Wedding Jokes

Contents

Funniest Wedding Jokes

I watched the video of my wedding backwards. I almost cried when I took the ring back, gave her back to her father, moonwalked out of the church, and went away, free.

Wow: I made it to front page! Thanks guys!

Score: 8821
Funny Wedding Jokes
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What does a polish bride get on her wedding night that is long and hard? a new last name

Score: 2316

My friend wanted to feel like a princess on her wedding day So we made her marry a man she never met in order to secure a French alliance.

Score: 1482

What food makes women stop giving blow jobs? Wedding cake

Score: 1338

What did Kate Middleton find out on her wedding night? That not all rulers are twelve inches long

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I hope they serve cookies at the Royal Wedding this weekend Just to show how a touch of brown sugar makes a ginger snap.

Score: 1026

My ex-gf invited me to her wedding Told her I was busy, will be there next time

Score: 998

At a wedding reception, the best man said, 'would all the married men please stand next to the person that made their lives worth living.' The poor bartender was crushed to death.

Score: 956

What is long and hard that a Polish bride gets on her wedding night? A new last name.

Score: 838

What's the difference between a Syrian wedding and an ISIS training camp? I don't know man, I just fly the drone.

Score: 814

Wife: "You need to watch A Series of Unfortunate Events" Me: "okay, I'll get out the wedding video"

Score: 671

What is the difference between a Pakistani Wedding and a Taliban training camp? I don't know, I just fly the drone.

Score: 623

What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? There's one less drunk at the funeral.

Score: 573

Watching my wedding video in reverse brought tears to my eyes I took off her wedding ring, returned her to her dad, and moonwalked my way out of the church.

Score: 573

What is the difference between an irish wedding and an irish funeral? One fewer drunk person.

Edit: Fewer, not less

Score: 403

Tinder is for rookies Go to Facebook Marketplace and search for wedding dresses. It'll show you recently divorced females in your area. From there you can filter by size.

Score: 401

What’s the difference between an irish wedding and an irish funeral? There‘s one less drunk.

Score: 323

It’s impossible to please women. Even at your wedding, you are not the best man

Score: 309

What's the worst part of an NFL wedding? Getting hit by Rice

Score: 306

Euro 2016 Hi! I've got 2 tickets for the final of Euro 2016 but forgot that it's on the same day as my wedding so I can't go.

If you are interested and want to go instead of me ...

... It's at St. Nicholas' Church, Brighton and she's called Jane.

Score: 294

What's the difference between a Pakistani wedding party and an Al-Qaeda training camp? Dunno, I just fly the drone.

Score: 287

I played my wedding video backwards today. It really cheered me up to see me take the ring off my wife's finger, walk out of church and go drinking with my friends.

Score: 286

How does an Indian girl tell her family she will be wearing a Western dress to her wedding? "Sorry, not Sari."

Score: 286

I recently watched my wedding video backwards. I love the part where I take the ring off her finger, leave the church and go drinking with my friends.

Score: 275

A man is watching tv and starts yelling "No! No! DONT GO IN THE CHURCH!!!" The wife from another room asks: "honey what are you watching?"

Husband: our wedding video

Score: 245

What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drinker

Score: 234

At an Irish wedding reception someone yelled: "Would all the married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living"

The bartender was nearly crushed to death.

Score: 228

It was such an emotional wedding... Even the cake was in tiers.

Score: 225

Hi, how much for this torture device? Sir, that's a wedding ring.

Score: 222

What's the difference between a school shooting and a royal wedding? A royal wedding doesn't happen every week.

Score: 30

What's the difference between a muslim wedding and a terrorist training camp? I don't know either, I'm just the drone pilot.

Score: 26

A man stands up to give a toast at his best friend's wedding He says "I was told that a wedding toast should only last as long as the groom lasts in bed. So goodnight everyone!"

Score: 18

What are the 3 rings involved in marriage? 1) The engagement ring

2) The wedding ring

3) The suffering

Score: 14

Why did the Zombie miss her wedding? Cold feet

Score: 14

There are three rings of marriage. The engagement ring.

The wedding ring.

Then the suffering.

Score: 11

What comes after the engagement ring and the wedding ring? The suffer ring.

Score: 8

What's the difference between a irish wedding and an irish funeral? One person isn't drinking.

Score: 8

I took my wife to Hawaii for our 25th wedding anniversary. You know what I did for our 50th? Went back and got her.

Score: 8

I had my wedding under a cell phone tower. The ceremony wasn't great but the reception was excellent.

Score: 7

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New Wedding Jokes

the whole Royal Wedding took less time than 2 astronauts crossing a door

Score: 3

Have you heard about the 3 rings of marriage? 1. The engagement ring

2. The wedding ring

3. The suffering

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A little girl attending a wedding asked her mother why the bride wears white "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life", says the mother.

"Oh", says the girl. "Is the groom *that* unhappy about the whole thing?"

Score: 0

Why did the fruit have a public wedding? They cantaloupe.

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A hot Summer day is the best time for a wedding Because noone will get cold feet

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I Have a reoccurring nightmare where I’m measuring a woman for her wedding dress in the middle of an earthquake I weigh cups shaking

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This is my 27th wedding anniversary, does anyone know the gift for that year? Is it concrete or lead?

Score: 4

You get three rings in marriage Engagement ring, wedding ring, suffering

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Was a wedding planner to a Mermaid couple once, but got such a terrible review Apparently serving shrimp cocktails at the reception was not such a good idea

Score: 1

A couple for married today and since the wedding guests included all of the bride's female volleyball teammates, her bouquet stayed in the air for the two whole hours.

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What's it called when a girl's baby-dady forgets their wedding vows and cheats on her for another woman? Dada dump.

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What is long and hard that a Ukrainian woman gets on her wedding night? A last name.

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The Royal Wedding is like my upcoming dentist appointment. I'll be happier when it's over.

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I felt pretty bad about breaking up with my girlfriend in a text But I felt even worse watching her read it.

In my defense, what kind of woman checks her phone during her sister’s wedding service?

Score: 5

There's three rings of marriage Engagement ring, wedding ring, and the fingering

Score: 1

There are 3 rings in a marriage.... Engagement ring. Wedding ring. Suffering.

Score: 6

A man was getting married but got cold feet at the last minute... The next morning he went to work and his co-workers asked "so how'd the wedding go"

He replied "oh, it went off without a hitch"

Score: 6

Why did the broom miss the wedding? It overswept

Score: 2

What do you call it when you dream about getting married? Bed wedding.

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An old friend recently had his 62nd wedding anniversary... He told me it didn't last long enough. "Only 60 seconds", he said.

Score: 3

Did you go to the cellphone's wedding? No but I heard that the reception was great.

Score: 0

What fruit had to have an announced wedding at home? Cantaloupe

Score: 2

I think my photographer friend is secretly in the Air Force. He keeps asking if he can use a drone to take aerial shots at my wedding.

Score: 2

Marrige has 3 rings... The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering.

Score: 2

two of my friends are getting married tomorrow. what are your favorite wedding/marriage jokes? The more crass, vulgar, and inappropriate, the better.

Score: 5

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