Viagra Jokes

Contents

Funniest Viagra Jokes

Funny Viagra Jokes

Im taking Viagra for my sunburn. It doesnt cure it, but it keeps the sheets of my bed

I'm taking Viagra for my sunburn It doesn't cure it, but it keeps the sheets off my legs

I've been taking Viagra for my sunburn Doesnt cure it, but it keeps the sheets off my legs at night

I just sold viagra to a guy who thinks it's adderal. He's going to have a very hard test tomorrow.

Make sure your viagra says "Made in the USA"... We don't want Russia meddling in our erections.

I overdosed on Viagra once. It was the hardest day of my life.

A shipment of Viagra was hijacked on its way to the depot. The police are warning citizens to be on the look out for a gang of hardened criminals.

I've started using Viagra to treat my sunburn. It doesn't do anything for the burns, but it does a good job of keeping the sheets of my legs.

I started taking Viagra for my sunburn It doesn't cure it but it sure keeps the sheet off my legs.

My Grandpa recently had to start using Viagra Grandma took it pretty hard

Make sure you're viagra says Made in the USA You don't want the Russians meddling in you're erections

Do you know what the generic name for Viagra is? Mycoxafloppin

Have you heard about the Viagra shipment that was stolen? The police are on the lookout for hardened criminals.

I’ve been taking Viagra for my sunburn. It doesn’t cure it, but it keeps the sheets off my legs.

Breaking news: An entire shipment of Viagra has been stolen The police is looking for a gang of hardened criminals

Our whole family is really worried about my grandfather’s Viagra addiction. Grandma is taking it particularly hard.

Viagra was banned in China by the government. They don’t want to admit they have election problems.

(Bad but OC)

Why are old men given Viagra in the nursing home? So they don't roll out of bed

I've been taking Viagra for my sunburn It doesn't cure it, but it keeps the sheets off my legs

Why do they give men Viagra in the old folks home? To keep them from rolling out of bed.

Viagra is a gateway drug It leads to harder things.

Did you hear about the shipment of Viagra that was stolen? Police are looking for a gang of hardened criminals.

Don't give Trump viagra He'll get taller.

Did you hear about the guy that died from Viagra overdose? They couldn’t close his coffin.

I'm taking Viagra for my sunburn Its doesn't cure it but it keeps the sheets off of my legs at night.

Have you heard that a viagra shipment has gone missing? The police are looking for a gang of hardened criminals.

Female Viagra has been around for years... It's called money.

My Viagra addiction ..was the hardest time of my life.

Why is Viagra like Disneyland? You wait an hour for a two-minute ride.

I overdosed on viagra I'm ok... My wife took it pretty hard though

A shipment of Viagra was stolen this morning at the city docks Police say they are looking for a gang of hardened criminals

Last night I reached for my liquid Viagra and accidently swigged from a bottle of Liquid Paper... I woke this morning with a huge correction.

A shipment of Viagra has been stolen Police are looking for a gang of hardened criminals

Two men just got away with the largest Viagra heist in history. Police say to be on the lookout for hardened criminals.

Did I tell you about my Viagra addiction? It was the hardest 6 months of my life.

Viagra shipment stolen... Hardened criminals on the loose.

I don't know why I was fired at the Viagra factory The surveillance video showed me hard at work.

A guy walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist... "I've gotta know, does Viagra really work?"

The pharmacist replied, "it sure does. In fact, I use it myself."

"Good to know. Can you get it over the counter?"

"Well, yes, if I take two of them."

What do Viagra and Disney World have in common? A one-hour wait for a two-minute ride

New Viagra Jokes

This guy died from a viagra overdose I heard it was a hard and long death

Blurry vision is now listed as a possible side effect when taking Viagra That possibly explains why every photo of bigfoot is blurry.

LPT: Make sure it says "Made in the USA" on your bottle of Viagra and not "Made in Moscow". You don't want the Russians meddling in your erections.

I found out that viagra can work both ways I put one in my shoe and it made me limp.

A shipment of Viagra was stolen from my local Pharmacy this morning. The cops are on the lookout for a gang of hardened criminals.

My viagra was stolen Be on the look out for hardened criminals!

What happens when you give Viagra to a politician? They get taller

What did the ancient monk who just took viagra say before he died? Old habits die hard

Thieves stole a truck full of viagra this morning... Police have asked the public to keep an eye out for *hardened criminals*.

