Hilarious Jew Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Jew Jokes

Why haven't I ever met a full blooded jew? All of the ones I've met have just been Jew-ish

Score: 2094

Score: 1704

Why haven't I ever met a full blooded Jew? All the ones I have met have been Jew-ish

Score: 1208

A young black Jew asks his father, "Dad, am I more black or more Jew?"... "Why do you ask?" asks the Dad.

The boy says, "Well, a guy at school has a bike for sale for $150 and I can't decide if I want to haggle him down to $100, or just steal it."

Score: 722

An Arab and a Jew stand in front of a Hitler statue. The Jew spits on the statue.
Arab: why did you do that?
Jew: because he killed half my people.

The Arab spits on the statue as well.
Jew: why did you do that?
Arab: because he didn't kill the other half.

Score: 475

My friends half jew I guess hes jew-ish

Score: 405

Why did the Jew vote for Obama? Because he promised change.

Score: 218

I've never met a full on jew They were all just sort of jew-ish

Score: 150

What's the difference between a Jew and a canoe? A canoe occasionally tips

Score: 136

My daughter saw me eating prosciutto True story: my daughter saw me eating prosciutto and clucked her tongue. "I think eating prosciutto is like, the worst thing a Jew can do."

I am Jewish, so I asked, "Why is that?"

"Well, it's pork and it's expensive."

Score: 131

My friend is 1/8th Jew He's Jew...Ish

Score: 117

A Jew Gesundheit

Score: 107

What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? A Jew is a person who follows Judaism, and pizza is a food...

I bet you expected a Holocaust joke. Jew thought wrong.

Score: 102

What do yu get when you cross a Jew? Christianity.

Score: 101

How do they play Pokemon Go in Gaza Strip? They grab a round rock from the ground and say: "Pick-a-jew"!

Score: 97

What's the difference between a Jew and a canoe? The canoe tips.

Score: 83

What's the worst part about being a black Jew? you have to sit at the back of the gas chamber.

Score: 80

Don't be racist, be like Mario... He's an Italian plumber created by Japanese people who speaks English, and looks like a Mexican, and runs like a Jamaican, and jumps like a Black man, and grabs coins like a Jew...

Score: 66

What was so great about being a black jew? They already thought you were burnt

Score: 65

Whats the difference between Harry Potter and a Jew Harry made it out of the chamber

Score: 60

What's the difference between Harry Potter and a Jew? Harry made it out of the chamber alive...

Score: 54

What does the Jew do with his tea? Hebrews it.

Score: 49

A Christian, a Jew and a Muslim walk into a bar.... If they weren’t arguing they would have seen it coming.

Score: 49

Anne Frank showed a cunning and resolve that any Jew would have been proud of. Two years rent free.

Score: 48

Whats the difference between a jew and a boyscout? The boyscout comes home from camp

Score: 48

A Jew gets robbed The thief points a gun threateningly at the Jew, "Your money or your life!"

The Jew stops in his tracks and does nothing.

The thief waves the gun. "I said, your money or your life!!!!"

The Jew says, "I'm thinking, I'm thinking!"

Score: 48

What's the difference between a Jew and Harry Potter Warning: Offensive

Harry got out of the chamber.

Score: 47

Why did the Jew open the coffee shop? Hebrews

Score: 47

I feel bad for Anne Frank She had her diary published for all the world to read, which is every girl's worst nightmare!

And she didn't get paid for it, which is every Jew's worst nightmare.

Score: 46

A German and a jew walk into a bar... The German farts.
The jew starts crying and says "Not again".

Score: 46

What's the difference between a boy scout and a jew? One comes back from camp.

Score: 36

Why did the Jew jump off the cliff? He couldn’t resist a free fall.

Score: 25

I've never met a full-blown Jew They're always just Jewish

Score: 24

What's a Jew's biggest dilemma? Free ham

Score: 23

What's the difference between a stoner and a Jew? A stoner gets baked more than once

Score: 19

What's the difference between a boy scout and a jew? The boy scout comes home from camp.

Score: 16

How does Hitler sneeze? **a-jew* *

Score: 14

What is the worst part about being a black jew? Having to sit in the back of the oven.

Score: 12

What's the difference between a Jew and a boy scout? The boy scout comes back home from camp.

Score: 12

What do you call a Jew who eats pork Jew-ish

Score: 8

New Jew Jokes

You know what the worst part of being a Black Jew? You still gotta sit in the back of the oven.

Score: 3

How is a Jew like a strip club patron? They both make it rain.

Score: 4

What was the worst part about being a black jew during WWII? You had to sit in the back of the oven.

Score: 5

What do you call a martial arts class taught by a rabbi? Jew Jitsu

Score: 2

What do you say when you're an Atheist Jew? I am Jew-ish

Score: 2

What's Rabbi Peter's favourite planet within our solar system? Jew-Peter of course!

Score: 2

What's the difference between a British and a Jew? The British leaves and doesn't say goodbye, the jew says goodbye and doesn't leave.

Score: 2

What did Aladdin sing when he saw Israel for the first time? A whole Jew world.

Score: 4

What is a jew's favorite musical artist? Post Shalom

Score: 2

A Jew goes golfing He calls, "$3.99!"

