History Jokes

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Funniest History Jokes

My nerdy friend just got a PhD on the history of palindromes. We now call him Dr. Awkward.

Funny History Jokes

My ex used to hit me with musical instruments I didn't know that she had a history of violins.

My nerdy friend got a Ph.D on the History of Palindromes. He’s now Dr.Awkward.

Russian history in 5 words: "And then things got worse."

I did an ancestry.com family history today and found out that my great grandfather helped Rosa Parks initiate the civil rights movement He was the guy who said, "Get up, that's my seat."

Hey, I'm not saying Hitler was a great guy. But he really saved the History channel.

My ex-girlfriend is standing at the opposite end of the museum from me! I want to go say hi but there's just so much history between us.

I spotted my ex girlfriend on the other side of the museum hall, but I was too self-conscious to go say hello. There was just too much history between us.

Isn't it great to live in the 21st century? Where deleting history has become more important than making it.

I looked across the museum hall and spotted my ex girlfriend, but I was too self conscious to say hello. There was just too much history between us.

Why don't Germans compete in marathons? They have a sad history of not finishing off races.

A teen is telling his parents what he wants to major in "I want to be a history major," he says.

The dad responds, "No you don't! There's no future in it!"

String Fight My ex used to hit me with stringed instruments. If only I had known about her history of violins.

It's official. The winner of the biggest upset in US presidential history is T-R-U-M- A-N. 1948. HUGE upset.

Edit 3:30AM ET: this was a *lot* funnier when it was true.

Me reshaping history with one joke. I believe a lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided completely if cowboy architects had just made their towns big enough for everyone.

My nerd friend just got a Ph.D. on the history of palindromes. He is now Dr.Awkward.

Why were the early days of history called the Dark Ages? There were many knights.

8 years ago I worked up the courage to ask the shy, beautiful girl who sat next to me in history class to be my girlfriend. Today, I asked her to be my wife. She said no both times.

Russian history in five words ...and then it got worse

A person with a four year degree majoring in history walks into a bar. They then head behind the counter and start serving drinks.

My ex wife used to hit me with stringed instraments If only I had known she had a history of violins

1915-17 may have been the worst years in human history for food poisoning. 1.5 million Armenians died from bad turkey.

Stop making history jokes!! They're getting old.

My wife asked me why I never go to Confession. I told her I just clear my browser history when I want to wash away my sins.

What family history website do rednecks use? Incestry.com

My Geography teacher died yesterday. Well, he is History now.

History teacher: Which period did Cleopatra come from? Me: The one her mother missed?

I once took an elective on Communism in History I got full Marx

If you have epilepsy, it's important to avoid reading Roman history books. It could cause a Caesar.

I'm not panicking yet about ISPs selling my browser history to advertising companies... On the other hand, when they offer to sell my browsing history to my wife, that would be the appropriate time to panic!

Everybody is saying Harvey Weinstein is the worst person in history, but I think they're forgetting that Hitler is the worst person in history I mean if he finished what he started, we wouldn't have to deal with Weinstein

I was at the museum the other day and saw my ex at the other end of the room I was about to say hi but there is too much history between us

I hate it when I hate it when engineering students call themselves engineer.
I don't see medical students calling themselves doctor or history students calling themselves unemployed

Have you heard about the curator of the Slavic History exhibit? He's forever Russian around, Czeching that everything gets Polished

Why is it so hard for programmers to get a prescription for pain killers? They have a history with codeine.

A short history of Poland: "And then it got worse."

I found out my ex girlfriend was at the opposite end of the museum as me today. I wanted to go say hi to her but there was just too much history between us.

Isn't it great to live in 21st century ? Where deleting history has become more important than making one.

My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay. I got full marx.

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New History Jokes

What do the “bad parts” of American history and common sense have in common? They are being wiped from existence.

Adam and Eve. First people in history to not read the Apple terms and conditions.

Issac Newton died a virgin so I already one up a genius from history Because I'm not dead.

I'm reading a book on the history of glue. I just can't seem to put it down.

