Vegan Jokes

Contents

Funniest Vegan Jokes

A vegan said to me, "people who sell meat are gross!" I said, "people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer."






credits to Adele Cliff, from the Edinburgh Festival Fringe. Link in the comments

Score: 19532

I trapped a couple of vegans in my basement. At least I think they're vegan. They keep shouting 'lettuce leaf!'

Score: 16411

My girlfriend really changed after she became a vegan. It's like I've never seen herbivore.

Score: 11897
Funny Vegan Jokes
Score: 10939

A vegan said to me, people who sell meat are disgusting I replied, people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.

Score: 9460

What's the toughest part of being a vegan? Apparently keeping it to yourself.

Score: 6391

A vegan said to me, "People who sell meat are disgusting." I said, "People who sell vegetables and fruits are grocer."

Score: 2292

An atheist, a vegan, and a crossfitter walk into a bar I know because they told me.

Score: 1413

Yo momma is so vegan and fat... ..that she ate a meal and got arrested for deforestation.

Score: 1385

Did you hear about the vegan transgender? He was a herbefore.

Score: 1365

An atheist, a vegan, and a crossfitter walk into a bar... I only know because they told everyone within two minutes.

Score: 1321

What's the hardest part of making a vegan pizza? Skinning the vegan.

Score: 993

My girlfriend changed a lot after she became vegan... It's like I've never seen herbivore.

Score: 812

What’s the toughest thing about being a vegan? Apparently, keeping it to yourself.

Score: 777

I'm 95% vegan now... Basically, I'm vegan all the time. Except when I'm eating

Score: 743

Why did the vegan cross the road? To tell someone he was a vegan.

Score: 700

My roommate's cellphone broke He wants me to let you guys know he's vegan

Score: 689

A stranger just came up to me and told me she was vegan... I swear I've met herbivore

Score: 684

So I met a vegan. I'd finish the joke, but she's still talking.

Score: 596

This girl was handing out vegan pamphlets when she said she recognized me I said I never met herbivore

Score: 514

A vegan said to me, "People who sell meat are disgusting!" I said, "People who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer."

Score: 488

The clitoris has over 8000 nerve endings But it's still not as sensitive as a vegan on social media

Score: 415

First rule of Vegan club: You tell everyone about Vegan club.

Score: 385

Have you guys heard the one about the vegan transgender? He was a her-before

Score: 363

My girlfriend changed a lot since becoming a vegan It's like I've never seen herbivore.

Score: 357

A vegan said to me that people who sell meat are disgusting. I said people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.

Score: 349

My brother's girlfriend is vegan I haven't met herbivore.

Score: 337

An atheist, vegan, and crossfitter walk into a bar I don't know what happened because I left

Score: 331

Show me a man who calls himself a vegan, ...and I'll show you a man who's trying to shag a vegan.

Score: 321

A vegan friend's status said if we had to kill... A vegan friend's status said if we had to kill our own food, we wouldn't eat meat.

I think if he had to build his own computer he'd wouldn't whine on Facebook.

Score: 314

A vegan, a girl with a boyfriend and a student walk into a bar.. Who tells you first?

Score: 130

A crossfitter, an atheist, and a vegan walk into a bar I only know because they told everyone.

Score: 90

An atheist, a vegan, and a cross fit enthusiast walk into a bar. And everyone knows because he won't shut up about it.

Score: 45

I have a new recipe that's gluten free, sugar free, no-fat, non-GMO, pesticide free, low-calorie, vegan, kosher and paleo-friendly. It's a real breath of fresh air.

Score: 19

An atheist and a vegan walk into a bar... The only reason I know this is because they both told everybody.

Score: 13

What does a vegan zombie moan? graaaiins...

Score: 9

I was on a vegetarian diet then I switched to vegan. The lack of protein in their diets make them a lot easier to catch

Score: 9

I could never eat a vegan burger I don't believe in cannabalism

Score: 7

What does a kinky vegan say? Artichoke me.

Score: 6

A crossdresser, a vegan and an athiest walk into a bar I only know because it's reposted every week

Score: 5

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New Vegan Jokes

I was feeling unhealthy so I started eating vegan, but I haven't lost any weight... Turns out vegans have just as many calories as cows.

Score: 3

My Aunt had a baby. She gave it to me to hold it. I responded “No thanks, I’m a vegan.”

Score: 0

What are the similarities between vegan cheese and female celebrity? They’re both full of plastic.

Score: 0

What's the song they sing at the end of vegan High School Musical? Bacon-free.

Score: 0

You know what to say if you ever have to break up with a vegan? It's not you, it's meat.

Score: 0

A couple is on holiday in another country. They are getting on a bus together. The husband tells the wife: \- See? In this bus there's a gamer, a feminist and a vegan.

\- So... What makes you think you know that?

\- They already told me!

Score: 1

There is a vegan in my school I have no beef with them

Score: 3

An athiest, vegan, and cross fit mother walk into a bar. We know this because they all announced it during their first five words they said to anyone


My friend told me this and I laughed so hard

Score: 1

How do you turn an idiot into a nutritionist? tell them you're vegan

Score: 2

A vegan, an atheist and a mobile dev walk into a bar You might have already noticed that...

Score: 2

Why did the vegan smile when he opened the refrigerator? He saw the Salad Dressing

Score: 2

Ok so I’m actually putting a joke on here this time. A vegan, a Anti vaxxer and a Athiest wall into a bar


I only know because they told everyone in the first 2 minutes :/

Score: 5

What if mosquitos would be more environmentally conscious? Fly less and have a vegan diet.

Score: 0

What's better, a v-day dinner with a vegan faminist, or with beer and Netflix? I don't know any vegan faminists and beet and Netflix is my constant state of being

Score: 0

What do you call a vegan who has diarrhea? A smoothie blender.

Score: 1

If you meet someone who's a vegan, who also does cross fit... Which do they talk about first?

Score: 0

What is the difference between a vegan on a diet and a flower child? One's a very thin person, and the other is a little hippy.

Score: 3

An autistic and a vegan walk into a bar You only know because they mention it every other sentence

Score: 2

A vegan, a runner, and a stoner walked into a bar They all told me in the first minute.

Score: 5

What's the difference between a vegan, a crossfit instructor, and a psychological test subject? The test subject is the only one you'd willingly ask to "tell us about yourself."

Score: 2

A vegan, a gap year student and a girl with a boyfriend walk into a bar Who tells you first?

Score: 3

A vegan and a crossfit walk into a bar A vegan and a crossfit walk into a bar. how do i know that it was a vegan and a crossfit? they told everyone

Score: 1

How do you know there's a vegan on the room with you? They'll let you know about it.

Score: 0

An atheist, a vegan, and a marathon runner walk into a bar... I only know because they told everyone within two minutes.

Score: 3

A vegan, an atheist and a person who does cross fit walk into a bar... And within 5 seconds I know all of this because they won't stop telling everyone.

Score: 2

A vegan in the woods. If a vegan is alone in the woods with nobody to tell, are they still a vegan?

Score: 2

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