As a child I had a medical condition where I had to eat dirt 3 times a day in order to survive Luckily my older brother told me about it
My grandfather died because the medical report said he had Type A blood. Unfortunately it was a Type-O.
Isn't it annoying when engineering students call themselves engineers? It's stupid. You don't hear medical students calling themselves doctors or arts students calling themselves baristas.
If there was a bipartisan push in Congress to legalize medical marijuana for arthritis treatment... there would be joint support for joint support for joint support.
When I die I'm going to donate my body to science. That's the only way I'll ever get into medical school.
I’m in favour of a bi-partisan agreement in Congress that medical marijuana should be allowed for the purpose of relieving arthritic pain. In other words, I’m for joint support for joint support for joint support.
It annoys me that Engineering students call themselves engineers.. You don’t hear medical students calling themselves doctors, or art students calling themselves unemployed.
When I die, I’m donating my body to science. It’s the only way I’ll ever get into medical school.
So my daughters friend came over the other day and they played house together Now I have $50k in medical bills and she thinks she has Lupus.
My asian parents are actually very supportive of my career path They let me pick which medical school I'm going to
Whenever I go out, I always wear a stethoscope. That way, in the event of a medical emergency, I can teach people a valuable lesson about assumptions.
After being in an accident that disabled both my legs...
The doctor walked in with the medical bill,
I couldn't stand to look at it.
Fred is a hippo who goes to a University where everyone is a hippo
One day, someone asked Fred where to find the medical building. Fred replied, "Its over there and to the left. I do brain research in there."
Fred is an expert on the hippocampus.
I had a medical condition when I was a child, I had to eat soil 3 times a day or I would die. Really, I was quite lucky my older brother told me about it.
I wear a stethoscope, so that in the case of a medical emergency, I can teach people a valuable lesson about assumptions.
There is now a bipartisan push to legalize medical marijuana to relieve arthiritis. In other words, there is joint support for joint support for joint support.
What's the difference between a feminist and a dentist's drill? One causes a lot of pain and makes a constant high pitched whine. The other is a useful piece of medical equipment.
Why do cats make better medical technicians than dogs? Because dogs can't operate MRI machines, but catscan.
I hate it when
I hate it when engineering students call themselves engineer.
I don't see medical students calling themselves doctor or history students calling themselves unemployed
Medical science still doesn't have a cure for premature ejaculation, but researchers say it's coming quickly.
Why are Helium, Curium, and Barium called the medical isotopes? Because if you can't helium or curium, you barium.
There's a bipartisan group petitioning for medical marijuana as an option for arthritis patients. In other words, there's joint support for joint support for joint support.
The medical code of ethics is way too strict. Apparently, I’m not allowed to marry a patient even if we’re in a consensual relationship. I’m really starting to hate being a veterinarian.
I wanted to be a gynecologist, but I failed medical school in the last semester. I was so close I could taste it.
I went to the doctor for a checkup.
A friend asked "Which doctor?"
I replied "No, a medical one."
I've started wearing a stethoscope around my neck... So, if there's a medical emergency I get to teach people a valuable lesson about making assumptions based on someone's appearance.
A scientist runs into an AA meeting...
...and exclaims "we did it! We found a medical cure for alcoholism! All you have to do is take this one pill daily and you are cured."
Slowly a hand raises in the back and a man says "what happens if you take two?"
Why are Helium, Curium and Barium called the medical elements?
Because if you can't Helium or Curium, you Barium.
(Heard it from Heimerdinger, League of Legends)
Mick: I’ve got a medical problem so I have to get circumcised...
Paddy: Wow! At 35 years old?! I was a new born baby when I was circumcised.
Mick: Did it hurt?
Paddy: Well I couldn’t walk for about 12 months
With the far right prescribing UV and sunlight for medical cures They have finally seen the benefits of solar power.
BREAKING NEWS: The leader of North Korea, Kim Jong-un, is brain-dead following an invasive medical procedure. Officials praise the regime for finding common grounds with the US.
