Hilarious Office Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Office Jokes

My Tinder bio says that I have a corner office with views of the entire city, drive a $500,000 vehicle, and that I'm paid to travel. My dates never seem too happy when I tell them I'm a bus driver.

Score: 21592

My boss said, “Why are all the women in your office crying?” I said, “You told me to bang some heads together.”

He said, “Talk about taking things too literally!”

So I went away and gave a two hour lecture on taking things too literally.

Score: 13033

My wife just called me and said, "Three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers for Valentines Day. They are absolutely gorgeous!" I repied, "That's probably why they've received flowers then."

Score: 8802

As a security guard, my Boss said my job is to watch the office I’m on season 6 so far, and not sure what this has to do with security.

Score: 7753

I just saw my math teacher lock himself in his office with a piece of graph paper. I think he must be plotting something.

Score: 7489

My first day as a car salesman... Customer: Cargo space?
Me: Car no do that. Car no fly.
Manager: Can I see you in my office?

Score: 6350

Score: 2914

Security officer: If you find a USB outside, don't bring it into the office Me (taking notes): Note to self: Only bring international bees into the office

Score: 2790

My wife just called me. She said, "Three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers for Valentines Day. They are absolutely gorgeous."

I said, "Well that's probably why they've received flowers then."

Score: 2045

The opposite of Microsoft Office is... Macrohard Onfire.

Score: 1916

To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will find you.. You have my Word.

Score: 1813

After 5 long years of studying, a student comes rushing into Einstein's office shouting... "Sir, Sir, I finally understand your theory of Special Relativity!"

Einstein rolls his eyes, "It's about time"

Score: 1592

A young lady from my office just sent me an email saying "ithinktherearesomeproblemswithmykeyboardcanyoupleasegivemeanalternative"

Oh boy am I excited, but what does "ternative" mean?

Score: 1552

Whoever stole my Microsoft Office, I'm coming after you... You have my word

Score: 1528

IT guy John is being shown around the office by his new boss. They enter the IT department and John sees a man using two keyboards at once. "That's incredible", says John. "Trust a geek to use two keyboards at once". "Hey!" replied his boss. "That's stereotyping. "

Score: 1393

Who ever stole my copy of Microsoft Office is in trouble. You have my Word.

Score: 1267

Hilary Clinton could be the first F president ever elected in to office. Sorry it was supposed to say Female but the emale got deleted.

Score: 1264

Never get stuck behind the devil in a Post Office queue For the devil can take many forms

Score: 964

[first day as a car salesman] Customer: Cargo space?

Me: Car no do that. Car no fly.

Manager: Can I see you in my office?

Score: 922

Today I discovered someone had stolen my activation for Microsoft Office... I don't know who you but I will find you, you have my word.

Score: 830

Trump calls Angela Merkel's office... Trump calls Angela Merkel's office. Secretary answers.

Trump: ”What’s the time difference between Washington and Berlin”?

Secretary: ”Just a second, Mr. President…”

Trump: ”Thanks” <click>

Score: 732

called the UPS office in Germany to ask if they were sending out my Oculus Rift they said VR ready

Score: 682

To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office... ..I will find you. You have my Word.

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Edit: 1000 upvotes. Of course it would be on a self post. :( Thanks though. <3

Score: 651

A man runs into a doctors office screaming: "You've gotta help me doc! I'm shrinking!" The doctor says: "I'm sorry sir I'm very busy today. You'll have to be a little patient."

Score: 640

Why I won't carpool. I thought about carpooling with some co-workers to work, but the problem is that on the way to the office we have to go through a tunnel. I'm deathly afraid of this situation. Turns out I have carpool tunnel syndrome.

Score: 569

I was feeling bad about the future today, but then I installed the new version of office It improved my outlook.

Score: 486

Did you know if you rearrange the letters in "THE POST OFFICE" Nobody gets their mail.

Score: 475

My first day as car salesman Customer: Cargo space?

Me: Car no do that. Car no fly.

Manager: Can I see you in my office?

Score: 468

Jack and Jill work together in an office... Things are getting very slow and the manager realizes he has to let one of them go but he can't decide. The manager approaches Jill and says "I have to lay you or Jack off".

"Jack off!" snaps Jill "I have a headache".

Score: 453

One of the girls in the office where I work is going to be having a baby. I just haven't decided which one yet.

Score: 452

a hooker says "Hey padre, twenty dollars for a quicky". He has no idea whats going on, so he returns to the monastary and calls the Mother Superior to his office and asks her "Whats a quicky?" She replies "Twenty dollars, same as in town".

Score: 277

Whoever stole my Microsoft Office, I will find you... You have my Word.

