Vegan Jokes

Contents

Funniest Vegan Jokes

A vegan said to me, "people who sell meat are gross!" I said, "people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer."






credits to Adele Cliff, from the Edinburgh Festival Fringe. Link in the comments

Score: 19532
Funny Vegan Jokes
Score: 10939

A vegan said to me, people who sell meat are disgusting I replied, people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.

Score: 9460

A vegan said to me, "People who sell meat are disgusting." I said, "People who sell vegetables and fruits are grocer."

Score: 2292

The first rule of vegan fight club. Tell everyone about vegan fight club.

Edit: Credit goes to Aba and Preach on YouTube.

Score: 1617

Yo momma is so vegan and fat... ..that she ate a meal and got arrested for deforestation.

Score: 1385

Did you hear about the vegan transgender? He was a herbefore.

Score: 1365

What's the hardest part of making a vegan pizza? Skinning the vegan.

Score: 993

AITA for mixing up orders and serving a vegan customer a meat sandwich? Oops wrong sub

Score: 746

I'm 95% vegan now... Basically, I'm vegan all the time. Except when I'm eating

Score: 743

Why did the vegan cross the road? To tell someone he was a vegan.

Score: 700

My roommate's cellphone broke He wants me to let you guys know he's vegan

Score: 689

This girl was handing out vegan pamphlets when she said she recognized me I said I never met herbivore

Score: 514

A vegan said to me, "People who sell meat are disgusting!" I said, "People who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer."

Score: 488

The clitoris has over 8000 nerve endings But it's still not as sensitive as a vegan on social media

Score: 415

First rule of Vegan club: You tell everyone about Vegan club.

Score: 385

Have you guys heard the one about the vegan transgender? He was a her-before

Score: 363

My girlfriend changed a lot since becoming a vegan It's like I've never seen herbivore.

Score: 355

A vegan said to me that people who sell meat are disgusting. I said people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.

Score: 349

My brother's girlfriend is vegan I haven't met herbivore.

Score: 337

A vegan friend's status said if we had to kill... A vegan friend's status said if we had to kill our own food, we wouldn't eat meat.

I think if he had to build his own computer he'd wouldn't whine on Facebook.

Score: 314

I have a vegan girlfriend... and she's nice and all, but sometimes I think she just looks at me like a piece of carrot

Score: 271

If someone is a vegan and does CrossFit... Which do they have to tell you first?

Score: 200

Two cows walk into a vegan bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind here."

Score: 143

Why did the vegan cross the road? To tell somebody else that he's a vegan.

Score: 143

My girlfriend really changed after she became vegan It’s like I’ve never seen herbivore.

Score: 130

What do you call a vegan lion? Dead

Score: 118

A vegan said to me, "people who sell meat are gross!" I said, "people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer."

Score: 114

What does a vegan zombie eat? Graaains

Score: 108

What’s the first rule of vegan fight club? Tell everyone.

Score: 107

A crossfit enthused, bitcoin investing vegan walks into a bar... Oh, they already told you about it too?

Score: 99

This chick came up to me and claimed she recognized me from a vegan meeting but I'd never met herbivore

Score: 91

A crossfitter, an atheist, and a vegan walk into a bar I only know because they told everyone.

Score: 90

Why did the vegan cross the road? To tell someone they're vegan.

Score: 87

Q: What do vegan zombies eat? A: "GRAAAAAIIIIIIIINS!"

Score: 85

If only the first rule of Vegan club Was not to talk about Vegan club

Score: 85

A vegan said to me: People who sell meat are gross. I replied: People who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.

Score: 79

My GF has changed a lot since she became vegan It's like I've never met herbivore.

Score: 79

The first rule of vegan club Always talk about vegan club

Score: 78

A vegan told me that people who eat meat are disgusting I said, 'people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.'

Score: 75

A vegan buddhist... ...decides to jump off the roof of a meat factory as the ultimate form of protest believing that he will be reincarnated. He became a vegetable.

Score: 74

Popular Topics

New Vegan Jokes

Did you hear about the vegan transgender man ? He used to be a herbefore.

Score: 5

I tried a vegan steak the other day and it was really good! Cannibalism isnt for everyone but I sure like it!

Score: 12

Did you hear the one about the Vegan Crossfitter who saw Hamilton live on Broadway with the original cast? He didn't know which one to talk about first.

Score: 5

A vegan and an atheist walk into a bar. How do I know? Because they told everyone.

Score: 10

What’s the first rule of vegan fight club? Tell everyone about vegan fight club.

What’s the second rule of vegan fight club?

Tell EVERYONE about vegan fight club.

Score: 2

I went to a vegan BBQ I thought the Vegan was overcooked

Score: 10

Just read an interesting fact-Bruce Lee had a vegan brother Broco Lee

Score: 6

Bruce Lee had a vegan brother Brock Lee

Score: 15

A vegan once said to me, "people who sell meat are gross!" So I replied: the people who sell vegetables are grocer

Score: 49

A vegan applied but was rejected for a job at Burger King... She didn't meat the requirements.

Score: 4

First rule of vegan fight club... Tell EVERYONE about vegan fight club !

