At the zoo I noticed a slice of toast in one of the enclosures.
I asked the keeper, 'How did that toast get into the cage?'
'It was bread in captivity' she replied.
I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him.. Guess that's what I get for buying a pure bread dog...
I can't take my dog to the park anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. Guess that's what i get for buying a pure bread dog.
What do Giants and Strippers have in common? Grinding men’s bones to make their bread
Did you guys know that the Soviet Union made the best bread in history? People would wait days in line for a single piece
What do you call a game where Germans throw bread at each other Gluten tag
goes to do groceries. His wife tell him:
-- Buy a loaf of bread, and if they have eggs, buy a dozen.
He comes back with thirteen loaves of bread.
-- But why?, she asks.
-- They had eggs.
Inventor displays the first knife ever.
His friend, "that's the greatest invention since bread"
Inventor, "well I'm about to blow your mind"
I went to a French zoo There was a baguette in a cage, so I asked the keeper what that was about and apparently it was bread in captivity. (All credit to the wife for that one)
Wife at the dinner table: Please toast some bread for me.
The lazy husband raised his wine glass and said, "To bread."
A wife sends her programmer husband to the grocery store for a loaf of bread... On his way out she says "and if they have eggs, get a dozen". The programmer husband returns home with 12 loaves of bread....
I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. I guess that's what I get for getting a pure bread dog.
"Back in the day," my grandfather started to say,
"you could walk into a grocery store with 2 dollars in your pocket, and walk out with a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs, and a bit of butter as well."
"But today," he continued, "wherever you go - there are cameras."
I went to the zoo today and saw a bagel locked up in a cage. Apparently it was bread in captivity.
I went to the zoo and saw a baguette in a cage I guess you could say it was bread in captivity
The soviet union actually made the best bread in the world. People would stand in line for days just to get a piece of it.
Just back from the zoo. Saw a slice of toast lying in one of the enclosures. It was bread in captivity.
I went to the zoo the other day and saw a baguette in a cage. The zookeeper told me it was bread in captivity
Does anyone else feel that white bread is superior?
Or am I just breadjudiced?
Perfect day for a dad joke. Happy Fathers Day, folks!
An inventor shows his friend the first knife ever.
His friend says, “Wow! That’s the best thing since bread.”
The inventor says, “Well, I’m about to blow your mind.”
A programmer's wife
A programmer's wife says: "go to the store and get a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen."
He returns with 12 loaves of bread.
Why do all hotdogs look the same? Because they are in bread.
I went to the zoo and saw a piece of toast in a cage. The sign said "Bread in captivity".
A programmer goes on a walk
A programmer goes on a walk. Before he leaves the house his wife tells him: "While you are outside, please buy some bread."
He never returned.
You order one pizza
You love it.
Next time you order a pizza and a garlic bread.
Before you know it, your eating pizzas for every meal, and you get withdrawal symptoms if you don't get one.
That's the domino effect.
Two homeless dudes sit on a park bench
One askes the other: Did you bring bread for the pigeons?
The other replies: No, I eat them without the bread.
My dad's bread factory burnt down Now his business is toast
My wife came home with four cases of beer, three boxes of wine, two bottles of whiskey and two loaves of bread.
"Are we expecting guests?" I asked.
"No," she replied.
"Then why did you buy so much bread?"
When German children play a game involving touching each other with bread...
it's called gluten tag.
I'll show myself out.
A Software Programmer is going to the store.....
His wife says "get a loaf of bread, and if they have eggs, get a dozen."
The guy comes back with 12 loaves of bread.
His wife says "why did you get so much bread?"
He says, "they had eggs.
What do Southerners have in common with peanut butter? They are both usually in bread.
Just came from the zoo and I saw some toast in one of the enclosures. It was bread in captivity.
“Back in the day,” my grandfather would say, “You could go into a grocery store with $2 in your pocket, and walk out with a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs, and some butter as well....” "But today, they got cameras everywhere!"
What do you call a red-head that works at a bakery? A ginger bread man.
I went to an Indian restaurant and asked the server if there were any bread options... He said, “Sorry sir. We have naan.”
When I was a kid, my parents used to give me 10c and I would have to go down to the shop. I would get a pack of Potato’s, a bunch of bananas, 5 loafs of bread and a bottle of beer. But of course, you can’t do that anymore as most stores have security cameras.
My wife is unhappy with my new bread baking hobby. Seems she wants to be the only sour, doughy thing in my life.
