Canada Jokes

Contents

Funniest Canada Jokes

Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole. I just thank my lucky stars I live in Canada.

Edit: Sorry.

Score: 35246

One day, Canada will become a superpower and take over the whole world Then you'll all be sorry

Score: 13407

What borders stupidity? Mexico & Canada


Edit: Wow, people can't take a joke....


Edit 2: Ayy nice flair

Score: 4245

Build the wall Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption, and stupidity I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole.

I just thank my lucky stars I live in Canada.

Score: 2829

Canada's starting a space program to send a spaceship to the moon They're calling the spaceship Apollo-G.

Score: 2318
Funny Canada Jokes
Score: 2072

One day Canada will rule the world Then you'll all be sorry

Score: 1710

One day Canada will take over the world. Then we'll all be sorry.

Score: 936

Electing Trump would really strengthen our dollar Sincerely,
Canada

Score: 432

What borders stupidity? Canada and Mexico.

Score: 347

Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole. I just thank my lucky stars I live in Canada.

Score: 301

50% of Canada Is the letter A

Score: 298

My grandfather survived both the Hiroshima and Nagasaki bombings Being in Canada helped.

Score: 288

I just found out Canada isn’t real Turns out it was all just mapleleaf

Score: 279

Your favorite drink must be ginger ale..... cause you leave every girl in Canada Dry.

Score: 240

What do Saudi Arabia and Canada have in common? In both countries, it's legal to get stoned.

Score: 230

People are always saying Americans are fat, violent, and above all else, stupid But every time I see one of those statistics maps about how terrible we are, there's this little country on the northwest border of Canada that's just as bad as we are.

Score: 228

Two clowns are running for public office... It's funny for me though because I live in Canada.

Score: 216

My neighbor is loud and obnoxious Now I know how Canada feels

Score: 214

One day Canada will conquer the world. Everybody will be sorry.

Score: 214

In Canada, we don't call the homeless homeless... We call them "three seasoners".


They don't make it through the fourth.

Score: 204

How much of northern Canada is livable? *Nunavut*

Score: 192

How did they name Canada? They picked letters out of a hat: C eh, N eh, D eh.

Score: 131

Why are Canadians always over qualified for jobs in the US? Because zero degrees in Canada is the same as 32 in the States.

Score: 130

What's Canada's intelligence agency called? The C.I. Eh

Score: 118

People should not move to Canada because of Trump They should go to Mexico, then at least there will be a wall between them and Trump.

Score: 113

One day Canada will rule the world And we'll all be sorry!

Score: 108

Our country needs a border wall. South of the border is nothing but criminals, disgusting people, and entitled people and their government does nothing about it. Just to be clear, I live in Canada.

Score: 107

I love summer in Canada! It's my favorite day of the year!

Score: 90

You may not believe that today is Canada's 150th Birthday... It's Trudeau...

Score: 90

What's Canada's spy agency? The CI, eh?

Score: 58

One day canada will conquer the world And then you'll all be sorry

Score: 41

Some day Canada will rule the world. Then you'll all be sorry.

Score: 40

My new neighbour is fat, obnoxious and loud... Now I know how Canada feels

Score: 30

"Y'know with all the civil unrest, political corruption, class divides, drug smuggling, gang wars, police brutality, gun violence, and poor education maybe building a wall to protect us from our southern neighbors isn't such a bad idea" \- Canada

Score: 29

My neighbours are really obnoxious and crass So now I know how Canada feels...

Score: 25

Winter is like Justin Bieber It was cute and fun at first, but now it's obnoxious and should probably stay in Canada.

Score: 17

The founding fathers of Canada are sitting in front of a map filling in names for cities... Pierre: "I suppose the capital there should have a name, too, me."

Gaton "ought to, uh?"

Score: 13

How will Donald Trump create 25 millions jobs? By having 25 million people move to Canada.

Score: 10

I don't care what anybody says but everybody below the border are a bunch of violence loving drug addicted ungrateful idiots I live in Canada by the way

Score: 10

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New Canada Jokes

What does Canada have against America? Unfortunately, a southern boarder.

Score: 0

Canada is testing a vaccine for the Coronavirus... I heard it’s made from lime.

Score: 0

Immigration custom asks Jose: What can you do in Canada? Jose: “can nada”?

Score: 1

People sometime ask me what brought my family to Canada I tell them my dad was just stationed here during the Vietnam war

Score: 3

They say the president of Canada does not like to dress up like a black person. But it's Trudeau.

Score: 2

What's the difference between an Alaskan and a Canadian? We haven't conquered the rest of Canada yet.

Score: 0

How did they decide on the spelling of Canada? They pulled letters out of a hat

"C", eh?
"N", eh?
"D", eh?

Score: 1

humour and beverage There was this Irishman who saw an advertising sign that said "Drink Canada Dry" so he went

Score: 2

What’s it called when your three amigos are headed to Canada but there’s a border wall and the U.S. to get through? Trespassing

Score: 5

It only takes 3 letters to spell Canada C, eh, N, eh, D, eh

Score: 4

Did you hear about the legal brothel in Canada? "Yeah I hear all the girls are real dolls."

Score: 1

I was crossing the border from USA to Canada, and the border patrol Mountie asked me if I had any guns. I said, “what do you need?”

Steve Wright gets credit

Score: 2

Most people done believe me when I tell them Canada's Prine Minister as well as many Canadians can't pronounce the "th" sound when speaking in english, but ... ... it's Trudeau.

