Redhead Jokes

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Funniest Redhead Jokes

A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are all in the 9th Grade. Which one is the sexiest? The blonde, because she's the only one who's 18.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are in 5th grade. Which one is hotter? The blonde..because she’s 18.

A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are all in the ninth grade, which one is the hottest? The blonde, because she's the only one who's 18

A blonde was talking to her redhead friend about her boyfriends dandruff problem... The redhead says "why don't you give him head and shoulders."

The blonde replies "how do you give shoulders?"

A blonde, brunette, and redhead are in the ninth grade; which one is the sexiest? The blonde, because she is the only one that's 18.

Funny Redhead Jokes

A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are all in the 9th Grade. Which one is the sexiest? The blonde because she's the only one that's 18

North Korea reminds me of a redhead Because they both have no Seoul

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead ...a doctor, a lawyer and an accountant, a Brit, a German and an American, a priest, a rabbi, two camels and a duck walk into a bar.

The bartender looks at them all and says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"

How does a redhead shave his pubes? Gingerly

3 women are sitting at a bar.. A brunette, a redhead and a blonde.

The brunette says, "I'm so tight, my husband can only fit 3 fingers in me."

The redhead says, "I'm so tight, *my* husband can only fit 1 finger in me!"

The blonde, meanwhile, slides down her stool.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are all in a 9th grade math class, which one is the sexiest? The blonde, because she’s the only one who’s 18.

What do you call a redhead who works at a bakery? A ginger bread man!

I went to Brisbane's hottest redhead competition 5000 people attended, and not a soul in sight

What do you call a redhead with a yeast infection? Gingerbread

What do you call it when you make a redhead go insane. A ginger snap

A blonde, brunette, and redhead are stuck on a deserted island 10 miles from shore. The brunette swims 2 miles before drowning. The redhead makes it 8 before drowning. The blonde swims 5 miles before getting tired and swimming back to the island.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are all in 9th grade. Which of them is the hottest? The blonde because she's the only one whos 18.

If a redhead works in a bakery... ...does that make him a gingerbread man?

What does a redhead with a tooth infection have? Gingervitis!

A redhead had her Kia stolen... ...Now the ginger has no Soul

3 guys in camping in one tent The guy on the left dreamed a beautiful blond was giving him a handjob. The guy on the right dreamed a georgous redhead was giving him a handjob. The guy in the middle dreamt he was skiing.

What do you call it when a redhead gets angry? Ginger snap.

3 witch fugitives were cornered by police The redhead yelled "AIR" and a gust of wind carried her to safety.

The brunette yelled "EARTH" and a tunnel to safety appeared underneath her.

The blonde yelled "FIRE" so the police did.

My redhead friend named Albert drinks Canada Dry every day I call him Ginger Al

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are in the ninth grade. Which one is the sexiest? The blonde, because she's the only one who's 18.

So...if a redhead goes crazy... Is it called a ginger snap?

What do you say to a redhead who has just been insulted? Aw-burn!

A watched pot never boils but a redhead will sunburn regardless of witnesses

What do Australia and a redhead have in common? Bushfire.

Ok, I'll see myself out.

3 Women In A Bar A redhead asks the bartender for a ML:

Bartender - "what's a ML?"
redhead - " Miller Lite - DUH!"

The Brunette asks for a BL:

Bartender - "what's a BL?"
brunette - "Bud Lite - DUH!"

The Blonde asks for a "15"

Bartender - "what's a "15"?"
Blond - " Seven and seven - DUH!"

What do you call a redhead who doesn't brush their teeth? Gingervitis

Three women are in an elevator... a blonde, a brunette and a redhead. The brunette looks at the wall and says "is that sperm?". Then the redhead touches it, and says "i think it is". Then the blonde licks it and says "no one from our floor".

How would a redhead make love to you? Gingerly

What do you call someone who isn't a redhead but colors there hair red later in life? A trans-ginger

A blonde, a redhead and a brunette are on a desert island. The blonde, starts swimming home and drowns.
The redhead builds a raft, starts paddling then it sinks and she drowns.
The brunette uses the bridge.

