Ice Cream Jokes

Contents

Funniest Ice Cream Jokes

What's that Italian dessert called where you pour espresso coffee over ice cream? Everyone I ask can't remember either.

Score: 14026

A man is on is death sentence and he gets to choose his last meal He asks his guard for a McDonald's Ice Cream, and lives a very long life, they never found a working machine.

Score: 8696

I asked my girlfriend if she'd like a day of eating ice cream and hanging with her girl friends. She said "Yes!". I said "Good, because I'm breaking up with you."

Edit: Front page! Hi mom.

Thanks for the gold you amazing stranger, you.

Score: 2751

I asked my girlfriend if she'd like a day of eating ice cream and hanging with her girl friends. She said "Yes!". I said "Good, because I'm breaking up with you."

Score: 1707
Funny Ice Cream Jokes
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I am broken when my name is spoken. What am I? McDonald’s ice cream machine

Score: 728

How do you make a human corpse float? Two scoops ice cream, one scoop human corpse, and half a liter of root beer.

Score: 258

Got an ice cream for my girlfriend Best trade i ever made.

Score: 205

A guy with a whimpering faint voice orders an ice cream... Vendor asks: "Crushed nuts?"
Guy whimpers back: "No. Laryngitis."

Score: 129

I asked my girlfriend if she'd like a day of eating ice cream and hanging with her girl friends. She said "Yes!". I said "Good, because I'm breaking up with you."

Fuck you, Chelsey.

Score: 117

I just explained Google to my Granny. "Pick anything to search for" I told her.
"What about a nice cream pie?" She asked.

"Except that." I replied.

Score: 101

How do you make a dead baby float? * 1 scoop Dead Baby
* 2 scoops Ice Cream

Score: 93

It’s my cake day so here’s a little cake joke for you all... What do rat’s like to eat on their birthday?
Mice cream and cake

I’ll see myself out.

Score: 81

What's the difference between a cold dessert and an injured girlfriend? One is ice cream and the other is a sore bae.

Score: 67

Did you hear about the day when Hagrid took Harry, mashed him up, put him in a blender with ice cream and drank him? Yer a Blizzard, Harry.

Score: 63

Bert asks Ernie, "Ernie do you want to get ice cream?" Ernie responds "Sure Bert"

Score: 59

How do you make an elephant float? A can of coke, a scoop of vanilla ice cream, and an elephant.

Score: 55

Say, Ernie, want some Ice Cream? Sherbert

Score: 49

I was offered a job at the local ice cream shop But I turned it down.

I don't like working on sundaes.

Score: 47

Why did little Suzy drop her ice cream? Because she was hit by a bus.

Score: 42

Hey Ernie, want some ice cream? Sherbert

Score: 32

I asked my girlfriend if she'd like a day of eating ice cream and hanging out with her friends She said "Yes!"
I said "Good, because I'm breaking up with you."

Score: 30

So a woman is chasing down an ice cream truck... ... And the ice cream man stops and says, "What can I get for you, Ma'am?"

She says "Nothing, just wanted to tell you I'm vegan."

Score: 28

Why did Sally drop her ice cream while crossing the street? She got hit by a Bus.

Score: 27

What is Donald Trump’s least favorite flavor of ice cream? Peach Mint.

Score: 27

I work at Ben & Jerry's, often late at night, but never get robbed. Because ice cream.

Score: 24

I bought a CD of ice cream van music. Now I drive with the stereo on full blast, watching the disappointment on all the little kids faces..

Score: 22

Chuck Norris went to Mcdonalds and the ice cream machine was working.

Score: 22

A old man walks into a McDonalds He is bent over and shuffling slowly. He approaches the counter with great difficulty and orders an ice cream sundae.

The cashier asks "Crushed nuts?"

The old man replies, "No arthritis."

Score: 20

Why did Timmy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.

Score: 20

The ice cream parlor asks for my order Parlor: "Hello Sir, can I take your order?"

Me: "Yes, I'd like a male hot fudge sundae please."

Parlor: "I'm sorry Sir, a male hot fudge sundae?"

Me: "Yes, with nuts".

Score: 20

Ted Bundy: Hey Jeff, got any ice cream in the freezer? Jeffrey Dahmer: Nah man, only Ben and Jerry

Score: 19

What did the ice cream say to the birthday girl? Go head girl it's sherbert day

Score: 18

Wanna know how you can make an elephant float? One elephant, two scoops of ice cream.