A Samoan man gave me a detailed history and explanation of his heritage, culture, and the country in which he was raised Those specific islanders!

A Canadian research team has made history by freezing mice to temperatures of absolute zero. Animal rights groups are outraged by the cruel tests performed on the animals.

But they’ll be 0K.

Glue Book Once read a book on the history of glue.
I couldn’t put it down.

Medusa has to be the sexiest woman in history I mean one glance and you're hard

We always feel time passing forward and in a straight line and never otherwise Because the history is written by the vector.

What did the teacher do with her students reports on the history of cheese? She graded them

What is the worst part of ancient history class? The teachers tend to Babylon.

Medusa is the sexiest woman in history One glance and you're hard

When I can’t think of a joke I ask my mom She has a history of making jokes

I told my girlfriend she should take the time in getting to know me She then decided to go through my browsing history

Yesterday, I watched a documentary on the history of the WD-40. It was non friction.

I saw my ex girlfriend standing across the museum hall, but I was too self conscious to say hello. There was just too much history between us.

The true reason behind why Germany 's government aid artist in time of crisis Because they have seen what an artist from Austria was capable of during the great recession.


P.s go read some ww2 history if u dont get it

Finally got my hands on a rare book on the history of clocks ...It's about time!

I decided to learn the history behind Japanese animation It was a bizarre adventure

I saw my ex-girlfriend across the museum hall, but I felt too self conscious to go say hello.. there was just too much history between us..

I just started a short book on the history of luminance. It's a little light reading.

What do you call a written copy of Chinese history from Tiananmen Square? [REDACTED]

Guns don't kill people 100% of people who have ever reported being shot have survived, never in history has someone reported being killed by one

Why is fruit squash banned in Germany? They have a bad history with concentrated juice

I'm so old I went to a Natural History Museum and the guards thought I escaped.

I saw my ex girlfriend standing on the other end of the museum hall, but I was too self conscious to say hello. There was too much history between us.

My ex used to hit me with stringed instruments She had a history of violins

What do you call a potato on Kim Jong Un’s balls? A dictator.



Came up with this in my history class haha

Greatest weight loss program in history EU will lose billions and billions of pounds when Britain leaves

There was definitely a time in human history where people really shined Especially the ones in the uranium mines

I asked my doctor if I have OCD because of my compulsive cleaning. Apparently cleaning your browser history does not count.

My nerdy friend just got a PhD on the history of palindromes. He's really good, knows his stuff forwards and backwards.

MY nerdy friend just received a PHD on the History of Palindromes. Now we just call him Dr Awkward

Chinese history in 5 words: "And then things got worse."

Of all the bad things that are happening in China, one particular stands out. Edit - Nothing bad is happening in China --- Everything is fine .-. There's no need to worry - people are happy ..- China is peaceful .-. with peaceful history .

How did osama bin laden do on his history exam? He bombed it.

I was trying unsuccessfully to convince people on a military history subreddit that I was French. Finally I gave up.

They all laughed at me when I said I’ll be the funniest comedian in history But now, no ones laughing.

I just realized how woke Nintendo is. The Wii and WiiU may be the first consoles in history to have preferred personal pronouns.

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 has a long history of violent crime and was only recently released from rehabilitation

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Long History Jokes

Once upon a time, in the magical fantasy kingdom, there lived a young monk named Sam.

His order was renowned for their beautiful choral singing. They trained, hours every day, refining their voices and their art. Their song floated down the mountainside, enriching the lives and souls of the townspeople below.

Sam was particularly gifted, and on his 19th birthday, in mid-song, he hit upon a beautifully intricate note of pure magic. Everyone within miles just froze in mid action, stirred to the very core of their souls by the pure bliss of the tone. And all the realm realized, instantly, that it was Sam, and Sam was the first person in history to hit one of the rumored Magical Notes that musicians had theorized must exist... yet no one before Sam had ever reached one.

And on Sam's 20th birthday, it happened again. This time, the town below was so impacted that no one moved, spoke, or even blinked for several minutes after. As the golden sound finally tapered off and ceased, they knew that Sam had found the Second Note...

