Butt Jokes

Contents

Funniest Butt Jokes

My 5yo asked me to tell you guys this joke I'm so sorry... Why did the chicken cross the road?

Cause your butt stinks!! Ha! Stinky butt

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He doesn't understand downvotes so I'll eat the loss of karma cause this made him happy

Score: 22992
Funny Butt Jokes
Score: 6776

(from my 8 year old) What do you see when a duck pulls down his underwear? His butt quack

Score: 1990

Why do ducks have tail feathers? To cover their butt quacks

Score: 1967

An ugly girl grabbed my butt today.... ...I turned around and asked her, "Do you have a pen?"

She smiled and said, "Of course I do!"

I replied, "Well, you better get back to it before the farmer realizes you're missing."

Score: 965

What's the difference between America and Canada? The Americans have really nice neighbors.

edit: wow, some Americans are really butt hurt from this joke. why so sensitive???

Score: 860

Are you a cigarette? Because I want to put your butt in my mouth.

Score: 411

Why do ducks have feathers? To cover up their butt quacks.

Score: 346

Why does a duck have feathers? To cover its butt quack

Score: 343

What do 9 volt batteries and butt holes have in common? You know you shouldn't, but one day you're probably going to try licking one.

Score: 188

I have these weird muscle spasms in my gluteus maximus, I figured out from my doctor that everything was alright:


They said "Weird flex, butt okay."

Score: 162

I'm self conscious about my hairless butt cheeks... I embarrassed

Score: 140

What do you get when you put both halves of your butt together? A buttwhole.

I said this to my fiancee last night and we both cracked up. I came up with it myself, although it's possible someone else has made this joke before.

Score: 108

What happens when a duck bends over? You can see its butt quack.

Score: 107

Back then, if I wanted to see her panties, I had to lift her skirt. Today, if I want to see her panties, I have to spread her butt cheeks.

Score: 106

Help me To whoever has my voodoo doll, please scratch between my butt cheeks. I'm in public. Thanks.

Score: 105

Grandpa: What's the difference between a butt kisser and a brown-noser? Depth perception

Score: 88

If i cut off my right butt cheek will i be left behind?

Score: 75

What does a 9 volt battery have in common with a girl's butt hole? You know you shouldn't, but sooner or later you're gonna give it a lick.

Score: 75

Why do duckies have tails? To hide their butt quacks

Score: 64

The other day, while I was in the car with my girlfriend, I reached down and turned on her butt warmer. She asked me, “What are you doing?”

I said, “Just heating up dinner.”

Score: 60

Shower thoughts are just toilet thoughts butt cleaner

Score: 54

A naked women robbed a bank. Nobody could remember her face.

Edit: Come on! It´s a joke, don´t get butt hurt! And yes, I spelled woman wrong, who cares?

Score: 53

Has anyone else noticed that the symbol "&"... ...looks like a man dragging his butt across the floor?

Score: 51

Me: You're firing me? **Boss:** We have reason to believe you're using work computers to run some butt pic website. Bootypedia or something.

**Me:** First off I would never do that. Second, it's called Wikicheeks.

Score: 50

I smacked my wifes butt and she got upset and said “Im trying to do the dishes!” I yelled back “Im trying to do the dishwasher!”

Score: 50

My 6-year-old's joke Q: Why did the butt walk to work?

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A: Because it was out of gas.

Score: 49

What do you call a short Mexican researcher in Antarctica? A Burrito

First joke I've ever come up with. My Hispanic wife laughed her butt off.

Score: 43

Is your butt Thor? ....cuz I'll be your Asguardian.

Score: 42

I think there's a better word for underwear... ... Butt hat's none of my business.

Score: 42

I was sitting on my dolphin, then I fell off. Butt not on porpoise.

Score: 40

A recent survey has shown that 50% of all newly weds wanted to try butt stuff... Or put it another way, 100% of all grooms.

Score: 38

What do you see when a duck pulls down his underwear? His butt quack

Score: 38

What does a cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend? He wipes his butt

Score: 37

What does the crew of the International Space Station use to strengthen their butt muscles? Assteroids

Score: 37

You know why I no longer tell prison rape jokes? Because someone usually gets butt hurt.

Score: 36

A butt goes to an eyeglasses place. He waits in line until the optometrist finally steps out and says "Sir, I will not be giving you an exam."

The butt is outraged: "Why not?!"

"Because hind-sight is always 20/20."

Score: 35

If a rectal thermometer breaks in your butt There’s mercury in Uranus

Score: 33

The asterisk was invented by someone seeing a cat's butt and thinking that it would make a great punctuation mark. It was almost a catastrophe.

Score: 30

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his butt

Score: 30

She told me if I turned off the light I could put it in her butt I guess I should have let the bulb cool first.

Score: 29

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New Butt Jokes

Watson is standing in Sherlock's office... suddenly Sherlock appears with some lemon curd and proceeds to rub it into Watson's butt crack.

"Sherlock, whatever are you doing?"

"Lemon entry my dear Watson".

Score: 2

I know two guys named Lee. One time they got into a fight and I just barely witnessed the handicapped one ram his head into the confident one.

I saw slow Lee butt sure Lee.

Score: 3

FaceID What does it say about you when you enable FaceID and go to put your phone in your back pocket and it unlocks??


I feel like Apple is either saying I have good looking butt or my face needs improvement.

Score: 3

Why does duck have feather? To cover it's butt quack

Score: 4

Do you know what the difference between a butt kisser and a brown noser is? Depth perception

Score: 24

I was caught staring at a cute girl's butt harassment a lot to me.

