Contents
Contents
Obama smoked weed growing up, and now look where he is today Unemployed with two kids and recently evicted
Cowboys don’t roll joints. They tumble weed.
My neighbor got busted for growing weed today Turns out my property line isn't anywhere near where I thought it was.
The Quran is like weed Burn it and you get stoned.
I used to illegally give weed to my prize winning cows, but I had to stop. The steaks were too high.
Why don't men in the Middle East smoke weed? Only women get stoned.
Didn't Snoop Dogg change his name?
Or was Snoop Lyin'?
Edit: Just in case the king sees this, I got mad respect for you Dogg. Smoke weed everyday.
(His grandmother passed away recently, I'm just trying to be nice people.)
What kind of weed do reptiles smoke? Mariguana.
Being on a United Airlines flight is like smoking weed. You take a hit, then a long drag and soon you wake up not knowing where you are.
The police say that they burn all the weed they confiscate... That would explain the doughnuts...
I was about to smoke weed with a couple cute Mexican girls... I asked them if they had papers. They immediately ran off.
Two midgets are sitting around, bored...
When one of them pulls out some weed and asks:
"Wanna get medium?"
The Quran is like weed If you burn it you get stoned.
What's the difference between smoking weed and burning the koran? If you burn the koran, you can only get stoned once.
Studies have shown that smoking weed causes short term memory loss. Next thing you know they'll be saying smoking weed causes short term memory loss.
I stopped smoking weed the day after I spent 30minutes looking for my phone under the bed... ....while using my phone's flashlight
When midgets smoke weed... ...do they get high, or do they just get medium?
I was gonna smoke weed with this Mexican girl Until I asked her for some papers and she ran off.
My neighbour just got arrested for growing weed. Turns out my property line is nowhere near where I thought it was.
What do you call a guy with a plant fetish? A Weed Whacker.
What does the Quran have in common with weed? Burn it and you get stoned
Wow I got all this for free today. iPhone, some weed, and $2 000 ... it’s like this gun is magic!
The janitor in my apartment complex asked me if I wanted to smoke some weed with her. I said no. I can't deal with a high maintenance woman.
So today is 4/20 4/20 is national weed day, 4/21 is national surprise drug test day and 4/22 is national unemployment day
The Quran is like weed You burn it and you get stoned
My friend lives in Colorado and wanted to start growing weed on his cow farm. I told him it wasn’t a good idea. The steaks would be too high.
If weed becomes legalized after Snoop Dog dies He'll be rolling in his grave
"Your eyes look red." said the cop. "Have you been smoking weed?" "Your eyes look glazed." I replied. "Have you been eating donuts?"
What happens if you smoke weed in a musilm country? Simple, you get stoned twice
Obama smoked weed growing up and look where he is today Unemployed, with two kids and recently evicted
I smoked weed with a couple of cows near a police station. The steaks were really high.
I smoked weed with a couple cows near a police station a few days ago. The steaks were really high
For this New Years resolution I'm not going to smoke any more weed. But I'm not gonna smoke any less either.
A musician died while smoking weed from a dollar bill... At least he went out on a high note
What do you call a pioneer smoking weed? A trail blazer.
I was about to smoke weed with a Mexican girl... Until I asked her if she had papers, she immediately ran off.
What do you call a spud that smokes weed? A baked potato
I used to smoke weed in the 90's Now I don't care what temperature it is
My dad and I thought about making a pun today. But weed probably offend people.
Weed is like a Koran You burn it until you get stoned
What do you get when you cross a dog and a bag of weed? A dooberman.
What game do cows play after smoking weed? High steaks poker
Why was the teenager arrested in Wal-Mart after asking if they sold protective coverings to use while smoking weed? When asked why he came in, he said he needed to “case the joint.”
I killed some one with some weed. One could say it was blunt force trauma.
Local Barber shop owner busted for selling weed... I had no idea he was a barber.
What do you call a group of Indians smoking weed?
A Hindu Kush
I am not sorry
What does Osama bin Laden call his weed? The Quran because burning it gets you stoned
It is very hard for me to get in touch with my dealer ship... Maybe that old sea captain isn't the best person to buy weed from.
Who do Mexican people who love weed marry?? They Marry Juana
What do you call a drug addict who likes anime? Weed-a-boo
What do you get when somebody smuggles weed into the special ed classroom? Baked potatoes.