Shortness Q. What do Disney World & Viagra have in common?
A. They both make you wait an hour for a two-minute ride.

I had a rough upbringing and all I know is crime, my latest job was a Viagra heist at the local pharmacy. I'm a hardened criminal

What is the absolute hardest waterfall to climb up? Viagra Falls

My buddy just overdosed on viagra He said it was the hardest day of his life.

I Just Gave My Computer Viagra It went from having a floppy disk to having a hard drive.

I tried viagra the other day It was the hardest day of my life

I just walked in to the pub and rubbed Viagra in my eyes I did it to make me look hard

How can a man die hard? By taking too much viagra .

I used to not know what viagra was I learned the hard way

Dying from taking too much viagra is a hard way to go

I once took a viagra to see what the experience would be like. Unfortunately it got stuck in my throat and my neck was stiff for hours.

My brother died taking too much viagra It was a hard way to go

What do you call a fatal Viagra overdose? Die Hard

Why should you make sure your Viagra is from the United States? You don’t want Russians meddling with your erections.

A viagra overdose Must be a hard way to go.

My Uncle died from a viagra overdose His death has been really hard on the family.

Last week I thought I took a fatal overdose of Viagra But don't worry, I'm okay now.

But my wife -- she took it pretty hard.

What do you call horny waterfalls? Viagra Falls

What do you call it when Bruce Willis gets Viagra and then has an heart attack? Die hard

There was an old man named Mr. Habit who died of a viagra overdose. I guess old Habits die hard.

Viagra, can you get it over the counter? Well if you can get it over the counter you don't need viagra

What do you say when the Viagra starts to work? My Dixie Wrecked!!

A man goes into the pharmacy to buy viagra Can i have a 50mg dose of viagra? The man asks, sure no problem, says the pharmacist, but i need to see your prescription first, to which the man replies, i can show you a picture of my wife

Viagra shipment stolen Police are looking for hardened criminals

I tried to reverse the effects of viagra It was just too hard

Whenever I have sunburn I take viagra It doesn't soothe the pain but it keeps to bed sheets off my legs

Took some viagra last night. Things were pretty solid at first, but in the end it was just a big let down.

What happens when you overdose on viagra ? you die HARD

Thought When Bruce Willis dies, I hope it's from a Viagra overdose. That way the headline can read "Bruce Willis Died Hard".

A shipment of Viagra was stolen last night Cops are looking for a group of hardened criminals

In injected Viagra into my eyes it made me look hard

Long Viagra Jokes

A man went to the dental surgeon to have a tooth pulled

The dentist pulls out a freezing needle to give the man.

“No way! No needles! I hate needles!” the patient said.

The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man again objects.

“I can’t do the gas thing – the thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating to me!”

The dentist then asks if the man has any objection to taking a pill.

“No,” the patient says, “I am fine with pills.”

The dentist then returns and says, “Here is a Viagra tablet.”

The patient says, “Wow – I didn’t know Viagra worked as a pain pill.!”

“It doesn’t,” said the dentist and continued:

“But it will give you something to hold onto when I pull out your tooth.”

Solution to erection problems

I’m about three years into my relationship now and I've started to have erection difficulties. My girlfriend and I have different ideas as to what the problem is: she bought me some Viagra and I bought her a treadmill.

Grandpa snoops in the medicine cabinet and

When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in the bathroom medicine cabinet, he asked his son about using one of the pills.

The son said, "I don't think you should take one Dad; they're very strong and very expensive." "How much?" asked Grandpa. "$10. a pill," answered the son. "I don't care," said Grandpa, "I'd still like to try one, and before we leave in the morning, I'll put the money under the pillow."

Later the next morning, the son found $110 under the pillow. He called Grandpa and said, "I told you each pill was $10, not $110. "I know," said Grandpa. "The hundred is from Grandma!"

Viagra side effect.

I'm reaching out on behalf of a golf buddy of mine who needs some help!

His wife told him to go out and get some of those pills that would help him get an erection. When he came back, he handed her some diet pills.

Anyway, he's looking for a place to live. Let me know if you can help.

