Nerd Jokes


Funniest Nerd Jokes

Soooo my 4 year old nephew just told me this. He's a little nerd but it made me chuckle. Knock knock... Who's there?

Cows go.

Cows go who?

No idiot... Cows go moo!

Funny Nerd Jokes

Nerd joke A photon walks up to an airline counter to buy a ticket and the clerk asks "any baggage to check?" The photon replies "No, I'm traveling light."

What do you call a death match between E.T. and a nerd with no social life? Alien versus Redditor.

Just because someone found out how to connect a keyboard and a portable radio together doesn't make them a nerd That would be stereotyping.

My nerd friend just got a Ph.D. on the history of palindromes. He is now Dr.Awkward.

My crush rejected me for being a math nerd I was 2² to ask her out

I asked a nerd what his New Year's resolution was. He said, "1920x1080".

The bully loomed threateningly over the nerd and said, "You know what snitches get don't you?" Ummm, "150 points?"

Classroom Nerd (In a high school class room)

Girl: Do you see that [email protected]#$ING nerd over there.
Teacher: Don't be so mean, he could be your boss one day.
Nerd: Sorry I don't plan on being a pimp

What do you call a nerd after highschool? Boss

What does a deaf math nerd speak? Sine language.

Come over to the Nerd side... We have Pi.

I can't eat whale blubber. I've tried it, I'm just not Inuit.

-my beloved nerd of a husband

A nerd walked into bar He wasn't wearing his glasses

From my 2yo sister Knock knock

Who's there


Banana who?

Banana cross the road you chicken nerd

What do you call a tall, obese computer nerd with a bladder control problem. A Big Fat Geek Wetting.

Come in our nerd group! We have pi

What do you call a nerd with Viagra? Optimistic.

"There's no escape..." ...says a nerd in front of a broken keyboard.

A Nerd joke.. A photon walks up to an airline counter to buy a ticket and the clerk asks "any baggage to check?" The photon replies "No, I'm traveling light."

Came to me while folding laundry (bad nerd pun incoming). What was the name of the first Protozoa to circumnavigate the globe?


Me being a math nerd I was certain that my crush would reject me if I asked her out But either way, I was 2² to ask her out

A nerd was invited to compete in the Trigonometry Mathletic Competition... he said:
"Sine me up!"

Nerd joke of the week If Frodo is a Hobbit, are 8 Frodos a Hobbyte?

What did the nerd say on a hot day? I wish I was cool.

(Original joke made up by my 7-year old)

What's a kinky nerd into? USBDSM

I'm so proud of myself Today there were a group of 4 guys beating up a nerd in school, so I went over to help.

Needless to say, he didn't do well against all 5 of us.

you should make sure chrome doesn't save your password on lab computers i logged you out

prequel nerd

Why was the computer nerd sad that there weren't any barbecues with wifi? Because there aren't any grills on the internet.

When a cannibal prepares to eat a nerd . . . He makes Dork Rinds

When a South African tells me they really love math I can't work out if they're a nerd or an addict

nerd joke So Heisenberg comes running into a bar. But he was in his bedroom

Why did the chemist wear gloves to brush his teeth? His mouth was 4 molar

Post your favorite nerd chem jokes!

When people tell me I'm a nerd for being good at math... ...I simply tell them that I'll add a knife to my hand, divide all their blood vessels, and subtract them from this world.

Help, I need nerd jokes the average high school student can understand. Something along these lines,

Why can't you trust an atom? They make up everything.

What's the difference between a nerd and a stoner? One gets high scores, while the other gets high on scores.

Nerd Joke: What do you get if you cross a robot with a pirate? Aaaarrrrr2D2

Nerd Jokes. What do you do with a sick chemist?

A: If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.

What is the difference between a Nerd and a Troll. Trolls were once Nerds too before they went over to the Dork side.

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New Nerd Jokes

How does a computer nerd ask out a girl? Wanna see my software turn into a hard drive?


I made up this joke independently, so if if was already thought of I apologize.

