Hilarious Amish Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Amish Jokes

Score: 264

What do you call a Amish man with his arm up a horses arse A mechanic

Score: 120

Why don't Amish people water ski? Because their horses would drown.

Score: 63

You hear about the Amish prostitute? She slept with 10 Mennonite

Score: 54

I had a one night stand with an Amish guy the other week... He never called me back.

Score: 49

How many Amish people does it take to change a lightbulb? A what?

Score: 46

I like sleeping with amish women that way i don't have to call the next day

Score: 45

What goes clop-clop,bang-bang,clop-clop? Amish drive-by.

Score: 40

What goes "Clop clop clop, bang bang bang, clop clop clop"? An Amish drive-by shooting.

Score: 33

What goes "Clippity Clop Bang Bang, Clippity Clop Bang Bang"? An Amish drive by shooting

Score: 32

What goes clop, clop, bang bang bangbangbang!clop,clop,clop? An amish driveby

Score: 32

What goes, "Clip clop clip clop clip clop clip clop BANG BANG clip clop clip clop clip clop..." ? An Amish drive-by shooting.

Score: 27

I just made a scathing video mocking the Amish I can't wait till they see it

Score: 25

What does it take to please an Amish woman? Two Mennonite.

Score: 19

What goes "Clip clop, clip clop, clip clop, clip clop, BANG, clip clop, clip clop"? Amish drive by shooting.

Score: 18

What goes CLOP CLOP CLOP, BANG BANG, CLOP CLOP CLOP? An Amish drive-by shooting

Score: 17

What do you call an Amish guy with his
hand up a horse’s arse? A mechanic.

Score: 17

Did you hear about the Amish flu? First you get a little hoarse, then you get a little buggy.

Score: 17

I went to a crazy Amish strip club. It was bonnetless.

Score: 15

Did you hear about the married Amish woman having an affair? She loved two Mennonite.

Score: 14

Q: What do the Amish call a jar full of honeybees? A: A vibrator.

Score: 14

My parents said I don’t have to come home until the street lights come on but we live in an Amish neighborhood so I think they just don’t love me

Score: 12

Amish Hooker What's an Amish Hooker do?

Ten Mennonite!

(Mennonite link on the front page made me think of this one.)

edit: I accidentally a ")", but I'm getting a kick out of the weird comments. :-)

Score: 12

Why did the Amish woman get pregnant? Because she was seeing too many Mennonite.

Score: 11

How do you make an Amish woman happy? 3 Mennonite.

Score: 11

clip clop clip clop clip clop BANG clip clop clip clop Amish drive-by shooting.

Score: 11

Where do you take an amish kid for their birthday party? Build-A-Barn

Score: 10

What are Amish children called? Omelettes.

Score: 9

How many men does it take to get an Amish woman pregnant? Two men a nite.

Score: 9

I have a fetish for Amish women. Best part about it?

They don’t expect you to call the next day!

Score: 9

What makes the sound 'Clip clop bang clip clop'? An Amish drive-by

Score: 9

Had to dump my Amish girlfriend.... she drove me buggy.

Score: 9

What's an Amish girl's greatest fantasy? Two or three Mennonite

Score: 9

An Amish joke for you... **Q.** What goes clip-clop, clip-clop, silence....?



>!A. A drive-by shunning!<.

Score: 8

Why was the Amish woman kicked out of her colony? She slept with two Mennonite.

Score: 8

How many men does it take to satisfy an Amish woman? Two Mennonite

Score: 8

Why was the Amish girl ex-communicated? Too mennonite.

Score: 8

Why are Jews and the Amish so similar? Neither like cooking with gas.

Score: 8

Amish jokes Have you heard about the promiscuous Amish lady?
She had two Mennonite

I had the Amish flu last week. At first I got a little horse. Then I got a little buggy... but yesterday I got butter

Score: 7

What do you call a group of Amish witches? A Dutch coven.

Score: 7

The Amish Space Program is at a stalemate Jebediah and the boys just cannot figure out how to get the horses to go vertical.

Score: 7

New Amish Jokes

What goes clip clop, clip clop, clip clop, BANG, BANG, BANG? An Amish drive by shooting.

Score: 5

amish girls be showin that ankle get that onlyfans money in the mail

Score: 2

Congratulations, your ears hang as low as an Amish person's. But can you tie a Mennonite?

Score: 4

Did you hear about the Amish prostitute? She had 2 Mennonite

Score: 3

What do you call an Amish guy with his hand down a horse's throat? A mechanic.

Score: 3

What goes klop, klop, bang? An Amish drive by shooting.

Score: 2

What goes clip clop clip clop bang bang bang clip clop clip clop An Amish drive by shooting

Score: 6

With all the ongoing news about Corona has anyone let the Amish know what's going on yet?

Score: 1

What goes clippity-clop bang, clippity-clop bang, clippity-clop bang? An Amish drive by.

Score: 4

A tourist and an Amish guy are riding in a buggy together. The tourist asks: "What's it like not having the internet?"



