Hilarious Bread Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Bread Jokes

Score: 15888

At the zoo I noticed a slice of toast in one of the enclosures. I asked the keeper, 'How did that toast get into the cage?'

'It was bread in captivity' she replied.

Score: 7420

I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him.. Guess that's what I get for buying a pure bread dog...

Score: 4290

I can't take my dog to the park anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. Guess that's what i get for buying a pure bread dog.

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What do Giants and Strippers have in common? Grinding men’s bones to make their bread

Score: 1563

Did you guys know that the Soviet Union made the best bread in history? People would wait days in line for a single piece

Score: 1122

What do you call a game where Germans throw bread at each other Gluten tag

Score: 994

A programmer goes to do groceries. His wife tell him:

-- Buy a loaf of bread, and if they have eggs, buy a dozen.

He comes back with thirteen loaves of bread.

-- But why?, she asks.

-- They had eggs.

Score: 956

Inventor displays the first knife ever. His friend, "that's the greatest invention since bread"
Inventor, "well I'm about to blow your mind"

Score: 743

I went to a French zoo There was a baguette in a cage, so I asked the keeper what that was about and apparently it was bread in captivity. (All credit to the wife for that one)

Score: 507

A toast Wife at the dinner table: Please toast some bread for me.
The lazy husband raised his wine glass and said, "To bread."

Score: 410

A wife sends her programmer husband to the grocery store for a loaf of bread... On his way out she says "and if they have eggs, get a dozen". The programmer husband returns home with 12 loaves of bread....

Score: 387

I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. I guess that's what I get for getting a pure bread dog.

Score: 378

"Back in the day," my grandfather started to say, "you could walk into a grocery store with 2 dollars in your pocket, and walk out with a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs, and a bit of butter as well."

"But today," he continued, "wherever you go - there are cameras."

Score: 340

I went to the zoo today and saw a bagel locked up in a cage. Apparently it was bread in captivity.

Score: 327

I went to the zoo and saw a baguette in a cage I guess you could say it was bread in captivity

Score: 322

The soviet union actually made the best bread in the world. People would stand in line for days just to get a piece of it.

Score: 304

Just back from the zoo. Saw a slice of toast lying in one of the enclosures. It was bread in captivity.

Score: 300

I went to the zoo the other day and saw a baguette in a cage. The zookeeper told me it was bread in captivity

Score: 283

Does anyone else feel that white bread is superior? Or am I just breadjudiced?

Perfect day for a dad joke. Happy Fathers Day, folks!

Score: 273

An inventor shows his friend the first knife ever. His friend says, “Wow! That’s the best thing since bread.”

The inventor says, “Well, I’m about to blow your mind.”

Score: 254

A programmer's wife A programmer's wife says: "go to the store and get a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen."
He returns with 12 loaves of bread.

Score: 252

Why do all hotdogs look the same? Because they are in bread.

Score: 238

I went to the zoo and saw a piece of toast in a cage. The sign said "Bread in captivity".

Score: 233

A programmer goes on a walk A programmer goes on a walk. Before he leaves the house his wife tells him: "While you are outside, please buy some bread."

He never returned.

Score: 224

You order one pizza You love it.

Next time you order a pizza and a garlic bread.

Before you know it, your eating pizzas for every meal, and you get withdrawal symptoms if you don't get one.

That's the domino effect.

Score: 206

Two homeless dudes sit on a park bench One askes the other: Did you bring bread for the pigeons?
The other replies: No, I eat them without the bread.

Score: 199

My dad's bread factory burnt down Now his business is toast

Score: 190

My wife came home with four cases of beer, three boxes of wine, two bottles of whiskey and two loaves of bread. "Are we expecting guests?" I asked.

"No," she replied.

"Then why did you buy so much bread?"

Score: 190

When German children play a game involving touching each other with bread... it's called gluten tag.

I'll show myself out.

