People always ask where I got my incredibly detailed tattoo done, but they never believe me when I tell them Spain. Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision.
I always say muchos to spanish people It means a lot to them
I've finally worked out why Spain is so good at football. Nobody expects the Spanish in position.
Who wears a red suit and knows if you were naughty or nice? The Spanish Inquisition.
Who wears a red suit, and knows if you are naughty or nice? The Spanish Inquisition
My company got bought out by a Madrid based firm today. Everyone seemed surprised.
Nobody expects the Spanish Acquisition
What do you call a group of confused Spanish speaking racists? The ¿Qué Qué Qué?
My uncle runs a clinic inside a hotel in Spain
He come out late at night to ring people's doorbells.
Because nobody suspects The Spanish Inn Physician
People always ask where I got my incredibly detailed tattoo done, but they never believe me when I tell them Madrid. Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision.
Spanish Dad Joke
Dad: Son what are you drinking?
Son: Soy Milk
Dad: Hola Milk, me llamo Dad
My neighbour's 4-year-old has been learning Spanish since lockdown. He still can't say "please" though, which I think is poor for four.
My Spanish teacher taught me the word for "Transgender" I asked him if the word is masculine or feminine
What is the longest word in the Spanish language? Goooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllllllllllllllll
My company got bought out by a Madrid based firm today. Really blind-sided everyone. Nobody expected the Spanish Acquisition.
People always ask where I got my incredibly detailed tattoo done, but they never believe me when I tell them Spain Nobody ever expects the Spanish ink precision.
People are always amazed at the skilled tattoo artists in Spain. No one expects the Spanish ink precision
A cop pulled over a spanish photon...
The cop asked, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
The photon said, "c."
Whenever I'm asked "What happened in 1492?", people are always surprised by my answer. Nobody expects "The Spanish Inquisition".
In a huge lecture hall once I only had four international students turn up - English, French, Spanish and German. I asked if they could all see me. They said... Yes, Oui, Si, Ja
So my Spanish teacher told me to turn in my essay I told her I ain't no snitch
I saw a Spanish magician last night.. he said "uno, dos.." And then he disappeared without a tres
"Uno, dos..." And just like that, the Spanish magician was gone without a tres.
My 4-year-old nephew has been learning Spanish since lockdown. He can’t say ‘please’ which I think is poor for four
People are amazed at how good the tattoo artists are in Spain........
They weren't expecting the Spanish ink precision
A Spanish magician was showing a trick..
"For my next trick, I'll disappear into thin air. Uno, dos."
And he vanished without a tres!
A blonde tells her friend
"I completed a jigsaw puzzle in record time!"
"No way! How long did it take you?" Replied her friend
"That cannot be a record time!'
" Well the box said from 1 to 3 years"
Sorry for bad English, original was in Spanish
My friend is so rich He thought Manual labor was a Spanish musician
What do you call a spanish child molester? A Pedrophile.
A spanish magician ... A spanish magician gets on stage and says "I will disappear in 3 seconds." He counts: "Uno, Dos." And he disappeared without a tres.
A Spanish magician is at a party
He begins his trick for the birthday girl, grabbing a handful of magic sprinkle dust. He then begins to count, "uno, dos," POOF.
He disappeared without a tres.
A Spanish magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of three... He says, "Uno, Dos..." and poof, he's gone. He disappeared without a tres.
Interviewer: Name one of your accomplishments
Applicant:Well I discovered aliens, outside my house and managed to learn their language.
Interviewer:That seems rather complicated...
Applicant:Well Spanish isn't hard to learn sir.
A priest, a rabbi and penguin walk into a bar IT'S THE SPANISH INQUISITION!
The most well known person in the world Some Spanish guy named "Manual"... A copy of his autobiography, printed in multiple languages, comes free with every electronic device or machinery... although much of his life story is lost in translation.
I went to see Don Quixote at the theater yesterday and there was a short break in the middle of the play. We didn't know it would happen, no one expected the Spanish intermission.
I know a Spanish comedian who specialises in short jokes. His name's Juan Lina.
Why did the Spanish Psychopath only kill on trains? Because he had a locomotive
An English speaker, a French speaker, a Spanish speaker, and a German speaker are in a park...
... when a man stands up on a table in front of them and asks if they can see him.
They all nod and say:
What do you call a Spanish peeping tom? Señor Boobies.
What do Spanish people call leftover beef? Reincarne
What do you call a Pakistani Prostitute in Spanish? LaHore
Why does Trump love to talk about sport in Spanish? Because the Spanish for sport is "deporte".
A manager was telling his Spanish waiter to put the cutlery on the trays. The waiter didn’t understand so the manager, becoming frustrated said “ON THOSE TRAYS” The waiter replied “no no no it’s uno dos tres”
How does Milk introduce its self in Spanish? Soy Milk
I was at a restaurant that serves traditional Spanish food. I was shocked to see that they serve clamari, and with the squid's ink! No one expects the Spanish ink cuisine!
In America, what is the difference between optimists and pessimists? Optimists are learning Spanish, while pessimists are learning Arabic.
A Spanish guy went to a concert in America. He was arrested for running onto the stage in the middle of a song. He told the police that he thought they wanted him up there because the drummer had shouted his name and then "Two, Three!" before a song.
