Medical Jokes


Funniest Medical Jokes

Funny Medical Jokes
Score: 10869

As a child I had a medical condition where I had to eat dirt 3 times a day in order to survive Luckily my older brother told me about it

Score: 5566

My grandfather died because the medical report said he had Type A blood. Unfortunately it was a Type-O.

Score: 3786

Isn't it annoying when engineering students call themselves engineers? It's stupid. You don't hear medical students calling themselves doctors or arts students calling themselves baristas.

Score: 3434

If there was a bipartisan push in Congress to legalize medical marijuana for arthritis treatment... there would be joint support for joint support for joint support.

Score: 1076

When I die I'm going to donate my body to science. That's the only way I'll ever get into medical school.

Score: 1034

Don't vaccinate your children! Let a trained medical professional do it!

Score: 783

I’m in favour of a bi-partisan agreement in Congress that medical marijuana should be allowed for the purpose of relieving arthritic pain. In other words, I’m for joint support for joint support for joint support.

Score: 728

It annoys me that Engineering students call themselves engineers.. You don’t hear medical students calling themselves doctors, or art students calling themselves unemployed.

Score: 488

When I die, I’m donating my body to science. It’s the only way I’ll ever get into medical school.

Score: 259

Do not vaccinate your children! Let a trained medical professional do it instead.

Score: 195

So my daughters friend came over the other day and they played house together Now I have $50k in medical bills and she thinks she has Lupus.

Score: 173

My asian parents are actually very supportive of my career path They let me pick which medical school I'm going to

Score: 159

What doesn't kill you cripples you with medical debt.

Score: 147

I got accepted into Harvard's medical program I just have to die first and give them my body

Score: 130

Whenever I go out, I always wear a stethoscope. That way, in the event of a medical emergency, I can teach people a valuable lesson about assumptions.

Score: 117

After being in an accident that disabled both my legs... The doctor walked in with the medical bill,

I couldn't stand to look at it.

Score: 109

There's an actual medical term for when your foot falls asleep. It's called 'coma toes'

Score: 96

Fred is a hippo who goes to a University where everyone is a hippo One day, someone asked Fred where to find the medical building. Fred replied, "Its over there and to the left. I do brain research in there."

Fred is an expert on the hippocampus.

Score: 81

I wear a stethoscope, so that in the case of a medical emergency, I can teach people a valuable lesson about assumptions.

Score: 74

There is now a bipartisan push to legalize medical marijuana to relieve arthiritis. In other words, there is joint support for joint support for joint support.

Score: 62

What's the difference between a feminist and a dentist's drill? One causes a lot of pain and makes a constant high pitched whine. The other is a useful piece of medical equipment.

Score: 57

I think medical marijuana is really good... ... for joints.

I'll see myself out.

Score: 57

Why do cats make better medical technicians than dogs? Because dogs can't operate MRI machines, but catscan.

Score: 56

I hate it when I hate it when engineering students call themselves engineer.
I don't see medical students calling themselves doctor or history students calling themselves unemployed

Score: 55

Why are Helium, Curium, and Barium called the medical isotopes? Because if you can't helium or curium, you barium.

Score: 49

There's a bipartisan group petitioning for medical marijuana as an option for arthritis patients. In other words, there's joint support for joint support for joint support.

Score: 48

What do you call a medical student who graduates last in his class? Doctor

Score: 42

If I photoshopped a medical license Would that be a doctored image?

Score: 41

What's the medical term for a chill pill? A relaxative

Score: 39

What do you call a sarcastic canine medical professional? A dog, duh.

Score: 36

I wanted to be a gynecologist, but I failed medical school in the last semester. I was so close I could taste it.

Score: 33

I've started wearing a stethoscope around my neck... So, if there's a medical emergency I get to teach people a valuable lesson about making assumptions based on someone's appearance.

Score: 32

My uncle always believed that "Between duct tape and WD-40 you can fix just about anything." I still can't believe it took seven years before he lost his medical license.

Score: 24

I always assumed you took off your pants during a prostate exam But apparently that's "not appropriate for a medical professional".

Score: 23

My doctor got sick so I grabbed his medical bag, but he refused to let me treat him He did not like the taste of his own medicine

Score: 23

Isn't it annoying when engineering students call themselves engineers? You dont see medical students calling themselves doctors, or arts students calling themselves baristas

Score: 20

When I was a little girl, I had a unique medical condition that required me to eat play-doh three times a day to survive. I was very lucky that my older brother informed me about it and made sure I did it, or I might not be here today.

Score: 18

I'm Devastated. After 7 years of medical training a good freind of mine has been struck off after one minor indiscretion. He Slept with one of his patients. He was a really nice guy, and a Brillant Vet

Score: 15

Why do Jews make the best doctors? Because if they give you six months to live and you can't afford to pay your medical bills before then they'll give you another six months.

Score: 13

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New Medical Jokes

What is the medical diagnosis for a dog that has gone insane? They’re considered barking mad

Score: 2

Isn't it annoying when law students call themselves judges? It's moronic. You don't hear medical students calling themselves doctors or arts students calling themselves baristas.