And the next year on Sam's birthday, the town had realized there was a pattern involved. This time, all of the townspeople were present in the monastery's nave, watching in awe, as Sam hit the glorious Third Note. People cried out in pure joy as the sound grew to a glorious crescendo. Words cannot do justice to the experience. The town flourished, as Sam's notes made the people pure all the way to the core of their beings.

And on it went for the next few years, the Magical Notes growing sweeter and sweeter... until, that is, Sam's 25th birthday. All at first seemed as normal... until Sam hit the Magical Note. From the start, Sam seemed very uncomfortable, and this new sound was not beautiful... it was jarring and discordant. Sam started to get very warm, and was visibly sweating onstage. He doubled his resolve and dug deeper, to get to the sweet part of the Magical Note that he knew must be there.

Suddenly, to the horror of all, Sam spontaneously combusted! The two closest monks on stage were burned by the flames coming off of his body, and he ignited the stage curtains. Soon the entire monastery was aflame. By a miracle, everyone made it out, except for poor Sam.

The townsfolk were left staring at the burning monastery in sad, stunned disbelief.

The mayor approached the lead monk of the order. "What happened?" he asked, exasperated.

The old monk shook his head sadly. "Isn't it obvious?" he said. "Sam sung Note 7."





- EDIT - Wow, I came back and this really blew up! Thanks so much for the kind comments, and upvotes, and gold. I'm so glad I could give so many people a chuckle today!

65,000,011 years ago

Some tourists in the Museum of Natural History are marveling at some dinosaur bones. One of them asks the guard, "Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?"

The guard replies, "They are 65,000,011 years old."

"That's an awfully exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know their age so precisely?"

The guard answers, "Well, the dinosaur bones were sixty five million years old when I started working here, and that was eleven years ago."

An airplane was about to crash. There were 4 passengers on board but only 3 parachutes.

The 1st passenger said, " I am Steph Curry , the best NBA basketball player. The warriors and my millions of fans need me , and i can't afford to die" So he took the 1st pack and left the plane

The 2nd passenger , Donald Trump , said , " I am the newly elected US President , and I am the smartest President in American history , so my people don't want me to die." He took the 2nd pack and jumped out of the plane.

The 3rd passenger , the Pope , said to the 4th passenger , a 10 year old schoolboy , " My son , I am old and don't have many years left , you have more years ahead so I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute." The little boy said , " That's okay , Your Holiness, there's a parachute left for you. America's smartest President took my schoolbag."

50s Soviet joke

Who is your mother?

Our great Soviet country.

Who is your father?

Our dear comrade Stalin.

What's your greatest desire?

Becoming an orphan.

EDIT: Oh, I've found it in an Ukrainian school History book and decided to post it here, whynot?. Didn't expect it to get thousands of upvotes.

Court Ruling from the UK

A seven year old boy was at the centre of a courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him.
The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with the child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the degree possible.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.
After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the England Football team, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.

A couple is going through a divorce and custody of the son comes into question.

The father presents evidence that the wife hits the poor boy whenever he misbehaves the slightest. The mother reveals evidence that the father would get belligerently drunk and use his belt on the boy.

The Judge suggests letting the boy live with his grandfather, but it turns out that almost everyone in this twisted family has a history of domestic violence. Not wanting to subject the poor boy to a life of physical punishment, the court decided to take a recess to brainstorm what to do with the son. The court eventually comes to a historic and unprecedented conclusion:

The boy would be in custody of the England national football team because they're incapable of beating anyone.

My favorite joke my dad’s told me to date

Two men, were interviewing for a management-level position at a prestigious company, and had made it to the final phase of the process. They were going to be interviewed by the CEO to see who was best for the job.

One of the men was a Harvard grad who had a degree in economics and a history of white collar jobs. The other was a blue-collar man who’d worked the factory floor and knew what it was like to do all of the labor he would be managing.

The CEO had a very difficult choice. In order to decide he told the two men to each write a poem. The two conditions were that they had to write it in thirty seconds, and they had to use the word “Timbuktu”.

