How do you scare a child? Tell them that a monster is in the closet. How do you scare a conservative? Tell them that *their* child is in the closet!
A liberal, a moderate, and a conservative walk into a bar... the bartender says 'hey, Mitt.'
When I stayed over at my girlfriend's house, her extremely conservative father wouldn't let us sleep together. Which was a shame, because he is very attractive.
A liberal, a conservative and a libertarian walk in to a bar. Bartender says, what'll ya have Mitt?
Black man kills conservative politician! The final Fox News spin on Osama's death.
How does a conservative wizard summon a chair? "Bench-appearo!"
I heard the Republican Party is considering renaming itself as the National Conservative party Or Nat-C for short
A conservative gets into a car accident with a bus full of socialists.
"Are you guys alright?" asks the conservative.
"No, we're mostly left."
Why did the Alabama conservative Christian politician vote against abortion?
There will be Moore children to rape.
EDIT: Credit to /u/shahooster for completing the joke.
What do you call a conservative Christian who pays for a psychic? Fundamentalist. GET IT!?!??
How do you spot a conservative at a dinner party? Don't worry, they'll let you know.
My grandma is very conservative. It would break her heart if she knew I was bi -partisan.
8 Days’ Worth
Mary goes to the post office to buy 50 stamps for her Hanukkah cards. “What denomination?” asks the postal clerk.
Mary thinks a second before
replying, “Give me six Orthodox,
12 Conservative, and 32 Reform.”
I often chastise my conservative grandpa for stereotyping black people.. I mean how rude it is to pick on jobless people raised by single mothers...
As a conservative college student in America I wish everyday is like Trump no class.
What do conservative beavers build? Darns
Conservative America really learned something this last election cycle The word "deplorable"
My conservative friends keep warning me that China has a PLAN But I don't see what the People's Liberation Army Navy has to do with anything.
A liberal, a centrist, and a conservative walk into a bar. The bartender says "Hey Mitt!"
My girl asked me how i can, like, be a conservative... I told her I like to be right
Listen, guys. I’m not conservative, but I’ll be the first to admit that after 4 years in office President Trump DID make America great again. When he lost re-election.
How do you know what kind of Jewish wedding you're at?
At an orthodox wedding, the mother of the bride is pregnant.
At a conservative wedding, the bride is pregnant.
At a reform wedding, the rabbi is pregnant!
Why did the sloths vote to keep the coal mines open? Because when it comes to energy they're conservative.
What's the difference between a liberal and a conservative? One wants to kill in the first trimester and the other wants to kill in the hundred sixtith trimester.
I heard the White House Correspondents Association is going to give equal time to a conservative comedian at next year's dinner I hope a year is long enough to find one.
What dish would you cook to ensnare a member of the UK Conservative Party? Chicken Cacciatore.
A conservative cardiovascular surgeon walked out of the OR today. "I'm sick and tired of these bleeding heart liberals!" He proclaimed. The patient promptly died.
I was told today the Liberals suck It was at that point I realized why conservative men are so uptight all the time
Call me "old-fashioned," but I'm a conservative dresser I only wear monogamous ester pants.
Trump may be 2 trillion short on his budget... It's not his fault, though. It's just a Conservative estimate.
UK ELECTIONS UPDATE
It's post election fever in the UK.
And the British ladies are more confused than ever!
They are Conservative in the day, Liberal at night and nine months later in Labour😂😂
I'm just a conservative millennial I like to party Alt-Night.
Mary goes to the post office to buy 50 stamps for her Hanukkah cards
"What denomination?" asks the postal clerk.
Mary thinks a second before replying, "Give me six Orthodox, 12 Conservative, and 32 Reform."
What did the conservative say when a politician’s accuser went to the media instead of the police? Lock her up! Lock her up! Lock her up!
What is the ultra conservative political party called in Jamaica? Rasta-far-right
Conservative forces are those like gravity and springs that hold onto energy until released.
These are not to be confused with liberal forces, which just give you energy if you ask nicely.
^(Please don't hurt me.)
Where do ultra conservative Muslims go to buy trinkets, crafts, and home goods? Wahhabi Lobby
The liberal says there are more than 2 genders. The conservative then says "that's crazy--there are only 2 genders". Then the independent walks in and says "that's crazy-- There is only one gender. Women are objects"
A conservative, a guns-rights activist, a pro-life demonstrator and a Trum supporter walk into a bar. The bartender says: \- I'm sorry, gentlemen! The nursing home is right across the road.