Yoga Jokes

Contents

Funniest Yoga Jokes

Funny Yoga Jokes

A girl asked me if I wanted to join her in yoga at 6 am I told her, "namaste in bed".

Men need to stop staring and yelling at me when I wear yoga pants. I'm not doing it for you. I'm doing it for me, because it's comfortable... Who cares if you can see my balls?

Three things that never lie..... Little kids, drunk people, and yoga pants

I just signed up for a yoga class.... "How flexible are you" asked the instructor

I said "I can't do Tuesdays"

Men need to stop staring and yelling at me when I wear yoga pants. I'm not doing it for you, I'm doing it because it's comfortable. Who cares of you can see my balls?

90% of the women that wear yoga pants dont do yoga And 100% of men dont care.

I didn't believe my friend who told me yoga would fix my posture I now stand corrected

What did the son reply when his mother asked if he needed a drive to his yoga class? "Nah, ma, stay"

What did the hillbilly yoga instructor say to his mom who was about to leave? Naw ma, stay!

I asked my friend if she wanted to do yoga in the park? "In this heat?" She said, "Namaste at home"

Why do deaf guys like women in yoga pants? They can read lips

Rules for wearing animal print yoga pants: 1. Weigh less than the animals they represent

2.

3.

Doing the splits I told my yoga instructor I wanted to be able to do the splits. She asked how flexible I was. I told her I couldn't come on Tuesdays.

Why do deaf guys love chicks in yoga pants? Cos they can read their lips.

My yoga teacher said that downward dog will take one to a place of spiritual revelation. That's a big stretch.

I asked my yoga teacher if he was going to go home from the studio right after class, He said: Namaste.

A yoga teacher was murdered... ...they're saying it was premeditated.

My doctor suggested yoga to reduce stress. I told her that sounded like a stretch.

I call yoga pants mumbles I can see the lips but I can't hear a damn thing

My girlfriend wanted me to go to yoga with her the other day. I waved her off and said "Nah 'ma stay."

What did the yoga instructor tell his landlord when he tried to evict him? Namaste

What do you call a Filipino yoga instructor? A Manila Folder.

What do you call an injury you get at yoga class? Yoghurt.

This morning my wife asked me if I would like to yoga class with her... Namaste in bed.

My dad said if he practiced yoga long enough he could pick up a pencil with his toes. He then proudly mentioned he would be writing footnotes.

I applied for a job as a yoga teacher "Are you flexible?"

"Well I can't do tuesdays."

My yoga instructor was really drunk yesterday... ...which put me in an awkward position.

An estimated 70% of women who wear yoga pants don’t do yoga. An estimated 100% of straight men do not care.

Yoga class instructor: Welcome. Uhh why are you carrying a lightsaber? Me: Misread the brochure I have.

A yoga joke! What did the yogi say to his friends when they asked him to leave?

"Nah I'ma stay"

I asked a yoga teacher if she could teach me to do the split.... she said “ how flexible are you ?”

I said “I can’t do Tuesdays and Thursdays”

My girlfriend asked me if I wanted to go do yoga with her. I said, "Namaste right here."

They say the inventor of yoga pants had comfort in mind But I like to think he had posterior motives.

How does a yoga instructor turn down an invite? Namaste home tonight.

What did T-Rex say after doing yoga for the first time? dinosore

Why is it easy to arrange for private yoga classes with a teacher? They are flexible.

What is a pirate's favourite yoga pose? The plank!

My yoga instructor said I could start her class at 3pm or 4pm. She was very flexible.

What did the yoga instructor say when asked if she wanted to leave the party? Namaste

Popular Topics

New Yoga Jokes

I've invented a new yoga position, called "the taco". **To do it, you roll over onto the remote for your adjustable bed while you're asleep.**

Would you consider doing yoga as “working out?” Yeah.

Hmmm that seems like a stretch to me.

I’m writing a book about an Australian Shepherd dog who, against all odds, opened up his own yoga studio. The title: Downward Underdog.

My wife caught me performing an action scene from The Matrix, but luckily she thought I was doing yoga exercise.. I just dodge a bullet

My wife asked me to get off the couch and go to yoga with her I told her, namaste.

