I watched the video of my wedding backwards.
I almost cried when I took the ring back, gave her back to her father, moonwalked out of the church, and went away, free.
Wow: I made it to front page! Thanks guys!
What does a polish bride get on her wedding night that is long and hard? a new last name
My friend wanted to feel like a princess on her wedding day So we made her marry a man she never met in order to secure a French alliance.
What food makes women stop giving blow jobs? Wedding cake
What did Kate Middleton find out on her wedding night? That not all rulers are twelve inches long
I hope they serve cookies at the Royal Wedding this weekend Just to show how a touch of brown sugar makes a ginger snap.
My ex-gf invited me to her wedding Told her I was busy, will be there next time
At a wedding reception, the best man said, 'would all the married men please stand next to the person that made their lives worth living.' The poor bartender was crushed to death.
What is long and hard that a Polish bride gets on her wedding night? A new last name.
What's the difference between a Syrian wedding and an ISIS training camp? I don't know man, I just fly the drone.
Wife: "You need to watch A Series of Unfortunate Events" Me: "okay, I'll get out the wedding video"
What is the difference between a Pakistani Wedding and a Taliban training camp? I don't know, I just fly the drone.
What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? There's one less drunk at the funeral.
Watching my wedding video in reverse brought tears to my eyes I took off her wedding ring, returned her to her dad, and moonwalked my way out of the church.
What is the difference between an irish wedding and an irish funeral?
One fewer drunk person.
Edit: Fewer, not less
Tinder is for rookies Go to Facebook Marketplace and search for wedding dresses. It'll show you recently divorced females in your area. From there you can filter by size.
What’s the difference between an irish wedding and an irish funeral? There‘s one less drunk.
It’s impossible to please women. Even at your wedding, you are not the best man
What's the worst part of an NFL wedding? Getting hit by Rice
Hi! I've got 2 tickets for the final of Euro 2016 but forgot that it's on the same day as my wedding so I can't go.
If you are interested and want to go instead of me ...
... It's at St. Nicholas' Church, Brighton and she's called Jane.
What's the difference between a Pakistani wedding party and an Al-Qaeda training camp? Dunno, I just fly the drone.
I played my wedding video backwards today. It really cheered me up to see me take the ring off my wife's finger, walk out of church and go drinking with my friends.
How does an Indian girl tell her family she will be wearing a Western dress to her wedding? "Sorry, not Sari."
I recently watched my wedding video backwards. I love the part where I take the ring off her finger, leave the church and go drinking with my friends.
A man is watching tv and starts yelling "No! No! DONT GO IN THE CHURCH!!!"
The wife from another room asks: "honey what are you watching?"
Husband: our wedding video
What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drinker
At an Irish wedding reception someone yelled:
"Would all the married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living"
The bartender was nearly crushed to death.
It was such an emotional wedding... Even the cake was in tiers.
Hi, how much for this torture device? Sir, that's a wedding ring.
Why did the dad proton want his daughter proton to marry an electron? So the wedding would be free of charge
What's the difference between a Taliban training camp and a Pakistani wedding? I don't know. I just fly the drone.
I saw on the news that the CEOs of T-mobile and Sprint got married last weekend. Great wedding, terrible reception.
What kind of dessert makes women gain the most weight? Wedding Cake.
Whats the difference between an Irish wedding, and an Irish funeral? There's one less drunk.
I have two tickets to the 2017 Superbowl, but I'm getting married that day so I can't go. If you're interested in going in my place, the wedding is at St. Peter's church and her name is Laura.
I lost a good friend and long time drinking buddy a few days ago in a tragic accident he got his finger caught in a wedding ring
Why wasn't Kanye allowed to have a prostitute at his bachelor party? Because you're not supposed to see the bride before the wedding
I went through an expensive and painful procedure yesterday!!! I had my spine and both testicles removed. Still, some of the wedding presents were fantastic.
Wedding RSVP Apparently it's not acceptable to RSVP a wedding invitation with 'sorry, maybe next time'.
What's the difference between a irish wedding and an irish funeral? One person isn't drinking.
You get three rings in marriage Engagement ring, wedding ring, suffering
A man stands up to give a toast at his best friend's wedding He says "I was told that a wedding toast should only last as long as the groom lasts in bed. So goodnight everyone!"
What's the difference between a school shooting and a royal wedding? A royal wedding doesn't happen every week.
What does a Polish bride get on her wedding night that is long and hard? A new surname.
I got thrashed for RSVP'ing a wedding invite, Apparently "maybe next time" wasn't a good reply.
Two antennas got married. Wedding ceremony was a disaster. But reception was really good.
There are three rings of marriage.
The engagement ring.
The wedding ring.
Then the suffering.
Two satellites got married The wedding wasn't very good, but the reception was great.
The invitations that were sent for the wedding said to bring a date. Boy, did my bride feel dumb when I brought one and she didn't.
My grandpa told me about the 3 rings of marriage today... The engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffering.
What comes after the engagement ring and the wedding ring? The suffer ring.
