Office Jokes

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Funniest Office Jokes

My Tinder bio says that I have a corner office with views of the entire city, drive a $500,000 vehicle, and that I'm paid to travel. My dates never seem too happy when I tell them I'm a bus driver.

Score: 21592

My boss said, “Why are all the women in your office crying?” I said, “You told me to bang some heads together.”

He said, “Talk about taking things too literally!”

So I went away and gave a two hour lecture on taking things too literally.

Score: 13033

My wife just called me and said, "Three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers for Valentines Day. They are absolutely gorgeous!" I repied, "That's probably why they've received flowers then."

Score: 8802

As a security guard, my Boss said my job is to watch the office I’m on season 6 so far, and not sure what this has to do with security.

Score: 7753

I just saw my math teacher lock himself in his office with a piece of graph paper. I think he must be plotting something.

Score: 7489

My first day as a car salesman... Customer: Cargo space?
Me: Car no do that. Car no fly.
Manager: Can I see you in my office?

Score: 6350
Funny Office Jokes
Score: 2914

Security officer: If you find a USB outside, don't bring it into the office Me (taking notes): Note to self: Only bring international bees into the office

Score: 2790

My wife just called me. She said, "Three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers for Valentines Day. They are absolutely gorgeous."

I said, "Well that's probably why they've received flowers then."

Score: 2045

The opposite of Microsoft Office is... Macrohard Onfire.

Score: 1916

To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will find you.. You have my Word.

Score: 1813

After 5 long years of studying, a student comes rushing into Einstein's office shouting... "Sir, Sir, I finally understand your theory of Special Relativity!"

Einstein rolls his eyes, "It's about time"

Score: 1592

A young lady from my office just sent me an email saying "ithinktherearesomeproblemswithmykeyboardcanyoupleasegivemeanalternative"

Oh boy am I excited, but what does "ternative" mean?

Score: 1552

Whoever stole my Microsoft Office, I'm coming after you... You have my word

Score: 1528

IT guy John is being shown around the office by his new boss. They enter the IT department and John sees a man using two keyboards at once. "That's incredible", says John. "Trust a geek to use two keyboards at once". "Hey!" replied his boss. "That's stereotyping. "

Score: 1393

Who ever stole my copy of Microsoft Office is in trouble. You have my Word.

Score: 1267

Hilary Clinton could be the first F president ever elected in to office. Sorry it was supposed to say Female but the emale got deleted.

Score: 1264

Never get stuck behind the devil in a Post Office queue For the devil can take many forms

Score: 964

[first day as a car salesman] Customer: Cargo space?

Me: Car no do that. Car no fly.

Manager: Can I see you in my office?

Score: 922

Today I discovered someone had stolen my activation for Microsoft Office... I don't know who you but I will find you, you have my word.

Score: 830

Trump calls Angela Merkel's office... Trump calls Angela Merkel's office. Secretary answers.

Trump: ”What’s the time difference between Washington and Berlin”?

Secretary: ”Just a second, Mr. President…”

Trump: ”Thanks” <click>

Score: 732

called the UPS office in Germany to ask if they were sending out my Oculus Rift they said VR ready

Score: 682

To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office... ..I will find you. You have my Word.

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Edit: 1000 upvotes. Of course it would be on a self post. :( Thanks though. <3

Score: 651

A man runs into a doctors office screaming: "You've gotta help me doc! I'm shrinking!" The doctor says: "I'm sorry sir I'm very busy today. You'll have to be a little patient."

Score: 640

Why I won't carpool. I thought about carpooling with some co-workers to work, but the problem is that on the way to the office we have to go through a tunnel. I'm deathly afraid of this situation. Turns out I have carpool tunnel syndrome.

Score: 569

I was feeling bad about the future today, but then I installed the new version of office It improved my outlook.

Score: 486

Did you know if you rearrange the letters in "THE POST OFFICE" Nobody gets their mail.

Score: 475

My first day as car salesman Customer: Cargo space?

Me: Car no do that. Car no fly.

Manager: Can I see you in my office?

Score: 468

Jack and Jill work together in an office... Things are getting very slow and the manager realizes he has to let one of them go but he can't decide. The manager approaches Jill and says "I have to lay you or Jack off".

"Jack off!" snaps Jill "I have a headache".

Score: 453

One of the girls in the office where I work is going to be having a baby. I just haven't decided which one yet.

Score: 452

So I got a phone call from the post office today... ...complaining that my dog is attacking a postman on a bike. But I told them "It can't be my dog... he doesn't even know how to ride a bike".