What does a yoga instructor say after being asked to leave? Na-ma-ste

During a hot and sweaty yoga session, a femur and a humerus got real close. What did the humerus say to the femur? “Quite the trochanter”.

I'm trying to make a joke about yoga It's not really working out


Sorry, that was kind of a stretch

What do you call someone doing yoga with the flu? Sick and twisted.

What did the yoga instructor say when they decided to not actually get divorced after all? Nah’immastay together!

What did the yoga instructor say when the blackjack dealer asked him if he wanted another card? Namaste

I appreciate my yoga instructor She really bends over backwards for me

What did the yoga teacher told the gal that asked her if she'd like to grab a drink after class? Nah, must stay.

What did the yoga teacher say when they were asked to leave the premises? Nah imma stay....

India's oldest yoga teacher has died aged 99 Which is quite a stretch.

What did the Hindu cow say to the yoga class? OoM

Mercedes pulled up to do some yoga in a really nice car Mercedez bends

A man walks into a yoga class.... And is really disruptive to the whole class so the teacher asks him to leave. The man outs his hands together and says namaste.

What do you call a DJ at a yoga class? A Diplomat

Yoga as we know it today is a modern invention and anyone who disagrees is ... ...merely posturing.

What do you call it when you kill a yoga teacher before a session? Premeditated murder

My girlfriend caught me performing an action scene from The Matrix, but luckily she thought I was doing yoga exercises. I just dodged a bullet.

What did the hillbilly yoga instructor say his mother when she was about to leave? Nah ma, stay!

I caught a 450 lb catfish the other day That’s gotta be a record! She was squeezed into yoga pants at the end of the bar.

What’s the similarity between a yoga instructor, a plant, and a tank? They all made it into the rosters of crossover fighting games.

My friend and I went to a yoga class for the first time. Half way through the class, he turns to me and says "This is lame. Do you want to leave?" I replied, "Namaste."

Job interview for yoga instructor Guy: so what are the hours like here?

Yoga instructor: ohhh were veryyyy flexible

The yoga teacher stretches her legs to the ceiling and suddenly farts A student asks: "what position is that supposed to be?"
The teacher answers: "scented candle"

The new trend psychologist: what is your problem?

patient: i work as a yoga trainer at retirement homes.

psychologist: aaannd...

parient: the new trend is naked yoga.

psychologist: you are the unluckyest person to ever exist.

I phoned up my local yoga centre to book a lesson. They said, “how flexible are you?” I said, “I can’t make Thursdays.”

I think my yoga instructor was drunk today He put me in a very awkward position

To the guy at the gym wearing yoga pants - that takes some huge balls. No, really. I saw them.

To all the dudes wearing yoga pants in the gym - that takes some serious balls. No, really. I saw them.

How can photons bend so easily? They practice light yoga

I was put in an awkward position today Apparently my yoga instructor was really drunk

Yoga instructor killed one of his clients. The murder was premeditated.

Went to my yoga class today and my instructor turned up blind drunk. Put me in a really awkward position.

My girlfriend wants to open a yoga studio, even though she currently cannot afford it. I told her it's a bit of a stretch.

Why do obese women like to wear yoga leggings? They don't. Other people might call it sweatpants.

This yoga instructor seems to not have the vibe of the party. Her friends say, "you're leaving already?" Namaste

Popular Topics

Long Yoga Jokes

Gods new reqirement to get into heaven.

