Jew Jokes

Contents

Funniest Jew Jokes

Why haven't I ever met a full blooded jew? All of the ones I've met have just been Jew-ish

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Funny Jew Jokes
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Why haven't I ever met a full blooded Jew? All the ones I have met have been Jew-ish

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A young black Jew asks his father, "Dad, am I more black or more Jew?"... "Why do you ask?" asks the Dad.

The boy says, "Well, a guy at school has a bike for sale for $150 and I can't decide if I want to haggle him down to $100, or just steal it."

Score: 722

An Arab and a Jew stand in front of a Hitler statue. The Jew spits on the statue.
Arab: why did you do that?
Jew: because he killed half my people.

The Arab spits on the statue as well.
Jew: why did you do that?
Arab: because he didn't kill the other half.

Score: 475

My friends half jew I guess hes jew-ish

Score: 405

Why did the Jew vote for Obama? Because he promised change.

Score: 218

I've never met a full on jew They were all just sort of jew-ish

Score: 150

What's the difference between a Jew and a canoe? A canoe occasionally tips

Score: 136

My daughter saw me eating prosciutto True story: my daughter saw me eating prosciutto and clucked her tongue. "I think eating prosciutto is like, the worst thing a Jew can do."

I am Jewish, so I asked, "Why is that?"

"Well, it's pork and it's expensive."

Score: 131

My friend is 1/8th Jew He's Jew...Ish

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A Jew Gesundheit

Score: 107

What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? A Jew is a person who follows Judaism, and pizza is a food...

I bet you expected a Holocaust joke. Jew thought wrong.

Score: 102

What do yu get when you cross a Jew? Christianity.

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How do they play Pokemon Go in Gaza Strip? They grab a round rock from the ground and say: "Pick-a-jew"!

Score: 97

What's the difference between a Jew and a canoe? The canoe tips.

Score: 83

What's the worst part about being a black Jew? you have to sit at the back of the gas chamber.

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Don't be racist, be like Mario... He's an Italian plumber created by Japanese people who speaks English, and looks like a Mexican, and runs like a Jamaican, and jumps like a Black man, and grabs coins like a Jew...

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What was so great about being a black jew? They already thought you were burnt

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Whats the difference between Harry Potter and a Jew Harry made it out of the chamber

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What's the difference between Harry Potter and a Jew? Harry made it out of the chamber alive...

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What does the Jew do with his tea? Hebrews it.

Score: 49

A Christian, a Jew and a Muslim walk into a bar.... If they weren’t arguing they would have seen it coming.

Score: 49

Anne Frank showed a cunning and resolve that any Jew would have been proud of. Two years rent free.

Score: 48

Whats the difference between a jew and a boyscout? The boyscout comes home from camp

Score: 48

A Jew gets robbed The thief points a gun threateningly at the Jew, "Your money or your life!"

The Jew stops in his tracks and does nothing.

The thief waves the gun. "I said, your money or your life!!!!"

The Jew says, "I'm thinking, I'm thinking!"

Score: 48

What's the difference between a Jew and Harry Potter Warning: Offensive

Harry got out of the chamber.

Score: 47

Why did the Jew open the coffee shop? Hebrews

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I feel bad for Anne Frank She had her diary published for all the world to read, which is every girl's worst nightmare!

And she didn't get paid for it, which is every Jew's worst nightmare.

Score: 46

A German and a jew walk into a bar... The German farts.
The jew starts crying and says "Not again".

Score: 46

What's the difference between a Jew and a Muslim? Who cares! More bacon for me.

Score: 32

What is the worst part about being a black jew? Having to sit in the back of the oven.

Score: 12

Wanna hear a Jew joke? Jokes on Jew cause I don't have one

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What was the worst part about being a black jew during WWII? You had to sit in the back of the oven.

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In which month should you not trust a Jew? July!

-bored on a 28 hour road trip. It was the best we could do.

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What did Aladdin sing when he saw Israel for the first time? A whole Jew world.

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What is a Jew's least favorite animal ? A dolphin

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How is a Jew like a strip club patron? They both make it rain.

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Why Didn't the Jew Score Another Date with the Asian Girl? Hebrew it.

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Wats da difference between a jew an a canoe? A canoe tips

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New Jew Jokes

You know what the worst part of being a Black Jew? You still gotta sit in the back of the oven.

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What do you call someone who’s half Jew Jew-ish

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Whats the difference betweenan afro american and a black jew? Only one of them got 6 million new friends

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Are you a Rabbi practicing in Georgia, U.S.A? 'Cause Jew Macon me crazy

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I'm a jew who wasn't bar mitzvah'd Supposedly it's the day you become a man, but that's not true. But it is the day you become the richest thirteen year old in the town.

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A Jew and a donkey walk into a bar Punchline is same as joke #267

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What do you call a martial arts class taught by a rabbi? Jew Jitsu

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What do you say when you're an Atheist Jew? I am Jew-ish

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Today a Jew asked for my (F) number. He got pretty mad when i told him that nowadays we have names instead...

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What soft drink can a Jew only buy? Mountain Jew

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Whats an israeli lawyer's favourite month? Jew Lie

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What's Rabbi Peter's favourite planet within our solar system? Jew-Peter of course!

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What's the difference between a British and a Jew? The British leaves and doesn't say goodbye, the jew says goodbye and doesn't leave.

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What is a jew's favorite musical artist? Post Shalom

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A Jew goes golfing He calls, "$3.99!"

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I do not approve of Jew jokes on this subreddit. Anne Frankly I won't stand for it.

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What do you call a Jew who didn't go to Synagogue on Yom Kippur? Fake Jews.

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I saw Trump's Twitter video wishing the Jews a happy holiday As a Democrat I want to make fun of Trump. As a Jew I want to make fun of myself that Trump's Twitter had to be the one to tell me my people's holiday was today. True story

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A Christian, a Jew, and a Black Guy walk into a bar. They all sit quietly and watch the Cleveland Browns game.

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What's Israel favorite martial arts style? Jew-jitsu

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What do a sneeze, a french-dip, and Woody Allen have in common? Ah Jew!

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What do you say to a black jew? Get to the back of the oven.

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A 9/11 widow, a black slave, a jew who survived Auschwitz and a clairvoyant walk in to the Challenger Spacecraft "I don't like where this joke is going" says the clairvoyant

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What's the difference between a girl scout and a Jew? Girl scouts come home from camp

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Being a black jew was tough Finally you get freed from slavery, only to be told "work makes you free".

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What is the difference between a white Jew and a black Jew? [Racist Joke Warning] Black Jews sit in the back of the oven.

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A jew walks into ablack guy bar... At the same time everyone says "my lawyer is here"

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Came up with this one for my brother's birthday: What do you call a retarded Jew during the holocaust?

A baked potato.

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A Frenchman, a German, and A Jew are stranded in the dessert... the frenchman says: I'm tired, I'm thirsty I must have wine
the german says: I'm tired, I'm thirsty I must have beer
the jew says: I'm tired, I'm thirsty I must have diabetes

Score: 2

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