A blonde girl was talking to her redhead friend about her boyfriend's dandruff problem. The redhead says "Why don't you give him Head and Shoulders?"

The blonde replies, "How do you give shoulders?

What does a Redhead with a yeast infection like to do in her spare time? Make Gingerbread

What do you call a redhead with tooth decay? Gingervitis

Why'd the redhead go to the dentist? To get checked for "ginger"vitis.

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New Redhead Jokes

Three brunettes and a redhead walk in to a bar. A guy at the bar says "Hey, what's going on?"

A blonde encountered a brunette friend of hers and said, “I heard that you had died.” The brunette replied, “Well, you can see, I’m alive.”

To which the blonde said, “But I trust the redhead who told me more than you.”

The other day i went to a redhead gathering. There was not a soul around.

A redhead gets a job He is now a baker, probably a gingerbread man.

What do you get if you cross a Mexican with an Irishman? A redhead who can tan.

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Long Redhead Jokes

My (blonde) sister hates blonde jokes. I (redhead) told her I have a redhead joke for her. She was eager to hear it!

A redhead goes for a drive through the country, just enjoying the peaceful ride with her windows open. She has to stop as a shepherd is moving his flock across the road. The redhead gets out of her car to stretch and has an idea.

"Hey Mister! If I can guess how many sheep you have, may I keep one?"

The shepherd has hundreds of sheep and feels confident enough to agree. The redhead looks over the flock and says, "361." The shepherd is stunned that she guessed correctly but, being a man of his word, allows her to pick out her favorite. The redhead is about to put her new pet in her car when the shepherd calls out to her.

"Hey Lady! If I can guess your real hair color, may I have my dog back?"

My sister was not amused.

A Blonde, a Brunette and a Redhead are against a wall to be executed by a firing line.

Each is given an opportunity for last words. The Redhead is up first: she points and screams "Tornado!" Everyone freaks out and in the commotion she gets away. The Brunette is second and catches on the the plan: she points and screams "Tsunami," fleeing in the confusion. The Blonde has worked out a similar strategy and, on her turn, yells "FIRE!"

Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde. The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim!"

Suddenly the brunette yells, "EARTHQUAKE!!!"

Everyone is startled and throws themselves on the ground while she escapes.

The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim!"

Suddenly the redhead yells, "TORNADO!!!"

Everyone is startled and looks around for cover while she escapes.

By now the blonde has it all figured out. The guard brings her forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no,

and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim!"

And the blonde yells, "FIRE!!!"

This guy is dining alone in a fancy restaurant and there’s a beautiful redhead sitting at the next table.

He’s been sneakily checking her out ever since he arrived, but doesn’t have the courage to start talking to her.

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. His reflexes kick in and he reaches out, plucks it out of the air, and hands it back to her.

The redhead is mortified. “Oh my, I am so sorry,” she says as she pops her eye back into place. “Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you.”

So he joins her table and they enjoy a wonderful meal together. Afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks at a bar. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.

After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap. He says yes and they return to her place.

He ends up staying the night. The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed at how everything has been so perfect and how incredible this woman is. He can’t believe his luck. “You know,” he said, “you are the perfect woman, are you this nice to every guy you meet?”

“No,” she replies, “You just happened to catch my eye.”

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island and discover a magic lamp. They rub and rub, and sure enough, out pops a genie. The genie says, "Since I can only grant three wishes, you may each have one."

The brunette says, "I've been stuck here for years. I miss my family, my husband and my life. I just want to go home."

Poof! The brunette gets her wish, and she is returned to her family.

The redhead says, "I've also been stuck here for years, and I wish I could go home, too."

Poof! The redhead gets her wish, and she is returned to her family.

The blonde starts crying uncontrollably.

The genie asks, "My dear, what's the matter?"

The blonde whimpers, "I wish my friends were still here."

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are stuck on an island

The redhead tries to swim back to land, gets a quarter of the way there, gets tired, and swims back.

The brunette decides to try, swims a third of the way there, gets tired, and swims back.

Finally the blonde tries, swims half of the way there, gets tired, swims back.

