Bread Jokes

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Funniest Bread Jokes

Funny Bread Jokes
Score: 15888

At the zoo I noticed a slice of toast in one of the enclosures. I asked the keeper, 'How did that toast get into the cage?'

'It was bread in captivity' she replied.

Score: 7420

I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him.. Guess that's what I get for buying a pure bread dog...

Score: 4290

I can't take my dog to the park anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. Guess that's what i get for buying a pure bread dog.

Score: 2190

What do Giants and Strippers have in common? Grinding men’s bones to make their bread

Score: 1563

Did you guys know that the Soviet Union made the best bread in history? People would wait days in line for a single piece

Score: 1122

What do you call a game where Germans throw bread at each other Gluten tag

Score: 994

A programmer goes to do groceries. His wife tell him:

-- Buy a loaf of bread, and if they have eggs, buy a dozen.

He comes back with thirteen loaves of bread.

-- But why?, she asks.

-- They had eggs.

Score: 956

Inventor displays the first knife ever. His friend, "that's the greatest invention since bread"
Inventor, "well I'm about to blow your mind"

Score: 743

I went to a French zoo There was a baguette in a cage, so I asked the keeper what that was about and apparently it was bread in captivity. (All credit to the wife for that one)

Score: 507

A toast Wife at the dinner table: Please toast some bread for me.
The lazy husband raised his wine glass and said, "To bread."

Score: 410

A wife sends her programmer husband to the grocery store for a loaf of bread... On his way out she says "and if they have eggs, get a dozen". The programmer husband returns home with 12 loaves of bread....

Score: 387

I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. I guess that's what I get for getting a pure bread dog.

Score: 378

"Back in the day," my grandfather started to say, "you could walk into a grocery store with 2 dollars in your pocket, and walk out with a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs, and a bit of butter as well."

"But today," he continued, "wherever you go - there are cameras."

Score: 340

I went to the zoo today and saw a bagel locked up in a cage. Apparently it was bread in captivity.

Score: 327

I went to the zoo and saw a baguette in a cage I guess you could say it was bread in captivity

Score: 322

The soviet union actually made the best bread in the world. People would stand in line for days just to get a piece of it.

Score: 304

Just back from the zoo. Saw a slice of toast lying in one of the enclosures. It was bread in captivity.

Score: 300

I went to the zoo the other day and saw a baguette in a cage. The zookeeper told me it was bread in captivity

Score: 283

Does anyone else feel that white bread is superior? Or am I just breadjudiced?

Perfect day for a dad joke. Happy Fathers Day, folks!

Score: 273

An inventor shows his friend the first knife ever. His friend says, “Wow! That’s the best thing since bread.”


The inventor says, “Well, I’m about to blow your mind.”

Score: 254

A programmer's wife A programmer's wife says: "go to the store and get a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen."
He returns with 12 loaves of bread.

Score: 252

Why do all hotdogs look the same? Because they are in bread.

Score: 238

I went to the zoo and saw a piece of toast in a cage. The sign said "Bread in captivity".

Score: 233

A programmer goes on a walk A programmer goes on a walk. Before he leaves the house his wife tells him: "While you are outside, please buy some bread."

He never returned.

Score: 224

You order one pizza You love it.

Next time you order a pizza and a garlic bread.

Before you know it, your eating pizzas for every meal, and you get withdrawal symptoms if you don't get one.

That's the domino effect.

Score: 206

Two homeless dudes sit on a park bench One askes the other: Did you bring bread for the pigeons?
The other replies: No, I eat them without the bread.

Score: 199

My dad's bread factory burnt down Now his business is toast

Score: 190

My wife came home with four cases of beer, three boxes of wine, two bottles of whiskey and two loaves of bread. "Are we expecting guests?" I asked.

"No," she replied.

"Then why did you buy so much bread?"

Score: 190

When German children play a game involving touching each other with bread... it's called gluten tag.


I'll show myself out.

Score: 177

What do you call a red-haired baker? The ginger bread man

Score: 131

A Software Programmer is going to the store..... His wife says "get a loaf of bread, and if they have eggs, get a dozen."
The guy comes back with 12 loaves of bread.
His wife says "why did you get so much bread?"
He says, "they had eggs.

Score: 81

What do people from Alabama have in common with yeast? They're both in bread

Score: 63

A programmer’s wife sends him to the store and says “get some bread, and while you’re there pick up some eggs.”

The programmer never returns.

Score: 54

What's the difference between imitation bread and the Canadian prime minister? One is fake dough, the other is Trudeau.

Score: 46

What do peanut butter and prostitutes have in common? They both spread for bread.

Score: 27

What do Southerners have in common with peanut butter? They are both usually in bread.

Score: 24

Does anyone else love thick sandwiches with three slices of bread and two layers of filling? We should make a club.

Score: 24

Just came from the zoo and I saw some toast in one of the enclosures. It was bread in captivity.

Score: 13

“Back in the day,” my grandfather would say, “You could go into a grocery store with $2 in your pocket, and walk out with a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs, and some butter as well....” "But today, they got cameras everywhere!"

Score: 13

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New Bread Jokes

What do you call bread jokes? Buns

Score: 3

While at the bakery, I couldn't figure out why this one loaf of bread was so much more expensive than the others... ...I asked the baker and he said, "Because that one is pure bread."

Score: 1

Why does the french hate bread ? because it's pain to them.

Score: 2

I went to a zoo and saw a baguette in a cage. It's so sad to see them bread in captivity

Score: 1

I attended the compulsory gender studies class at my school yesterday. Learnt that if we had a slice of bread for every gender there was... we would have a sandwich.

