Hillbilly Jokes

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Funniest Hillbilly Jokes

Funny Hillbilly Jokes

How did the hillbilly find the sheep in the tall grass? Satisfying

What do you call it when a hillbilly dies and comes back as something else? Reintarnation

How did the hillbilly find his sister in the woods? Pretty Hot

A hillbilly tells his parents he won't marry his fiance because she is a virgin. "If she isn't good enough for her own family, then she isn't good enough for ours!"

How did the hillbilly find his sister in the woods? Pretty good. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

What do a thug and hillbilly have in common? They both like to throw a hoedown.

How did the hillbilly find his sister in the woods? Attractive.

What is it called when a hillbilly comes back to life? Reintarnation.

Why are even the best forensic teams unable to catch hillbilly criminals? Because they all share the same DNA and there are no dental records.

What's it called when a hillbilly gets resurrected? Reintarnation

What do you get when you cross a hillbilly and a murder suspect? A person of incest.

What did the hillbilly yoga instructor say to his mom who was about to leave? Naw ma, stay!

Did you hear about the hillbilly who was called to testify in court? When he spoke you could only see the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.

How do you know when you're staying in a hillbilly hotel? When you call the front desk and say, "I gotta leak in my sink,"
and the clerk replies, "okay, Go ahead."

Coming Back as a Hillbilly Q. What do you call it when you die and come back as a hillbilly?
A. Reintarnation

A hillbilly girl tells her guy “How about we try reverse cowgirl tonight?” He replies “Hey! You never turn your back on family.”

What's the upside of a hillbilly divorce? She stays your sister

How do hillbilly gourds reproduce? They pump kin.

Hillbilly murders are the hardest to solve They don’t have dental records and all their DNA is the same.

A Hillbilly joins the army Next day while in training

General- Did you come here to die?

Hillbilly- No sir I came here yester-die

What's the difference between a hillbilly and a redneck? Sunscreen.

John gave his hillbilly cousin Billy a phonecard. "You can make calls with this ." John then went to get a drink. In the corner of his eye, he noticed Billy whispering frantically into the card: "Hello? Hello? Can you hear me?"

What’s the difference between a redneck and a hillbilly? A redneck will kill you but a hillbilly will keep you

Why are hillbilly men not circumcised? Because they need somewhere to carry their chew.

What do a hillbilly and a nepotist blackberry executive have in common? They both give their relatives rim jobs.

The devil whispered in my ear you aren’t good enough, you’ll never amount to anything..... I whispered back, at least I didn’t lose my golden fiddle to some hillbilly in Georgia.

What do you call a hillbilly giraffe that lives in a trailer and drinks beer all day? A rednnnnnneeeeeeeccccccccckkkkkk.

Why are hillbilly murders hard to solve Because they all share the same DNA

A black man, a Mexican, a Muslim and a hillbilly are all playing Russian Roulette together. Who is guaranteed to win? Society.

Hillbilly holiday What is a hillbillies favorite holiday?

Halloween, because they can pump kin.

I'm not trying to sound political and all but Hillbilly is short for Hilliam William

Why don’t Hillbilly girls use Vibrators? It chips their teeth

Why doesn't a hillbilly boy have to memorize his name? It's tattooed on his mom's lower back.

Why do some goats scream like humans? They evolved this way to have a hillbilly rape alarm.

What do you call a hillbilly family tree? A wreath

A hillbilly invites his new neighbor to a party... he says "there'll be a whole lotta drinkin', dancin', and screwin'..."


His neighbor asks if he can bring anything.


Hillbilly says, "you can bring anything you want, just goin' be me and you..."

*credit to "Mad Men"*

Did you hear about the hillbilly yeast? It was in bread.....

(OC dad joke) What do you call a goat on a small mountain? A hillbilly

What did the hillbilly yoga instructor say his mother when she was about to leave? Nah ma, stay!

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New Hillbilly Jokes

There are two kinds of Hillbilly women. Those who get married and have a lot of kids.... ....and those who are a single and have a lot of kids.