God goes to Saint Peter and says "Pete there are too many people in heaven. I never expected this, so we need to add a new rule. The rule is that in order to get in you need to have had a really bad day the day you died. Got it?"
"Yes Sir" Peter replied.
With that God left and Peter called the first soul forward. "New rule mate. You have to tell me what your last day on Earth was like."
Soul 1 says "Well it was not good i tell ya. I had long suspected that my wife was cheating on me. So i decided that i would leave work early to go back to my appartment on the 20th floor and catch her. When i got in the house i found my wife alone naked in bed, surprised to see me. So i start searching the house and couldnt find anyone. I was about to give up when i saw some finger tips on my balcony and sure enogh there was a man hanging there. So with out so much as a houd ya do i stomped on his fingers and down he went. Unfortunately he survived because some trees broke his fall so i grabed the closest heavy thing i saw, which happened to be my fridge, and threw it off the balcony. BAM got him dead on. I laughed so hard i had a heart attack and died."
Peter though 'well he died laughing but he did find his wife cheating so i guess it was bad' so he let him through. Before he could consider the fact that he had just let a murderer into heaven another soul came forward.
"Wait a minute mate. New rules, what was the day like the day you died?"
Soul 2 said "It wasnt good sir. I was practicing yoga on my 21st floor balcony when i suddenly sliped over the balcony. Luckily i caught hold of the balcony below mine. Then, out of nowhere, this phyco comes storming out and stamps on my fingers. I fell but lived and as i was recuperating from my trauma i look up to see a fridge falling on me. Then i died"
Peter at this point is laughing his arse off but waves soul 2 through. He then calls "Next!!" and soul 3 comes forward.
Peter says "New rules, what was the day like the day you died?"
Soul 3 says "Well picture this. Im naked in a fridge..."

Three men were at the gates of heaven, but there was only room for one person. St Peter asked each of them how they died, and the best story got through.

​

Man 1: I was adamant my wife was cheating. I came up to my apartment on the 24th floor and walked in, only to find my wife by herself. I was pleasantly surprised until I saw a man hanging off the edge of the balcony by just his fingers. I went over to him with a hammer and hit his hands until he let go. He fell in some bushes, and was still alive, so I grabbed my fridge and lifted it over the edge so it would fall on him. And after all that heavy lifting, I died of a heart attack.

“Oh that is terrible”, said St Peter as he turned to the next man, “what about you?”

Man 2: well I was on my 25th floor balcony doing some yoga and I fell over the edge! I was hanging on by just my fingers when I saw a man coming over, I was so relieved! But then he started hammering my fingers and I fell in a bush. I was alive but very sore. He then threw a fridge over the edge on to me, and here I am”

“That is just terrible,” said St Peter. “What about you?” He asked man number 3.

Man 3: “Well I was hiding in a fridge”

Topical Jokes 3/19

Celebrity dating news: Katy Perry and John Mayer have broken up. Katy Perry called off the relationship when she realized the person she thought was John Mayer was actually an inflatable gorilla wearing a Frankenstein mask.

High-end department stores like Neiman Marcus were caught selling real fur, that was advertised as imitation. The stores have promised to contact any customers who bought the real fur, and inform them that the price has doubled.

A teenager in Florida was arrested for slashing his brother with a samurai sword in an argument over synthetic marijuana. Police were surprised by the teens fighting with samurai swords for fake pot, but within two hours it was Florida’s official pastime.

The clothing company, Lululemon has issued a recall for their black yoga pants, which can become so sheer, they may be see-through. I’ll tell you what, this is a controversy men are going to pay close attention to.

Today marks the 10-year anniversary of the Iraq invasion. Amazing to think 10 years ago most Americans couldn’t locate Iraq on a map, and a decade later those same people can’t find Iraq with a smartphone.

A Senate bill to strengthen gun laws will no longer include a ban on the sale of assault rifles. Critics are saying the new bill is watered-down, like the part that lets escaped mental patients rent guns from RedBox.

A 1,000 year old Chinese bowl that was purchased at a garage sale for $3 dollars was sold at auction for $2.2 million. The owner of the bowl is set to make a huge profit, especially when you consider the garage sale asking price was originally six bucks.

A new celebrity diving competition called “Splash” premiered tonight. In order to attract viewers, the contestants will dive into an empty pool.

In England, thousands of homes will receive scratch-and-sniff cards that smell like cannabis, to help citizens locate illegal marijuana farms. So far no one has found illegal marijuana, but they did locate the factory that makes the scratch-and-sniff cards.

(I've posted my topical jokes 5 or 6 times, and yesterday was the first time I got upvotes and positive feedback. Just wanted to say I really appreciate the enthusiasm. Thanks.)