Score: 1

Today I had German Toast for breakfast. It’s like French Toast, but the white bread is more pure.

Score: 1

My girlfriend asked me why I work at the bakery if I hate it so much... I told her it's because I knead the bread.

Score: 3

My bread is up in the sky but, I'll have it again! What crumbs up, must crumb down.

Score: 1

Some will argue that tortillas taste better than Afghan bread but that's naan of my business

Score: 1

Bread can't greet people. But some say gluten tag

Score: 2

What did Ancient Israelite Soccer Moms make for their families? Bamanna bread!

Score: 1

What’s a health conscious hippie use to make their toast? Grainful Bread

Score: 2

Why are people that work at bread factories so rich? Because the make lots of bread

Score: 1

They say the Soviet Union had the best Bread! It was so good, people waited on line for hours to get some.

Score: 7

Why was the guy mad that he couldn't get any bread? He was lack toast intolerant.

Score: 3

When I was a kid, my parents used to give me 10c and I would have to go down to the shop. I would get a pack of Potato’s, a bunch of bananas, 5 loafs of bread and a bottle of beer. But of course, you can’t do that anymore as most stores have security cameras.

Score: 8

I went to an Indian restaurant and asked the server if there were any bread options... He said, “Sorry sir. We have naan.”

Score: 9

A Hamburger in the Sovjet union Two bread coupons with a meat coupon in the middle.

Score: 3

What do you call a Scottish millionaire? A ginger bread man.

Score: 2

A boy enters the Bakery and asks for a loaf of bread, the lady at the counter than asks if he wants it whole or sliced. The boy replies “doesn’t matter, I’ve got my bike out the front”.

Score: 2

The programmer's wife tells him: "Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen." The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread

Score: 0

A programmer's wife tells him: "Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen." The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.

Score: 0

A programmer's wife tells him to buy a loaf of bread, she also said that if there are eggs, get a dozen The programmer returns home with 12 loaves of bread.

Score: 12

Did you hear about the baker who was trapped by genetics He was in-bread.

Score: 2

What do you use to make pickle bread? Dill Dough

Score: 1

I'm writing a song about the evolution of bread, but it's not finished... ..anyway, it starts on dough.

Score: 1

A main goes to the supermarket He gets one bread, one milk, one cucumber and on tomato, the cashier says: "you're single right?" the man responds: "yeah, how did you know? " the cashier: "you're ugly"

Score: 2

If a brother and sister get together and have twins, the twins should be named Peanut Butter and Jelly. Because they are in bread.

Score: 1

What did the streetfood vendor say to the wholesaler, when asked why the bread tasted old and dry?


"That's Naan of your business!"

Score: 0

Why is pickle flavored bread so satisfying? Because it's made with a dill dough.

Score: 5

What is the mathematician’s favourite type of bread Integral bread

Score: 2

My girlfriend cooked bread for too long. She asked me if it was still good in my opinion... I told her nah, it's toast

Score: 1

A woman asked her programmer husband to go and pick up some bread, and if there were eggs, to get a dozen. So he came home with 12 loaves of bread.

Score: 4

They should make dogs out of flour, yeast and hot watter Because then they'd be
*pure bread*

Score: 0

It's no surprise that the French surrendered to the Germans When even your bread is pain, you want as little as possible.

Score: 0

What do you call a witty loaf of bread? Pun

Score: 2

What did the pigeon say to the baker who stopped feeding his family bread in the morning? Coup coup!

Score: 2

What do you call a red-haired baker? Ginger bread man

Score: 2

Why is bread on a baby goose the same as a hollywood movie star? they are both rye on gosling

Score: 2

Why did the fungi bring beer and bread to the party? It was the yeast he could do.

Score: 2

Did you hear about the red head who worked at the bakery? His friends called him the ginger bread man.

Score: 4

A king asks his servents: "What is Japan's favorite bread?" "Definitely not Naan, king."

Score: 1

Why are peanut butter and jelly retarded? They're in-bread

Score: 2

I want to open a bread shop in a gym. I'll call it "Sick Grains"

Score: 1

Bakers have a weird way of trading bread recipes. Its done on a knead to know basis. Gotta get the dough somehow

Score: 5

I've been dating this lady who is gluten free... Problem is, we go to a deli, she asks, "do you want to split a sandwich." I say, "sure" and then I'm just left with the bread.

Score: 5

What's a type of bread that flys off the shelf? A plain bagel!

Score: 0

I'll have an Italian BMT on Cheddar bread with everything but lettuce. A squirt of mayo and yellow mustard too please. Oops. Wrong sub.

Score: 7

What does mime use to cut to cut bread? A charaded knife.

Score: 3

How do you greet a slice of bread in Germany? Gluten tag! Ba-dum tss.

Score: 1

What's the main ingredient when making pickle bread? Dill dough.

Score: 2

What's another name for a loaf of pickle bread? Dilldough!

Score: 3

What do pimentos, raisins, and people from Arkansas have in common? When you find one, it's usually in bread

Score: 6

I really hate people who never have bread for breakfast... You can say I'm lack toast intolerant

I'll ^see ^^myself ^^^out

Score: 9

What does a prostitute and mayonnaise have in common? They both spread for bread.

Score: 8

What do sanwiches and rednecks have in common? They're in bread.

Score: 0

What did the German bread say to the crackers? Gluten Tag!

Score: 2

What do you call a red headed baker? The ginger bread-man.

Yuckyuck.

Score: 2

What do you call pickled bread? Dill-dough

Score: 8

What do you call a red-head that works at a bakery? A ginger bread man.

Score: 12

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