My 5yo asked me to tell you guys this joke I'm so sorry...
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Cause your butt stinks!! Ha! Stinky butt
He doesn't understand downvotes so I'll eat the loss of karma cause this made him happy
An ugly girl grabbed my butt today....
...I turned around and asked her, "Do you have a pen?"
She smiled and said, "Of course I do!"
I replied, "Well, you better get back to it before the farmer realizes you're missing."
What's the difference between America and Canada?
The Americans have really nice neighbors.
edit: wow, some Americans are really butt hurt from this joke. why so sensitive???
What do 9 volt batteries and butt holes have in common? You know you shouldn't, but one day you're probably going to try licking one.
I have these weird muscle spasms in my gluteus maximus,
I figured out from my doctor that everything was alright:
They said "Weird flex, butt okay."
What do you get when you put both halves of your butt together?
I said this to my fiancee last night and we both cracked up. I came up with it myself, although it's possible someone else has made this joke before.
Back then, if I wanted to see her panties, I had to lift her skirt. Today, if I want to see her panties, I have to spread her butt cheeks.
Help me To whoever has my voodoo doll, please scratch between my butt cheeks. I'm in public. Thanks.
What does a 9 volt battery have in common with a girl's butt hole? You know you shouldn't, but sooner or later you're gonna give it a lick.
The other day, while I was in the car with my girlfriend, I reached down and turned on her butt warmer.
She asked me, “What are you doing?”
I said, “Just heating up dinner.”
A naked women robbed a bank.
Nobody could remember her face.
Edit: Come on! It´s a joke, don´t get butt hurt! And yes, I spelled woman wrong, who cares?
Has anyone else noticed that the symbol "&"... ...looks like a man dragging his butt across the floor?
Me: You're firing me?
**Boss:** We have reason to believe you're using work computers to run some butt pic website. Bootypedia or something.
**Me:** First off I would never do that. Second, it's called Wikicheeks.
I smacked my wifes butt and she got upset and said “Im trying to do the dishes!” I yelled back “Im trying to do the dishwasher!”
My 6-year-old's joke
Q: Why did the butt walk to work?
A: Because it was out of gas.
What do you call a short Mexican researcher in Antarctica?
First joke I've ever come up with. My Hispanic wife laughed her butt off.
A recent survey has shown that 50% of all newly weds wanted to try butt stuff... Or put it another way, 100% of all grooms.
What does the crew of the International Space Station use to strengthen their butt muscles? Assteroids
A butt goes to an eyeglasses place.
He waits in line until the optometrist finally steps out and says "Sir, I will not be giving you an exam."
The butt is outraged: "Why not?!"
"Because hind-sight is always 20/20."
The asterisk was invented by someone seeing a cat's butt and thinking that it would make a great punctuation mark. It was almost a catastrophe.
I recently enrolled my cat for beautiful butt competition
But everyone thinks it was a catastrophe!
2 old people sitting on a bench one turns to the other and says my butt fell asleep the other says yep i heard it snore a couple of times.
Couldn't believe my eyes when I they gave me a plastic Garfield butt for winning an event at Comic-Con. Absolute catastrophe!
TIFU by sticking a chimney starter up my butt to cure my coronavirus. Turns out it's only effective against the flue.
Why did the Alabama family pay for their daughter’s butt implants? It was a decision they could all get behind
A man slapped my butt on a Christian young adults’ retreat...
Church officials advised me to turn the other cheek.
(True story of mine from a few years back, just making the best of it and laughing about it, please don’t take offense)
I’m just sitting on my butt here waiting for some money from the government. Gluteus taximus.
I asked my proctologist where he gets all of his proctology supplies. He said he has a butt plug.
There once was a man from Brazil
Who swallowed a dynamite pill
His tummy perspired
His butt backfired
And his balls flew over the hill
My dad still laughs at the way he found out I was comming
My dad still laughs at the way he found out I was coming...
After that butt dial I now leave my phone on the night stand.
Whats does a 9 volt battery and girls butt hole have in common. You arnt suppose to lick it but you do anyways.
I was advised I should always go for a flared end when trying butt plugs I realised waiting in A&E that they didn't mean a twirl and curtsey.
My butt hair is so long, it made it to the Guinness Book of Records. Not for long though. They threw me out of the library pretty quickly.
My diet pills weren't working, so I asked for a refund
I was denied, and was emailed a transcript of the TV commercial:
Butt weight, there's more!
My daughter told me this joke
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because your butt stinks and that’s why mom left you
Poor Kevin Hart, he was in a car crash and now he's in trouble for smacking some guy's butt I guess he's hit Rock Bottom
I got in trouble for making obscene remarks about a co-worker's butt But looking at harrassment the world to me
Why are politicians the easiest surgery patients? They have no guts, no heart, no brains, no spine, and the head and butt are interchangeable.