Thinking that he could beat any stupid cowboy, the Harvard grad went first. After thinking for about a minute, he came up with the following:

“Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked the dusty caravan.
Men on camels, two by two
Destination -- Timbuktu.”
The CEO was fairly pleased, and doubted the cowboy could top that, but he gave him a shot regardless. As his time passed, the cowboy sat in silent thought. Finally, in the last few seconds, he jumped and recited:

“Tim and me, a-huntin' went.
Met three whores in a pop-up tent.
They was three, we was two,
So I bucked one and Timbuktu”

An airplane was about to crash. There were 5 passengers but only 4 parachutes.

The pilot announced of the crash and immediately took his own parachute.
The 1st passenger, the President, said ,"I am the newly elected US President , and I am the smartest President in American history , so my people don't want me to die." He took the 1st pack and jumped out of the plane.
The 2nd passenger, a doctor, said,"I've got to get to the hospital. There are hundreds of lives waiting to be saved by me!"
The 3rd passenger, the police, said "I've got to get to work too! The city's security depends on me". With that, he too, took a parachute.
The 4th passenger , the Pope , said to the 5th passenger , a 10 year old schoolboy , " My son , I am old and don't have many years left , you have more years ahead so I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute."
The little boy said ," That's okay , Your Holiness, there's a parachute left for you. They already threw the doctor out."

Once upon a time, in a magical fantasy kingdom, there lived a young monk named Sam.

His order was renowned for their beautiful choral singing. They trained, hours every day, refining their voices and their art. Their song floated down the mountainside, enriching the lives and souls of the townspeople below.

Sam was particularly gifted, and on his 19th birthday, in mid-song, he hit upon a beautifully intricate note of pure magic. Everyone within miles just froze in mid action, stirred to the very core of their souls by the pure bliss of the tone. And all the realm realized, instantly, that it was Sam, and Sam was the first person in history to hit one of the rumored Magical Notes that musicians had theorized must exist... yet no one before Sam had ever reached one.

And on Sam's 20th birthday, it happened again. This time, the town below was so impacted that no one moved, spoke, or even blinked for several minutes after. As the golden sound finally tapered off and ceased, they knew that Sam had found the Second Note...

And the next year on Sam's birthday, the town had realized there was a pattern involved. This time, all of the townspeople were present in the monastery's nave, watching in awe, as Sam hit the glorious Third Note. People cried out in pure joy as the sound grew to a glorious crescendo. Words cannot do justice to the experience. The town flourished, as Sam's notes made the people pure all the way to the core of their beings.

And on it went for the next few years, the Magical Notes growing sweeter and sweeter... until, that is, Sam's 25th birthday. All at first seemed as normal... until Sam hit the Magical Note. From the start, Sam seemed very uncomfortable, and this new sound was not beautiful... it was jarring and discordant. Sam started to get very warm, and was visibly sweating onstage. He doubled his resolve and dug deeper, to get to the sweet part of the Magical Note that he knew must be there.

Suddenly, to the horror of all, Sam spontaneously combusted! The two closest monks on stage were burned by the flames coming off of his body, and he ignited the stage curtains. Soon the entire monastery was aflame. By a miracle, everyone made it out, except for poor Sam.

The townsfolk were left staring at the burning monastery in sad, stunned disbelief.

The mayor approached the lead monk of the order. "What happened?" he asked, exasperated.

The old monk shook his head sadly. "Isn't it obvious?" he said. "Sam sung Note 7."

World's Funniest Joke

The "world's funniest joke" is a term used by Richard Wiseman of the University of Hertfordshire in 2002 to summarize one of the results of his research. For his experiment, named LaughLab, he created a website where people could rate and submit jokes. Purposes of the research included discovering the joke that had the widest appeal and understanding among different cultures, demographics and countries.

The History Channel eventually hosted a special on the subject.


The winning joke, which was later found to be based on a 1951 Goon Show sketch by Spike Milligan,was submitted by Gurpal Gosal of Manchester:


*Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"*

The teacher pulls Johnny aside after a test...