The Amish guy: "It's alright. I just get photos of your mom through the mail."

Score: 5

BREAKING: According to the 2020 Census... ...there are 0 Amish remaining in the entire U.S.

Score: 2

Have you heard about the possible outbreak of the Coronavirus in the Amish community? It was a false alarm, No fever, but people did get a little hoarse and buggy.

Score: 6

Why can’t you drive through an Amish neighborhood? No Outlets.

Score: 4

What Goes: "Clippity-clop, clippity-clop, clippity-clop, BANG! Clippity-clop, clippity-clop?" An Amish drive-by.

(Shooting)

Score: 1

I went to a topless Amish bar last night. No bonnets.

Score: 3

What do you call a guy elbow deep in a horse? An Amish mechanic

Score: 6

Why was the Amish girl excommunicated? Two Mennonite

-Christopher Hitchins

Score: 3

Whats an amish person's favorite kind of raisin? A barn raisin.

Score: 4

What is an Amish woman’s biggest fantasy? Two Mennonite.

(This joke is literally a hundred years old and makes me chuckle every time I get to tell it. Probably a repost. Don’t care.)

Score: 3

What did the amish dude say to his jewish friend after not seeing him in a long time? Amishjew bro

Score: 2

What goes clip clop clip clop bang bang An Amish driveby

Score: 3

There's been a recent surge in the number of male crossdressers in the Amish community. Be careful. Women you might see during the day, may actually be mennonite.

Score: 5

Did you hear about the Amish girl who was excommunicated? Too Mennonite.

Score: 3

Why was the Amish girl excommunicated? Two men a night

Score: 1

What makes the sound clippity clop bang clippity clop bang? An Amish drive-by shooting

Score: 2

What do you call an Amish woman who just cheated on her husband? Poly-Esther. (Please don’t kill me I’m stupid.)

Score: 3

Why don’t the Amish shave their beards? They don’t want raze-a-barn

Score: 4

What do all Amish women want? 2 men a night

Score: 2

What do you call a guy standing off the side of the road, with his arm up a horses butt? An Amish Mechanic.

Score: 3

Why was the Amish woman shunned? Too Mennonite

Score: 6

Did you hear about the Amish hookers? They sleep with three Mennonite.

Score: 3

What goes clippity clop clippity clop clippity clop bang bang clippity clop An Amish Drive By

Score: 3

What goes “Clop Clop, Bang, Clop Clop”? An Amish Drive By

Score: 1

Amish Joy candy bars: cuz sometimes you feel like a nut.... And sometimes you feel like raising a barn.

Score: 2

What did the Amish husband say to his wife when she got back from working out on the farm all day? Amish you.

Score: 3

What do you call an amish veterinarian? A mechanic.

Score: 4

Why don't amish people use electricity? If they had lights they would never sleep with each other

Score: 3

What do you call an Amish man with his arm up a horse's butt? A mechanic

Score: 3

What did one Amish guy say to another Amish guy? Oh man, Amished you so much!

Score: 1

What do Amish people call their kids? Omelettes.

Score: 2

I spent the night at an Amish hotel, and to avoid oversleeping I had then send me a wake\-up letter for 7 am.

Score: 3

Why did the Amish woman file for divorce? Her husband was driving her buggy

Score: 3

What do a hockey player and an Amish woman have in common? They both shower after the third period.

Score: 4

What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horses mouth? A mechanic

Score: 4

What did the Amish baseball sportscaster say? And it’s a swing and Amish.

Score: 2

what goes clip, clop, clip, clop, bang, bang, clip, clop, clip, clop an Amish drive by

Score: 2

What goes “clip-clop, clip-clop, bang bang?” An Amish drive-by

Score: 1

What did the Amish man say to his ex girlfriend? Amish you a lot.

Score: 1

What do Amish people call their children? Omelets

Score: 3

What goes clickety clickety bang bang clickety clickety? An Amish drive by

Score: 3

What does a police officer in rural Pennsylvania say when he sees suspicious behavior? "Hmm, something's Amish here."

Score: 4

I slept with an Amish girl last night. I don't think I'll call her.

Score: 5

What do you call a Amish man with his hand in a horses mouth? A mechanic

Score: 1

Why couldn't the Amish go waterskiing? Because the horses might drown.

Score: 4

When an Amish screws up He made amishtake.

Score: 2

Do you know why the Amish girl was ex-communicated? Two mennonite.

Score: 1

What do you call a guy whose hand is up a horse's butt? An Amish Mechanic

Score: 2

What goes "clip-clop, clip-clop, clip-clop, BANG BANG"? An Amish drive-by shooting.

Score: 3

What do you call an Amish person with his hand in a horses mouth? A mechanic

Score: 2

Rumor has it the Amish and the Japanese are working on a new vehicle together... ...they plan on calling it the ToYoder.

Score: 2

What goes "clip-clop", "bang bang", "clip-clop", "bang bang"? Amish drive-by.

Score: 3