I got an invitation to a black-tie-only wedding But when i showed up everyone were wearing tuxedos
My fiance asked me what date I'd prefer for our wedding Apparently, "your sister" was not the right answer.
At a wedding in Glasgow I whispered to a guy next to me
"Isn't the bride a right ugly dog"
"Do you mind. That's my daughter you're talking about"
"I'm sorry, I didn't know you were her father''...
"I'm not . . . I'm her mother."
How can you tell that a wedding cake is sad? Just look at the tiers.
Every time I go to weddings the older folks poke me in the arm and whisper "that is gonna be you! That is gonna be you!"
So now when I go to funerals I poke them in the arm and say "that is gonna be you!"
There were three rings in OJ Simpson's marriage. First, they had the engagement ring. After that, they had the wedding ring. And finally, there was the murdering.
At a wedding reception I attended, some one said, "Gentlemen, please stand next to the person who has made your life worth living." The bartender was nearly crushed to death.
What do you get when two antenna get married? A crappy wedding but great reception.
How can you tell if a man hasn't gotten laid in a while? He's wearing a wedding ring.
My girlfriend wanted a traditional wedding; Guess I didn't offer her father enough goats.
Little Mary is at her first wedding.
When it’s over, she asks her mother, ‘Why did the lady change her mind?’
‘What do you mean?’ asks mother.
‘Well,’ replies Mary.
‘She went down the aisle with one man and came back with another.
This place I know of makes some AMAZING wedding cakes I hear they put in a lot of blood, sweat and tiers.
Why are wedding dresses white? So the dishwasher matches the fridge.
Old joke time, Why are wedding dresses white? To match the other appliances in the kitchen.
I went to a very emotional wedding the other day Even the cake was in tiers
Wife: Why did you spend a hundred dollars on a boardgame you've only played once? Me: *quietly checks the wedding bill*
A child asks his mother why the bride wears white on her wedding day. His mother responds, "Because white represents happiness, and that's the happiest day of her life!" The child thinks for a while and then asks, "Then why does the groom wear black?"
Why are wedding cakes the saddest cakes? Because of all the tiers.
A man was watching TV at home
He said out loud "Run you idiot!"
His wife heard him and asked "Are you watching a horror film?"
He responded "Nah. Just our wedding tape."
Two antennas fall in love with each other on a roof and decide to get married The wedding was awful but the reception was great.
Daddy, what are all those cars' horns honking for?
It's for a wedding son.
I thought the horn was supposed to be only used as a warning.
I’m not Deaf
I shouted to the barmaid, “Two pints of lager please.”
She said, “I’m not deaf.”
I said, “Sorry, I noticed your wedding ring and the black eye. I presumed you had a problem listening.”
Marriage is an institution of three rings. Engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering
My wedding was beautiful! Even the cake was in tiers!
I went to a really depressing wedding recently. Even the cake was in tiers.
What is the difference between an Australian wedding and an Australian funeral? There is one less drunk at an Australian funeral.
The first time out with my metal detector I found a beautiful wedding ring!! But the bride was still wearing it, so the police came and now they won't give it back.
Man yelling at TV
Man is watching TV when he starts yelling: “No! Don't go there! Don't do it! You stupid fool!”
His wife asks him: “What are you watching?”
“Just our wedding video.”
"I can still fit into my wedding dress!", my wife bragged. "That's only because you were 8 months pregnant", I replied.
Two satellites decided to get married... The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!
At the wedding
Priest: Will you love & honor her?
Groom: I will
[Bride whispers to priest]
Priest: And leave your phone unlocked?
Groom: I'm out.
My friend had a tragic accident. He got his finger stuck in a wedding ring.
I went to a really emotional wedding today... ...Even the cake was in tiers.
What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? 1 less drunk
Great news, I've got a new dishwasher! Well, the wedding is in 2 months.
How do you tell the difference between a Pakistani wedding and an ISIS training camp? I don't know, I just fly the drone
What does the date inside of a wedding ring stand for? best before...
I took my wife to Hawaii for our 25th wedding anniversary. You know what I did for our 50th? Went back and got her.
[Request][not a joke][urgent] I need puns. Specifically. Cow themed wedding/bride/engagement puns. I cant help but ask the best of the best. I need your help. Your are the pun kings of the Internet and I know you can do this. I'm COW-nting on you.
Free Tickets to the US Open My buddy gave me two tickets to the US Open but I realized I am getting married that day. If anyone wants to take my place, the wedding is at St. Paul's Church and her name is Emily
I finally decided what I want my wedding song to be, I hope my wife agrees. It's going to be... "You Can't Always Get What You Want"
My co-worker is getting married today, 2/29/2016. He figured this way he would only have to celebrate his wedding anniversary once every four years.
What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk.
Where do pedophiles get the wedding rings? They go to Jared.
What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One person.
When I was 20 I took a vow of celibacy... My wife however called them "wedding vows"
two of my friends are getting married tomorrow. what are your favorite wedding/marriage jokes? The more crass, vulgar, and inappropriate, the better.
What are the 3 rings involved in marriage?
1) The engagement ring
2) The wedding ring
3) The suffering