Hilarious Weed Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Weed Jokes

Obama smoked weed growing up, and now look where he is today Unemployed with two kids and recently evicted

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Cowboys don’t roll joints. They tumble weed.

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My neighbor got busted for growing weed today Turns out my property line isn't anywhere near where I thought it was.

Score: 9596

The Quran is like weed Burn it and you get stoned.

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I used to illegally give weed to my prize winning cows, but I had to stop. The steaks were too high.

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Why don't men in the Middle East smoke weed? Only women get stoned.

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Didn't Snoop Dogg change his name? Or was Snoop Lyin'?

Edit: Just in case the king sees this, I got mad respect for you Dogg. Smoke weed everyday.

(His grandmother passed away recently, I'm just trying to be nice people.)

Score: 1566

What kind of weed do reptiles smoke? Mariguana.

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Being on a United Airlines flight is like smoking weed. You take a hit, then a long drag and soon you wake up not knowing where you are.

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The police say that they burn all the weed they confiscate... That would explain the doughnuts...

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I was about to smoke weed with a couple cute Mexican girls... I asked them if they had papers. They immediately ran off.

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Two midgets are sitting around, bored... When one of them pulls out some weed and asks:

"Wanna get medium?"

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The Quran is like weed If you burn it you get stoned.

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What's the difference between smoking weed and burning the koran? If you burn the koran, you can only get stoned once.

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Studies have shown that smoking weed causes short term memory loss. Next thing you know they'll be saying smoking weed causes short term memory loss.

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I stopped smoking weed the day after I spent 30minutes looking for my phone under the bed... ....while using my phone's flashlight

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When midgets smoke weed... ...do they get high, or do they just get medium?

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I was gonna smoke weed with this Mexican girl Until I asked her for some papers and she ran off.

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My neighbour just got arrested for growing weed. Turns out my property line is nowhere near where I thought it was.

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What do you call a guy with a plant fetish? A Weed Whacker.

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What does the Quran have in common with weed? Burn it and you get stoned

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Wow I got all this for free today. iPhone, some weed, and $2 000 ... it’s like this gun is magic!

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The janitor in my apartment complex asked me if I wanted to smoke some weed with her. I said no. I can't deal with a high maintenance woman.

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So today is 4/20 4/20 is national weed day, 4/21 is national surprise drug test day and 4/22 is national unemployment day

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The Quran is like weed You burn it and you get stoned

Score: 174

My friend lives in Colorado and wanted to start growing weed on his cow farm. I told him it wasn’t a good idea. The steaks would be too high.

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If weed becomes legalized after Snoop Dog dies He'll be rolling in his grave

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"Your eyes look red." said the cop. "Have you been smoking weed?" "Your eyes look glazed." I replied. "Have you been eating donuts?"

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What happens if you smoke weed in a musilm country? Simple, you get stoned twice

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Obama smoked weed growing up and look where he is today Unemployed, with two kids and recently evicted

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I smoked weed with a couple of cows near a police station. The steaks were really high.

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I smoked weed with a couple cows near a police station a few days ago. The steaks were really high

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For this New Years resolution I'm not going to smoke any more weed. But I'm not gonna smoke any less either.

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A musician died while smoking weed from a dollar bill... At least he went out on a high note

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What do you call a pioneer smoking weed? A trail blazer.

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I was about to smoke weed with a Mexican girl... Until I asked her if she had papers, she immediately ran off.

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What do you call a spud that smokes weed? A baked potato

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I used to smoke weed in the 90's Now I don't care what temperature it is

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My dad and I thought about making a pun today. But weed probably offend people.

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Weed is like a Koran You burn it until you get stoned

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New Weed Jokes

What do you get when you cross a dog and a bag of weed? A dooberman.

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What game do cows play after smoking weed? High steaks poker

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Why was the teenager arrested in Wal-Mart after asking if they sold protective coverings to use while smoking weed? When asked why he came in, he said he needed to “case the joint.”

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I killed some one with some weed. One could say it was blunt force trauma.

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Local Barber shop owner busted for selling weed... I had no idea he was a barber.

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What do you call a group of Indians smoking weed? A Hindu Kush

I am not sorry

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What does Osama bin Laden call his weed? The Quran because burning it gets you stoned

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It is very hard for me to get in touch with my dealer ship... Maybe that old sea captain isn't the best person to buy weed from.