“Johnny I have a feeling that you have been cheating on your tests,” she says. “You know I can’t condone cheating.”

Johnny was astounded and asked the teacher to prove it.

"Well,” said the teacher. “I was looking over your test and the question was, 'Who was our first president?', and the student that sits next to you, Mary, put 'George Washington,' and so did you."

“So, everyone knows that he was the first president."

“Well, just wait a minute," the teacher continued. "The next question was, 'Who freed the slaves?' Mary put Abraham Lincoln and so did you."

"Well, I read the history book last night and I remembered that," said Johnny.

“Wait," said the teacher. "The next question was, 'Who was president during the Louisiana Purchase?' Mary put 'I don't know,' and you put, 'Me neither'."

My history teacher told me a joke about WW2 today...

If you have unknown troops in front of you and you want to find out who they are, fire a few rounds in their direction.

If you are met with precision machine gun fire, they’re German.

If you are met by a volley of precision rifle fire, they are British.

If they surrender, they’re Italian.

If there is a mass wave of infantry and tanks, they’re Russian.

If there is a bayonet and sword charge, they’re Japanese.

If everything is quiet for a minute or two, and suddenly you are in the middle of a massive artillery barrage and air strikes, they are American.

In class one day, Mr. Johnson pulled Johnny over to his desk after a test, and said,

"Johnny I have a feeling that you have been cheating on your tests."

Johnny was astounded and asked Mr. Johnson to prove it.

"Well, said Mr. Johnson, I was looking over your test and the question was,

'Who was our first president?', and the little girl that sits next to you, Mary, put 'George Washington,' and so did you."

"So, everyone knows that he was the first president."

"Well, just wait a minute," said Mr. Johnson.

"The next question was, 'Who freed the slaves?'

Mary put Abraham Lincoln and so did you."

"Well, I read the history book last night and I remembered that," said Johnny.

"Wait, wait," said Mr. Johnson.

"The next question was, 'Who was president during the Louisiana Purchase?'

Mary put 'I don't know,' and you put, 'Me neither'."

Shingles

Kevin walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Kevin said: "Shingles." So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.

Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Kevin what he had. Kevin said, "Shingles." So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Kevin to wait in the examining room.

A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Kevin what he had. Kevin said, "Shingles." So the nurse gave Kevin a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Kevin to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.

An hour later the doctor came in and found Kevin sitting patiently in the nude and asked Kevin what he had.

Kevin said, "Shingles."

The doctor asked, "Where?"

Kevin said, "Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload 'em?"

Heartbreaking

Dallas Morning News - A 15 year old boy was at the center of a Dallas County courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Dallas Cowboys, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.

A collection of OC jokes!

Well I hope they're funny, anyway. The past few months I've been writing down anything that seems vaguely amusing to me. I imagine that some of them might be already-existing jokes without knowing it, but I hope you enjoy!

* I was offered a job studying fog but I turned it down. In hindsight, I think it was a mist opportunity.
* What vegetable likes to wait around in lines? Queuecumbers
* What's a pensioner's favourite genre of music? Hip-op
* I decided to drink something from a scientist's test tube. It tasted vial.
* Why did the artist visit the bank? To draw some money.
* What's the best thing about walking through a friendly forest? All the pleasantrees
* I was going to make a joke about alcoholism, but I decided against it because I thought it'd be a bit too whiskey.
* how do you greet the world's cleanest woman? "Hi, Jean".
* I got kicked out of the wig shop because I didn't want toupee.
* I bought an album called "Sounds of the Railway", but I didn't like any of the tracks
* I tried to get into the Guinness Book of Records by smashing up music albums. I broke a lot of records.
* Why were there clouds at the theatre production? Because it had been over cast.
* I used to have a job testing the durability of trainers. You might think that sounds easy, but it was sole-destroying work...
* Did you hear about the fellow who went insane trying to clear his sinuses? He ended up in a menthol hospital
* I used to be obsessed with going to the bank. I'm trying to stop but I have withdrawal symptoms...
* Why did the eagle go to church? Because it's a bird of pray.
* Where do fish go to earn a degree? Tunaversity.
* Someone suggested I should grow my hair down the back of my head. I wasn't keen on the idea, but I told them I'd mullet over.
* I watched a movie documentary about the history of tea exports, it was rated PG tips.
* Who stands outside the toddler nightclub? Baby bouncers.
* I have a very special type of dog - it was cross-bred with a vegetable. It's a border cauliflower
* What happened to the last aftershave in the cupboard? It felt colognely
* What do you inject into a suit to make it look bigger? Bowtux.