Yesterday at yoga

Yesterday at yoga, the instructor told us to make a flower shape by putting our hands together. She kept saying to take deep breaths and focus on our flowers. Towards the end of the exercise she told us to smell our flowers and just say out loud what our flowers smelt like. I don't think she appreciated it when I said Vaseline and shame.

Get into heaven on a bad day

A man comes home early from work only to find his wife's clothes scattered across the living room along with someone else's. In a fury he rushes to the bedroom to see his wife laying in bed naked begging him to calm down.

The man in a furious rage ignores his wife trying to find the man who had banged his wife. He goes to the balcony and finds a man hanging from the edge 6 stories up completely naked. The naked man pleads with him to pull him up but the husband forces the man's hands free causing him to fall.

Miraculously the naked man's fall was cushioned by the bushes below only giving him a few scraps. In a blind rage the husband runs back into the room and grabs a large trunk and tosses it over the balcony where it proceeds to fall on the man below killing him. Right after the husband tosses the trunk over the balcony he dies from a heart attack from all the strain.

In Heaven, Peter greets new arrivals. The husband walks up to him and tells him about the incident and begs Peter to show forgiveness and let him in. Peter smiles at the man and tells him that if a person dies while having a really bad day then they are allowed immediate access to heaven. The husband enters into the pearly gates behind him.

Next in line the naked man steps up. Peter laughs and asks what happened to him. The man told Peter "You won't believe this, I was practicing naked yoga on my balcony on the 9th floor of the apartments I live in when I slipped and fell off the edge. Thankfully I grabbed the sixth floors balcony edge on the way down trying to save myself. Suddenly a man in a furious rage came outside and threw me off his balcony. If it wasn't for the bushes below I would have died for sure but again I was saved. I guess the guy didn't like that so he threw a huge trunk at me and here I am." Peter laughed and told him to go on in.

A third man walked up to Peter and told him "Man I was having a great day, started banging this really hot chick I met at the bar and then suddenly she tells me to hide in her trunk. I panicked and did as she asked but next thing I know it felt as if I was falling and I woke up here."

Three men were at the gates of heaven

There was only room for one person. St Peter asked each of them how they died, and the best story got through.

Man 1: I was adamant my wife was cheating. I came up to my apartment on the 24th floor and walked in, only to find my wife by herself. I was pleasantly surprised until I saw a man hanging off the edge of the balcony by just his fingers. I went over to him with a hammer and hit his hands until he let go. He fell in some bushes, and was still alive, so I grabbed my fridge and lifted it over the edge so it would fall on him. And after all that heavy lifting, I died of a heart attack.

“Oh that is terrible”, said St Peter as he turned to the next man, “what about you?”

Man 2: well I was on my 25th floor balcony doing some yoga and I fell over the edge! I was hanging on by just my fingers when I saw a man coming over, I was so relieved! But then he started hammering my fingers and I fell in a bush. I was alive but very sore. He then threw a fridge over the edge on to me, and here I am”

“That is just terrible,” said St Peter. “What about you?” He asked man number 3.

Man 3: “Well I was hiding in a fridge”

Infidelity

An older guy walks up to Saint Peter, who asks him for his story.

"I came home from work early to our 9th floor apartment and as I opened the door I spotted my naked wife sprinting into the bathroom. She locked the door and refused to come out. I went into the bedroom to find a naked guy hanging from the balcony railing. Enraged, I hammered on his hands until he lost his grip. I looked over the edge and saw he had landed in some bushes and was still moving. Infuriated, I went into the kitchen, dragged the refrigerator out on the balcony and shoved it over the side onto the sumbitch. Then I had a heart attack and here I am."

The next guy walks up to tell his story:

"I was doing naked yoga on my 10th floor balcony when the railing gave way. I thought I was a goner but managed to catch the railing on the apartment below. Then some crazy guy ran out and made me lose my grip. I thought I was a goner but the bushes broke my fall. The last thing I saw was a refrigerator."

The next guy walks up:

"Ok. Picture this: I'm naked, and I'm hiding in a refrigerator..."

3 dogs at a vet

NSFW

3 dogs were waiting at a vet clinic.

Dog1: I was a very naughty boy, I bit everyone I could and even the masters baby, I am here to be put down. What about you guys?

