Amish Jokes

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Funniest Amish Jokes

We conducted an online survey.... ...and found that out of the world's population, 0% of people are Amish.

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Funny Amish Jokes
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What did Sean Connery say when he noticed that there wasn't any electricity in the Pennsylvania countryside? "Shomething'sh Amish..."

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Why don't Amish people water ski? Because their horses would drown.

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You hear about the Amish prostitute? She slept with 10 Mennonite

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I had a one night stand with an Amish guy the other week... He never called me back.

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How many Amish people does it take to change a lightbulb? A what?

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I like sleeping with amish women that way i don't have to call the next day

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What goes clop-clop,bang-bang,clop-clop? Amish drive-by.

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What goes "Clop clop clop, bang bang bang, clop clop clop"? An Amish drive-by shooting.

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What goes clop, clop, bang bang bangbangbang!clop,clop,clop? An amish driveby

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What goes "Clippity Clop Bang Bang, Clippity Clop Bang Bang"? An Amish drive by shooting

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What goes, "Clip clop clip clop clip clop clip clop BANG BANG clip clop clip clop clip clop..." ? An Amish drive-by shooting.

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I just made a scathing video mocking the Amish I can't wait till they see it

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What does it take to please an Amish woman? Two Mennonite.

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What goes "Clip clop, clip clop, clip clop, clip clop, BANG, clip clop, clip clop"? Amish drive by shooting.

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What goes CLOP CLOP CLOP, BANG BANG, CLOP CLOP CLOP? An Amish drive-by shooting

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Did you hear about the Amish flu? First you get a little hoarse, then you get a little buggy.

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I went to a crazy Amish strip club. It was bonnetless.

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Q: What do the Amish call a jar full of honeybees? A: A vibrator.

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Did you hear about the married Amish woman having an affair? She loved two Mennonite.

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Amish Hooker What's an Amish Hooker do?

Ten Mennonite!

(Mennonite link on the front page made me think of this one.)

edit: I accidentally a ")", but I'm getting a kick out of the weird comments. :-)

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My parents said I don’t have to come home until the street lights come on but we live in an Amish neighborhood so I think they just don’t love me

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Why did the Amish woman get pregnant? Because she was seeing too many Mennonite.

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clip clop clip clop clip clop BANG clip clop clip clop Amish drive-by shooting.

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How do you make an Amish woman happy? 3 Mennonite.

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Where do you take an amish kid for their birthday party? Build-A-Barn

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Had to dump my Amish girlfriend.... she drove me buggy.

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How many men does it take to get an Amish woman pregnant? Two men a nite.

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What makes the sound 'Clip clop bang clip clop'? An Amish drive-by

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How many men does it take to satisfy an Amish woman? Two Mennonite

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Did you hear about the prize for the Amish children's cooking competition? Whichever kiddo makes the best egg dish gets to keep the Amlet omelet amulet

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What do a hockey player and an Amish woman have in common? They both shower after the third period.

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What does a police officer in rural Pennsylvania say when he sees suspicious behavior? "Hmm, something's Amish here."

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What do all Amish women want? 2 Mennonite.

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What do you call someone who hasn't heard about Pokémon go Amish

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What do you call an Amish woman who just cheated on her husband? Poly-Esther. (Please don’t kill me I’m stupid.)

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What is an Amish woman’s biggest fantasy? Two Mennonite.



(This joke is literally a hundred years old and makes me chuckle every time I get to tell it. Probably a repost. Don’t care.)

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What did the Amish husband say to his wife when she got back from working out on the farm all day? Amish you.

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What did the amish dude say to his jewish friend after not seeing him in a long time? Amishjew bro

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New Amish Jokes

What do all Amish women want? 2 men a night

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What did one Amish guy say to another Amish guy? Oh man, Amished you so much!

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What did the Amish man say to his ex girlfriend? Amish you a lot.

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Why couldn't the Amish go waterskiing? Because the horses might drown

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What do you call an Amish Vampire? a Pennsylvania Dutch with a Transylvania Touch.

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