A redhead, brunette and a blonde walk into a bar.

They were having a chat when the bartender asked them about thier opinions on elements.

The redhead says,"I love gold because I can buy a lot of cars with it."

The brunette says,"I would prefer platinum because it is more valuable than gold and can buy you more cars."

The blonde says,"I have 2 bags of silicon and you should see the cars outside my house.''

[It is my first time writing a joke. All my previous jokes were Ctrl+C Ctrl+V. So don't go mad at me.]

A redhead goes to buy a bull

A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram." She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word. She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer. Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word "comfortable." Skeptical, the operator asks, "How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word?" The redhead replies, "She's a blonde so she reads slow: 'Come for ta bull.'"

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead rob a bank..

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead decide to rob a bank. Everything goes well-they have their masks on, the bank hands over the money-awesome.

Exiting the bank, they hear sirens and see several cop cars round the corner, so they dash into a small alleyway.

The cops are quick though, and are just about to reach the entrance. There are three empty potato sacks lying against the wall.

"Quick! Hide!" The brunette says, and the three women each crawl into a bag.

A police man comes down the alleyway, looking around for any signs of the women. The potato sacks stick out to him-so he gives the one with the redhead a kick.

"Meow!" goes the redhead, doing her best imitation of a cat.

"Just an alley cat..." The police officer mumbles, moving onto the next bag and delivering a quick nudge with his foot.

"Woof!" Goes the brunette, imitating a dog.

"Just a stray..." The officer mumbles again, heading to the last bag, and giving it a light kick.

"POOOOE-TAYYY-TOOOEE" grunts the blonde.

_____

Edited to meet popular demand.

For those who don't get the joke, the redhead and brunette both mimic things that might be in an alleyway-a cat and a stray dog. The blonde however wonders "What would be in a potato sack? Potatoes!" and thus tries to blend in by announcing herself as a potato.

Edit Edit: I'm blond. I can make these jokes.

A Gorgeous Young Redhead Goes into the Doctor’s Office...

She said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.

“Impossible!” says the doctor. “Show me.”

The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed in even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed.

Everywhere she touched made her scream.

The doctor took off his glasses and said, “You’re not really a redhead, are you?

“Well, no” she said, “I’m actually a blonde. I just dyed my hair last week.”

“I thought so,” the doctor said. “Your finger is broken.”

The flight attendant see's a suspicious looking couple onboard,

so she reports it to the Captain immediately.

“Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! There is a very pretty, graceful and rich looking female passenger onboard.
She looks quite frightened and the man she is with is a fat, old, redhead slob who looks like a lecher, very sullen, mean and dangerous.
We must save the lady!"

The Captain responds, "Patricia, I’ve told you before....You do not work for United Airlines anymore. This is Air Force One. For the last time...please learn to respect the American President!"

A blond, a brunette and a redhead . . .

were in a breast stroke competition to cross the English Channel. They all dove in together on the shores of the UK. Across the Channel on the shores of France, the judges and media waited patiently.
After a few hours the redhead emerged from the waters to hearty cheers. About a half hour later, the brunette emerged to polite applause. But where was the blond?
They waited and waited. The sun was starting to set when the blond came out of the water, nearly dead from exhaustion. The few newsmen that remained rushed to her and asked if she had anything to say.
"Yes!" she gasped. "I don't want to sound like a sore loser, but I think that brunette and redhead were using their arms!"

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette went to heaven.

"There are 1000 steps to heaven and I will tell you a joke every step. If you laugh, you don't get to heaven," God told the girls.

The redhead made it to the 45th step, the brunette made it to the 200th step, and the blonde made it to the 999th step.

When the blonde arrived at the 999th step, she laughed before God could even tell her the joke.

"What's so funny? I haven't even told the joke yet," God said.

"I know! I just got the first one!" the blonde replied.

A flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple onboard

so she reports it to
the Captain immediately.


“Sir, I think we have a case of
human trafficking!


There is a
very pretty, graceful and rich looking female passenger onboard.
She looks quite frightened and the man she is with is a fat, old, redhead slob who looks like a lecher, very sullen, mean and dangerous!”
We must save the lady !!!