My software developer friends tell me to stop exposing them to COVID-19 jokes... .. but I tell them it's the best way to achieve nerd immunity.

Growing up as a nerd in Mississippi, I found it difficult to connect to people around me. Until I learned about my great grandfather. Turns out, he used to LARP in the 40s. He was the Grand Wizard of his Guild.

A Bully walked up to a Nerd and said..... Bully: Hey Nerd. I bet all your friends are nerds too!

Nerd: That is where you are wrong. I have no friends.

If Hitler was a tech nerd He would've written a book called my comp

You know what they say about autocorrect...'s not there when you nerd it, and it is there when you din't.

What is the difference between a nerd and a geek? What is the difference between a nerd and a geek?

What do you call me A nerd

An unpopular math nerd in school never really interacted with anyone. Some girls decided to play a prank by giving him a piece of paper saying "i <3 u".

Unfortunately, the nerd did not understand and just responded, "Assuming solving for u, u > i/3".

I'm a nerd and I just met the love of my life online. She's a girl gamer and wants to add me on fortnite, she watches all of the same anime shows as I do, and she says she'll give me a special surprise if I venmo her $30. I bet it's her fortnite username!!!

Nerd joke A programmer walks into a bar and orders 1.000000119 root beers.

The bartender says,

"I'll have to charge you extra, that's a root beer float."

So the programmer says,
"Well in that case make it a double."

Got stuck on the highway when the engine blew on the way to Comic Con. It was a nerd bus breakdown.

A nerd walks up to a hot girl "Girl you must not have been indexed by Google, because I haven't found anyone like you"

What do you call a female nerd? A ner.

Because she's a nerd with no D.

I was walking down the street after school when I saw one of the freshman’s in my senior Calculus class getting beat up by 4 dudes. So being the Good Samaritan I am, I joined in to help. That little nerd didn’t stand a chance against the 5 of us.

My computer nerd friend had a failed suicide attempt today... He wrote CTRL-X on both of his wrists

Nerd joke i saw on headphones String theory is KNOT that difficult

What do you say to a nerd that broke their arm? Wow, ***algebraic*** it?

I was a bit of a nerd in high school. Instead of chasing girls I was studying philosophy My friends always said that I put Descartes before the whores.

You know you are a Physics nerd when.... Yo mamma so fat she attracts black holes

I see your nerd joke and raise you mine A neutron walks into a bar, orders a drink and sits down. He says to the bartender "How much?". Bartender replies, "For you no charge."

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Long Nerd Jokes

A rich guy buys a new car

A rich guy buys a new car , the newest Ferrari model with the maximum speed of 400 km per hour, very proud of this new car he decides to take it
for a spin.He drives around for a while until he runs out of gas, he pulls over to the nearest gas station and fills up the car and then goes back in to the car but before he could close the door and go on his way a short nerd with glasses , white shirt , pen protector , suspenders riding a bicycle comes to his car and asks the rick guy:

-Hey nice car , can I have a ride?

The rich guys closes the door in his face and leaves.

He drives with 100 km per hour and suddenly after a couple of minutes the nerd goes blazing in front of him, overtaking the Ferrari.
The rich guy pissed accelerates and goes to 200 km and overtakes the nerd , after a couple of minutes again the nerd overtakes the Ferrari.

The rich guy accelerates again, he goes to 300 km , leaving the nerd behind , would you know after a couple of minutes the nerd overtakes the Ferrari again.

That is it , the rich guy accelerates to the maximum speed of 400 km, overtakes the nerd laughing , no way he can catch up to him now. But after a couple of minutes the nerd is blazing in front of the Ferrari like is nothing stopping him .

The rich guy pissed, pulls over, annoyed that even a bicycle can outrun him.
After a couple of moments the nerd comes to the windows , out of breath .

-Huh huh huh , g-g-g-glad you st-t-toped I had my suspenders caught in the car door.

Nerd joke.

Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing a rousing game of hide and seek. Einstein begins to count to ten. Pascal runs and hides. Newton draws a one meter by one meter square in the ground in front of Einstein then stands in the middle of it. Einstein reaches ten, uncovers his eyes, and exclaims “Newton! I found you! You’re it!” Newton replies “You didn't find me. You found a Newton over a square meter. You found Pascal!”

A nerd rides up to his friend on a new bike.

The friend asks "Wow! Where'd you get the cool bike?"

The guy replies "A beautiful blond woman rode up to me on it, then took off all her clothes, and said I could have anything I wanted!"

The friend says "Good call, dude! The clothes would never have fit!"

A nerd on a bicycle

A nerd was walking on campus one day when his friend, another nerd, rode up on an incredible shiny new bicycle. The first nerd was stunned and asked, “Where did you get such a nice bike?” The second nerd replied, “Well, yesterday I was walking home minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, ’Take what you want!’” The second nerd nodded approvingly and said, “Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn’t have fit.”

The functions were throwing a party

Sinus, cosinus and tangens were dancing like crazy. Only e^x was all alone in the corner of the room, so sinus walked to it and asked "Hey, exponential! How are you doing? Why don't you try to integrate yourself?" "I'm trying!!! But nothing happens..."

ha. ah. ah. \*cough\* _i'm a nerd :'(_

The Computer Nerd and His Apprentice

So, I have a story about a wise old computing nerd and his new technological apprentice. He wanted to tell his young child some core life morals, as well as teach about old technology.

The wise man first showed the kid a polaroid camera. The kid quickly took it, and snapped a photo, but was very confused when the picture did not immediately show. The kid did everything to the picture to try and make it develop, but it didn't speed up, and when the photo did develop, the photo was fuzzy and unreadable. The wise old man put his hand on the shoulder, and told his apprentice that "memories take a long time to form, but are very fickle."

The wise old man then showed the kid a flip phone, and the kid immediately tried to send a text, but the cell phone didn't send messages very well. He was eventually unable to send messages due to reaching a bandwidth limit. The kid seemed confused, but once again, the wise old man put his hand on the kid's shoulder, and told them that "Sometimes, it is better to say a little than it is to say a lot."

Finally, the wise old man showed the kid a fax machine, which the kid almost immediately recognized. He tried to use the built-in scanner to copy a drawing he had made earlier, but yet the scanner would not print the image. The kid began to cry. Seeing an opportunity for a very important lesson, the man told them to keep crying, if for a little bit, and try again. The kid, still distraught and confused, decided to oblige. The scanner did not print once again. The man then told the kid to stop crying, and try one more time. Of course, the scanner did not work. At this point, the kid decided to read the error in detail, and saw it was out of paper. Refilling the paper, the scan went flawlessly. The man put his hand on his shoulder of the kid, and told his apprentice that "Fax don't care about your feelings".

Nerd Season

A truck driver hauling a tractor trailer filled with computers stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar, he sees a big sign on the door reading,

“Nerds Not Allowed — Enter at Your Own Risk.”

He enters the bar and sits down. The bartender comes over to him, sniffs him, says he smells kind of nerdy, and asks him what he does for a living.

The truck driver says he drives a truck, and the smell is just from the computers he is hauling. The bartender says okay, truck drivers are not nerds,

and serves him a beer.

As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at

least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away.

The truck driver asks him why he did that. The bartender said not to worry, the nerds are overpopulating the Silicon Valley, and now they are in


“You don’t even need a license,” he said.

So the truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly, he veers to avoid an accident, and the load

shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up the

computers. They are all engineers, accountants, and programmers wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen. He can’t let them steal his whole

load. Remembering what had happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, felling several of them instantly.

A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop.

The truck driver says, “What’s wrong? I thought nerds were in season.”

“Well, sure,” says the patrolman, “but you can’t bait ‘em.”

A nerd is riding a bike on the college campus when he comes across his friend.

The friend asks, "Where did you get that awesome bike?"