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Who do Mexican people who love weed marry?? They Marry Juana

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What do you call a drug addict who likes anime? Weed-a-boo

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What do you get when somebody smuggles weed into the special ed classroom? Baked potatoes.

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If you had to choose one superpower to have forever please legalize weed if it's Russia. Thanks in advance.

Score: 6

2 girls meet: "Me & my husband are no longer together... 2 girls meet:
"Me & my husband are no longer together..."
"Why?"
"Well, could you live with a person who smokes weed, drinks, has no job and always cusses?"
"No, of course I couldn't!"
"Well he couldn't either!"

Score: 3

Wow, somebody actually died from smoking too much weed His cause of death was "Blunt Force Trauma"

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What do you get when you cross a dandelion with soil infused with tetrahydrocannabinol? Weed.

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Weed ain't a drug, its a plant. Therefore I'm not a drug dealer, I'm a florist

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I'm on a seaweed diet I see weed i smoke it

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I call my weed the Quran. Becuase burning it will get you stoned.

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My friend and I were in the car the other day and I said I smelled weed. He said 'It's just a skunk' Can you believe it? He thought a skunk was smoking weed.

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What do you call a lizard high on weed? A Mariguana.

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So a psychic midget smoked some weed... He was a short high medium.

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Hey guys I am making a group where we can share and promote smoking weed We shall be called the Joint Forces

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What does weed and the Quran have in common? If you burn either one, you'll get stoned.

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When I drink I think about the past, when I smoke weed I think about the future. When I'm drunk and stoned it's like back to the future.

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I call my weed "The Quran" Because when you smoke it, you get stoned!

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Why does Obi Wan Kenobi smoke weed? Cause he is on the high ground

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What do you call a janitor who smokes weed? High maintenance.

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What do you call a bunch of witches getting together to smoke weed? Easy Bake coven

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Did you hear about the politician who sold American weed to Russian spies? He was convicted of high treason.

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I lost all my weed in a series of small fires.

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Why do first graders make terrible gardeners? Because they can't weed.

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I smoked weed with a couple of cows near the police station. The steaks were really high.

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What do you call a Saudi woman who smokes weed? Stoned

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What is the difference between burning the Quran and smoking weed? You only get stoned once after burning the Quran.

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What's the difference between a weed and a lion in drag? One is a dandelion and one is a dandy lion!

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Why was the sand wet? Because the sea-weed.

*First joke my 4 year old son learnt

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Decided to use guitar strings in my weed eater... But now my yard seems a little flat.

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What do you call alligator weed? Croc-pot

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What do you call some that dies while smoking weed? Stoned to death.

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What do you call it when an autistic kid smokes weed? Baked Potato

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Why did the lighter smoke weed? He wanted to become a high-lighter.

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I gave some autistic kids weed... And now I have baked potatoes.

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When short people smoke weed, they don't get high They get medium

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Holes of Weed If I fill a hole with weed,
Is it a "pot-hole"?

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They're now growing marijuana underneath the ocean I guess they'll call it..."sea-weed"!

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The way a bright light shows how much dust is in my room, Weed does that with my insecurities

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Someone pressured me into smoking weed one time and it still scares me to this day I call it blunt force trauma

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Weed is not harmless. Think of another drug that causes white guys to grow dreadlocks and become rappers.

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I hear jews don't use weed I guess they don't like getting baked.

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My buddy smokes weed for his epilepsy He'd have a fit if he ran out!

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Colorado keeps advertising their legalised weed through the media... I'm fed up of seeing all that propaganja.

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I brought weed and poker chips to my family reunion last week. Apparently I missed the memo on what a "potluck dinner" was.

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Did you hear about the obscenely hard gardening class required for botany majors? It was said to be a weed out class

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This guy in Japan was trying to get me to help him score some weed... ... he kept pointing at a map and going: "Toke, yo? Toke, yo?".

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I got a new job growing weed. It's the Kush-iest job I've ever had.

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My friend was stressed before a party. "Why is my weed dealer *always* late, but my coke dealer early?" he said.

"Your coke dealer is the faster driver," I replied. "And the weed dealer is probably still laughing at the gear stick."

Score: 2

I found some good cookie recipes with weed the other day. Then I was like, "That's a weird place to keep cookie recipes".

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Snoop Dogg recently announced the he doesn't smoke weed any more But he also doesn't smoke any less.

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What do you get when you mix a Puerto Rican with a goat?? A weed eater that doesn't work.

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A couple of guys threw rocks at me for smoking weed in public. I was stoned.

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