Four generations ago, my family left Puerto Rico to come to the mainland in hopes of finding a better life. Though they spoke little English, they learned enough to survive and provide for their families. I just dropped out of Spanish 102.
What did the Spanish Monk say to break up with his girlfriend? No mas stay.
Yesterday, my family asked me if I could speak some Spanish for them I said "No".
Catalonia declared independence. What now? Everybody expects the Spanish imposition.
A Spanish madman recently bombed a train station... Everybody's saying he had loco motives.
Why did the Spanish police wake up and arrive early? So they could beat the crowd
Why was the spanish train engineer being accused of murder? He had a locomotive.
I got in trouble at an airport for reporting an unsupervised foreign object... Apparently, they're not talking about Spanish children that can't find their parents.
Why did the Spanish kill off the Incans? Because they were an Incanvenience...
What do you call a Spanish midget? A paragraph. He's just too small to be an Essay.
How do you say "you only live once" in Spanish? cholo
I know just enough Spanish... To embarazar myself.
What do you call a Spanish king in Africa? Juan man to rule Jamal.
Why is Spain so good at football (soccer)? Because no one expects the Spanish in position!
English speakers yell "yes" or "yeah" when excited. Spanish speakers yell "sí".... ...French speakers sound like they're going down rollercoasters.
I brought one of those records that helps you learn spanish while you sleep,
during the night the needle skipped and the next day i could only stutter in spanish.
-Steven Wright (i think)
Wanna hear something in Spanish? Algo
If a teacup holds tea and a coffee cup holds coffee then what does a peecup hold? Three Mexicans, a lawn mower, two leaf blowers and a half dozen rakes will fit in a peecup (pickup with Spanish accent).
What did the Mexican Mobster say when asked if he knew how to say "yes" in Spanish? Yeah, Sí.
Why do all spanish like shellfish? Because it's Si-food...
What did the Spanish photon say when it had finally had enough of being the electromagnetic force carrier? No mas.
What do you call two Spanish guys playing basketball ? Juan on Juan
My father teaches biology and Spanish..
Him: Ok, who can tell me what these are?
Me: (Raises hand) Soy Beans!
Him: Much gusto, Beans! Me llamo Dad.
What do you call a Spanish footballer with no legs? Gracias
What did the Spanish teach say to the student that couldn't roll his "R"s? Nothing, she just rolled her "I"s.
Why was the spanish conductor arrested? He had some loco motives
Why is Ubisoft the worst gaming company in France? Punchline only included in the season pass! Preorder now and get one of 26 randomly chosen bonus characters! 27th character included in Spanish version only.
A British man, a French man, a Spanish man, and a German man are walking through the streets when they see a performer.
The performer asks if the can all see him.
They respond, "Yes" "Oui" "Si" "Ja"
How does a spanish condiment identify itself? Soy sauce
Spanish sausage is pretty bad, but... German sausage is just the wurst
Thanks to the Internet Everybody expects the Spanish Inquisition.
A man is on a cargo boat A man is on a cargo boat. He says to his Spanish wife "is that a snail?" but she says "no, escargot."
What's the fastest animal in the world? The Spanish government worker. The job ends at 3 and he's home by 2.
If you teach a man to cast a net. He will be a hit at Spanish parties!
Maybe if we all emailed the constitution to each other... The Spanish Inquisition.
What did the Spanish tourist say when he saw a prostitute after arriving in Pakistan? Lahore
What do you call a spanish cow with no back legs? Gracias
We're doing Spanish jokes now?
My buddy told me this one:
¿Como se cambie el sexo de un burro?
Enciérralo en un cuarto hasta que se aburra.
Why did the Spanish guy rob a train? He had a *loco*-motive
I didn't know whether to use ser or estar.... I didn't expect the Spanish indecision
The NATO battleplan began to fall apart just as the battle started. All the nations troops were in the planned positions. However what no one expected was the Spanish in-position.
My teacher yelled at me for saying "black paint." Apparently, in Spanish class we're supposed to say "pintura negra."
Have you ever considered the possibility that soy milk... is just regular milk introducing itself in Spanish?
Was fixing the AC in our apartment and he could only speak spanish.
As my wife complained that he could only speak spanish he suddenly sneezed.
My wife said "At least he sneezes in english"
Some people say I have a very short attention spanish is a very beautiful language.
Who is Santa Claus?
Because if in Spanish, "Santo" or "San" is used for male saints...
(San Francisco, San Diego)
And "Santa" is used for female saints...
(Santa Monica, Santa Barbara)
Wouldn't that make Santa Claus transsexual?
A Spaniard moves to Canada. After his flight lands, he goes to get some dinner.
He orders pork. A local asks him why.
>"Por qué?" is Spanish for "Why?". It also sounds like "Pork, eh?" which the local (Canadian) says.
TIL the name of dinner in spanish and it's name is LA CENA!
How would a Spanish person describe a photon? No mas.
What did the Spanish firefighter name his twin sons? Jose and Hose B
I have a good joke about a Spanish name... But it isn't this Juan.
My grandma speaks Spanish and it's hard to understand what she is saying so I've decided to read her body language... But the only thing I've been able to come up with, is that she wants to go back to Mexico, because everything is hanging south.