Wedding Jokes


Funniest Wedding Jokes

I watched the video of my wedding backwards. I almost cried when I took the ring back, gave her back to her father, moonwalked out of the church, and went away, free.

Wow: I made it to front page! Thanks guys!

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Funny Wedding Jokes
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What does a polish bride get on her wedding night that is long and hard? a new last name

Score: 2316

My friend wanted to feel like a princess on her wedding day So we made her marry a man she never met in order to secure a French alliance.

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What food makes women stop giving blow jobs? Wedding cake

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What did Kate Middleton find out on her wedding night? That not all rulers are twelve inches long

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I hope they serve cookies at the Royal Wedding this weekend Just to show how a touch of brown sugar makes a ginger snap.

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My ex-gf invited me to her wedding Told her I was busy, will be there next time

Score: 998

At a wedding reception, the best man said, 'would all the married men please stand next to the person that made their lives worth living.' The poor bartender was crushed to death.

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What is long and hard that a Polish bride gets on her wedding night? A new last name.

Score: 838

What's the difference between a Syrian wedding and an ISIS training camp? I don't know man, I just fly the drone.

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Wife: "You need to watch A Series of Unfortunate Events" Me: "okay, I'll get out the wedding video"

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What is the difference between a Pakistani Wedding and a Taliban training camp? I don't know, I just fly the drone.

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What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? There's one less drunk at the funeral.

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Watching my wedding video in reverse brought tears to my eyes I took off her wedding ring, returned her to her dad, and moonwalked my way out of the church.

Score: 573

What is the difference between an irish wedding and an irish funeral? One fewer drunk person.

Edit: Fewer, not less

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Tinder is for rookies Go to Facebook Marketplace and search for wedding dresses. It'll show you recently divorced females in your area. From there you can filter by size.

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What’s the difference between an irish wedding and an irish funeral? There‘s one less drunk.

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It’s impossible to please women. Even at your wedding, you are not the best man

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What's the worst part of an NFL wedding? Getting hit by Rice

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Euro 2016 Hi! I've got 2 tickets for the final of Euro 2016 but forgot that it's on the same day as my wedding so I can't go.

If you are interested and want to go instead of me ...

... It's at St. Nicholas' Church, Brighton and she's called Jane.

Score: 294

What's the difference between a Pakistani wedding party and an Al-Qaeda training camp? Dunno, I just fly the drone.

Score: 287

I played my wedding video backwards today. It really cheered me up to see me take the ring off my wife's finger, walk out of church and go drinking with my friends.

Score: 286

How does an Indian girl tell her family she will be wearing a Western dress to her wedding? "Sorry, not Sari."

Score: 286

I recently watched my wedding video backwards. I love the part where I take the ring off her finger, leave the church and go drinking with my friends.

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A man is watching tv and starts yelling "No! No! DONT GO IN THE CHURCH!!!" The wife from another room asks: "honey what are you watching?"

Husband: our wedding video

Score: 245

What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drinker

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At an Irish wedding reception someone yelled: "Would all the married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living"

The bartender was nearly crushed to death.

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It was such an emotional wedding... Even the cake was in tiers.

Score: 225

Hi, how much for this torture device? Sir, that's a wedding ring.

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Whats the difference between an Irish wedding, and an Irish funeral? There's one less drunk.

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I have two tickets to the 2017 Superbowl, but I'm getting married that day so I can't go. If you're interested in going in my place, the wedding is at St. Peter's church and her name is Laura.

Score: 94

Why wasn't Kanye allowed to have a prostitute at his bachelor party? Because you're not supposed to see the bride before the wedding

Score: 64

When I was 20 I took a vow of celibacy... My wife however called them "wedding vows"

Score: 37

What's the difference between a school shooting and a royal wedding? A royal wedding doesn't happen every week.

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Where do pedophiles get the wedding rings? They go to Jared.

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My grandpa told me about the 3 rings of marriage today... The engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffering.

