gold and began writing books? Author

Score: 4

Wearing a mask at work So I was at work, and cleaning off my desk, writing a few notes for the next shift. That’s when I saw it. One small hair on my desk. So instinctively I put my head closer, and tried to blow it away. That’s when it hit me.

Score: 5

“Officer, why are you crying and writing me a ticket?” Cop: Because....it’s a moving violation.

Score: 3

Being left handed I was always told I was more creative but all I noticed was that I smudge the words when writing with pencil. I guess it’s a blessing and a cursive

Score: 6

I decided to kill off a few characters in the story I'm writing Would definitely spice up my autobiography.

Score: 2

Im just so overwhelmed with the difficulty of writing my own book There are no words

Score: 27

I’m writing a book about being sexist towards the female gender. I call it “Belittle Women”.

Score: 1

A patriotic theater director for fired by their university after announcing they were writing a new show. They probably shouldn’t have searched for “ProState Play” ideas on their work computer.

Score: 2

My buddy Frank is a HUGE fan of diarrhea. I was thinking of writing a book about him, but it looks like the title is already taken. "The Diary of Anne Frank"

Score: 2

A conversation about Trump while writing Revelations John: "So Lord, the end will be signaled by trumpets?"

God: "No... I said Trump/Pence."

John: "Yeah, trumpets."

God: "Never mind. They'll know."

Score: 24

I’m writing a book about an Australian Shepherd dog who, against all odds, opened up his own yoga studio. The title: Downward Underdog.

Score: 2

Someone told me that you can let out all your anger by writing letters about everyone you hate and then burning them… But I was just wondering… should I keep the letters?

Score: 1

I started writing a book about punctuation, but what's the point?

Score: 4

Driver: Officer, are you actually crying while writing my ticket? Officer: It was a moving violation.

Score: 4

A Facebook friend of mine got arrested today Dude's been posting about drug dealers.

Can't say I'm surprised, the writing was on the wall.

Score: 2

What is writing in sand called? Sandscript

Score: 1

Did you hear about the mathematician who suffered muscle pain when writing out equations? They had fibromyalgebra

Score: 33

The other day I told my mom I was writing an autobiography... She said for dramatics I should kill off the main character, I don’t think she realized it was an autobiography...

Score: 2

A rich man visits Karl Marx as he's writing the Communist manifesto. He asks: "So what's in that book of yours, Mr. Marx?"

Marx replies: "None of your business."

Score: 16

I’m writing a television series which involves everyone smoking dope. It’s a mellow drama.

Score: 3

Breaking News: A programmer has been accused of writing unreadable code He has declined to comment.

Score: 2

I'm not very good at writing jokes online Sometimes I make spelling mistakes!

Score: 1

I'm writing a book on angry animals Right now it's a rough giraffe

Score: 1

If someone wrote a play about Shakespeare writing Romeo and Juliet... It would be considered a playwright writing a play about a playwright writing a play, right?

Score: 1

Why did the game designer get moved from the writing team to the development team? Because they had poorgrammar skills.

Score: 3

It hurt when my classmate stabbed me with their writing implement. It was a felt pen.

Score: 1

Writing plot twists must be leaving Christopher Nolan pretty exhausted He is quite a master baiter.

Score: 1

Forget writing Santa asking for miracle... ...I'm writing Willy Wonka and asking for an Everlasting GOPstopper.

Score: 4

I have decided to kill off the main character in the book I’m writing It’s the best way to finish my autobiography

Score: 2

My therapist told me to write letters to people I hate, then burn them Ok, done with the writing and the burning. Wtf am I supposed to do with the bunch of letters, though?

Score: 13

I was writing an exam. The invigilator came beside me. He was surprised to see my answer sheet blank. Invigilator:Why is your answer sheet blank?

Me:Sometimes silence is the best answer.

Score: 3

Yo mama is so old In their history class they were writing what they were doing

Score: 1

A young man is writing his grandmother a letter His friends sees it and asks him: who are you writing that letter?

My grandma, the boy replies. Why are you writing so slowly? His friend asks him.

She can’t read very fast!

Score: 2

They say writing your own obituary can be a good wake up call, so I did it But I’m really proud of it and now want to publish it

Score: 1

Him: "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer." Her: "OK, maybe writing out own wedding vows was a mistake."

Score: 4

Having a child, planting a tree and writing a book is easy... The difficult thing is to raise a child, water the tree and have someone to read the book.

Score: 1

My good freind Jake is writing my biography I told him he should kill off the main character

Score: 1

My last girlfriend became a cop and ended up pulling me over and writing me a ticket. She asked why I seemed so happy about it. I told her I was just ex-cited.

Score: 6

Just got home and realised Staples had sold me a packet of cardboard instead of paper. I’m writing them a stiff letter.

Score: 4

Why do astronauts get drunk when writing an email? Because they keep hitting the space bar.

Score: 9

Why was the prison writing contest canceled? The warden decided that there were too many cons and not enough prose

Score: 7

I started a program at the local jail to teach creative writing to inmates. It’s called Prose and Cons

Score: 20

What do you call the action of removing one's internal organs using the abjad writing system ? Disemvowelling

Score: 1

I'm writing a script about a guy who loses a year of his life every time he jacks off. It's a coming of age story.

Score: 6

I'm writing a TV show about 2 ears of corn that are cops It's called Starchsky and Husk

Score: 2

I decided to kill off some characters in the book I'm writing Would definitely spice up my autobiography a little

Score: 9

I’m going to kill off some characters in this book I’m writing That should spice up my autobiography a little

Score: 8

Everyday biology pun What do you get when you mix picture day with writing a biology essay?

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photos-and-thesis

Score: 1

I'm writing a book called "Fair In Height, For 5'1"" It's about a short guy that gets too heated at a bagel store.

Score: 4

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