Dog2: Well I was a naughty boy as well, I just can't wait in one place, and I destroy everything in my masters house, I am also here to be put down. What about you Dog3?

Dog3: My master is the sexiest woman alive, and she does yoga regularly in the tightest cutest yoga pants you can imagine. Yesterday she was doing the downward facing dog pose and I just couldn't hold myself back. I rushed her and ravaged her as hard as I could, my claws scratched her badly and I didn't let go for 2 hrs.

Dog1: Oh man, so you are also here to be put down.

Dog3: Naw, just here to clip my claws.

3 Men Die and go to Heaven... (Joke dedicated to phoncible)

St. Peter at the gate says that there is only one spot left, and he'll give it to the guy that died in the worst way between the three of them.

So the first guy says, "I came home from work, suspecting my wife of cheating on me. I find no man around, but my wife is disrobed and laying in the bed. Finally, after searching for awhile, I find a man hanging off our balcony. So I hammer him fingers until he falls to his death. Unfortunately, he lands in some bushes and, save for a few cuts and bruises, he's alright. So, as mad as I am, I throw our fridge out over the balcony on top of him. I felt so bad, that I shot myself."

St. Peter says, "My, that's a terrible story. I don't know if these 2 can top that."

So the second guy begins. "Well, I'm doing yoga on my balcony in just my sweatpants. I live on the 23rd floor of my apartment building. Well, due to an odd series of yoga stretches, I fall. Luckily, I caught the floor below me. And here comes someone to help me up! But then he starts hammering my fingers! So I fall, thinking this is it. But I land in some bushes and I'm OK! And that's when I see a refrigerator..."

St. Peter is stunned, thinking no one can top this story. So the third guy looks at the others and says,

"Picture this. You're naked in a refrigerator."

Topical Jokes (5/25-5/26)

Hey, sorry for the tardiness! Been on the road lately. Here's some jokes to cap up the last couple days.

Governor Christie met with Snooki over the weekend, but things got a tad awkward when Christie licked his lips and asked, "But seriously, are you actually a meatball?"

Big Catholic news, the Pope recently stated that it is possible for atheists to go to Heaven. However, what he didn't say is once they get there, they have to spend all eternity helping Buddha squeeze into his yoga pants.

In entertainment, "Fast and Furious 6" critics say the film did not live up to the hype. Especially when the first 45 minutes of the film were Vin Diesel sitting in his Dodge Neon scanning Tokyo radio for a Limp Bizkit station.

Bad news, a marijuana tax bill stalled in Colorado. Glossy-eyed congressmen promise they'll finish the bill as soon as this rad 'Stairway' solo is over.

In a recent speech, Biden hinted that government research is often wasteful. Such as Biden's $3 million study on if he saw Bigfoot getting the paper yesterday or just Sarah Palin before her morning shave.

And finally some science news. A recent marine study found that fish can use sign language. However, what was more surprising was the terrifying gang signs used by the east L.A. river fish crew, "Gills that Kills".

Thanks for reading! Been pretty busy lately so I'm making sure I produce some material for you guys to check out.

Many people are lined up at the Pearly Gates

St. Peter tells them that due to the recent influx of people, they will only be accepting those into heaven who have had a difficult life or particular gruesome death. He asks the first man in line how he died, the man tells him, "I was sure my wife was cheating on me, so I came home early to catch them at it. I found the guy hanging from his fingertips on my balcony, naked. I got my hammer and went out there and started hitting his fingers. He fell, but landed in the bushes. He was okay. So then I went inside and got the refrigerator and pushed it off onto him. The strain of the effort gave me a heart attack and I died."

St. Peter agreed that this was an exceptional circumstance, so he allows the man in. Then he asks the next man how he died. The man begins, "I was on my balcony doing nude yoga when I twisted my ankle and fell off. Thankfully, I was able to catch hold of the balcony below me. But then this lunatic came out and started hitting my with a hammer. I fell, but landed in some bushes. Then the idiot pushed a refrigerator off onto me and I died."

St. Peter lets this man in as well. Then turns to the next man and asks him to explain how he died. "Okay, picture this. I'm hiding naked inside a refrigerator." begins the man.