Score: 26

What do you call a vegan surfer who can only surf half a wave? Radish

Score: 4

Have you met Bruce Lee's vegan brother? Broco Lee

Score: 4

As a vegan mom, I prioritize maintaining a healthy lifestyle for me and my family, but keeping my kids active during quarantine isn’t always easy, so we made up a new game... The floor is ground beef!

Score: 1

I hadn't seen my grandma for a long time, she looked so different from the last time I'd seen her. She told me that she had become a vegan for a few months now. She had changed so much since she became a vegan. It was like I'd never seen herbivore.

Score: 8

Who is the vegan cousin of Bruce Lee? Broccoli

Score: 17

What did the vegan say when he heard about George Floyd? i’m vegan

Score: 3

Jokes Vegan hot dogs are basically the strap on of food .




You want the sausage but not the meat

Score: 53

I like my coffee like I like my women. Lactose free.

(It's a wholesome vegan joke)

Score: 1

A vegan and a cross fitter walk into a bar together I knew within five minutes because they told me.

Score: 5

I've found that vegan meals require a blender It makes them easy to pour down the sink

Score: 4

What is the difference between being a vegan and suffering from the novel coronavirus? In the case of COVID-19, the loss of sense of taste is only temporary.

Score: 3

Vegan witches be like ear of corn! Eye of Potato!

Score: 6

What is a vegan Viking called? A Norvegan

Score: 30

Vegan lady and a butcher A vegan lady went on a blind date with a man. She asked him what do you do for a living. He said he is a butcher. The lady said "eww that's grouse".
The butcher replied "a person who sells vegetables is grocer".

Score: 4

Dracula is vegan for 1 reason.. Stake kills him.

Score: 2

A vegan could depose Kim Jong Un right now... They eat vegetables like him for breakfast.

Score: 1

I turned up to what was supposed to be a vegan gathering but there was no meet.

Score: 8

Whats the difference between a North Korean Hospital and a Vegan Restaurant? Nothing, They both serve up Vegetables

Score: 1

What do vegan zombies eat? GRAINNNSSS!!

Score: 3

What are the similarities between vegan cheese and female celebrity? They’re both full of plastic.

Score: 1

I ran into a girl in a vegan restaurant who said she knew me But I never met herbivore

Score: 6

I was thinking about going vegan But it makes my stomach falafel

Score: 1

My elderly vegan neighbor is now so scared of COVID I regret telling him that it stands for "Call Old Vegans Into Death".

Score: 2

Where can you find a vegan cannibal? Eyeing some patients in the ICU

Score: 1

I tried going vegan for a while... It didn’t take long for me to realise it was a missed steak

Score: 5

Zombies What does a vegan zombie say?

"Grains! Grains! Grains!...

Score: 2

When I caught my vegan babysitter, Mary Poppins, eating a lamb chop... When I caught my vegan babysitter, Mary Poppins, eating a lamb chop she begged me to keep it a secret.

​

What was I going to say? "Mary had a little lamb"?

Score: 2

A vegan activist walks into a bar. I only knew he was a vegan activist because he told everyone within two minutes.

Score: 6

What's the similarity between a person in coma and a vegan person? They're both in vegetative state.

Score: 2

What's the song they sing at the end of vegan High School Musical? Bacon-free.

Score: 1

How does a vegan begin grace before a meal? Lettuce pray!

Score: 1

Lewis Hamilton is vegan Or as we now call him, ‘Lewis ilton’

Score: 1

A vegan asked me what I feel when I shoot a deer. Recoil.

Score: 4

Why did the vegan cross the road? To say that they’re vegan

Score: 4

What is the favourite city of people who refuse to consume animal products? Las Vegan

Score: 1

Everyone knows of famous martial artist, Bruce Lee He also had a brother, the revolutionary vegan activist, Brocco Lee

Score: 2

Have you ever heard about Draculas vegan brother Count Rucola?

Score: 4

I told my doctor I wanted to start a vegan keto diet. She told me "that's nuts."

Score: 6

What do you call a vegan stir fry pan? A *Woke Wok*!!

Score: 1

In order to put a bit of flavour in my vegan curry I put ginger in it .

The neighbours bloody loved that cat but my curry was bang on!

Score: 3

Heard about the vegan girl who recently went from dating guys to dating girls only? Yeah, shes beyond meat.

Score: 1

What does a cannibalistic vegan eat? A greengrocer.

Score: 7

What do you call a vegan with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter™️

Score: 50

What do you call a vegan chicken strip? A chicken pretender

Score: 6

What did the vegan zombie eat when he had a horrible headache? My grrrrrraaaaaainnnnnns

Score: 2

Frodo Baggins recently became a vegan He heard someone say that meat is mordor.

Score: 2

A group of vegan activists told me that people who sell meat are gross I told them people who sell fruit & veg are grocer

Score: 47

Been trying to go vegan lately. It's lot more tofu than you think.

Score: 1

My vegan meat pie recipe Step 1: Find yourself a fresh vegan...

Score: 2

Why did the vegan get kicked out of church? He said he really enjoyed seitan.

Score: 6

Popular Topics