A vegan said to me, "people who sell meat are gross!"
I said, "people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer."
credits to Adele Cliff, from the Edinburgh Festival Fringe. Link in the comments
I trapped a couple of vegans in my basement. At least I think they're vegan. They keep shouting 'lettuce leaf!'
My girlfriend really changed after she became a vegan. It's like I've never seen herbivore.
A vegan said to me, people who sell meat are disgusting I replied, people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.
What's the toughest part of being a vegan? Apparently keeping it to yourself.
A vegan said to me, "People who sell meat are disgusting." I said, "People who sell vegetables and fruits are grocer."
An atheist, a vegan, and a crossfitter walk into a bar I know because they told me.
Yo momma is so vegan and fat... ..that she ate a meal and got arrested for deforestation.
Did you hear about the vegan transgender? He was a herbefore.
An atheist, a vegan, and a crossfitter walk into a bar... I only know because they told everyone within two minutes.
What's the hardest part of making a vegan pizza? Skinning the vegan.
My girlfriend changed a lot after she became vegan... It's like I've never seen herbivore.
What’s the toughest thing about being a vegan? Apparently, keeping it to yourself.
I'm 95% vegan now... Basically, I'm vegan all the time. Except when I'm eating
Why did the vegan cross the road? To tell someone he was a vegan.
My roommate's cellphone broke He wants me to let you guys know he's vegan
A stranger just came up to me and told me she was vegan... I swear I've met herbivore
So I met a vegan. I'd finish the joke, but she's still talking.
This girl was handing out vegan pamphlets when she said she recognized me I said I never met herbivore
A vegan said to me, "People who sell meat are disgusting!" I said, "People who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer."
The clitoris has over 8000 nerve endings But it's still not as sensitive as a vegan on social media
First rule of Vegan club: You tell everyone about Vegan club.
Have you guys heard the one about the vegan transgender? He was a her-before
My girlfriend changed a lot since becoming a vegan It's like I've never seen herbivore.
A vegan said to me that people who sell meat are disgusting. I said people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.
My brother's girlfriend is vegan I haven't met herbivore.
An atheist, vegan, and crossfitter walk into a bar I don't know what happened because I left
Show me a man who calls himself a vegan, ...and I'll show you a man who's trying to shag a vegan.
A vegan friend's status said if we had to kill...
A vegan friend's status said if we had to kill our own food, we wouldn't eat meat.
I think if he had to build his own computer he'd wouldn't whine on Facebook.
This chick came up to me and claimed she recognized me from a vegan meeting but I'd never met herbivore
A crossfitter, an atheist, and a vegan walk into a bar I only know because they told everyone.
What do you call an Australian guy who is a vegan? Vegemate.
I have a new recipe that's gluten free, sugar free, no-fat, non-GMO, pesticide free, low-calorie, vegan, kosher and paleo-friendly. It's a real breath of fresh air.
How come Jeff Bezos spending 13 billion makes the news? I spent 13 billion dollars last week at Whole Foods as well and all I got was some vegan avocado toast.
An atheist, a vegan, and a feminist walked into a bar.
How did I know?
They all admitted it within 5 minutes of being here.
An atheist and vegan and pro-life walk to a bar I know cause they told everyone In 5 sec
What does a vegan zombie moan? graaaiins...
I was on a vegetarian diet then I switched to vegan. The lack of protein in their diets make them a lot easier to catch
A vegan, a feminist, and a Stranger Things fan walk into a bar... I only know because they told everyone within two minutes...
I was feeling unhealthy so I started eating vegan, but I haven't lost any weight... Turns out vegans have just as many calories as cows.
My Aunt had a baby. She gave it to me to hold it. I responded “No thanks, I’m a vegan.”
What are the similarities between vegan cheese and female celebrity? They’re both full of plastic.
What's the song they sing at the end of vegan High School Musical? Bacon-free.
You know what to say if you ever have to break up with a vegan? It's not you, it's meat.
A couple is on holiday in another country. They are getting on a bus together. The husband tells the wife:
\- See? In this bus there's a gamer, a feminist and a vegan.
\- So... What makes you think you know that?
\- They already told me!
There is a vegan in my school I have no beef with them
How do you turn an idiot into a nutritionist? tell them you're vegan
A vegan, an atheist and a mobile dev walk into a bar You might have already noticed that...
Why did the vegan smile when he opened the refrigerator? He saw the Salad Dressing
What does a kinky vegan say? Artichoke me.
Ok so I’m actually putting a joke on here this time.
A vegan, a Anti vaxxer and a Athiest wall into a bar
I only know because they told everyone in the first 2 minutes :/
What if mosquitos would be more environmentally conscious? Fly less and have a vegan diet.
What's better, a v-day dinner with a vegan faminist, or with beer and Netflix? I don't know any vegan faminists and beet and Netflix is my constant state of being
What do you call a vegan who has diarrhea? A smoothie blender.
If you meet someone who's a vegan, who also does cross fit... Which do they talk about first?
What shouldn’t you say to a vegan German? Gluten tag!
What is the difference between a vegan on a diet and a flower child? One's a very thin person, and the other is a little hippy.
Talking to a vegan today I was talking to a vegan today and they said : "I think butchers or anyone who sells meat is disgusting ! " to which I replied "well I think people who sell fruit and veg are grocer"
A couple was at a restaurant when waitress came to them, the couple let her know that they were vegan and asked what she would recommend. a taxi
I could never eat a vegan burger I don't believe in cannabalism
An autistic and a vegan walk into a bar You only know because they mention it every other sentence
What personal question is not obvious yet nobody has ever needed to ask anyone? Are you vegan?
What's the difference between a vegan, a crossfit instructor, and a psychological test subject? The test subject is the only one you'd willingly ask to "tell us about yourself."
I've been seriously considering opening a vegetarian/vegan delicatessan. I think I'll call it **Soy Vey!**
A crossdresser, a vegan and an athiest walk into a bar I only know because it's reposted every week
A vegan and a crossfit walk into a bar A vegan and a crossfit walk into a bar. how do i know that it was a vegan and a crossfit? they told everyone
How do you know there's a vegan on the room with you? They'll let you know about it.
An atheist, a vegan, and a marathon runner walk into a bar... I only know because they told everyone within two minutes.
A vegan, an atheist and a person who does cross fit walk into a bar... And within 5 seconds I know all of this because they won't stop telling everyone.
A vegan in the woods. If a vegan is alone in the woods with nobody to tell, are they still a vegan?