Score: 1

I think it's a bit harsh to criticise Trump for trying to ban the export of masks He's just following medical advice and trying to keep 3M away from everyone else

Score: 3

My uncle is in medical school. Being studied.

Score: 1

Antivaxxers now think medical freedom from having needles stuck in them is akin to the second amendment. They want the right to bare arms.

Score: 0

What's the difference between Pakistan and Iraq? Only about $5 in terms of medical bills.

Score: 0

When we were at a medical check-up, I asked my 9-year-old nephew why he wanted my phone. "An apple a day keeps the doctor away," he said.

Score: 1

When we were at a medical appointment, I asked why my 9-year-old nephew wants my phone. "An apple a day keeps the doctor away," he said.

Score: 2

What do you call a duck that went to medical school? A DUCKtor

Score: 2

A fat man goes for a medical check-up. Doctor: "If that stomach was on a woman she'd have to be pregnant"

Man: "It was, and she is"

Score: 1

Mischievous medical student. A notoriously mischievous student in medical college was up to his usual tricks. This time he went to his professor.

Student: 'How long can a man survive without a brain, sir? '
Professor: 'I don't know really'.... 'How old are you? '

Score: 6

In medical school, you really do learn something new every day... ...for instance, today I learned that it's inappropriate to refer to infertile people as "seedless".

Score: 3

My uncle got a vasectomy, but couldn't afford to pay the medical bill... So the finance company came to his house and knocked up my aunt.

Score: 4

What do you call an eeve that went through medical school? A Surgeon

Score: 3

I got kicked out of medical school for inappropriate behaviour with the cadavers I wasn’t a student. They just asked me to leave the property

Score: 4

A guy is opening a donut shop next to a medical marijuana shop... He’s calling it “Glazed and Confused”.

Score: 5

So this new little person turned up at my company today with his medical form explaining his condition. He’d joined with a short notice

Score: 5

President Trump's announces his new medical care act It's called "Single Prayer".

Score: 2

What do you call a doctor who passed medical school with the lowest grade? Doctor

Score: 1

At my university the only way to have a mini-fridge in my room is to have a medical condition... Apparently being an alcoholic doesn't qualify...

Score: 2

(For medical people) Knock, Knock! Who is there?


Hipaa who?

I can't tell you.

Score: 1

Do you know why they call Helium Curium and Barium the three medical elements? Because if you can't helium, or curium, you barium! :D

Score: 9

What do you call a black person with a medical degree? A doctor, you racist

Score: 4

MAN: Give it to me straight, I dying? DOC: *looking at medical chart* "Everyone's dying."

MAN: "Well yes, but what about me specifically?"

DOC: *Looks up* "You're, like, the Usain Bolt of dying."

Score: 5

What do you get when you fuse a short man and a tall woman? Your medical licence revoked, sicko.

Score: 10

I don't understand why my coworkers get so upset when I joke about medical issues. Yesterday I made one about multiple sclerosis... and that *really* got people bent out of shape.

Score: 3

Medical question? My dad said he is going in for a hip he having surgery or am I getting a cool new dad?

Score: 7

At a medical check up Do you do dangerous sports?

Well, sometimes I talk back at my wife.

Score: 3

I always wanted to be a drug dealer But I had trouble getting into medical school

Score: 6

Chicken A chicken was recently admitted to Medical School, thanks to its handwriting

Score: 7

I once woke up in the middle of an operation. It nearly cost me my medical licence.

Score: 7

So West Virginia recently legalized medical marijuana... I guess that you could say it was almost heaven.

Score: 1

What is the road to madness called by medical specialists? A psycho path.

Score: 1

Knock, Knock Joke For Medical Professionals. Knock, Knock

Who's there?


Hipaa who?

I can't tell you.

Score: 1

Test for entry into medical school The only question in the medical entrance exam: Arrange the following letters to form an important human body part.


The ones who answered SPINE are doctors now.

Score: 1

What medical condition are elderly bats most afraid of? Incontinence.

Score: 5

*A man is trying to prove his innocence in court* Defendant: "Please your honour, I don't have a single bad bone in my body"

Prosecutor: "Well according to your medical exam it appears you have osteoporosis"

Judge: "Guilty"

Score: 5

What do you call the person who graduated last in their class from medical school? Doctor

Score: 4

My grandmother is an inspiration! At 84 years old she went to medical school. She's a cadaver.

Score: 3

My horse broke it's leg and my dad told me to shoot it... Now my horse has a broken leg and a gunshot wound.

Thanks Dad, those medical bills are gonna go through the roof.

Score: 1

What a doctor must have. I asked a medical student once, what he thought would be the one thing that makes a doctor who they are.

He responded with: "A doctor must have patients".

Score: 1

A lot of people think the medical drama "House" is funny.... but I think it Hugh-Laurie-ious!

Score: 1

What's better than a pair of Emerency Medical Technicians? A paramedic(s)!

Score: 4

Do you know what they call the person who graduates last in their class at medical school? Doctor.

Score: 3

What did people start calling the medical school that allowed animals to study medicine? The hippocampus.

Score: 1

What do you call a person who got straight "D's" in medical school? A Doctor.

Score: 1

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