Wedding Jokes

I watched the video of my wedding backwards. I almost cried when I took the ring back, gave her back to her father, moonwalked out of the church, and went away, free.

Wow: I made it to front page! Thanks guys!

What does a polish bride get on her wedding night that is long and hard? a new last name

My friend wanted to feel like a princess on her wedding day So we made her marry a man she never met in order to secure a French alliance.

What food makes women stop giving blow jobs? Wedding cake

What did Kate Middleton find out on her wedding night? That not all rulers are twelve inches long

I hope they serve cookies at the Royal Wedding this weekend Just to show how a touch of brown sugar makes a ginger snap.

My ex-gf invited me to her wedding Told her I was busy, will be there next time

At a wedding reception, the best man said, 'would all the married men please stand next to the person that made their lives worth living.' The poor bartender was crushed to death.

What is long and hard that a Polish bride gets on her wedding night? A new last name.

What's the difference between a Syrian wedding and an ISIS training camp? I don't know man, I just fly the drone.

Wife: "You need to watch A Series of Unfortunate Events" Me: "okay, I'll get out the wedding video"

What is the difference between a Pakistani Wedding and a Taliban training camp? I don't know, I just fly the drone.

What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? There's one less drunk at the funeral.

Watching my wedding video in reverse brought tears to my eyes I took off her wedding ring, returned her to her dad, and moonwalked my way out of the church.

What is the difference between an irish wedding and an irish funeral? One fewer drunk person.

Edit: Fewer, not less

Tinder is for rookies Go to Facebook Marketplace and search for wedding dresses. It'll show you recently divorced females in your area. From there you can filter by size.

What’s the difference between an irish wedding and an irish funeral? There‘s one less drunk.

It’s impossible to please women. Even at your wedding, you are not the best man

What's the worst part of an NFL wedding? Getting hit by Rice

Euro 2016 Hi! I've got 2 tickets for the final of Euro 2016 but forgot that it's on the same day as my wedding so I can't go.

If you are interested and want to go instead of me ...

... It's at St. Nicholas' Church, Brighton and she's called Jane.

What's the difference between a Pakistani wedding party and an Al-Qaeda training camp? Dunno, I just fly the drone.

I played my wedding video backwards today. It really cheered me up to see me take the ring off my wife's finger, walk out of church and go drinking with my friends.

How does an Indian girl tell her family she will be wearing a Western dress to her wedding? "Sorry, not Sari."

I recently watched my wedding video backwards. I love the part where I take the ring off her finger, leave the church and go drinking with my friends.

A man is watching tv and starts yelling "No! No! DONT GO IN THE CHURCH!!!" The wife from another room asks: "honey what are you watching?"

Husband: our wedding video

What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drinker

At an Irish wedding reception someone yelled: "Would all the married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living"

The bartender was nearly crushed to death.

It was such an emotional wedding... Even the cake was in tiers.

Hi, how much for this torture device? Sir, that's a wedding ring.

What's the difference between a school shooting and a royal wedding? A royal wedding doesn't happen every week.

My grandpa told me about the 3 rings of marriage today... The engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffering.

A man stands up to give a toast at his best friend's wedding He says "I was told that a wedding toast should only last as long as the groom lasts in bed. So goodnight everyone!"

What are the 3 rings involved in marriage? 1) The engagement ring

2) The wedding ring

3) The suffering

What comes after the engagement ring and the wedding ring? The suffer ring.

What's the difference between a irish wedding and an irish funeral? One person isn't drinking.

You get three rings in marriage Engagement ring, wedding ring, suffering

two of my friends are getting married tomorrow. what are your favorite wedding/marriage jokes? The more crass, vulgar, and inappropriate, the better.

This place I know of makes some AMAZING wedding cakes I hear they put in a lot of blood, sweat and tiers.

An old friend recently had his 62nd wedding anniversary... He told me it didn't last long enough. "Only 60 seconds", he said.