Score: 0

Justin Bieber is like winter. Kind of cute and exciting in the beginning, but after its all said and done you wish he would have stayed in Canada.

Score: 5

My redhead friend named Albert drinks Canada Dry every day I call him Ginger Al

Score: 5

What's the difference between the types of Indians who live in Canada? One type moves to Canada and opens up restaurants, the other type already have reservations.



:v

Score: 6

With all of these Muslims coming into Canada Racisim is suddenly a lot more complicated, it's not so black-and-white anymore.

Score: 3

I saw a sign that said "Drink Canada Dry" Just finished the Maritimes, now I'm making my way west

Score: 1

What's my favorite part of Canada? Nunavut, really.

Score: 2

Chinese guy at work says... Canada's national food is hot dogs in front of Canadian Tire

Score: 1

If USA invaded Canada, Russia would save them... Because they've got poutine!

Score: 4

What does America have which Canada doesn't have? A good neighbour.

Score: 3

What is Canada's favorite game? Sorry!

Score: 2

Why are there no knock knock jokes about Canada? Unfortunately, I do not have the answer to this. I am extremely sorry. Please feel free to join me for some maple syrup while thinking about the upcoming hockey season!

Score: 1

Why are there no knock knock jokes about Canada? Because everyone is welcome in.

Score: 7

You get to choose between visiting Canada's largest territory, or all the provinces together. It's either all of it or Nunavut

Score: 2

What's the difference between Justin Trudeau and a baker? While a dozen can go from 12 to 13, it's the other way around for the regions of Canada.

RIP ALBERTA

Score: 2

If your in Canada and need the Canadian Police Just have an argument without saying "Please", "Thank you", or "Sorry".


Sorry.

Score: 3

How was the name Canada chosen? C, eh? N, eh? D, eh?

Score: 2

Here is a Canada day joke! How do you get 50 rowdy drunk Canadians out of a pool? You ask them to please get out of the pool.

Score: 8

I noticed in Canada websites end in .ca, in the U.S. with .com. I'm willing to wager that in Russia it ends with -cam.

Score: 2

what's the speed limit in Canada? 10 km over

Score: 1

How do Canadians spell "Canada"? C. Eh! N. Eh! D. Eh!

Score: 2

An American guy was pulled over on a highway in Canada... The cop said "Do you know how fast you were going?!"

The American guy said "I'm not sure why you're even pulling me over, but yes, I was doing 110 - just like the speed limit sign says."

Score: 3

To name Canada, they just pulled letters out of a hat. C eh,

N eh,

D eh.

Score: 3

Quebec, Canada is currently experiencing record breaking flooding It's a good thing frogs can swim

Score: 10

What language do they speak in Canada? Ehnglish.

Score: 1

I have heard that the PM of Canada has a pet moose... Is it Trudeau?

Score: 1

Winter is like the Justin Bieber of seasons It's cute and exciting when it first starts out but then it gets obnoxious and should stay in Canada.

Score: 3

Canada got its name by accident. Originally it was called canad.

But every time someone asked how to spell it.

"That's easy C-A-N-A-D, eh".

Score: 2

What do you call a witty man in Canada? A tourist.

Score: 3

What borders obesity? Mexico and Canada

Score: 8

How did they come up with the name Canada? They put all the letters in a bag, then drew them one at a time. "Its a C, eh its an N, eh, its a D, eh."

Score: 5

Border crossing I was driving back to Canada with my family when we came to the border. After a short wait in line, we get to the guard booth, and he asks if I have anything to declare. With a sigh, I turn to my wife and say, "Honey, I want a divorce."

Score: 3

In what world does 75 cents equal a dollar? Canada.

Score: 3

Donald Trump and Justin Trudeau run a 100-meter race... Trudeau easily overtakes Trump and wins.

Minutes later, the White House tweets a press note:

"President Trump won prestigious silver in US-Canada race. The Canadian showed up second-to-last."

Score: 5

The weather in Canada is like a dubstep It's so nice and warm, but all of a sudden it it d-d-d-drops the tempº

Score: 3

Why is the music award show in Canada called the Junos? Because everytime someone wins, everyone goes "Juno who that is?"

Score: 1

TIL now the country of Canada got its name! The government got a bag of scrabble letters and decided they would name their country after the first letters they pulled out! According to historical records it went like this:

"C ay, N ay, D ay..."

Score: 2

What do you call a Asian born in Canada Ehsian

Score: 7

Why was the Newfie excited when he heard Quebec might leave Canada? It wouldn't take him as long to drive to Toronto

Score: 5

Canada has the Canadian goose, what does Jamaica have? The mongoose.

Score: 1

Dear Canada, as a thank you for sending us Justin Bieber We are sending you Miley Cyrus, Whoopie Goldberg and Rosie O'Donnell

Score: 1

If Trump wins, why should you move to Mexico instead of Canada? Because there'll be an actual wall keeping you from Trump

Score: 2

Why I hated my trip to Canada It was a nice country, but as soon as I saw the flag is just wanted to *leaf*

Score: 2

What do you call Justin Bieber's singing? Canada Dry.

Score: 4

A Spaniard moves to Canada. After his flight lands, he goes to get some dinner. He orders pork. A local asks him why.

EDIT:

>"Por qué?" is Spanish for "Why?". It also sounds like "Pork, eh?" which the local (Canadian) says.

Score: 2

What's the capital of British Columbia, Canada? [Removed]

Score: 1

Whats the difference between my super hot girlfriend and Canada? Canada is real.

Score: 2

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