Score: 17

What do they call someone thats eats donkeys? Butt munch

Score: 1

The other day I got caught rubbing my butt on a new parking lot It wasn't my fault, it was my asphalt.

Score: 1

I recently enrolled my cat for beautiful butt competition We won.

But everyone thinks it was a catastrophe!

Score: 6

2 old people sitting on a bench one turns to the other and says my butt fell asleep the other says yep i heard it snore a couple of times.

Score: 5

Couldn't believe my eyes when I they gave me a plastic Garfield butt for winning an event at Comic-Con. Absolute catastrophe!

Score: 3

TIFU by sticking a chimney starter up my butt to cure my coronavirus. Turns out it's only effective against the flue.

Score: 5

My upstairs neighbor told me he’s trying to improve the toning in his butt muscles... I told him that’s the perineal struggle.

Score: 1

Why did the Alabama family pay for their daughter’s butt implants? It was a decision they could all get behind

Score: 2

Plant based cure for COVID-19 Plant your butt at home

Score: 3

What do you call the asscrack of a woman with butt implants? Silicon Valley

Score: 5

A man slapped my butt on a Christian young adults’ retreat... Church officials advised me to turn the other cheek.

(True story of mine from a few years back, just making the best of it and laughing about it, please don’t take offense)

Score: 11

I’m just sitting on my butt here waiting for some money from the government. Gluteus taximus.

Score: 2

I asked my proctologist where he gets all of his proctology supplies. He said he has a butt plug.

Score: 2

Border security stopped a man with TP hanging out of his butt They're unsure if he was smuggling it into the country, or he's just wiping too hard.

Score: 1

What do you call it when coronavirus entires your body through your butt instead of your face A Coronascopy

Score: 1

Some people call it working from home I call it working butt naked :)

Score: 2

If someone becomes your toilet paper dealer... does that make them your butt plug?

Score: 4

I regret squeezing my phone between my butt cheeks Now there's crack on my screen

Score: 2

Heed the warning of the CDC and wipe your butt for a full thirty seconds.

Score: 1

How does a butt hear? It uses its rear drums

Score: 4

When two people kiss, they create a long tube.... ...with a butt hole at each end.

Score: 5

After 10 years of being an alcoholic, I finally stopped drinking It's been way more effective to use a butt funnel

Score: 1

A Spanish person fell butt naked on some patch of grass... I helped him up and he said to me:

"Gracias"

Score: 1

Just been to a carnival where they suffocate criminals by sitting on them. Harsh Butt Fair.

Score: 3

What's the worst part of a Duck not wearing pants? You can see their butt quack

Score: 3

Significant Others are like butt plugs They both leave a gap when they're gone

Score: 1

There once was a man from Brazil Who swallowed a dynamite pill

His tummy perspired

His butt backfired

And his balls flew over the hill

Score: 3

I once worked for a ventriloquist... He was a pain in the butt

Score: 1

My dad still laughs at the way he found out I was comming My dad still laughs at the way he found out I was coming...


After that butt dial I now leave my phone on the night stand.

Score: 2

Why do feet smell? Because they grow from the butt

Score: 2

I hope your butt has a license Because just looking at it is driving me nuts

Score: 7

Whats does a 9 volt battery and girls butt hole have in common. You arnt suppose to lick it but you do anyways.

Score: 14

What do you call a farting duck A butt quack

Score: 3

So my doctor just cut my butt in half. I guess he... Half-ASSED it.

Score: 4

I was advised I should always go for a flared end when trying butt plugs I realised waiting in A&E that they didn't mean a twirl and curtsey.

Score: 4

My butt hair is so long, it made it to the Guinness Book of Records. Not for long though. They threw me out of the library pretty quickly.

Score: 2

I have a dairy farm I have a dairy farm I named Dairy Air.

Now it’s the butt of every joke.

Score: 6

My diet pills weren't working, so I asked for a refund I was denied, and was emailed a transcript of the TV commercial:

Butt weight, there's more!

Score: 5

Why does the duck have tail feathers? To cover it's butt quack.

Score: 4

My daughter told me this joke Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because your butt stinks and that’s why mom left you

Score: 28

My cat won in a competition for having the best butt Its a catastrophe

Score: 3

What is it called when one butt cheek is bigger than the other? Assymmetrical

Score: 10

Poor Kevin Hart, he was in a car crash and now he's in trouble for smacking some guy's butt I guess he's hit Rock Bottom

Score: 2

I got in trouble for making obscene remarks about a co-worker's butt But looking at harrassment the world to me

Score: 7

Why are politicians the easiest surgery patients? They have no guts, no heart, no brains, no spine, and the head and butt are interchangeable.

Score: 2

Why do ducks have feathers? Answer:

To cover their butt quack.

As told by my four year old nephew - that kis is going places.

Score: 1

Why did the little butt lose to the big butt in a race? It was a little behind.

Score: 3

What is the last thing that goes through a bugs mind when he hits a windshield? His butt

Score: 1

Where do duck sounding farts come from? Out your butt quack

Score: 1

I wedged a philosophy book between my butt cheeks Now I have a wisecrack in any situation

Score: 8

I spanked a picture of Dwayne Johnson's butt Then I knew I hit rock bottom

Score: 9

I have to go to the butt store There's a crack in it

Score: 2

I accidentally glued my girlfriend's butt cheeks together. She hasn't talked to me in three days , but I can feel the shitstorm coming. ..

Score: 14

Guess what?! CHICKEN BUTT haha you fool

Score: 5

I only got botox in one butt cheek I guess the doctor half-assed it.

Score: 9

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