Score: 18

How do you make an elephant float? Take one elephant, two tons of ice cream, and one ton of soda. Blend.

Score: 18

Bert and Ernie Bert asked Ernie if he would like any ice cream.
Ernie replied
"Sure Bert"

Score: 17

Where does one learn to make ice cream? Sundae school!

Score: 17

Bert and Ernie are at the beach on a hot summer's afternoon... Bert pulls out his cooler and opens it up.

"Do you want some ice cream, Ernie?"

"Sure Bert."

Score: 17

An old man walked into an ice cream parlor... He slowly climbed onto a stool, wincing with pain, and then proceeded to order a banana split.
"Crushed nuts, sir?" asked the waitress.
The old man took a deep breath and replied, "No, arthritis"

Score: 17

Why did Susie drop her ice cream? Because she was hit by a bus.

Score: 17

What's Trump's least favorite ice cream flavor? Peach Mint.

Score: 17

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New Ice Cream Jokes

I went to the doctor about losing weight... Doctor: Stop eating anything fatty.

Me: Like red meat and ice cream?

Doctor: No fatty, don’t eat anything.

Score: 8

If I had a dollar for every time I got distracted I wish I had some ice cream

Score: 3

What’s a geologist’s favorite ice cream? Rock erode.

Score: 16

Kids are like ice cream They're the sweetest thing in the world but can give you a headache. It is also best to enjoy them in moderation.

Score: 1

Translated a joke from Spanish! A man in a restaurant says to the waiter, "I want ice cream, please."

The waiter says, "The side of what?"

Score: 1

Birthday Cake What’s the best topping for your birthday ice cream cake?

Karma(L)

Score: 1

I accidentally touched a hot cutlery While serving to our guests the other night
and dipped the hand to the wrist into the tub of ice cream meant to be served as dessert.

It was in the heat of the moment.

Score: 1

Just went to the store and bought milk, cereal, juice and ice cream. Cashier: “You must be single, right?”

Me: “Yes! How did you know?”

Cashier: “Because you’re ugly.”

Score: 12

Where does Goku keep his ice cream? In the Freiza.

Score: 4

Monday Next Monday I'm planning Tuesday at my friend's house. Who knows we might get Thursday and buy some beers. Friday and Saturday we'll just chill and enjoy our ice cream Sunday.

Score: 1

What flavor ice cream do Jedi like best? Obi-Wan Spumoni

Score: 3

What's Adam Ant's favourite flavour of ice cream? Standard Vanilla

Score: 1

You know what I do when I get scared by frozen food? Ice cream

Score: 5

I sold a thousand CDs but only made enough money to buy one ice cream. Probably because each CD was Milli Vanilli.

Score: 2

There's an ice cream flavor made from auto parts Traffic on the Road

Score: 1

Why did the ice cream truck crash? It was the rocky road.

Score: 1

What's the difference between Ice Cream and Sorbet? About $3

Score: 9

A penguin sent his car to the mechanic before going to the ice cream shop... He ordered vanilla ice cream and gobbles it down before going back to the mechanic.

Mechanic: It looks like you blew a seal.

Penguin: Ah no that’s just ice cream.

Score: 14

If an ice cream shop had 69 flavours. It would be called a ... ... nice cream shop.

Score: 2

There's an upcoming show featuring the woman from Tiger King and Batman's sidekick, going around and reviewing ice cream parlors Carole Baskin And Robin's

Score: 3

What do you call a furry that was blended into ice cream? A McFlurry.

Score: 2

What is a heavy metal musician's favorite dessert? Ice cream!

Score: 6

Ice Cream Suicide Last week a body was discovered in the back of an ice cream van in my neighbourhood. It was the the driver, and he was covered in hundreds and thousands, suger stars and chocolate flakes. Seems he must have topped himself.

Score: 4

What is Dracula’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Veinilla

Score: 4

Two roommate's Two roommate's are chilling in their apartment
One of them is a canable.

"Hey do we got any ice cream in the fridge?"

"No we only got Ben and Jerry"

Score: 1

What’s a tennis player’s favorite type of ice cream? Soft serve

Score: 2

How did the ice cream man sell all of his melting product on a hot summer day? He had a liquidation sale.