What does one German bread says to the other? Gluten Tag!
What do pimentos, raisins, and people from Arkansas have in common? When you find one, it's usually in bread
I threw some Jewish bread at my marshmallow chicks Challah at my peeps
Whenever someone mentions a Jellyfish, everyone says “What about a peanut butter fish?” Dumbasses forgot about the bread fish
What do you call bread jokes? Buns
While at the bakery, I couldn't figure out why this one loaf of bread was so much more expensive than the others... ...I asked the baker and he said, "Because that one is pure bread."
How does a mixed martial artist make Rye bread? With Judo
I went to a Zoo in France the other day and all they had was a Baguette in a Cage... It was bread in captivity.
I don’t like my girls the way I don’t like my bread. Flat.
What happens when you put a witch inbetween 2 bread pieces and sprinkle it with sand? A Sandwich
I attended the compulsory gender studies class at my school yesterday. Learnt that if we had a slice of bread for every gender there was... we would have a sandwich.
Today I had German Toast for breakfast. It’s like French Toast, but the white bread is more pure.
My girlfriend asked me why I work at the bakery if I hate it so much... I told her it's because I knead the bread.
My bread is up in the sky but, I'll have it again! What crumbs up, must crumb down.
Some will argue that tortillas taste better than Afghan bread but that's naan of my business
Most people agree tortillas are better than Afgan bread but that's naan of my business
Bread can't greet people. But some say gluten tag
Why are the bakers kids stupid? Because they are in bread!
What did Ancient Israelite Soccer Moms make for their families? Bamanna bread!
What’s a health conscious hippie use to make their toast? Grainful Bread
Why are people that work at bread factories so rich? Because the make lots of bread
Why was the guy mad that he couldn't get any bread? He was lack toast intolerant.
What did the german say when he wanted to chase someone with a piece of bread?
I've said this joke so many times to my friends I get to "do you wanna" and they just stop me
A Hamburger in the Sovjet union Two bread coupons with a meat coupon in the middle.
What do you call a Scottish millionaire? A ginger bread man.
What do you call a sandwich who’s parents are siblings? In-Bread
A boy enters the Bakery and asks for a loaf of bread, the lady at the counter than asks if he wants it whole or sliced. The boy replies “doesn’t matter, I’ve got my bike out the front”.
In Whining, Truth Kellyanne Conway walks into the Red Hen for dinner. She's about to butter her bread, when she summons over the waiter. She asks, "Do you have any margarine?" The waiter replies, "Sorry, we don't have any alternative fats"
I grew up in the small town of Sandwich... Born and bread.
I'm writing a song about the evolution of bread, but it's not finished... ..anyway, it starts on dough.
A main goes to the supermarket He gets one bread, one milk, one cucumber and on tomato, the cashier says: "you're single right?" the man responds: "yeah, how did you know? " the cashier: "you're ugly"
If a brother and sister get together and have twins, the twins should be named Peanut Butter and Jelly. Because they are in bread.
What did the streetfood vendor say to the wholesaler,
when asked why the bread tasted old and dry?
"That's Naan of your business!"
My girlfriend cooked bread for too long. She asked me if it was still good in my opinion... I told her nah, it's toast
A woman asked her programmer husband to go and pick up some bread, and if there were eggs, to get a dozen. So he came home with 12 loaves of bread.
They should make dogs out of flour, yeast and hot watter
Because then they'd be
It's no surprise that the French surrendered to the Germans When even your bread is pain, you want as little as possible.
have you heard the joke about the fresh bread? well it's pretty stale by now
What's the highest paying job in ethiopia? The machine gunner in the back of the bread truck
What does the man with celiac's disease say when he talks about his continued love of bread products? I'm a gluten for punishment.
I got takeout Indian food and realized when I got home that they forgot about the bread. It was a naan issue.
What do two sibling bakers create at night? In-bread.
Why did the fungi bring beer and bread to the party? It was the yeast he could do.
Did you hear about the red head who worked at the bakery? His friends called him the ginger bread man.
A king asks his servents: "What is Japan's favorite bread?" "Definitely not Naan, king."
I've been dating this lady who is gluten free... Problem is, we go to a deli, she asks, "do you want to split a sandwich." I say, "sure" and then I'm just left with the bread.
What's a type of bread that flys off the shelf? A plain bagel!
What does mime use to cut to cut bread? A charaded knife.
What do sanwiches and rednecks have in common? They're in bread.
What did the German bread say to the crackers? Gluten Tag!