A man asked his doctor for a triple Rx of Viagra

A man went to the doctor 's office to ask for a triple dosage of Viagra.
Doctor: I can't give you a triple dose.
Man: Why not?
Doctor: Because it's not safe.
Man: But I need it really bad.
Doctor: Well, why do you need it so badly?
Man: My girlfriend is coming into town on Friday, my ex-wife will be here on Saturday and my wife is coming home on Sunday. Can't you see? I've got to have a triple dose.
The doctor finally relented.
Doctor: All right, I'll give it to you, but you have to come in Monday morning so that I can check you to see if there are any side effects.
On Monday afternoon the man dragged himself into the doctor's office....his right arm in a sling.
Doctor: Good God! What happened to you?
Man: No one showed up.

A parrot swallows a Viagra tablet

His owner, disgusted, puts him in the freezer to cool off.
Later when he opens the freezer, he finds the parrot sweating.
"How come you are sweating?" he asks.
The parrot replies, "Do you know how hard it is to open the legs of a frozen chicken?"

I'm Going To The Doctor

An old man in his mid-eighties struggles to get up from the couch then starts putting on his coat. His wife, seeing the unexpected behavior, asks, "Where are you going?"

He replies, "I'm going to the doctor."

She says, "Why, are you sick?"

He says, "Nope, I'm going to get me some of that Viagra stuff."

Immediately the wife starts working and positioning herself to get out of her rocker and begins to put on her coat.

He says, "Where the heck are you going"?

She answers, "I'm going to the doctor, too."

He says, "Why, what do you need?"

She says, "If you're going to start using that rusty old thing, I'm getting a Tetanus shot."

A man goes to his doctor's office on a Friday and asks for him to triple his Viagra prescription.

The doctor asks why, and the man explains that his ex-wife, his current girlfriend, and an old flame will all be in town that weekend. The doctor says that it's against his better judgment, but reluctantly triples the prescription.
On Monday the man returns with his arm in a sling. The doctor jokingly asks if all three women met each other and the man replies: "None of them showed up."

A man goes to the pharmacists and asks for 3 1/2 Viagra pills

A man goes to the pharmacist and asks for 3 1/2 Viagra pills.

The pharmacist is confused and asks “why 3 1/2?”

The man responds. "Well, Monday I am going to see my mistress and I need two. I need one for Wednesday with my wife. And on Friday, I am going to the sauna and it just needs to look presentable.”

Over the counter

A guy walks into a pharmacy and says to the Pharmacist " I've heard a lot about that Viagra stuff does it really work" the pharmacist says "yea it works great" the guy asks "do you think I can get it over the counter" the pharmacist says "Well If you took enough I suppose you could". knee slap

Grandma and grandpa were visiting their kids

Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their kids overnight . When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine cabinet, he asked about using one of the pills. The son said, "I don't think you should take one Dad, they're very strong and very expensive." "How much?" asked Grandpa. "$10.00 a pill," answered the son. "I don't care," said Grandpa, "I'd still like to try one, and before we leave in the morning, I'll put the money under the pillow. " Later the next morning, the son found $110 under the pillow. He called Grandpa and said, "I told you each pill was $10, not $110. "I know," said Grandpa. "The hundred is from Grandma!"

Old folks home

My grandfather lives in an oldfolks home and one night while I was visiting a nurse walks in and hands him a mug of hot cocoa and a pill. I ask what the pill is, she says "It's viagra" confused I ask "why?" She says "well the cocoa is to make him sleep and the viagra is to stop him from rolling out of bed."

Viagra Joke

An elderly man calls his doctor with a problem, "Doc, I'm having problems throughout the night. My legs are restless, I toss in my sleep, and I keep waking up on the floor!"

The doctor thinks for minute and says, "Okay, I think I'm gonna prescribe you some Viagra."

The old man says, "You know I'm not having problems with that, how is that going to help."

The doc says, "It's going to keep you from rolling out of be at night."

Anesthesia

A man goes to a female dentist to have a tooth extracted.
She pulled out a large syringe to give an anesthesia shot.

“No way, no needles! I hate needles!” the man exclaimed.
So she started to hook up the nitrous oxide tank, and the man said, “I can’t do the gas thing. Just the thought of having a mask on my face suffocates me!

The dentist then asked the patient if he had any objections to taking a pill.

“No,” he says, “I’m fine with pills.

“So the dentist gave him two little blue pills and he swallowed them.