Score: 2

I do not approve of Jew jokes on this subreddit. Anne Frankly I won't stand for it.

Score: 2

What do you call someone who celebrates Christmas sometimes and Hanukkah sometimes? Jew-ish

Score: 3

What do you call a Jewish person learning self defense? Jew Jitsu

Score: 3

Appreciating a joke As an epileptic, I appreciate jokes about epilepsy. As a Jew, I appreciate Jewish and holocaust jokes. As a Caucasian, I enjoy the very few white jokes.

If only I was an Oompa Loompa, then I can enjoy Donald Trump Jokes.

Score: 3

What is a Jewish, a Black and a Russian man waiting outside a brothel for? The Black man is waiting for the light to turn green, the Jew is waiting for the prices to drop and the Russian is waiting for his wife.

Score: 7

What is a white supremacists least favorite month? JEW-LIE

Score: 5

I saw Trump's Twitter video wishing the Jews a happy holiday As a Democrat I want to make fun of Trump. As a Jew I want to make fun of myself that Trump's Twitter had to be the one to tell me my people's holiday was today. True story

Score: 2

What do you call a Semitic Rastafarian Gangster? Jew-Mon-G

Score: 4

If you speak Hebrew and life gives you lemons... You're an acidic Jew.

(I made this up, since it seems trendy to let everyone know)

Score: 2

When's the only time a Jew will leave a tip? When he gets circumcised

Score: 2

What do you call a Rabbi on a hill? A Mountain Jew

Score: 3

Why do a Jew, an Italian, and a redneck go to stripclubs? The Jew goes to pick up the rent.

The Italian goes to pick up his protection money.

The redneck goes to pick up his daughter.

Score: 3

Whats the difference between a jew and a bar of soap? A bar of soap can last 40 minutes in the shower.

Score: 2

What does a hipster Jew do in his free time? He brews.

Score: 4

Roses are red, violets are blue... BBQs are fun unless you're a Jew.

Score: 2

What's the worst part about being a black jew? You have to stand in the back of the chamber

Score: 3

What were Hitler's last words? I bid you a-jew

Score: 4

What's the difference between a Jew and Santa? The direction they go in the chimney

Score: 2

What's the difference between a Jew and a Stoner? One enjoys being baked.

Score: 3

Whats the difference between a boy scout and a Jew? The boy scouts came home from their camps

Score: 5

My friend told me all semites are short. I disagreed. One day, as we were walking around town, we spotted a very grown man in a yarmulke.

I said to my friend: "Tall jew!".

Score: 2

When does a jew go missing? When the wind picks up.

Score: 3

What do you call a rioting Jew? A Mazel Tov Cocktail

Score: 4

What's the difference between a stoner and a Jew? The stoner doesn't scream when it's baked.

Score: 6

What is Hitler's theme song? Don't Jew Forget About Me.

Score: 3

How was the first copper wire made? Someone threw a penny inbetween two Jew's

Score: 2

How do you neutralise a hasidic jew? With a halkali jew

Score: 2

What do you call a train that carries Jews? A Jew-Jew train.

Score: 3

What do you call a leftover rabbi? Resi-jew.

Score: 4

What do you call a transhuman Jew? Cyberg

Score: 2

What is Israel's favorite martial art? Jew-Jitsu

Score: 2

What do you call a sneezing Jew ? a jewwwwwwwww

Score: 4

A Muslim, a Christian and a Jew walks into a bar... The Barman asks "What's a Muslim doing here?"

Score: 4

What do you call a Hebrew with a PH level less than 7? An Acidic Jew

Score: 3

Guys.. Seriously Jew jokes aren't funny. Anne Frankly They're childish and offensive

Score: 5

A Christian, a Jew, and a Black Guy walk into a bar. They all sit quietly and watch the Cleveland Browns game.

Score: 2

What is a Jew's least favorite animal ? A dolphin

Score: 4

What do you say to a black jew? Get to the back of the oven.

Score: 3

What do you call a Jew who makes beer? Hebrew.

Score: 2

A 9/11 widow, a black slave, a jew who survived Auschwitz and a clairvoyant walk in to the Challenger Spacecraft "I don't like where this joke is going" says the clairvoyant

Score: 3

What do you ask a pregnant Rabbi? When is the baby Jew?

Score: 2

What's the difference between a girl scout and a Jew? Girl scouts come home from camp

Score: 2

Being a black jew was tough Finally you get freed from slavery, only to be told "work makes you free".

Score: 3

What do you call a religious man with low pH? An acidic Jew.

Score: 2

What do you call a black jew? Overcooked

Score: 5

Why did the villagers hate Frankenstein? Because he was a Jew.

Score: 2

I inherited one of the paintings done by Adolf Hitler today. I don't want to hang it in my house though. I'm afraid it's bad Jew Jew.

Score: 3

What's the difference between Sebastian Vettel and a jew? The facial expression when you hit the gas.

Score: 2

In which month should you not trust a Jew? July!

-bored on a 28 hour road trip. It was the best we could do.

Score: 4

A Frenchman, a German, and A Jew are stranded in the dessert... the frenchman says: I'm tired, I'm thirsty I must have wine
the german says: I'm tired, I'm thirsty I must have beer
the jew says: I'm tired, I'm thirsty I must have diabetes

Score: 2