Wedding Jokes

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Funniest Wedding Jokes

I watched the video of my wedding backwards. I almost cried when I took the ring back, gave her back to her father, moonwalked out of the church, and went away, free.

Wow: I made it to front page! Thanks guys!

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Funny Wedding Jokes
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What does a polish bride get on her wedding night that is long and hard? a new last name

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My friend wanted to feel like a princess on her wedding day So we made her marry a man she never met in order to secure a French alliance.

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What food makes women stop giving blow jobs? Wedding cake

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What did Kate Middleton find out on her wedding night? That not all rulers are twelve inches long

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I hope they serve cookies at the Royal Wedding this weekend Just to show how a touch of brown sugar makes a ginger snap.

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My ex-gf invited me to her wedding Told her I was busy, will be there next time

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At a wedding reception, the best man said, 'would all the married men please stand next to the person that made their lives worth living.' The poor bartender was crushed to death.

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What is long and hard that a Polish bride gets on her wedding night? A new last name.

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What's the difference between a Syrian wedding and an ISIS training camp? I don't know man, I just fly the drone.

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Wife: "You need to watch A Series of Unfortunate Events" Me: "okay, I'll get out the wedding video"

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What is the difference between a Pakistani Wedding and a Taliban training camp? I don't know, I just fly the drone.

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What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? There's one less drunk at the funeral.

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Watching my wedding video in reverse brought tears to my eyes I took off her wedding ring, returned her to her dad, and moonwalked my way out of the church.

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What is the difference between an irish wedding and an irish funeral? One fewer drunk person.

Edit: Fewer, not less

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Tinder is for rookies Go to Facebook Marketplace and search for wedding dresses. It'll show you recently divorced females in your area. From there you can filter by size.

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What’s the difference between an irish wedding and an irish funeral? There‘s one less drunk.

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It’s impossible to please women. Even at your wedding, you are not the best man

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What's the worst part of an NFL wedding? Getting hit by Rice

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Euro 2016 Hi! I've got 2 tickets for the final of Euro 2016 but forgot that it's on the same day as my wedding so I can't go.

If you are interested and want to go instead of me ...

... It's at St. Nicholas' Church, Brighton and she's called Jane.

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What's the difference between a Pakistani wedding party and an Al-Qaeda training camp? Dunno, I just fly the drone.

Score: 287

I played my wedding video backwards today. It really cheered me up to see me take the ring off my wife's finger, walk out of church and go drinking with my friends.

Score: 286

How does an Indian girl tell her family she will be wearing a Western dress to her wedding? "Sorry, not Sari."

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I recently watched my wedding video backwards. I love the part where I take the ring off her finger, leave the church and go drinking with my friends.

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A man is watching tv and starts yelling "No! No! DONT GO IN THE CHURCH!!!" The wife from another room asks: "honey what are you watching?"

Husband: our wedding video

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What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drinker

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At an Irish wedding reception someone yelled: "Would all the married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living"

The bartender was nearly crushed to death.

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It was such an emotional wedding... Even the cake was in tiers.

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Hi, how much for this torture device? Sir, that's a wedding ring.

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In marriage there are 3 types of rings The engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffering.

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My daddy always warned me about the 3 rings of marriage: the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering.

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What did Yoda say to Anakin on his wedding day? May divorce be with you.

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What's the difference between a muslim wedding and a terrorist training camp? I don't know either, I'm just the drone pilot.

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My grandpa told me about the 3 rings of marriage today... The engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffering.

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A man stands up to give a toast at his best friend's wedding He says "I was told that a wedding toast should only last as long as the groom lasts in bed. So goodnight everyone!"

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My co-worker is getting married today, 2/29/2016. He figured this way he would only have to celebrate his wedding anniversary once every four years.

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What are the 3 rings involved in marriage? 1) The engagement ring

2) The wedding ring

3) The suffering

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My wife got really mad when she found me kissing her twin during a drunken dance at a wedding. He is not too thrilled about it either.

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Reason for longevity - Ma and Pa are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary....... they are sitting on a bench side by side and Ma says: "I'm getting tired, are you?" And Pa replies: "That's okay, honey, I'm getting tired of you too."

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New Wedding Jokes

Have you heard about the 3 rings of marriage? 1. The engagement ring

2. The wedding ring

3. The suffering

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A little girl attending a wedding asked her mother why the bride wears white "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life", says the mother.