Score: 271

Went to the store to buy 6 cans of Sprite... Got back to the office and realized I had picked 7 up.

Score: 250

Bill Gates and Donald Trump are alone in the Oval Office Trump remarks,"Bill, together you and I are worth $80 billion."

Bill Gates says,"But I'm worth 90 billion."

Score: 215

I'm still using Office 2010 ... For lack of a better Word ...

Score: 155

"Your next spelling word is: beheaded." Can you use it in a sentence please?

"Sure, Kathy Griffin beheaded to the unemployment office."

Score: 146

A man with no carnal desires walks into a Freudian psychoanalyst's office The psychoanalyst stops him and says, "hey, buddy, I'm gonna need to see some id."

Score: 144

So I got a phone call from the post office today... ...complaining that my dog is attacking a postman on a bike. But I told them "It can't be my dog... he doesn't even know how to ride a bike".

Score: 142

I think I'm shrinking! A man rushed into the doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!"

The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient."

Score: 140

I walked into my boss's office and handed him a pear... "What's this for? he asked.

I replied, "A raise. My wife told me to grow it first and then ask you."

Score: 138

New Office Jokes

Yesterday, my wife tried to apply at the post office, but they didn’t letter. They said only mails work here.

Score: 8

A nurse goes into the doctors office and says, ‘Doc, I’ve got a patient who’s waiting in reception. He says he’s starting to turn invisible. What do you want me to tell him?’ Doc: ‘Tell him I can’t see him right now.’

Score: 8

It seems that Dark Phoenix is doomed to fail at the box office. I guess it's in her Jean's.

Score: 7

To the person who stole my authentic and original copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you and I will kill you You have my word.

Score: 7

A man walks into a psychiatrists office. He's completely naked and wrapped in cling film. The psychiatrist says "I can clearly see your nuts!"

Score: 7

People in the office always complain about the a/c being too strong but I'm totally cool with it

Score: 17

A duck walks in to an alternative medicine practicioners office. It points a wing at the man behind the desk and says with a frown: "Quack"

Score: 18

To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will hunt you and I will find you You have my word.

Score: 117

This happened at a meeting with my boss: Boss: How good are you at PowerPoint?

Me: I Excel at it!

Boss: Was that a Microsoft Office pun?

Me: Word.

Score: 24

A man calls the IRS office "Hi, my last name is Sweady, but on the cheque you sent me for my tax return, you've written it as cyirwu."

"I'm sorry about that, could you spell it out for me?"

"Sure, S as in sea, W as in why, E as in eye, A as in are, D as in double-u, and Y as in you."

Score: 7

After years of studying, a physics student comes rushing into Einstein's office shouting... "Professor, Professor, I think I finally understand your theory of Special Relativity!"

Einstein rolls his eyes

"It's about time!"

Score: 11

A guy's boss who is traveling calls him and asks, "Is everything okay at the office?" "Yes, it's all under control. It's been a very busy day, I haven't stopped."

"Can you do me a favor?"

"Of course, what is it?"

"Hurry up and take your shot, I'm behind you on the 7th hole."

Score: 19

I'm going to the Halloween party at my office today as President Hillary Clinton I'm not going to show up.

Score: 10

I got called into my boss's office for a bad billboard I created It wasn't a good sign

Score: 38

I rang a local escort agency and asked for a BJ.... She put me through to their head office

Score: 82

I was at an office party last night. They played the Twist and I twisted, they played Jump Around and I jumped around. Unfortunately, I was asked to leave when they played Come on Eileen

Score: 18

My friend believes The Office is the best television show, and belittles anyone that thinks otherwise I'm so tired of these Dwight Supremacists

Score: 125

Went to the doctors office today, turns out I'm colorblind... The diagnosis really came out of the green.

Score: 10

It wasn't easy for a group of hobbits to see their dead friend at the coroner's office. Because one does not simply walk in the morgue door.

Score: 8

To the man who stole my Microsoft Office, I'm going to find you..... ....you have my WORD.

Score: 35

I call my toilet the oval office.. It's got a think tank, and a pipeline for delivering healthcare reform.

Score: 18

Microsoft Boss : How good are you at making spreadsheet?

Me : I excel at it

Boss : Was that a Microsoft office pun?

Me : word

Score: 76

A shrinking man rushes to the doctor's office. The shrinking man skips ahead of everyone waiting and pleas "Doctor! Doctor! I need help, I'm shrinking!"

Then the doctor replies, "well then you'll just have to be a little patient."

Score: 61

To the software thieves who robbed me last night. Don't think you can get away with taking Microsoft Office away from me. I will find you. You have my Word.

