Ice Cream Jokes

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Funniest Ice Cream Jokes

I asked my girlfriend if she'd like a day of eating ice cream and hanging with her girl friends. She said "Yes!". I said "Good, because I'm breaking up with you."

Edit: Front page! Hi mom.

Thanks for the gold you amazing stranger, you.

Score: 2751

I asked my girlfriend if she'd like a day of eating ice cream and hanging with her girl friends. She said "Yes!". I said "Good, because I'm breaking up with you."

Score: 1707

A guy with a whimpering faint voice orders an ice cream... Vendor asks: "Crushed nuts?"
Guy whimpers back: "No. Laryngitis."

Score: 129

Did you hear about the day when Hagrid took Harry, mashed him up, put him in a blender with ice cream and drank him? Yer a Blizzard, Harry.

Score: 63

Bert asks Ernie, "Ernie do you want to get ice cream?" Ernie responds "Sure Bert"

Score: 59

Say, Ernie, want some Ice Cream? Sherbert

Score: 49

I was offered a job at the local ice cream shop But I turned it down.

I don't like working on sundaes.

Score: 47

Why did little Suzy drop her ice cream? Because she was hit by a bus.

Score: 42

Hey Ernie, want some ice cream? Sherbert

Score: 32

I asked my girlfriend if she'd like a day of eating ice cream and hanging out with her friends She said "Yes!"
I said "Good, because I'm breaking up with you."

Score: 30

So a woman is chasing down an ice cream truck... ... And the ice cream man stops and says, "What can I get for you, Ma'am?"

She says "Nothing, just wanted to tell you I'm vegan."

Score: 28

Why did Sally drop her ice cream while crossing the street? She got hit by a Bus.

Score: 27

What is Donald Trump’s least favorite flavor of ice cream? Peach Mint.

Score: 27

I bought a CD of ice cream van music. Now I drive with the stereo on full blast, watching the disappointment on all the little kids faces..

Score: 22

Chuck Norris went to Mcdonalds and the ice cream machine was working.

Score: 22

Why did Timmy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.

Score: 20

What did the ice cream say to the birthday girl? Go head girl it's sherbert day

Score: 18

Wanna know how you can make an elephant float? One elephant, two scoops of ice cream.

Score: 18

Why did Susie drop her ice cream? Because she was hit by a bus.

Score: 17

An old man walked into an ice cream parlor... He slowly climbed onto a stool, wincing with pain, and then proceeded to order a banana split.
"Crushed nuts, sir?" asked the waitress.
The old man took a deep breath and replied, "No, arthritis"

Score: 17

Where does one learn to make ice cream? Sundae school!

Score: 17

What's Trump's least favorite ice cream flavor? Peach Mint.

Score: 17

There is an ice cream called batman Just ice was served

Score: 14

What caused the ice cream truck to break down? a rocky road

Score: 14

Why did the boy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a truck

Score: 14

Bert: "Hey Ernie, would you like to go get some ice cream?" Ernie: "Sherbert."

Score: 14

Bert asked Ernie if he wants ice cream "Sure, Bert"

Score: 13

What is a slow moving ice cream truck called? A sundae driver.

Score: 13

Guy walks into an ice cream shop And says give me some chocolate, some marshmallows, and some almonds. The elderly gentleman working the counter says “Careful son, you’re heading down a rocky road.”

Score: 13

My friend fell into the gelatto machine. Ice creamed in terror.

Score: 13

What did Ernie say when Bert asked him if he wanted some ice cream? Sherbert.

(I can't take credit for this amazing piece of comedy. Heard it from a friend, no idea if he came up with it or not.)

Score: 12

What did Ernie say when his friend tried to convince him he was ice cream? Are you surebert?

Score: 12

Took my girlfriend to the ice cream factory and she fell into the gelato machine She's a sore bae now.

Score: 12

A penguin takes his car to the shop for maintenance. He goes across the street to a ice cream stand for a vinilla cone. Later he goes back to the shop to check on his car. Mechanic says "looks like you blew a seal". Penguin goes "No, it's just ice cream".

Score: 12

Bert asks Ernie if he wanted to go out for ice cream. Sherbert

Score: 12

I have the body of a 22-year-old model He's in my freezer, and now I have no room for my ice cream.

Score: 11

Why did little Jimmy drop his ice cream? He forgot to look both ways before crossing the street

Score: 11

I drove past an accident involving an ice cream truck. It must have been pretty bad because I heard one of the paramedics say that it looks like they lost a few pints.

Score: 9

Why was the Ice cream crying? Because his mother had been a wafer so long.

Score: 7

An eskimo brought his car to a mechanic. Mechanic says, "you blew a seal"
Eskimo wipes his face, "no, I just had some ice cream".

Score: 7

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New Ice Cream Jokes

What’s the difference between vanilla and French vanilla ice cream? Cowardice.

Score: 4

There's an ice cream flavor made from auto parts Traffic on the Road

Score: 0

Bert asked his friend if he wanted ice cream and wants to know his favorite flavor. He said Sherbert.

Score: 0

The local ice cream shop has introduced a new mixed fruit flavour since hearing the president of the United States could get removed. They call it the Impeached Orange.

Score: 1

This year for Halloween I am dressing up as the guy selling Mexican ice cream from a cart. Then I am going to ask every woman at the bar I see if she wants to blow this popsicle stand.