"Oh", says the girl. "Is the groom *that* unhappy about the whole thing?"

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The midget wedding I was at went really fast It was just a really short reception I guess

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Why did the fruit have a public wedding? They cantaloupe.

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What's the difference between a irish wedding and an irish funeral? One person isn't drinking.

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There's really 3 rings for a wedding.... The engagement ring, the wedding ring..... and the suffering.

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A hot Summer day is the best time for a wedding Because noone will get cold feet

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I Have a reoccurring nightmare where I’m measuring a woman for her wedding dress in the middle of an earthquake I weigh cups shaking

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This is my 27th wedding anniversary, does anyone know the gift for that year? Is it concrete or lead?

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How can you tell it's a Mormon wedding? The bride isn't pregnant but her mom is.

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You get three rings in marriage Engagement ring, wedding ring, suffering

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Was a wedding planner to a Mermaid couple once, but got such a terrible review Apparently serving shrimp cocktails at the reception was not such a good idea

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A couple for married today and since the wedding guests included all of the bride's female volleyball teammates, her bouquet stayed in the air for the two whole hours.

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Did you hear about the baby born with a broken arm? He was trying to hang on until after the wedding.

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What's it called when a girl's baby-dady forgets their wedding vows and cheats on her for another woman? Dada dump.

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The proven answer to the what the world's most fatning food is. Wedding cake

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What is long and hard that a Ukrainian woman gets on her wedding night? A last name.

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Ronald's wife wets the bed every day since their first wedding anniversary. This information has been leaked.

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I felt pretty bad about breaking up with my girlfriend in a text But I felt even worse watching her read it.

In my defense, what kind of woman checks her phone during her sister’s wedding service?

Score: 5

There's three rings of marriage Engagement ring, wedding ring, and the fingering

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There are 3 rings in a marriage.... Engagement ring. Wedding ring. Suffering.

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A man was getting married but got cold feet at the last minute... The next morning he went to work and his co-workers asked "so how'd the wedding go"

He replied "oh, it went off without a hitch"

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What did the watermelon say to her fiance before their wedding? We cantelope

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Why did the broom miss the wedding? It overswept

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What comes after the engagement ring and the wedding ring? The suffer ring.

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There were three rings in OJ Simpson's marriage. First, they had the engagement ring. After that, they had the wedding ring. And finally, there was the murdering.

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This place I know of makes some AMAZING wedding cakes I hear they put in a lot of blood, sweat and tiers.

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Let me know if anyone can help I bought the tickets Champions League finals But I accidentally fixed my wedding date on the same day so I am wondering if anyone else would be interested in getting married.

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What are the three types of rings in a marriage? The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering.

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What do you call it when you dream about getting married? Bed wedding.

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I told my friend I'm planning on wearing a kilt to his wedding. He asked "What's the tartan?" I said "She's wearing a red dress."

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For our 10th wedding anniversary, my wife wanted me to surprise her. But when i introduced her to my mistress, she got very angry.

There really is no pleasing some people.

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An old friend recently had his 62nd wedding anniversary... He told me it didn't last long enough. "Only 60 seconds", he said.

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Today my wife and I marked our twenty year wedding anniversary. If I would have killed her I would be out of jail by now.

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The three rings of marriages The Engagement ring, the wedding ring, the suffering.

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Why did Thor not invite many people to his brother's wedding? Because it was Low key

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Did you go to the cellphone's wedding? No but I heard that the reception was great.

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3 rings in a man's life 1. Engagement ring
2. Wedding ring
3. Suffering

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Marriage consists of three rings.... engagement ring
wedding ring
and suffering

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Why did the watermelon and the honeydew decide to cancel their spontaneous wedding in Las Vegas? They realized with a family like theirs, they really Cantaloupe.

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I made my wife's dreams come true and celebrated our wedding anniversary in a castle. You wouldn’t have thought it though from the miserable look on her face...
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As we were bouncing around!

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What do you call a Vietnamese wedding? A Win-Win situation.

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Why is a redneck wedding and a tornado alike? Because either way someone is losing a trailer.

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Marrige has 3 rings... The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering.

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two of my friends are getting married tomorrow. what are your favorite wedding/marriage jokes? The more crass, vulgar, and inappropriate, the better.

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