“What are those?” he asked.” Viagra,” she replied.

“I’ll be damned,” said the patient, “I didn’t know Viagra worked as a pain killer.”

“It doesn’t,” said the dentist, “But it will give you something to hold on to when I pull your tooth.”

A man is at the dentist for a root canal.

The dentist, picking up a syringe, moved toward the patient.

“WHOAAA! What’s that for?” Asked the patient

“Well, this injection will numb the area around your tooth and keep you from feeling pain during the procedure” explained the dentist.

“No way! I am deathly afraid of needles. Get that thing away from me!”

“Fair enough.” Said the dentist. “We can use nitrous oxide instead” he said as he picked up the mask and approached the patient.

“Waitaminit!” Yelled the patient. “I have terrible claustrophobia. If you put that mask over my face, I’m gonna lose it!”

The Dentist paused for a moment, thinking, and then reached into his pocket and handed the patient a small blue pill. “Ok, just swallow this then.”

“That’s much better!” said the patient as he swallowed the pill. “What was that?” He asked.

“That’s Viagra” said the Dentist.

“Viagra?! I had no idea that Viagra had anesthetic properties.” said the patient.

“Oh, it doesn’t.” said the Dentist, “but it will give you something to hold on tight to while I work on this tooth.”

So a man and his father...

A man and his father were at the man's house, when his dad notices a bottle on the table. He picks it up and asks, "Hey, whats up with this viagra stuff? Can I give it a try?

The man replies with, "Eh, well, you really shouldn't..."

-C'mon, just a little, I haven't gotten frisky in a while."

-Uh, whatever. Try it...

-Great, thanks. If it works well, i'll leave 10$ by your computer in the morning.

So in the morning, when the man woke up, he noticed 20$ right next to his computer. He tells his dad, "Dad, I thought you said you'd leave only 10$ if the viagra worked fine."

"I did. The other 10$ is from your mother"

3 viagra

A guy walks into his doctor's office and says he needs 3 Viagra right away. The doctor asks why he needs 3 and the guy says "well my ex wife is coming over this morning, my wife will be home this afternoon, and I'm seeing my girlfriend tonight." The doctor agrees to give him 3, but says "I want to see you first thing tomorrow morning to do a checkup, no matter what."

So the next morning the guy walks into the doctor's office with an ace bandage on his wrist and a sling on his arm. The doctor asks the man, "What happened?!". The man replies "none of them showed."

An old man seems very happy at the old people's home...

..his daughter asks him how its all going. He replies "Fine"
"Are you sleeping ok?" she enquires.
"Oh yes," he replies, " very well - every evening they give me a cup of warm cocoa and a viagra... I sleep as sound as anything!"
The daughter thinks this is a little odd but decides not to comment. Later she asks the Nurse if this is indeed correct.
"Oh yes!" replies the nurse, "We do it for all the older men... the cocoa sends them off to sleep and the Viagra stops them from rolling out of bed!"

It Hurts..!!!

A man dies "in the act" after taking Viagra and rigor mortis has set into his private parts.

The funeral director can't get the coffin lid nailed on and has to discuss the alternatives with the man's beautiful young widow.

"I'm afraid that the only way to get the lid on is either to pay another $3,000 for an extra large coffin or to amputate his member."

"Well I have no more money," states the widow, "and it is against my religion for me to bury my husband in more than one piece."

The funeral director thinks about this and then comes up with a brain-wave: He'll amputate the member and then stick it up the deceased's backside, in which case a more expensive coffin is unnecessary and the husband will still be, in a manner of speaking, in the one piece. The widow reluctantly agrees.

On the day of the funeral, the deceased is displayed in an open casket. As the mourners file by, one mourner places flowers on the coffin and a drop of water from the flowers falls onto the deceased's face, looking for all the world like a teardrop.

The next mourner to file by is the widow. She looks down at her lifeless husband, notices the "teardrop" and says to him quietly, "See, I told you it hurts!"

A man goes to the nursing home to visit his eighty-four-year-old father.

While there he notices the nurse hand his father a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra pill. The man asks the nurse, “Why are you doing that? At his age, what will either do for him?”

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“The hot chocolate,” the nurse explains, “will help him fall asleep faster.”

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“All right,” the man replies, “and what about the Viagra?”

​

“That keeps him from rolling out of bed.”