Three men were at the gates of heaven, but there...(Fav)

... was only room for one person. St Peter asked each of them how they died, and the best story got through.

Man 1: I was adamant my wife was cheating. I came up to my apartment on the 24th floor and walked in, only to find my wife by herself. I was pleasantly surprised until I saw a man hanging off the edge of the balcony by just his fingers. I went over to him with a hammer and hit his hands until he let go. He fell in some bushes, and was still alive, so I grabbed my fridge and lifted it over the edge so it would fall on him. And after all that heavy lifting, I died of a heart attack.

“Oh that is terrible”, said St Peter as he turned to the next man, “what about you?”

Man 2: well I was on my 25th floor balcony doing some yoga and I fell over the edge! I was hanging on by just my fingers when I saw a man coming over, I was so relieved! But then he started hammering my fingers and I fell in a bush. I was alive but very sore. He then threw a fridge over the edge on to me, and here I am”

“That is just terrible,” said St Peter. “What about you?” He asked man number 3.

Man 3: “Well I was hiding in a fridge”

The first Wednesday of every month God and St. Peter meet to discuss the operations and logistics of Heaven...

...and, as usual, everything is great and fine; but they both notice that Heaven is starting to get a tad overcrowded. So, they both agree that from now on, not only do you have to be a good person when you die, you must also have had a bad day the day you died.

The next day, St. Peter takes his seat behind his desk amongst the clouds. He opens the Pearly Gates and sees the line waiting eagerly. First guy steps forward:

"Oh, how was your day today?"
"Terrible! For the longest time I've been suspecting that my wife has been cheating on me. So, on my lunch break, I drive home and take the elevator up to our condo on the 6th floor of our building. I put my keys in the doorknob, give it a little jiggle, and bust open the door ready to catch them in the act. I walk down the hallway and look into our room and there she is lying naked in bed! I know somethings up and I search around for the guy all the while my wife is hysterical I could accuse her of such a thing. Just as I'm about to concede, I see these two little hands hanging on the balcony floor... the nerve of that guy! So I go over and stomp on his hands, causing him to fall to the ground, but he hit a tree on the way down and he didn't die. I was in such a rage that I went into the kitchen, unplugged the fridge, and with all my hate, I pushed the fridge off of the balcony and it landed on the guy and killed him. My wife... in her hysteria and anger, took a knife and jabbed me in my side and here I am."

A stunned St. Peter looks at the guy and says, "yeah, you're in. Come on in." Next guy:

"So how was your day?"
"It was really weird. I was doing yoga on the balcony of my 7th floor condo when I must have lost balance or something and I accidentally fell over but thankfully I grabbed hold of the balcony right below me. Just as I'm about to pull myself to safety, some psycho yelling obscenities stomps on my hands and I feel down but I didn't die. I knew I had a broken leg, and as I'm trying to peel myself off the ground, I look up and see a fridge coming at me and here I am."

St. Peter chuckles to himself and replies, "You're in." Third guy:

"So how about you? How was your day today?"
"Okay... so I'm naked inside a refrigerator right..."

After yoga class, everyone was feeling a bit hungry

...so we all agreed to go grab a bite together but as we went to invite our instructor, he was in such a deep trance that his only response was a long drawn "ohm" constant throughout his breathing.

We tried for a good twenty minutes before finally his eyes rolled opened and his smile shined brightly

Now that we had finally gotten his attention, we told him the plan:

"We're all going to leave and grab a bite to eat, would you like to come with us and join in?"

He took in a large, deep breath before quietly responding:

"Namaste"

A yoga instructor ends every class with a mediation, allowing people lay down and relax before slowly filing out for the night. A half hour passes and the instructor is surprised to see one man remain in her studio.

Annoyed, she walks over to him and asks if he plans on leaving anytime soon . The man takes a deep meditative breath and calmly replies, “Nah, Imma stay”.

The girl in the Pina Colada song had a crush on JFK

Think about it.

"If you like PIna Coladas" - JFK was a known aficionado of rum drinks.

"And gettin' caught in the rain" - JFK was a Navy man. Fond of water, sea spray, etc. Rain is not a showstopper.