If you had to choose one superpower to have forever please legalize weed if it's Russia. Thanks in advance.
2 girls meet: "Me & my husband are no longer together...
2 girls meet:
"Me & my husband are no longer together..."
"Why?"
"Well, could you live with a person who smokes weed, drinks, has no job and always cusses?"
"No, of course I couldn't!"
"Well he couldn't either!"
Wow, somebody actually died from smoking too much weed His cause of death was "Blunt Force Trauma"
What do you get when you cross a dandelion with soil infused with tetrahydrocannabinol? Weed.
Weed ain't a drug, its a plant. Therefore I'm not a drug dealer, I'm a florist
I'm on a seaweed diet I see weed i smoke it
I call my weed the Quran. Becuase burning it will get you stoned.
My friend and I were in the car the other day and I said I smelled weed. He said 'It's just a skunk' Can you believe it? He thought a skunk was smoking weed.
What do you call a lizard high on weed? A Mariguana.
So a psychic midget smoked some weed... He was a short high medium.
Hey guys I am making a group where we can share and promote smoking weed We shall be called the Joint Forces
What does weed and the Quran have in common? If you burn either one, you'll get stoned.
When I drink I think about the past, when I smoke weed I think about the future. When I'm drunk and stoned it's like back to the future.
I call my weed "The Quran" Because when you smoke it, you get stoned!
Why does Obi Wan Kenobi smoke weed? Cause he is on the high ground
What do you call a janitor who smokes weed? High maintenance.
What do you call a bunch of witches getting together to smoke weed? Easy Bake coven
Did you hear about the politician who sold American weed to Russian spies? He was convicted of high treason.
I lost all my weed in a series of small fires.
Why do first graders make terrible gardeners? Because they can't weed.
I smoked weed with a couple of cows near the police station. The steaks were really high.
What do you call a Saudi woman who smokes weed? Stoned
What is the difference between burning the Quran and smoking weed? You only get stoned once after burning the Quran.
What's the difference between a weed and a lion in drag? One is a dandelion and one is a dandy lion!
Why was the sand wet?
Because the sea-weed.
*First joke my 4 year old son learnt
Decided to use guitar strings in my weed eater... But now my yard seems a little flat.
What do you call alligator weed? Croc-pot
What do you call some that dies while smoking weed? Stoned to death.
What do you call it when an autistic kid smokes weed? Baked Potato
Why did the lighter smoke weed? He wanted to become a high-lighter.
I gave some autistic kids weed... And now I have baked potatoes.
When short people smoke weed, they don't get high They get medium
Holes of Weed
If I fill a hole with weed,
Is it a "pot-hole"?
They're now growing marijuana underneath the ocean I guess they'll call it..."sea-weed"!
The way a bright light shows how much dust is in my room, Weed does that with my insecurities
Someone pressured me into smoking weed one time and it still scares me to this day I call it blunt force trauma
Weed is not harmless. Think of another drug that causes white guys to grow dreadlocks and become rappers.
I hear jews don't use weed I guess they don't like getting baked.
My buddy smokes weed for his epilepsy He'd have a fit if he ran out!
Colorado keeps advertising their legalised weed through the media... I'm fed up of seeing all that propaganja.
I brought weed and poker chips to my family reunion last week. Apparently I missed the memo on what a "potluck dinner" was.
Did you hear about the obscenely hard gardening class required for botany majors? It was said to be a weed out class
This guy in Japan was trying to get me to help him score some weed... ... he kept pointing at a map and going: "Toke, yo? Toke, yo?".
I got a new job growing weed. It's the Kush-iest job I've ever had.
My friend was stressed before a party.
"Why is my weed dealer *always* late, but my coke dealer early?" he said.
"Your coke dealer is the faster driver," I replied. "And the weed dealer is probably still laughing at the gear stick."
I found some good cookie recipes with weed the other day. Then I was like, "That's a weird place to keep cookie recipes".
Snoop Dogg recently announced the he doesn't smoke weed any more But he also doesn't smoke any less.
What do you get when you mix a Puerto Rican with a goat?? A weed eater that doesn't work.
A couple of guys threw rocks at me for smoking weed in public. I was stoned.
Funniest Jokes
New Jokes