Score: 1

When a vsco girl gets an ice cream job And I scoop

Score: 1

How to make a baby float? Two scoops vanilla ice cream

One scoop dead baby

Score: 1

What starts out hard but gets soft after it comes? Ice cream you pervert

Score: 5

I tried to load an ASCII picture of ice cream on my ancient computer and I succeeded! I got a nice picture of Haagen-DOS

_
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>-.(__)
(_,-' |
`. |
`.|
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​

Score: 4

What is the favorite ice cream of a Nigerian prince? Ben & Jerry’s Phish Food

Score: 1

A elderly retiree wobbled gingerly into an ice cream shoppe and carefully, slowly climbed up onto a counter stool.

He wheezed for a minute, then ordered a chocolate sundae.

“Crushed nuts?” asked the server.

“No,” he answered.

“Bad knees.”

Score: 4

Can you remember the name of that drink, where you pour espresso over ice cream? Affogato.

Score: 3

To abandon an ice cream sundae in Death Valley is to Desert your dessert in a desert.

Score: 2

You guys hear about that badass wrestler that loves ice cream? They call him Coldstone Steve Austin.

Score: 4

How do you make a dead baby float? Two scoops of ice cream and two scoops of dead baby

Score: 5

Your family is so poor... That your daddy is the D.J. for the ice cream truck.

Score: 1

What happened to the ice cream cone that got ran over by a lawn mower? it was a la mowed

Score: 1

I recently got a loan so I could start my own ice cream business... I'm going to have a rocky road ahead of me.

Score: 3

This flood is devastating. Everything in my kitchen ended up sinking with the exception of a carton of ice cream and some root beer. They stayed afloat.

Score: 2

How does a Call of Duty player like their ice cream? With a 360 no scoop.

Score: 2

What kind of ice cream do drunk drivers like? Soft swerve!

Score: 2

I asked my Dad for Ice Cream before he left to the store. I ended up getting a rocky road. He never came back.

Score: 2

A man just assaulted me with milk, butter and ice cream. How dairy!

Score: 2

What do you get when you eat a gallon of ice cream? Breyers remorse.

Score: 4

My local ice cream man was found dead this morning. He was covered in nuts, sprinkles and raspberry sauce.

Apparently he topped himself.

Score: 7

What happened to the convict on death row who ordered only an ice cream sunday as his last meal? He got his just desserts

Score: 3

My friend and I were talking on the phone the other day and she was complaining about her period Her: MY UTERUS HURTS

Me: WTF Why?

Her: CAUSE OF MY PERIOD

Me: oh

Her: I WANT ICE CREAM

Me: so go get some

Her: I'M IN TOO MUCH PAIN TO GET UP

Me: man, what a vicious cycle

Score: 6

Why did jimmy drop his ice cream? Because he was hit by a bus

Score: 4

A plane carrying Donald Trump, Kim Jong Un, and Bashar Asaad crashes in the desert. Let's go get ice cream.

Score: 3

What does an English teacher eat for breakfast? Synonym rolls.


My wife was so proud of herself for thinking this up while eating cinnamon roll ice cream yesterday.

Score: 2

Why did little Jimmy drop his ice cream? Because he got hit by a bus.

Score: 2

What do you call a terrorist with a scoop of vanilla ice cream? Allah mode.

Score: 3

Whenever I asked for an ice cream from the van, my Mum would tell me that when they played music it meant that they’d run out This isn't a joke, I'm 30 yrs old now finding out otherwise.

Score: 6

Why did the boy drop his ice cream Because he got hit by a bus

Score: 2

I recently found an ice cream man dead, covered in sprinkles, chocolate chips and strawberry sauce. He topped himself.

Score: 3

How do you make a pig float? One cup pig, two scoops ice cream.

Score: 4

How is playing an online FPS like eating rocky road ice cream? Because at first you're chillin with chocolate and marshmallows and then BAM - nuts in your mouth.

Score: 1

Do you prefer big spoon or little spoon? I prefer big spoon so I can get more ice cream per scoop as I cry to myself alone.

Score: 1

I was Ordering Ice Cream I was ordering ice cream today and I asked for 2 spoons. "Expecting someone else?" asked the girl behind the counter. "No, I need one for both hands."

Score: 2

Why did the 5 year old drop her ice cream? She got hit by a bus.

Score: 7

Just got out of a relationship with ice cream It was a rocky road.

Score: 4

The Best Way To Teach Your Kids About Taxes... Is By Eating 30% Of Their Ice cream

Score: 2

I started this class on the weekend that teaches you how to make ice cream... Sundae School.

Score: 6

Things that have occurred in history since the Chicago Cubs last won a World Series... I had an ice cream cone. That I dripped all over myself.

Score: 2

"I'd like two scoops of ice cream, please." "Chocolate or vanilla?"

"Yes."

"Yes what?"

"Yes, Sir, ice cream man, Sir!"

Score: 2

A couple of camels are walking in the dessert... And I was like: hey get out of my ice cream cake, you camels.

Score: 2

What's the difference between Americans and ice cream? Ice cream fits in a tub.

Score: 4

How do you make a dead dog shake? 2 scoops ice cream, 1 scoop dead dog.

Score: 1

I go through condoms like a fat man goes through ice cream! I probably shouldn't have bought the ice cream flavored ones.

Score: 4

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