Score: 33

A guy walks into his psychiatrist's office The guy's wearing only plastic wrap for underwear. The psychiatrist looks at him and says, "I can see your nuts."

Score: 13

What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half mast? They're hiring.

Score: 7

A lawyer walks into a doctor’s office with a huge tumor on his face... Doctor says, “Why didn’t you come sooner?”
The tumor says, “To be honest, I was ashamed to leave the house.”

Score: 36

You stole my Microsoft Office and for that you’re going to pay. -
You have my Word!

Score: 7

Trumps first few months in office have been pretty rough. His all-in-one printer broke down, so he's had to use some alternative fax.

Score: 45

A woman is at the doctor's office, anxiously awaiting the results of a test. The doctor says, "You appear to have vasovagal syncope."
She fainted.

Score: 23

James Bond gets called into M's office M: I have a job for you. You will have to disguise yourself as a blond businessman called John Smith.

Bond: But I have dark hair! Do you expect me to wear a wig or something?!

M: No mister Bond, I expect you to dye.

Score: 17

Question: Can the President fire the Director of the FBI? Yes, of course. If he can put Trump in office, President Putin can certainly fire Comey too.

Score: 28

What did the psychiatrist say when a man wearing nothing but saran wrap walked into his office? I can clearly see you’re nuts.

Score: 28

I walked into my psychiatrist's office today wearing only Saran wrap underwear… The doctor took one look at me and said, “Well, I can clearly see your nuts.”

Score: 17

United's Service Has Really Gone Downhill Just 16 yrs ago they flew you right to your office.

Score: 41

A guy walks into a psychiatrist's office and exclaims "I'm a teepee! I'm a wigwam! I'm a teepee! I'm a wigwam!" Psychiatrist says "Calm down! You're two tents!"

Score: 7

What do you call President Trump, unconscious on the floor of the Oval Office? Not an ambulance.

Score: 7

Boss: How good are you with spreadsheets? Me: I Excel at it.

Boss: Did you just make a Microsoft Office pun?

Me: Word

Score: 19

Why do feminists hate the Post Office? Cos it's a mail-dominated industry.

Score: 8

A man walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing nothing but Saran Wrap underwear And the doctor says, "Well I can clearly see your nuts."

(So much subtler as a spoken joke. If you don't get it, consider you're grammar lessons!) ;)

Score: 6

This woman is trying to get me fired for giving inappropriate massages in the office. Good luck with that, lady. I don't even work here.

Score: 35

A man rushed into the doctors office shouting "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!" He said.

The doctor calmly replied, "Now settle down, you'll just have to be a little patient"

Score: 50

You stole my Microsoft office... For that you will pay, you have my word.

Score: 6

We didn't elect Harambe for president But we still got a gorilla in office

Score: 6

How do you keep Trump busy for the rest of his term? Tell him his twitter phone is in the corner of his office.

Score: 88

A man walks into a psychiatrists office wearing saran wrap pants. Man: Doctor, I think I'm crazy.

Psychiatrist: Well I can clearly see your nuts.

Score: 52

I think my optometrist is in love with me. Every time I leave his office he hands me a bottle of contact solution and says "Eye care for you"

Score: 100

Why is christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work, and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.

Score: 9

Imagine if the presidential race was an actual marathon Then we'd really have a Kenyan in office.

Score: 59

People were so scared of those vicious clowns a few months back, then they accidentally put one in office

Score: 12

If Trump divorces Melania while in office... Will she rule half the country?

Score: 8

Strange trend at my office... People are naming food in the break room refrigerator. Today I ate a sandwich named "Kevin".

Score: 92

Why should you avoid being stuck behind the devil in the line at the post office? Because he has many forms

Score: 7

We got a new whiteboard at the office today... It's remarkable!

Score: 22

A nude man walks into a doctor's office. A nude man walks into a doctor's office wrapped in Cellophane from head to toe.

The doctor says, "Well, clearly I can see your nuts."

Score: 18

Did you hear that Microsoft is giving away Office to parents? Word to your mother.

Score: 51

A duck walks in to an alternative medicine practicioners office. Points a wing at him and says with a frown: "Quack!"

Score: 43

A man walks into a dentist's office and says "Doctor, you have to help me! I think I'm a moth!" The dentist says, "I think you want the psychiatrist down the hall."

And the man replies, "Yeah, but your light was on."

Score: 54

Heard this from my History Professor. Ronald Reagan had such high regard for the office of President that his jacket was never off.

Bill Clinton had such high regard for the office of President that his pants were never on.

Score: 18

What begins with P and ends with E and has thousands of letters in it? Post Office

Score: 31