The Captain responds,


Patricia,
I’ve told you before..
We have resigned from *United Airlines*.
This is *Air Force One*
Please learn to respect the American President.

The Lone Ranger was captured by Indians...

And was about to be put to death. The Chief spoke, "Since you are about to die, I'll grant you a wish."

The Lone Ranger said, "I want to talk to my horse."

The Chief thought it was an odd request, but consented, and Silver was led around to the Lone Ranger. The Lone Ranger whispered in Silver's ear, and the horse went galloping away.

Ten minutes later, Silver came back with a stunningly beautiful blonde woman in the saddle. The Chief smirked at the Lone Ranger and said, "Go ahead and use my tent." The Lone Ranger took the blonde into the chief's tent and came back out some time later, saying, "I want to see my horse again."

"Again?" the Chief sighed and reluctantly agreed. The Lone Ranger whispered into Silver's ear, and the horse went galloping away.

Ten minutes later, Silver returned, this time with a beautiful redhead in the saddle. The Chief smiled broadly and said, "What a way to go. You can use my tent again."

The Lone Ranger and the woman went into the Chief's tent and came out some time later. Immediately, the Lone Ranger said, "I want to see my horse again."

Now the Chief was getting impatient and said, "Okay, but this is the last time."

The Lone Ranger grabbed Silver's reins and shouted at him, "Now listen, you stupid horse: posse! P-O-S-S-E!!!"

On day a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde were on their way to heaven.

God told them the stairs to heaven were 1,000 steps and on every step he was going to tell them a joke.

If they laughed they would not be able to get to heaven.

So the redhead made it to the 45th step and laughed.

The brunette made it to the 200th step and laughed.

But the blonde made it to the 999th step and laughed even before god told his joke.

God asked "Why did you laugh I haven't even told the joke yet"

The blonde said "I know I just now got the first one!!!"

A Blond, Brunette and a Redhead go to a Bar

They come up to the bartender and the bartender says "we have a magic mirror in the girl's bathroom, if you tell it a truth about yourself you'll get free drinks and if you tell it a lie it will kill you." Excited, the brunette rushes to the bathroom and says "I think I'm the prettiest out of the three of us." The mirror gives the brunette a voucher for free drinks. Next, the redhead rushes to the bathroom seeing as her best friend had gotten free drinks and says "I think I have the best hair in the group." The mirror gives the redhead a voucher for free drinks and she rushes out. The blonde is so surprised, she runs to the bathroom to test it and says "I think-" and immediately dies

Edit: Blonde

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant, where he sees a gorgeous redhead across the table from him...

...He'd noticed her when he first sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk to her. Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye goes flying at the man. He reflexively grabs her eye out of the air and hands it back to her. "Oh my, I am so sorry!" the woman said as she put the eye back in. "Not a problem ma'am, would you like to come over to my place this evening?" said the man. She agreed and stayed the night.

After a wild night, the man wakes up to the woman cooking breakfast for him, and it tasted delicious! The man says "You are the perfect woman! Do you do this to every man you meet?" "Actually, you're the first," said the woman. "You just happened to catch my eye"

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead go hunting

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead all went out camping and hunting together. After setting up camp the brunette left to go hunt. 24 hours later the brunette came back with a deer. The others were in awe of the brunette and asked, "How did you do it?"

The brunette replied, "Found tracks, followed tracks, shot the deer."

The next day the redhead went out and returned 48 hours later with a bear. The blonde and brunette were in complete awe and asked, "How did you do it?"

The redhead replied, "Found tracks, followed tracks, shot the bear."

The next day the blonde went out and returned three days later completely broken, bruised, and bloody. The brunette and redhead were shocked and horrified asking, "What happened!?"

The blonde replied, "Found tracks, followed tracks, got hit by a train."

A blonde and a redhead head into their ranch and find their bull is missing

The women plan to buy another one, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram."

She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word. She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer.

Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word "comfortable."

Skeptical, the operator asks, "How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word?"

The redhead replies, "She's a blonde so she reads slow: 'Come for ta bull.'"

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