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A man stands up to give a toast at his best friend's wedding He says "I was told that a wedding toast should only last as long as the groom lasts in bed. So goodnight everyone!"

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My co-worker is getting married today, 2/29/2016. He figured this way he would only have to celebrate his wedding anniversary once every four years.

Score: 16

What are the 3 rings involved in marriage? 1) The engagement ring

2) The wedding ring

3) The suffering

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New Wedding Jokes

Have you heard about the 3 rings of marriage? 1. The engagement ring

2. The wedding ring

3. The suffering

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A little girl attending a wedding asked her mother why the bride wears white "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life", says the mother.

"Oh", says the girl. "Is the groom *that* unhappy about the whole thing?"

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Why did the fruit have a public wedding? They cantaloupe.

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What's the difference between a irish wedding and an irish funeral? One person isn't drinking.

Score: 8

A hot Summer day is the best time for a wedding Because noone will get cold feet

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I Have a reoccurring nightmare where I’m measuring a woman for her wedding dress in the middle of an earthquake I weigh cups shaking

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It wouldnt be a true Alabama wedding without a speech from the father Of the bride and groom.

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You get three rings in marriage Engagement ring, wedding ring, suffering

Score: 5

Was a wedding planner to a Mermaid couple once, but got such a terrible review Apparently serving shrimp cocktails at the reception was not such a good idea

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A couple for married today and since the wedding guests included all of the bride's female volleyball teammates, her bouquet stayed in the air for the two whole hours.

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Did you hear about the baby born with a broken arm? He was trying to hang on until after the wedding.

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What's it called when a girl's baby-dady forgets their wedding vows and cheats on her for another woman? Dada dump.

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Ronald's wife wets the bed every day since their first wedding anniversary. This information has been leaked.

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I was 10 minutes into Harry Potter ...before I realized I was watching the Royal wedding.

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The Royal Wedding is like my upcoming dentist appointment. I'll be happier when it's over.

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So Mehgan's father won't be at the royal wedding... Neither will Harry's.

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Why did the broom miss the wedding? It overswept

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What comes after the engagement ring and the wedding ring? The suffer ring.

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This place I know of makes some AMAZING wedding cakes I hear they put in a lot of blood, sweat and tiers.

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The Queen takes the Bishop, leaving the Knight in a vulnerable position. This royal wedding is taking an unexpected turn.

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What do you call it when you dream about getting married? Bed wedding.

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An old friend recently had his 62nd wedding anniversary... He told me it didn't last long enough. "Only 60 seconds", he said.

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[Request][not a joke][urgent] I need puns. Specifically. Cow themed wedding/bride/engagement puns. I cant help but ask the best of the best. I need your help. Your are the pun kings of the Internet and I know you can do this. I'm COW-nting on you.

Score: 8

Free Tickets to the US Open My buddy gave me two tickets to the US Open but I realized I am getting married that day. If anyone wants to take my place, the wedding is at St. Paul's Church and her name is Emily

Score: 5

I finally decided what I want my wedding song to be, I hope my wife agrees. It's going to be... "You Can't Always Get What You Want"

Score: 5

I was driving through a woodland area the other day and accidentally hit a stag It really spoiled the wedding

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Did you go to the cellphone's wedding? No but I heard that the reception was great.

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Marriage jokes A woman turns to her husband on their silver wedding anniversary and says, ‘Darling, will you still love me when my hair turns grey?’ Her husband replies, ‘Why not? I stuck with you through the other six shades.’

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What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk.

Score: 5

What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One person.

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What fruit had to have an announced wedding at home? Cantaloupe

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I think my photographer friend is secretly in the Air Force. He keeps asking if he can use a drone to take aerial shots at my wedding.

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What's the worst fruit to eat on your wedding day? A cantaloupe.

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two of my friends are getting married tomorrow. what are your favorite wedding/marriage jokes? The more crass, vulgar, and inappropriate, the better.

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