Bonus jokes that I didn't think were very good but decided to include anyway!!!!

* I had a dinner cooked by Dr. Who. It tasted dalektable (like... delectable)
* What do you call a sour supervisor? A lime manager.
* What food keeps you warm on a cold day? Fajitas... (like uh, fa-heaters...)
* What's the funniest type of cereal? A muesli (like... amuse-li?)
* The Bow and Arrow is an excellent weapon, with one drawback.
* Gambling can be very dangerous, if roulette it take over your life.
* What do you call a boring, unoriginal piece of fruit? A banalna.
* What do you call a piece of fruit that doesn't really matter? Not applic-apple.

Take that back Olympics

Here are the top nine comments made by sports commentators during the Olympics that they would like to take back....

1. Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria . I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."

2. Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother."

3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."

4. Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious."

5. Softball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."

6. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."

7. At the rowing medal ceremony: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew."

8. Soccer commentator: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."

9. Tennis commentator: "One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them . . . Oh my God, what have I just said?...:)

My preacher started a sermon with this joke the other week that was actually pretty funny and i thought i would share it with you guys

Alright so in this small rural town there lived two brothers. All of their lives they went around doing horrible things to people that ranged from Vandalism, Stealing, Battery, etc. One day one of the brothers dies and the other brother goes to the town preacher to arrange his funeral and asks him,

"For my brother's funeral can you do me one favor?"

"Sure, and what might that be?"

"I'll pay you $10,000 if you call my brother a saint."

The preacher agreed and word broke like wildfire in this small community that the preacher would be calling the worst person in the town's history a saint, so the day of the funeral came and people were lined out of the door to hear what the preacher was going to say. Once everyone had arrived the preacher started his speech

"Ladies and Gentlemen we are gathered here today to mourn upon the most wicked, the most hateful, and maybe the worst person i have ever met in my life, but compared to his brother that is sitting in front of me. He was a saint."

An easier question

Bob had finally made it to the last round of the $64,000 Question. The night before the big question, he told the M.C. that he desired a question on American History.

The big night had arrived. Bob made his way on stage in front of the studio and TV audience. He had become the talk of the week. He was the best guest this show had ever seen. The M.C. stepped up to the mic.

"Bob, you have chosen American History as your final question. You know that if you correctly answer this question, you will walk away $64,000 dollars richer. Are you ready?"

Bob nodded with a cocky confidence-the crowd went nuts. He hadn't missed a question all week.

"Bob, your question on American History is a two-part question. As you know, you may answer either part first. As a rule, the second half of the question is always easier. Which part would you like to take a stab at first?"

Bob was now becoming more noticeably nervous. He couldn't believe it, but he was drawing a blank. American History was his easiest subject, but he played it safe.

"I'll try the easier part first."

The M.C. nodded approvingly. "Here we go Bob. I will ask you the second half first, then the first half."

The audience silenced with gross anticipation...

"Bob, here is your question: And in what year did it happen?"

Quiet guy in class had this gem of a response

Military history class. We have this one guy in class who doesn't really say much and tends to keep to himself; just figured one of those 'man of few words' kinda guys. One day, we were discussing the planes used in WW2. Ensuing discussion goes as such

Professor: So what planes did we have during that time?

Student 1: Well we had the Cobra and Mustang

Professor: Ok and what did the Japanese have?

Student 2: Japanese had zeros

Professor: And what was the main difference between us and them?

Quiet kid: We didn't crash as much

The professor tried to keep it together but started rolling, dropped his marker, and said 'Class dismissed'. We had 20 minutes left. Thanks quiet kid

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