Medical Jokes

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Funniest Medical Jokes

Funny Medical Jokes
Score: 10869

As a child I had a medical condition where I had to eat dirt 3 times a day in order to survive Luckily my older brother told me about it

Score: 5566

My grandfather died because the medical report said he had Type A blood. Unfortunately it was a Type-O.

Score: 3786

Isn't it annoying when engineering students call themselves engineers? It's stupid. You don't hear medical students calling themselves doctors or arts students calling themselves baristas.

Score: 3434

If there was a bipartisan push in Congress to legalize medical marijuana for arthritis treatment... there would be joint support for joint support for joint support.

Score: 1076

When I die I'm going to donate my body to science. That's the only way I'll ever get into medical school.

Score: 1034

Don't vaccinate your children! Let a trained medical professional do it!

Score: 783

I’m in favour of a bi-partisan agreement in Congress that medical marijuana should be allowed for the purpose of relieving arthritic pain. In other words, I’m for joint support for joint support for joint support.

Score: 728

It annoys me that Engineering students call themselves engineers.. You don’t hear medical students calling themselves doctors, or art students calling themselves unemployed.

Score: 488

When I die, I’m donating my body to science. It’s the only way I’ll ever get into medical school.

Score: 259

Do not vaccinate your children! Let a trained medical professional do it instead.

Score: 195

So my daughters friend came over the other day and they played house together Now I have $50k in medical bills and she thinks she has Lupus.

Score: 173

My asian parents are actually very supportive of my career path They let me pick which medical school I'm going to

Score: 159

What doesn't kill you cripples you with medical debt.

Score: 147

I got accepted into Harvard's medical program I just have to die first and give them my body

Score: 130

Whenever I go out, I always wear a stethoscope. That way, in the event of a medical emergency, I can teach people a valuable lesson about assumptions.

Score: 117

After being in an accident that disabled both my legs... The doctor walked in with the medical bill,

I couldn't stand to look at it.

Score: 109

There's an actual medical term for when your foot falls asleep. It's called 'coma toes'

Score: 96

Fred is a hippo who goes to a University where everyone is a hippo One day, someone asked Fred where to find the medical building. Fred replied, "Its over there and to the left. I do brain research in there."

Fred is an expert on the hippocampus.

Score: 81

I wear a stethoscope, so that in the case of a medical emergency, I can teach people a valuable lesson about assumptions.

Score: 74

There is now a bipartisan push to legalize medical marijuana to relieve arthiritis. In other words, there is joint support for joint support for joint support.

Score: 62

I think medical marijuana is really good... ... for joints.

I'll see myself out.

Score: 57

What's the difference between a feminist and a dentist's drill? One causes a lot of pain and makes a constant high pitched whine. The other is a useful piece of medical equipment.

Score: 57

Why do cats make better medical technicians than dogs? Because dogs can't operate MRI machines, but catscan.

Score: 56

I hate it when I hate it when engineering students call themselves engineer.
I don't see medical students calling themselves doctor or history students calling themselves unemployed

Score: 55

Why are Helium, Curium, and Barium called the medical isotopes? Because if you can't helium or curium, you barium.

Score: 49

There's a bipartisan group petitioning for medical marijuana as an option for arthritis patients. In other words, there's joint support for joint support for joint support.

Score: 48

What do you call a medical student who graduates last in his class? Doctor

Score: 42

If I photoshopped a medical license Would that be a doctored image?

Score: 41

What's the medical term for a chill pill? A relaxative

Score: 39

I wanted to be a gynecologist, but I failed medical school in the last semester. I was so close I could taste it.

Score: 33

I failed medical school for the same reason I failed English class Improper: Colon placement

Score: 15

Mischievous medical student. A notoriously mischievous student in medical college was up to his usual tricks. This time he went to his professor.

Student: 'How long can a man survive without a brain, sir? '
Professor: 'I don't know really'.... 'How old are you? '

Score: 6

A guy is opening a donut shop next to a medical marijuana shop... He’s calling it “Glazed and Confused”.

Score: 5

What do you call a black person with a medical degree? A doctor, you racist

Score: 4

What do you call a Doctor who says they’ll never share your personal medical information with others, but does? A HIPAAcrite.

Score: 4

What is the ironic part of medical school? It's bad for your health.

Score: 4

I got kicked out of medical school for inappropriate behaviour with the cadavers I wasn’t a student. They just asked me to leave the property

Score: 4

My uncle got a vasectomy, but couldn't afford to pay the medical bill... So the finance company came to his house and knocked up my aunt.

Score: 4

I got really bad sunburn after falling asleep on my stomach at the beach... I wanted emergency medical attention but 911 never returned my call. I guess they put it on the back burner.

Score: 4

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New Medical Jokes

Isn't it annoying when law students call themselves judges? It's moronic. You don't hear medical students calling themselves doctors or arts students calling themselves baristas.

Score: 1

My friends wife deals in medical claims for a gastroenterologist. thats right., she prossess toots.

Score: 1

My uncle is in medical school. Being studied.

Score: 1

Antivaxxers now think medical freedom from having needles stuck in them is akin to the second amendment. They want the right to bare arms.

Score: 0

What's the difference between Pakistan and Iraq? Only about $5 in terms of medical bills.

Score: 0

When we were at a medical check-up, I asked my 9-year-old nephew why he wanted my phone. "An apple a day keeps the doctor away," he said.

Score: 1

When we were at a medical appointment, I asked why my 9-year-old nephew wants my phone. "An apple a day keeps the doctor away," he said.

Score: 2

you do not need to seek medical equipment upon being stabbed by a remorseful pen dis pen sorry

Score: 1

What do you call a duck that went to medical school? A DUCKtor

Score: 2

My cousin has Coprophagia. He has had this issue for years. My mother wants him to get a medical marijuana card, but I don't think its a good idea. He may get the munchies.

Score: 1

He failed out of medical school Guess he couldn’t make the cut.

Score: 1

My friend is an eager medical student. When it comes to volunteering on his gynaecology residency, He’s always the first to put his hand up.

Score: 1

So West Virginia recently legalized medical marijuana... I guess that you could say it was almost heaven.

Score: 1

My grandmother is an inspiration! At 84 years old she went to medical school. She's a cadaver.

Score: 3

My horse broke it's leg and my dad told me to shoot it... Now my horse has a broken leg and a gunshot wound.

Thanks Dad, those medical bills are gonna go through the roof.

Score: 1

What a doctor must have. I asked a medical student once, what he thought would be the one thing that makes a doctor who they are.

He responded with: "A doctor must have patients".

Score: 1

A lot of people think the medical drama "House" is funny.... but I think it Hugh-Laurie-ious!

Score: 1

Do you know what they call the person who graduates last in their class at medical school? Doctor.

Score: 3

I got shocked by lighting the other day! I told the doc I was worried about medical expenses. He said not to worry I won't be charged.

Edit: I'm on mobile, autocorrect got me. Disregard spelling mistake in title!

Score: 2

What did people start calling the medical school that allowed animals to study medicine? The hippocampus.

Score: 1

What do you call a person who got straight "D's" in medical school? A Doctor.

Score: 1

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