I asked my girlfriend if she'd like a day of eating ice cream and hanging with her girl friends.
She said "Yes!". I said "Good, because I'm breaking up with you."
Edit: Front page! Hi mom.
Thanks for the gold you amazing stranger, you.
I asked my girlfriend if she'd like a day of eating ice cream and hanging with her girl friends. She said "Yes!". I said "Good, because I'm breaking up with you."
How do you make a human corpse float? Two scoops ice cream, one scoop human corpse, and half a liter of root beer.
A guy with a whimpering faint voice orders an ice cream...
Vendor asks: "Crushed nuts?"
Guy whimpers back: "No. Laryngitis."
Did you hear about the day when Hagrid took Harry, mashed him up, put him in a blender with ice cream and drank him? Yer a Blizzard, Harry.
Bert asks Ernie, "Ernie do you want to get ice cream?" Ernie responds "Sure Bert"
Say, Ernie, want some Ice Cream? Sherbert
I was offered a job at the local ice cream shop
But I turned it down.
I don't like working on sundaes.
Why did little Suzy drop her ice cream? Because she was hit by a bus.
Hey Ernie, want some ice cream? Sherbert
I asked my girlfriend if she'd like a day of eating ice cream and hanging out with her friends
She said "Yes!"
I said "Good, because I'm breaking up with you."
So a woman is chasing down an ice cream truck...
... And the ice cream man stops and says, "What can I get for you, Ma'am?"
She says "Nothing, just wanted to tell you I'm vegan."
What is Donald Trump’s least favorite flavor of ice cream? Peach Mint.
Why did Sally drop her ice cream while crossing the street? She got hit by a Bus.
I bought a CD of ice cream van music. Now I drive with the stereo on full blast, watching the disappointment on all the little kids faces..
Why did Timmy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
What did the ice cream say to the birthday girl? Go head girl it's sherbert day
What's Trump's least favorite ice cream flavor? Peach Mint.
Why did Susie drop her ice cream? Because she was hit by a bus.
An old man walked into an ice cream parlor...
He slowly climbed onto a stool, wincing with pain, and then proceeded to order a banana split.
"Crushed nuts, sir?" asked the waitress.
The old man took a deep breath and replied, "No, arthritis"
Where does one learn to make ice cream? Sundae school!
There is an ice cream called batman Just ice was served
What caused the ice cream truck to break down? a rocky road
Why did the boy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a truck
Bert: "Hey Ernie, would you like to go get some ice cream?" Ernie: "Sherbert."
Bert asked Ernie if he wants ice cream "Sure, Bert"
What is a slow moving ice cream truck called? A sundae driver.
Guy walks into an ice cream shop And says give me some chocolate, some marshmallows, and some almonds. The elderly gentleman working the counter says “Careful son, you’re heading down a rocky road.”
A penguin takes his car to the shop for maintenance. He goes across the street to a ice cream stand for a vinilla cone. Later he goes back to the shop to check on his car. Mechanic says "looks like you blew a seal". Penguin goes "No, it's just ice cream".
What did Ernie say when Bert asked him if he wanted some ice cream?
(I can't take credit for this amazing piece of comedy. Heard it from a friend, no idea if he came up with it or not.)
What did Ernie say when his friend tried to convince him he was ice cream? Are you surebert?
Took my girlfriend to the ice cream factory and she fell into the gelato machine She's a sore bae now.
A penguin took his car to the mechanic.
The penguin left to get some ice cream and returned a few minutes later.
"It looks like you blew a seal" said the mechanic.
"Gross, its just ice cream" replied the penguin.
An eskimo brought his car to a mechanic.
Mechanic says, "you blew a seal"
Eskimo wipes his face, "no, I just had some ice cream".
Why was the Ice cream crying? Because his mother had been a wafer so long.
What do you call jalapeño flavored ice cream? Spice cream.
What’s a horses favorite type of ice cream? Sher-bit
I tried to load an ASCII picture of ice cream on my ancient computer
and I succeeded! I got a nice picture of Haagen-DOS
I go through condoms like a fat man goes through ice cream! I probably shouldn't have bought the ice cream flavored ones.
I worked in one of those creepy ice cream vans over Memorial Day weekend, and I must say, they really do work. I raked in the Benjamins. Also got a couple Jacobs and Timothys as well.
Kids are like ice cream They're the sweetest thing in the world but can give you a headache. It is also best to enjoy them in moderation.
There's an ice cream flavor made from auto parts Traffic on the Road
Bert asked his friend if he wanted ice cream and wants to know his favorite flavor. He said Sherbert.
The local ice cream shop has introduced a new mixed fruit flavour since hearing the president of the United States could get removed. They call it the Impeached Orange.
When a vsco girl gets an ice cream job And I scoop
How to make a baby float?
Two scoops vanilla ice cream
One scoop dead baby
What is the favorite ice cream of a Nigerian prince? Ben & Jerry’s Phish Food
How does a Call of Duty player like their ice cream? With a 360 no scoop.
Things that have occurred in history since the Chicago Cubs last won a World Series... I had an ice cream cone. That I dripped all over myself.
Why do diners in Kansas put a red star next to Vanilla ice cream? to warn that it may be considered "too spicey" for the average customer