Score: 142

I walked into my boss's office and handed him a pear... "What's this for? he asked.

I replied, "A raise. My wife told me to grow it first and then ask you."

Score: 138

To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will hunt you and I will find you You have my word.

Score: 117

A man walks into a dentist's office and says "Doctor, you have to help me! I think I'm a moth!" The dentist says, "I think you want the psychiatrist down the hall."

And the man replies, "Yeah, but your light was on."

Score: 54

Did you hear that Microsoft is giving away Office to parents? Word to your mother.

Score: 51

A duck walks in to an alternative medicine practicioners office. Points a wing at him and says with a frown: "Quack!"

Score: 43

This woman is trying to get me fired for giving inappropriate massages in the office. Good luck with that, lady. I don't even work here.

Score: 35

What begins with P and ends with E and has thousands of letters in it? Post Office

Score: 31

This happened at a meeting with my boss: Boss: How good are you at PowerPoint?

Me: I Excel at it!

Boss: Was that a Microsoft Office pun?

Me: Word.

Score: 24

We got a new whiteboard at the office today... It's remarkable!

Score: 22

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New Office Jokes

Listen, guys. I’m not conservative, but I’ll be the first to admit that after 4 years in office President Trump DID make America great again. When he lost re-election.

Score: 4

Yesterday, my wife tried to apply at the post office, but they didn’t letter. They said only mails work here.

Score: 8

Did you hear about the power failure at the post office? They were enveloped in darkness.

Score: 4

Did you hear about the power failure at the post office? They were enveloped in the darkness.

Score: 4

President Trump really shot himself in the foot with the Ukraine call. He's now Biden his time til he leaves office.

Score: 2

Who ever stole my microsoft office disk, I will find you... You have my word

Score: 4

I'm seeding a torrent for office.. .. hopefully Microsoft don't get mad at me for spreading the word

Score: 2

I was going to make a post office joke But I just don't have the right delivery

Score: 4

A group of scientists won’t stop arguing over the properties of a newly found element are known around their office As the Mass debaters

Score: 3

A young man goes to a military recruiting office and takes the required tests. The results aren’t great but the recruiter thinks he has potential to be in the Navy. His scores were suboptimal.

Score: 3

A man walks into the therapists office... Therapist: So what’s the problem?

Guy: I’m afraid of independent letters

Therapist: Are you?

Guy: *Screams*

Therapist: Oh I see.

Guy: *Screams louder*

Score: 3

A nurse goes into the doctors office and says, ‘Doc, I’ve got a patient who’s waiting in reception. He says he’s starting to turn invisible. What do you want me to tell him?’ Doc: ‘Tell him I can’t see him right now.’

Score: 8

It seems that Dark Phoenix is doomed to fail at the box office. I guess it's in her Jean's.

Score: 7

To the person who stole my authentic and original copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you and I will kill you You have my word.

Score: 7

I visited my insurance company's office today and they were really nice to me, All I did was look at their snazzy printer, and the manager there told me, "Fine print."

Score: 2

Did you hear about the blackout at the post office? It was enveloped in darkness

Score: 4

To whoever stole my Microsoft Office 2016, I will find you. You have my Word.

Score: 6

Dear whoever stole my disk copy of Microsoft Office. I will find you, you have my word.

Score: 3

How many Netflix documentaries will be made about the corruption of the Trump administration once a new leader is in office? 1, since every comedian is getting their own comedy special.

Score: 3

Breaking news: toilet stolen from the local sheriffs office. Cops have nothing to go on

Score: 2

Since i got fat, the only thing that goes down on me... ...is the computer chair in my office

Score: 5

Man walks into a psychiatrists office wrapped only in cling film, Dr says "Clearly I can see your nuts".

Score: 3

A blonde bursts out the doctor's office, yelling that the doctor flirted with her. The staff rush to see what was going on, they asked her, "What did he do?"

She replied, "He told the nurse he'll check me out!"

Score: 3

My dad went with my grandma to the doctors office and we found out she was diagnosed with dementia a year, but she forgot to tell us.

Score: 3

A man walks into a psychiatrists office. He's completely naked and wrapped in cling film. The psychiatrist says "I can clearly see your nuts!"

Score: 7

The United States Post Office has issued a recall of the official Donald Trump Presidential stamp People were too confused about which side to spit on

Score: 4

People in the office always complain about the a/c being too strong but I'm totally cool with it

Score: 17

A woman walks into the doctors office with a bit of lettuce sticking out of her underwear Doctor: “That looks nasty!”