Why didn’t the hillbilly want to do reverse cowgirl Because they never turn their backs on family

Two hillbillies walking home from bar… come across a stray dog licking himself on the corner of an alley.

First hillbilly “wish I could do that”
Second hillbilly with no hesitation “ YOU BEST PET HIM FIRST”

Why do hillbilly siblings give each other kisses? Because they're a little hickey.

What do you call a hillbilly after he is all grown up? A mountain goat of course!

What do you call a hillbilly baker? A breadneck.

Two hillbilly sisters are fighting about who is better They ask their dad.
"Daddy who's your favorite daughter?"
The father looks at both of them, "Your mother."

What does a hillbilly say when they recognize a place by scent? I nose this place

Where does a hillbilly go to learn about his family's history? ~~Ancestry.com~~ Incestry.com

What's the first thing a hillbilly says after losing her virginity? Get off me Daddy, you're crushing my cigarettes.

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Long Hillbilly Jokes

ONE GERMAN, ONE JAPANESE AND A HILLBILLY WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA.

Suddenly, there was a beeping sound. The German pressed her forearm and the beeping stopped. The others looked at her questionly.

"That was my pager," she said. " I have a microchip implanted under the skin of my arm."

A few minutes later, a phone rang. The Japanese woman lifted her palm to her ear. When she finished, she explained, " that was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand."

The HILLBILLY woman felt decidedly low tech. Not to be outdone, she decided she had to do something just as impressive. She stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom. She returned with a piece of paper hanging from her behind. The others raised their eyebrows and stared at her.

The HILLBILLY woman finally said, "Well, will you look at that, I'm getting a FAX."

***Sweet Jesús! My first gold post! Thank you so much!!!

Redneck Divorce

A hillbilly walked into an attorney's office wanting to file for divorce.

Attorney: "May I help you?"

Hillbilly: "Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorces".

Attorney: "Well do you have any grounds?"

Hillbilly: "Yea, I got about a hundred acres."

Attorney: "No, you don't understand, do you have a case?"

Hillbilly: "No, I don't have a Case, but I have a John Deere."

Attorney: "I mean, do you have a grudge?"

Hillbilly: "Yea, I got a grudge. That's where I park my John Deere."

Attorney: "No sir, I mean do you have a suit?"

Hillbilly: "Yes sir, I got a suit, I wear it to church on Sundays."

Attorney: "Well sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?"

Hillbilly: "No sir, we both get up about 4:30 in the morning."

Attorney: "Well, is she a nagger or anything?"

Hillbilly: "No she's a little white gal, but our last child was a nagger. That's why I want this dayvorce."

Never choke in a restaurant in the South

Two hillbillies walked into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talked about their moonshine operation.
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table who is eating a sandwich, began to cough.
After a minute or so, it became apparent that she was in real distress.
One of the hillbillies looked at her and said, "Kin ya swallar?"

The woman shook her head no.

Then he asked, "Kin ya breathe?"

The woman began to turn blue and shook her head no.

The hillbilly walked over to the woman, lifted up her dress, yanked down her drawers, and quickly gave her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.

The woman was so shocked that she had a violent spasm, and the obstruction
flew out of her mouth. As she began to breathe again, the Hillbilly walked slowly back to his table.

His partner said, "Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!"

Two Hillbillies

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough.
After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, Kin ya swallar?'
The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'
The woman begins to turn blue, and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table. His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I never seed nobody done it.

A farmer goes to his lawyer for a divorce... (proper telling of the wife goes to lawyer for a divorce)

A hillbilly farmer who wanted to get a divorce paid a visit to a lawyer. The lawyer said, 'How can I help you?' The farmer said, 'I want to get one of them dayvorces.'

The lawyer said, 'Do you have any grounds?' The farmer said, 'Yes, I got 40 acres'

The lawyer said, 'No, No, you don't understand, Do you have a suit?
The farmer said, 'Yes, I got a suit, I wears it to church on Sundays.'

