Hilarious Weed Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Weed Jokes

Obama smoked weed growing up, and now look where he is today Unemployed with two kids and recently evicted

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Cowboys don’t roll joints. They tumble weed.

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The Quran is like weed Burn it and you get stoned.

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I used to illegally give weed to my prize winning cows, but I had to stop. The steaks were too high.

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Why don't men in the Middle East smoke weed? Only women get stoned.

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Didn't Snoop Dogg change his name? Or was Snoop Lyin'?

Edit: Just in case the king sees this, I got mad respect for you Dogg. Smoke weed everyday.

(His grandmother passed away recently, I'm just trying to be nice people.)

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What kind of weed do reptiles smoke? Mariguana.

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Being on a United Airlines flight is like smoking weed. You take a hit, then a long drag and soon you wake up not knowing where you are.

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The police say that they burn all the weed they confiscate... That would explain the doughnuts...

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I was about to smoke weed with a couple cute Mexican girls... I asked them if they had papers. They immediately ran off.

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Two midgets are sitting around, bored... When one of them pulls out some weed and asks:

"Wanna get medium?"

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The Quran is like weed If you burn it you get stoned.

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What's the difference between smoking weed and burning the koran? If you burn the koran, you can only get stoned once.

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Studies have shown that smoking weed causes short term memory loss. Next thing you know they'll be saying smoking weed causes short term memory loss.

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I stopped smoking weed the day after I spent 30minutes looking for my phone under the bed... ....while using my phone's flashlight

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When midgets smoke weed... ...do they get high, or do they just get medium?

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I was gonna smoke weed with this Mexican girl Until I asked her for some papers and she ran off.

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My neighbour just got arrested for growing weed. Turns out my property line is nowhere near where I thought it was.

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What do you call a guy with a plant fetish? A Weed Whacker.

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What does the Quran have in common with weed? Burn it and you get stoned

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Wow I got all this for free today. iPhone, some weed, and $2 000 ... it’s like this gun is magic!

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The janitor in my apartment complex asked me if I wanted to smoke some weed with her. I said no. I can't deal with a high maintenance woman.

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So today is 4/20 4/20 is national weed day, 4/21 is national surprise drug test day and 4/22 is national unemployment day

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The Quran is like weed You burn it and you get stoned

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My friend lives in Colorado and wanted to start growing weed on his cow farm. I told him it wasn’t a good idea. The steaks would be too high.

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If weed becomes legalized after Snoop Dog dies He'll be rolling in his grave

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"Your eyes look red." said the cop. "Have you been smoking weed?" "Your eyes look glazed." I replied. "Have you been eating donuts?"

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What happens if you smoke weed in a musilm country? Simple, you get stoned twice

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Obama smoked weed growing up and look where he is today Unemployed, with two kids and recently evicted

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Snoop Dogg seems to be investing in a company that will deliver weed to your house in 10 minutes... Sadly, the name Instagram is taken.

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All the Geology majors at my university smoke a lot weed. I guess you could say that they're all a bunch of stoners.

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For this New Years resolution I'm not going to smoke any more weed. But I'm not gonna smoke any less either.

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What does Osama bin Laden call his weed? The Quran because burning it gets you stoned

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A couple of guys threw rocks at me for smoking weed in public. I was stoned.

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Snoop Dogg recently announced the he doesn't smoke weed any more But he also doesn't smoke any less.

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I gave some autistic kids weed... And now I have baked potatoes.

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I killed some one with some weed. One could say it was blunt force trauma.

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What do you call a drug addict who likes anime? Weed-a-boo

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It is very hard for me to get in touch with my dealer ship... Maybe that old sea captain isn't the best person to buy weed from.

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New Weed Jokes

A smoker wanted weed on the go. So he bought Instant Pot on the Internet. He was Instantly Disappointed.

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A group of stoner farmers wanted to come up with their own variation of “grass fed beef.” So, they fed cows weed and then sold the beef. It was a high steaks operation.

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What's the scientific term for sea weed? Marinejuana

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What do you get when you cross a dog and a bag of weed? A dooberman.

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This morning I worked in the garden, pulling out the weeds. I put them out the front in a box with a sign, “Free weeds.” No one took them. I was puzzled ‘cause last week, my neighbour had a sign for “Free weed” and everyone came, even some cops.

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Studies show that if you smoke weed you are less likely to get sick. Because of your high gene.

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Bernie told me to be the change I want to see on this country So I’m adding taxes to all my weed sales

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I'm afraid I might be addicted to sea weed Perhaps I should sea kelp

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What do you call a lazy weed-user? A baked potato

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What do you call a person with down syndrome that smokes weed? A baked potato.

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What game do cows play after smoking weed? High steaks poker

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What do you call someone that speaks more than one language, and also smokes weed? A Rosetta Stoner

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I do a magic show making weed and cocaine disappear It's all just smoke and mirrors

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Curtesy of my absolutely smashed brother after smoking 27 pounds of the finest weed “What was the wheel”

“Tired”

He wouldn’t leave me alone until I posted this I’m sorry

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Why was the teenager arrested in Wal-Mart after asking if they sold protective coverings to use while smoking weed? When asked why he came in, he said he needed to “case the joint.”

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I tried some weed from Oklahoma today. It was OK.

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TIFU by getting my cousin arrested for smoking weed I should have known there’s a better way to describe blowtorching crabgrass.

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Local Barber shop owner busted for selling weed... I had no idea he was a barber.

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What do you call a group of Indians smoking weed? A Hindu Kush

I am not sorry

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If I ever make a weed farm... It'll be called "The Pottery"

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Who do Mexican people who love weed marry?? They Marry Juana

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What do you get when somebody smuggles weed into the special ed classroom? Baked potatoes.

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What do you call a stoner who had his weed seized? Disjointed.

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What do you call alligator weed? Croc-pot

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What do you call it when an autistic kid smokes weed? Baked Potato

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Did you hear about the obscenely hard gardening class required for botany majors? It was said to be a weed out class

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This guy in Japan was trying to get me to help him score some weed... ... he kept pointing at a map and going: "Toke, yo? Toke, yo?".

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What do you get when you mix a Puerto Rican with a goat?? A weed eater that doesn't work.

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