Score: 177

A programmer's wife tells him to go to the store She says 'buy a loaf of bread, if they have eggs, buy a dozen."
He comes home with 12 loaves of bread

Score: 145

A wife sends her programmer husband to the store for bread. As he's leaving, she says, "if they have eggs, get a dozen."

He comes home with 12 loaves of bread

Score: 139

What do you call a red-haired baker? The ginger bread man

Score: 131

In which part of the bread factory do lobsters work? The crust station.

Score: 92

A Software Programmer is going to the store..... His wife says "get a loaf of bread, and if they have eggs, get a dozen."
The guy comes back with 12 loaves of bread.
His wife says "why did you get so much bread?"
He says, "they had eggs.

Score: 81

How do you start an Ethiopian rave? Tape a piece of bread to the ceiling.

Score: 65

A guy walks into a bakery He buys bread, and the baker asks if he'd like his bread bagged in paper or plastic. The guy replies, "Baguette however you want".

Score: 56

A programmer’s wife sends him to the store and says “get some bread, and while you’re there pick up some eggs.”

The programmer never returns.

Score: 54

How do you start a Somali rave? Tape a piece of bread to the ceiling

Score: 53

If Italian bread is Italian bread, and French bread is French bread, what do you call southern bread Inbred

Score: 49

New Bread Jokes

“Back in the day,” my grandfather would say, “You could go into a grocery store with $2 in your pocket, and walk out with a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs, and some butter as well....” "But today, they got cameras everywhere!"

Score: 13

They say the Soviet Union had the best Bread! It was so good, people waited on line for hours to get some.

Score: 7

I baked a dog shaped dough in a local baking competition It was pure-bread.

Score: 5

When I was a kid, my parents used to give me 10c and I would have to go down to the shop. I would get a pack of Potato’s, a bunch of bananas, 5 loafs of bread and a bottle of beer. But of course, you can’t do that anymore as most stores have security cameras.

Score: 8

What does one German bread says to the other? Gluten Tag!

Score: 7

My wife is unhappy with my new bread baking hobby. Seems she wants to be the only sour, doughy thing in my life.

Score: 7

I went to an Indian restaurant and asked the server if there were any bread options... He said, “Sorry sir. We have naan.”

Score: 9

Just came from the zoo and I saw some toast in one of the enclosures. It was bread in captivity.

Score: 13

What do you get when you stack 52 loaves of bread? A deck of carbs.

Score: 35

I want to be a baker My great grandfather was a baker, my grandfather was a baker and my dad was a baker.

I was bread for this.

Score: 6

Why did the loaf of bread lack manners? It wasn't raised right!

Score: 7

I’ve heard one beer = 7 slices of bread I ate a whole loaf and I’m not drunk yet.
Did I do it wrong?

Score: 6

There was this really hot guy on the beach when I was in Mexico, so I brought him some Jewish bread. He gave me a weird look, subsequently turned me down...and I don't understand *why.*

*I just wanted to challah at a Playa.*

^I'm ^sorry

Score: 7

Why didn't the president of India do anything about the bread shortage? It was a naan-issue

Score: 7

TIL you can make a gyro by folding a crepe in half instead of pita bread. But you don't have to do it this way. Because not all gyros wear crepes

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How does a German bread greet you in the morning? Gluten tag!

Score: 5

What's the highest paying job in ethiopia? The machine gunner in the back of the bread truck

Score: 5

Ever heard about the bread theif that always has a headache? He's got my grains.

Score: 9

Did you hear the two slices of bread broke up? I wonder rye.

Score: 6

What do you call the smell of Indian bread? Naanscents

Score: 8

If you ever get into an argument with a girl and she pulls a knife, Pull out ham, bread, and mayo. Instincts will kick in and she will make you a sandwich.

Score: 11

The programmers shopping list The programmer's wife sent him to the grocery store.

"Hun, I need you to buy a loaf of bread, if they have eggs, buy a dozen.." she says.