"You won't believe what happened," the nerd says. "I was walking on a trail yesterday, minding my own business, when this really beautiful woman rode up to me. She threw the bike on the ground, took off all her clothes, and said '*take what you want.*'"

"Good choice," says the friend as he nods approvingly. "The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."

A nerd was walking down the sidewalk one day when his friend--another nerd--rode up on an incredible shiny new bright red bicycle.....

The first nerd was stunned by his friend's sweet ride and asked,

"WOW! Where did you get such a nice bike?"

The second nerd replied,

"Well, yesterday I was walking home,

minding my own business

when a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike.

She threw the bike to the ground,

took off all her clothes and said, '

Take what you want!'"

The second nerd nodded approvingly,

"Good choice..... The clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

A nerd went fishing and caught a very small goldfish...

She spoke with human voice to him, beging to be left alive because she is so young, and if he lets her go, she will grant him a wish. The nerd thought a litle and said "Ok, i will let you go, but don' t let me die a virgin" . This is how he gained immortality....

A nerd goes to the beach

And none of the women pay him any attention. Embarrassed, he finds a popular guy and asks him for tips.

"Try getting a better haircut."

The nerdy guy tries it, but the women still don't notice him. He asks for more tips.

"Try getting contacts and more stylish swim trunks."

The nerd follows the advice again. He can talk to the girls now, but they still aren't interested. The popular guy says:

"Ok. As a last resort, try putting a potato in your trunks. Not all girls will like it, but it'll get some attention."

The nerd tries it - but it's worse than ever before. All the girls avoid him, even wading out into the water to avoid him. So he goes back to the popular guy, and the popular guy says:

"You're supposed to put the potato in the front, stupid!!"

Man driving a truck

Transporting laptops arrives to Alabama, and decides to take a break. He wonders into a bar and orders a beer.

Then a young man with white buttoned up shirt, pencils and calculator on the pocket who's wearing glasses enters the bar.

The bartender shouts "A nerd!" and shoots him. The man asks the bartender why he did that.

"Here in Alabama nerds are pigeons, and you're allowed to shoot them"

The man finishes his beer and heads back to his truck. When he's on the road again, he sees a nerd on the road and tries to avoid crashing. Unfortunately his truck ends up tipping over and the laptops pour out of the trailer. Then a flock of nerds arrives and starts to collect the laptops.
The man remembers what the bartender told him, takes his shotgun and starts shooting the nerds.

But then sheriff pulls over and asks the man what is he doing

"Shooting these nerds to protect my cargo, I heard it's legal" he answers.

The sheriff replies: "Shooting them is legal, but it's illegal to use baits."

Nerd Joke: What's the difference between UDP and an epileptic?

Only one of them shakes hands.

I guess if you're worried about offending epileptics, you can swap out "epileptic" with "well-trained dog." I came up with this after hearing another UDP joke: "I know a great UDP joke, but you might not get it."

A Redditor competes in a rap battle..

He tosses a coin and wins but chooses to go second. His competitor makes fun of his glasses, and calls him a nerd. He insults his name and calls him "a sad little man who is desperate for attention". He also insults the his clothes and his nerd face....and then the beat stops. There's a strange silence in the air. The Redditor looks like he is smirking. His competitor is confused, "How could a nerd possibly respond to such a diss?". The insults still lingered on his tongue, his thoughts raced, and fear crept through his spine, he could somehow feel that he was going to lose. And when the Redditor gave his response, he fell on the floor, gasping and squirming, weakened to his core, as the words ringed in his ears - "No, u".

A YouTube fangirl is taking a test

Test: What did Stephen Hawking say about God?

The girl writes: There are 10 million million million million million million particles in the universe that we can observe, your mama took the ugly ones and put them into one nerd

A nerd walked into my Bio class today sipping a full martini glass...

Me: Why did you decide to bring alcohol into class??
Nerd: I needed to prove that I was more of a daredevil than I get credit for.
Me: Well what's in the glass then?
Nerd: Ahh, its a little cocktail I call the "Jellyfish".
Me: Why do you call it that?
Nerd: Because its 98% water...

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