Score: 2

Bert asked his friend if he wanted ice cream and wants to know his favorite flavor. He said Sherbert.

Score: 3

I love Valentines Day. The bottle of wine. The Heart-Shaped Ice Cream Cake... Taking them home and eating them alone while crying and watching youtube videos.

Good times.

Score: 8

I go for a run 3 days a week! I do wish the ice cream truck went down my street more often though.

Score: 15

An old man walked into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself gently, painfully, up onto a stool…

After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, ‘Crushed nuts?’

‘No,’ he replied, ‘Arthritis.’

Score: 7

Ted Bundy: Hey, you got any ice cream in the freezer ? Jeffery Dahmer: Nah man, only Ben and Jerry

Score: 7

An ice cream man has been found dead covered in hundreds and thousands... The police think he topped himself.

Score: 5

A Roman walks into an ice cream shop He holds up two fingers and says,
“I’ll have 5 scoops please.”

Score: 3

Since when does screaming helps with sugars cravings? Because I asked many people about their way of stopping sugar cravings and each one of them said... Ice cream.

Score: 4

The local ice cream man was just found dead, covered in sprinkles, raspberry sauce and chopped nuts Turns out he topped himself

Score: 3

What is a sith lord’s favourite ice cream? Haagen-Darth

Score: 1

What flavor of ice cream did Donald Trump eat as Soleimani was being killed? Iraqi Road.

Score: 1

My Grampa has Parkinsons My Grampa with Parkinsons goes into an Ice Cream Parlor. He says, "I'd like an ice cream cone, please." The worker asks, "What flavor?". "Doesn't matter, i'm gonna drop it anyway."

Score: 1

What do you call a street full of potholes and ice cream? Rocky Road

Score: 6

Whenever my Muslim roommate goes to pray, I sit next to him with some apple pie and ice cream. Then both of us are in A La mode.

Score: 10

Of revenge is sweet, and revenge is a dish best served cold... Is revenge ice cream?

Score: 5

“ Hay Ernie would you like some ice cream?” “Sure Burt”

Score: 4

Ted Bundy asks Jeffrey Dahmer you got any ice cream in the freezer? Nah, just Ben and Jerry Jeffrey replies.

Score: 4

The local ice cream shop has introduced a new mixed fruit flavour of ice cream dedicated to the president of the United States They call it the Im-peached orange.

Score: 10

The local ice cream shop has introduced a new mixed fruit flavour since hearing the president of the United States could get removed. They call it the Impeached Orange.

Score: 1

A penguin took his car to the mechanic. The penguin left to get some ice cream and returned a few minutes later.

"It looks like you blew a seal" said the mechanic.

"Gross, its just ice cream" replied the penguin.

Score: 10

This year for Halloween I am dressing up as the guy selling Mexican ice cream from a cart. Then I am going to ask every woman at the bar I see if she wants to blow this popsicle stand.

Score: 1

Why did the kid drop his ice cream? Because he got hit by a bus.

Score: 3

I'm a diabetic, suicidal alcoholic. So what I'm really saying is: all I want is a tub of rum raisin ice cream.

Score: 1

I don't like nuts in my ice cream.... But my Boyfriend loves nuts in his.

Score: 3

When a vsco girl gets an ice cream job And I scoop

Score: 1

What can cry and eat a bowl of ice cream The Sobbing Snowman

Score: 2

As a mom was bribing her child with an ice cream cone to behave, she sighs, “Why can’t you be good-for-nothing like your dad?”

Score: 3

Back in the day, if you had a quarter at a gas station you could come out with a canister of ice cream, or a few candy bars. Now they have cameras.

Score: 2

Why couldn’t the colourblind man sell ice cream? His cones don’t work

Score: 5

What’s a horses favorite type of ice cream? Sher-bit

Score: 4

Today I realised that eating ice cream isn't filling the emptiness I feel inside. But I'm no quitter.

Score: 3

Why was the Ice cream crying? Because his mother had been a wafer so long.

Score: 7

[A cinema ticket office attendant told me this] Q. How does Reese eat ice cream? A. Witherspoon

Score: 7

Which ice cream do weasels prefer? Popsicles.

Now you may say, "Hi, dad!"

Score: 2

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