Why does Bill Gates make for a terrible medical expert? Because he can't get rid of viruses in Microsoft either.
I think it's a bit harsh to criticise Trump for trying to ban the export of masks He's just following medical advice and trying to keep 3M away from everyone else
What's the difference between a dentist's drill and a feminist? One causes a lot of pain and makes a constant high-pitched whine and the other is a piece of medical equipment.
What do they call the guy who graduates dead last in his medical school class? "Doctor". They call him "Doctor".
This guy told me to never share my private medical information...then he went and shared my private medical information. What a HIPAA-crite.
My urologist found out I wasn't following his medical advice. He is pissed off and told me "urine trouble."
A couple is anxiously waiting to hear the results of a medical test for their unborn child. The doctor says: "I will start with the good news; Your child will always find a parking space."
I'm going to donate my body to science, and keep my dad happy... he always wanted me to go to medical school.
What do you call a Doctor who says they’ll never share your personal medical information with others, but does? A HIPAAcrite.
A buddy of mine in the medical profession recently lost his job for trying to sleep with a patient... Let me tell you, being a veterinarian isn't all it's cracked up to be.
The medical examiner’s office was told to reduce their budget. So they had to start cutting coroners
A man lied about his medical condition.
When he went to the x-ray operator, he was told that nothing is wrong with him.
Later that day someone asked him,"how did you know?"
The operator replied,"I could see right through him."
Isn't it annoying when engineering students call themselves engineers? It's stupid. You don't hear medical students calling themselves doctors or art students calling themselves baristas.
As an employee in the health care industry, I make it a point to keep up with all the latest medical news. Just the other day I read about a man who had the entire left side of his body amputated. After that, he was alright.
Why did Kevin Hart have such a short stay in the hospital? He has the money to pay for adequate medical service
So sad! It's so sad that after all he has been through kevin hart will face fines on top of the medical bills. If only he had been in the proper booster seat! ( Mr. Hart if you read this, I wish you a speedy recovery. Prayers for you and your family!)
A guy goes to his doctor to ask for his Medical Test Results.
\-Are my result in, doctor? The wait is killing me.
\-Well... it's not the only thing killing you
An engineering professor is ranting to his class one day He says "I hate when engineering students call themselves 'engineers', you don't hear medical students calling themselves 'doctors', or art students calling themselves 'unemployed'
GP: You have too much sugar in your diet. I recommend swapping desserts for appetisers. They’re much better for you nutritionally.
Patient: Ugh do I have to?
GP: Doctor’s hors d’oeurves.
A blonde has sharp pains in her side...
She goes to the hospital. The doctor examines her and says, "You have acute appendicitis."
The blonde says, "That's sweet, doc, but I came here to get medical help."
I got a letter with my medical results today The bad news is that i’m dyslexic, but the good news is that they found a big humor inside me.
Medical advances these days are absolutely crazy. They've found ways to activate taste buds in people who were born without the sense. Surprisingly most people don't like it at first. Its an acquired taste.
Medical joke (short) Scientists have found the gene that makes people shy. They found it hiding behind another gene.
A group of doctors were getting frustrated while discussing their failing medical practice... ...they were unfortunately running out of patience.
I have 3 children and I have never, nor will I ever vaccinate them The simple act of it alone is reckless and exposes my children to so many potential dangers. I have no medical training whatsoever and would rather let their doctor do it instead.
I don’t vaccinate my child. That would be extremely irresponsible. I pay someone with medical training vaccinate him.
What do you call it when an ambulance crashes into the side of a hospital? A medical breakthrough...
A man goes for a medical check up for his new job. He told his doctor not to be alarmed because he has 5 penises.
Doctor : how does your pant fit?!??
Man : like a glove
When I was young I decided to go to medical school. At the entrance exam we were asked to rearrange the letters PNEIS to form the name of an important body part. Those who said spine are doctors today. The rest of us went to flight school.