Programmer comes home with 12 loafs of bread.

Score: 5

I think the phrase, "My body is a temple" is completely untrue... I don't know about other people, but my body is like a Catholic Church It's full of wine, bread and guilt.

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Wife says to her programmer husband, "Go to the store and buy a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, buy a dozen." Husband returns with 12 loaves of bread.

Score: 5

What do Southerners have in common with peanut butter? They are both usually in bread.

Score: 24

My body is like a temple... More like a Catholic church. Full of wine, bread, and guilt.

Score: 12

What's the difference between imitation bread and the Canadian prime minister? One is fake dough, the other is Trudeau.

Score: 46

Why do hillbillies like sandwiches? They're in bread

Score: 16

Bread is classified information! It's on a knead-to-dough basis.

Score: 7

Tried to order bread at an Indian restaurant They told me they had naan left

Score: 29

What's a programmer's least favorite bread? NaN bread

Score: 28

Why are all sandwich fillers related? Because they're in bread.

Score: 7

What do you call a charity that gives bread to the poor? A naan-profit!

Score: 12

Having a baby in the south is like yeast... Y'know, cause it's in-bread.

Score: 16

Got fired from the bread factory last week Now I am out of dough and I just spend my time loafing around. Tough times, no matter how you slice it.

Score: 10

When I was a kid - My mum used to send me to the corner shop of our street with a ten-bob note, and for that I'd bring back 6 eggs, 2 bottles of milk, a loaf of bread, 5lb of potatoes and a packet of sweets for me. Trouble is, you can't do that today.....

Too many cameras.

Score: 22

A wife's programmer husband goes to the store... She tell him "Buy some bread. Oh, and while you're there, get eggs."

He never came back.

Score: 8

What is the favorite appetizer of scottish people? Gaelic Bread

Score: 5

Bakers have a weird way of trading bread recipes. Its done on a knead to know basis. Gotta get the dough somehow

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What kind of bread does Matthew McConaughey eat? All rye all rye all rye!

Score: 18

What would be the title of the TV series covering 'The Last Supper'? Breaking Bread.

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How do you start an Ethiopian rave? Glue bread to the ceiling

Score: 39

Today is Bread day... I would like to propose a toast.

Score: 15

My Gran fell asleep last night with a cigarette in her hand. That woman was the best thing since sliced bread. Now she’s toast.

Score: 33

How do you start a rave in Africa? You glue a piece of bread to the roof.

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If Christians have the Daily Bread, what do Buddhists have? The Daily Lama

Score: 5

What's the difference between gluten and hillbillies? One's inbred, the others in bread

Score: 5

I've been dating this lady who is gluten free... Problem is, we go to a deli, she asks, "do you want to split a sandwich." I say, "sure" and then I'm just left with the bread.

Score: 5

The programmer's wife tells her husband: "Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. if they have eggs, get a dozen."

The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.

Score: 7

How do they package bread at the bakery? They baguette.

Score: 29

The next person who tells me a bread joke.. is toast.

Score: 5

How are Joeffrey Baratheon and wheat related? They're both in-bread.

Score: 9

When I was your age, my mom sent me to the store with a quarter and I came back with a loaf of bread, a bottle of milk, and a newspaper. But you can't do that anymore because there's too many surveillance cameras.

Score: 17

LPT: Dont buy French bread You will get nothing but Pain

Score: 19

What's a redneck's favorite type of bread? Inbred

Score: 8

What is dill bread made from? Dill dough.

Score: 11

How do you start a rave in Ethiopia? Staple a piece of bread to the ceiling

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What do pimentos, raisins, and people from Arkansas have in common? When you find one, it's usually in bread

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I'm going to open a restaraunt called pantera bread It will be similar to panera bread, but the food we serve will be much heavier

Score: 30

What do you call a red-head that works at a bakery? A ginger bread man.

Score: 12