"If you're not into yoga" - JFK had a bad back. Yoga was out.

"If you ... " - Well, that one's obvious.

There Had Recently Been A Global Epidemic...

...Billions of people were dying. As a result, there was a line of souls waiting to get into heaven. God had become overwhelmed. He said to one of his angels "Go wait at the gates of heaven and only let in people who had a unique death." So the angel goes.
The angel gets to the gate and the first soul comes up. The angel asks "How did you die?" The man's soul replied "Well, lately I had suspected that my wife was cheating on me, so I decided to come home early from work one day. I got home to my 23rd story apartment and started searching for her new boyfriend. I searched and searched but I couldn't find anyone. Finally, I went out onto my balcony and saw a man hanging from the ledge. I started punching him, but he wouldn't let go, so I knocked him off with a cinder block, but to his luck, he landed in some bushes and survived. I decided to take my refrigerator and throw it onto him. I did, and it killed him, and all the excitement I died of a heart attack." "That's pretty unique," said the angel. "You can go through."
The next soul comes to the gates. The angel asks "How did you die?" The man's soul replied "Okay, so, I was practicing yoga on my 24th story balcony when I slipped and fell. Thankfully, I was able to grab hold of the balcony below, but I wasn't able to climb up. I hung there for about an hour when finally a man came out. I thought I was saved, but he started punching me; I wouldn't let go. He then took a cinder block and knocked me off, but I luckily landed in some bushes and survived. The next thing I saw was a refrigerator coming towards me and I died." "That is pretty unique, as well," said the angel. "You may enter."
The third soul came up and the angel asked "How did you die?" The man's soul replied "Okay, so picture this: I was hiding my girlfriend's husband's refrigerator..."

The Police Officer fronted the press conference...

“A major incident happened at the Goodsprings Buddhism and Yoga Retreat this morning. To put it frankly, it was a bloodbath,” explained the Commissioner.
A sea of hands go up from the journalists.
“When did this happen, and why?” asked the first.
The Commission replied “Pre-meditation.”

Mary goes to the supermarket...

Mary goes to the supermarket, needing eggs and bread. She is particularly fond of potato bread, but she can't reach it, as it is stocked on the top shelf. She sees a taller woman and asks for assistance. The other woman, happy to help, reaches up and grabs the potato bread and hands it to Mary.

She thanks her, and the women are on their way. Mary then stops by to get some eggs and runs into the taller lady again. The taller lady introduces herself as Sherri, and says her knees are bad, and she can't reach down to get some eggs. Mary helps out and hands her some Grade AA eggs. They hit it off and find they have similar hobbies, and trade phone numbers.

Mary goes home that day and talks about her new friend to her husband, Harry. Harry, being an enthusiast for yoga, suggests they should both join a yoga class. Mary thinks that sounds great, and the next day Mary and Sherri sign up for Yoga.

Sherri also signed up her husband, Gary. They have a great time and the yoga class brings the ladies closer. They decide to take another class together, so they sign up for karate.

Their master, Larry, reluctantly signed them on and gave them white belts, telling them they have much to learn. They spend a few months and make yellow belt.

Frustrated with their slow progress, they decide to pursue another route. They decide to have a child at the same time. They both get pregnant and spend a few more months in the Karate class while they can, but there comes a point where they have to inform Larry that they must put their training on hold. Larry accepts, and states that they have grown much in the past months, and he would always be their karate master.

There is an issue with Sherri's pregnancy, and she becomes weak. Sherri and Gary hire a maid, Terry, to keep the house clean and help Sherri with whatever she needs, as Gary is very busy with work and her friend Mary is dealing with her own pregnancy.

Sherri and Mary both have their water break on the same day, and their husbands are both stuck in traffic. Mary panics, and calls Sherri, asking who can help them. Sherri informs them that they fired Terry because she was stealing, and all her other contacts are not answering. Mary gets an idea, and calls Larry.

Larry was instructing a class, and when he got the call, he assured he would help. He told his class he had to go. The class asked, "Why master? What is so urgent?"

Larry replied, "my pupils are dilating."

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