Woman: “That’s just the tip of the iceberg.”

Score: 2

A pirate walks into a psychiatrists office... With a ships wheel hanging out of his pants zipper. The doctor says, "do you know you have a ships wheel there?"

The pirate replies, "Ayy and it's driving me nuts!"

Score: 2

*knocks on doctors office* Doctor doctor I can't get my wife pregnant Doctor:Why don't you come inside?

Score: 5

A duck walks in to an alternative medicine practicioners office. It points a wing at the man behind the desk and says with a frown: "Quack"

Score: 18

A man calls the IRS office "Hi, my last name is Sweady, but on the cheque you sent me for my tax return, you've written it as cyirwu."

"I'm sorry about that, could you spell it out for me?"

"Sure, S as in sea, W as in why, E as in eye, A as in are, D as in double-u, and Y as in you."

Score: 7

After years of studying, a physics student comes rushing into Einstein's office shouting... "Professor, Professor, I think I finally understand your theory of Special Relativity!"

Einstein rolls his eyes

"It's about time!"

Score: 11

A guy's boss who is traveling calls him and asks, "Is everything okay at the office?" "Yes, it's all under control. It's been a very busy day, I haven't stopped."

"Can you do me a favor?"

"Of course, what is it?"

"Hurry up and take your shot, I'm behind you on the 7th hole."

Score: 19

How would you describe Ohm's desk at his office? Irresistable

Score: 3

Robert Mugabe admits to playing World of Warcraft You are not in this Presidential group.
Please leave office or you will be teleported to the nearest graveyard in 59..58...57

Score: 2

Why was the sugar out of the office? Because it was on granule leave!

Score: 2

So a guy walks into his doctors office with a broken arm Man runs up to his doctor: You have to help me doc! I think I broke my arm in three different places. It hurts all over!

Doctor: Well maybe you shouldn't go to those places...

Score: 2

What is the fist thing Trump will say after he leaves office. I am innocent i swear!

Score: 2

I used to think hard work beats luck.. until a leprechaun banged my wife while I was at the office

Score: 3

How did Chris Christie win office? No one knows. He certainly never runs.

Score: 3

Do you think Obama's going to deal with Russia while he's still in office? Nah, I think he's Biden his time.

Score: 1

I couldn't stop sneezing after lunch today. ...I ate a sneezer salad.

(Also this is a true story, and I said this to my office :P)

Score: 5

If Trump divorces Melania while in office... Will she rule half the country?

Score: 8

What do you call a privileged post office? Cis White Mail

Score: 3

Why should you avoid being stuck behind the devil in the line at the post office? Because he has many forms

Score: 7

Why therapist always have a tiny office? Because if you give them too much space, they will become the rapist.

Score: 2

Why did George Washington leave office after his second term. He wanted to set a president.

Score: 4

A nude man walks into a doctor's office. A nude man walks into a doctor's office wrapped in Cellophane from head to toe.

The doctor says, "Well, clearly I can see your nuts."

Score: 18

A guy walks into a psychiatrist's office... Wearing nothing but seran wrap. The doctor looked at the man and replied, "I can clearly see you're nuts."

Score: 4

Wow Monica Lewinski is 50 They grow up so fast. It seems like it was just yesterday, she was crawling around the Oval Office putting everything in her mouth.

Score: 3

Hitler had a half-deaf secretary..... Hitler is fuming furious one day, he called his half-deaf secretary to his office after recieving some news. He yells, "Glass of juice, not gas the jews!"

Score: 3

The national statistics office just dropped a new set... Apparently 9/10 people enjoy gang rape.

Score: 1

A guy walks into a doctor's office with a banana stuck up his nose. He says to the doctor "Doc, I don't know what's going on with me.. I really don't feel well." The doctor says "you're not eating right."

Score: 1

My hot dislexic co-worker said she had an important massage to give me in her office... When I got there, she told me it can wait until I put on some clothes.

Score: 5

Here's a Post Office joke Nevermind, you'll probably never get it.

Score: 2

I walk into the pharmacist's office and ask for condoms for my 12 year old daughter. The pharmacist asks "is your daughter sexually active?" I reply with "no she just lays there and cries."

Score: 4

What did the Office of Admissions say to the recently-accepted Urology student? "Ur-ine!"

Score: 5

Sherlock Holmes faced a tax audit because... all his clever deductions made the tax office very suspicious.

Score: 2

Heard this from my History Professor. Ronald Reagan had such high regard for the office of President that his jacket was never off.

Bill Clinton had such high regard for the office of President that his pants were never on.

Score: 18

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