The lawyer said, 'No, no, I mean, do you have a case?' The farmer said, 'No, I ain't got a Case, but I got a John Deere.


The lawyer said, 'No, I mean, do you have a grudge?' The farmer said,'Yes, I got a grudge, that's where I parks the John Deere'

The lawyer said, 'Does your wife beat you up or something?' The farmer said, 'No, we both get up at 4:30.'

By now the lawyer is getting frustrated but tries one last question .The lawyer said, 'Is your wife a nagger?' The farmer said, 'No, she's a white gal, but our last child was a nagger and that's why I wants a dayvorce.'

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman eating a sandwich at a nearby table begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.

One of the hillbillies looks at her and says: "Kin ya swallar?"The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks: "Kin ya breathe?"The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.

The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the hillbilly walks slowly back to his table.

His partner says: "Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I never seed nobody done it."

Two hillbillies walked into a restaurant...

While having a bite to eat, they talked about their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table who is eating a sandwich, began to cough. After a minute or so, it became apparent that she was in real distress.

One of the hillbillies looked at her and said, "Kin ya swallar?" The woman shook her head no.

Then he asked, "Kin ya breathe?" The woman began to turn blue and shook her head no.

The hillbilly walked over to the woman, lifted up her dress, yanked down her drawers, and quickly gave her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.

The woman was so shocked that she had a violent spasm, and the obstruction flew out of her mouth. As she began to breathe again, the Hillbilly walked slowly back to his table.

His buddy said, "Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!"

Redneck First Aid

A woman goes into a restaurant in a small town out in the country. She orders the chicken and starts to eat. Eating too fast she starts to choke on a chicken bone. Well these two hillbillies in the next booth notice she is choking so they get up and go over to help her. The first country boy drops his coveralls and bends over and the second hillbilly starts licking his butt. The women watches these two go at it and is grossed out. She pukes all over the place, dislodging the chicken bone from her throat. The hillbilly pulls his overalls back up and says to the other, "You're right Leroy, that hind-lick maneuver works like a charm."

Two hillbillies

Two hillbillies, Ed and Red walk into a bar. While having a shot of whiskey they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.

One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, “Kin ya swaller?” The woman shakes her head no. “Kin ya breathe?” The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up the back of her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.

The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the hillbilly walks slowly back to the bar.

His partner says, “Ya know, I heerd of that there ‘Hind Lick Maneuver’, but I ain’t never seed nobody do it!”

Two hillbillies walk into a restauarant

While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough.
After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, "Kin ya swallar?"
The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, "Kin ya breathe?"
The woman begins to turn blue, and shakes her head "NO".
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the food flies out of her mouth.As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table. His partner says, "Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I never seen nobody done it.

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant..

While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough.
After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, Kin ya swallar?'
The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'
The woman begins to turn blue, and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table. His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'

A hillbilly was maried happily with his wife, untill one day he rushed into a divorce lawyer office.

One day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him. The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:

Have you any grounds? Yes, an acre and half and a nice little home.

No, I mean what is the foundation of this case? It's made o' concrete.

I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge? No, we have a carport.

I mean what are your relations like? All my relations still in Louisiana.

Is there any infidelity in your marriage? We have a hi-fidelity stereo and a good DVD player.

Does your wife beat you up? No, I always get up before her.

Is your wife a nagger? No, but the baby is, that's why I want the divorce.

Two Hillbillies in a Restaurant

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, 'Kin ya swallar?' The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?' The woman begins to turn blue, and shakes her head no. The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table. His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'

First Aid

A woman goes into a restaurant in a small town out in the country.
She orders the chicken and starts to eat.
Eating too fast she starts to choke on a chicken bone.
Well these two hillbillies in the next booth notice she is choking,
so they get up and go over to help her.
The first country boy drops his coveralls and bends over
and the second hillbilly starts licking his butt.
The woman watches these two go at it and is grossed out.
She pukes all over the place, dislodging the chicken bone from her throat.
The hillbilly pulls his overalls back up and says to the other,
"You're right Leroy, that hind-lick maneuver works like a charm."

