Amish Jokes

We conducted an online survey.... ...and found that out of the world's population, 0% of people are Amish.

What did Sean Connery say when he noticed that there wasn't any electricity in the Pennsylvania countryside? "Shomething'sh Amish..."

Why don't Amish people water ski? Because their horses would drown.

You hear about the Amish prostitute? She slept with 10 Mennonite

I had a one night stand with an Amish guy the other week... He never called me back.

How many Amish people does it take to change a lightbulb? A what?

I like sleeping with amish women that way i don't have to call the next day

What goes clop-clop,bang-bang,clop-clop? Amish drive-by.

What goes "Clop clop clop, bang bang bang, clop clop clop"? An Amish drive-by shooting.

What goes clop, clop, bang bang bangbangbang!clop,clop,clop? An amish driveby

What goes "Clippity Clop Bang Bang, Clippity Clop Bang Bang"? An Amish drive by shooting

What goes, "Clip clop clip clop clip clop clip clop BANG BANG clip clop clip clop clip clop..." ? An Amish drive-by shooting.

I just made a scathing video mocking the Amish I can't wait till they see it

What does it take to please an Amish woman? Two Mennonite.

What goes "Clip clop, clip clop, clip clop, clip clop, BANG, clip clop, clip clop"? Amish drive by shooting.

What goes CLOP CLOP CLOP, BANG BANG, CLOP CLOP CLOP? An Amish drive-by shooting

Did you hear about the Amish flu? First you get a little hoarse, then you get a little buggy.

I went to a crazy Amish strip club. It was bonnetless.

Q: What do the Amish call a jar full of honeybees? A: A vibrator.

Did you hear about the married Amish woman having an affair? She loved two Mennonite.

Amish Hooker What's an Amish Hooker do?

Ten Mennonite!

(Mennonite link on the front page made me think of this one.)

edit: I accidentally a ")", but I'm getting a kick out of the weird comments. :-)

My parents said I don’t have to come home until the street lights come on but we live in an Amish neighborhood so I think they just don’t love me

Why did the Amish woman get pregnant? Because she was seeing too many Mennonite.

clip clop clip clop clip clop BANG clip clop clip clop Amish drive-by shooting.

How do you make an Amish woman happy? 3 Mennonite.

Where do you take an amish kid for their birthday party? Build-A-Barn

Had to dump my Amish girlfriend.... she drove me buggy.

How many men does it take to get an Amish woman pregnant? Two men a nite.

What makes the sound 'Clip clop bang clip clop'? An Amish drive-by

How many men does it take to satisfy an Amish woman? Two Mennonite

Did you hear about the prize for the Amish children's cooking competition? Whichever kiddo makes the best egg dish gets to keep the Amlet omelet amulet

What do a hockey player and an Amish woman have in common? They both shower after the third period.

What does a police officer in rural Pennsylvania say when he sees suspicious behavior? "Hmm, something's Amish here."

What do all Amish women want? 2 Mennonite.

What do you call someone who hasn't heard about Pokémon go Amish

What do you call an Amish woman who just cheated on her husband? Poly-Esther. (Please don’t kill me I’m stupid.)

What is an Amish woman’s biggest fantasy? Two Mennonite.



(This joke is literally a hundred years old and makes me chuckle every time I get to tell it. Probably a repost. Don’t care.)

What did the Amish husband say to his wife when she got back from working out on the farm all day? Amish you.

What did the amish dude say to his jewish friend after not seeing him in a long time? Amishjew bro