A hilly billy wants to become a journalist.

So he moves to California and gets his journalism degree. For his final project he is supposed to go to his hometown and write a story on "Happy Times." He goes back to his hillbilly hometown and finds an old hillbilly sittin on his porch widdling wood. He explains his situation and the hillbilly agrees to the interview. The new journalist says "tell me a story on happy times and the old man replies "one time my neighbour lost his sheep in the woods, so we gathered a search party and when we found it, we all took turns on it" the journalist was like i cant write that, "tell me another happy story" the old man replies again "one time my neighbour lost his daughter in the woods, so we gathered a search party and when we found her we all took turns on her" the journalist thought this story was worse and decided to use some reverse psychology and says "tell me a story on sad times" the old man looks down real sad and says "i got lost once."

Two hillbillies are in a restaurant.

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, 'Kin ya swallar?'
The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?' The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.
As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table. His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'

A hillbilly walked into an attorney's office wanting to file for divorce...

Attorney: "May I help you?"

Hillbilly: "Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorces".

Attorney: "Well do you have any grounds?"

Hillbilly: "Yea, I got about a hundred acres."

Attorney: "No, you don't understand, do you have a case?"

Hillbilly: "No, I don't have a Case, but I have a John Deere."

Attorney: "I mean, do you have a grudge?"

Hillbilly: "Yea, I got a grudge. That's where I park my John Deere."

Attorney: "No sir, I mean do you have a suit?"

Hillbilly: "Yes sir, I got a suit, I wear it to church on Sundays."

Attorney: "Well sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?"

Hillbilly: "No sir, we both get up about 4:30 in the morning."

Attorney: "Well, is she a nagger or anything?"

Hillbilly: "No she's a little white gal, but our last child was a
nagger. That's why I want this dayvorce."

The farmer's nagging wife

An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully.

From morning til night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something.

The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot.
One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field.

He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch.

Immediately, his wife began pestering him. Complain, nag, nag; it just went on and on.

All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet; caught her smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot.
At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement.

This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old farmer about it. So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his head and disagreed with all the men.

The old farmer said, “Well, the women would come up and say something about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I’d nod my head in agreement.”

“And what about the men?” the minister asked.

“They wanted to know if the mule was for sale."

Two Hillbillies

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, a woman eating a sandwich at a nearby table begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.

One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, "Kin ya swallar?" The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, "Kin ya breathe?" The woman begins to turn blue, and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.

The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the hillbilly walks slowly back to his table.

His partner says, "Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I never seed nobody done it."

Hillbilly tries to get into Heaven

Bubba Buford Cletus Hogg died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gates, Saint Peter told him that, because of severe overcrowding, all prospective heavenly souls had to pass an intelligence test to gain admittance. “Are you ready?” St. Peter asked?

Bubba Buford Cletus Hogg shrugged.

“Very well. Name two days of the week that begin with ‘T.’”

Bubba Buford Cletus Hogg thought and thought. He furrowed his brows and looked at his boots. Finally, his eyes lit up and he said, “Today and Tomorrow.”

St. Peter couldn’t argue with that, so he moved on to the second question. “How many seconds are there in one year?”

Bubba Buford Cletus Hogg looked stumped and broke out in a sweat. He paced back and forth, kicked plumes of golden cloud dust, counted on his fingers and toes. Then it came to him: “Twelve!” he exclaimed.

St. Peter asked, “Twelve? How did you come up with that?

Bubba Buford Cletus Hogg replied, “January 2nd, February 2nd… There are 12 months and each of ‘em’s got at least two days.”

St. Peter nodded. “I can accept that! Now, for your final question: What is God’s first name?”

Bubba Buford Cletus Hogg smiled. “Well, that’s easy. It’s Howard.”

St. Peter stared at him. “Howard? Where did you get that?”

Bubba Buford Cletus Hogg explained, "From the prayer...’Our Father, who art in heaven, Howard be thy name...’"

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