Hilarious Computer Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Computer Jokes

Score: 18972

The oldest computer... The oldest computer can be traced to Adam and Eve.

Yes, it was an Apple.

But with an extremely limited memory.

Just one byte.

Then everything crashed.

Score: 8125

I like my women like i like my computer Turned on
On my lap
Virus free

Score: 5299

A guy walks into a library and asks the librarian, "do you have that book for men with small penises?" The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."

The man replies, "Yeah that's the one."

Score: 3837

A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "do you have that book for men with small penises?" The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."

"Yeah that's the one"

Score: 3259

I like my women how I like my computer. On my lap.
Turned on.
Virus free.

Score: 2410

Wife texts husband on a cold winter morning: "Windows frozen, won't open." Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and then *gently* tap edges with hammer."

Wife texts back 10 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now."

Score: 2395

I give to you a joke I made up when I was seven: Why did the computer crash? Because it had a bad driver!

*drops mic*

Score: 2342

The oldest computer can be traced to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple.

But with extremely limited memory - just one byte.

Everything crashed.

Score: 2219

The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an apple but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.

Score: 2135

I painted my computer black so it would run faster. Now it doesn't work.

Then I painted my computer white so it would work.

Now the whole system is corrupt.

Score: 1996

On a cold winter's morning Wife texts husband on a cold winter’s morning:

"Windows frozen, won't open."

Husband texts back:

"Gently pour some lukewarm water over it."

Wife texts back 5 minutes later:

"Computer is really screwed up now.”

Score: 1861

I give to you a joke I made up when I was seven: Why did the computer crash? It had a bad driver!

**bows **

I'll show myself out.

Score: 1770

Yeah, I lost to my computer at chess. But it turned out to be no match for me at kickboxing.

Score: 1464

A mugger jumps out in front of a university student... ...and shouts "your money or your life!"

The student keeps walking, and says "Sorry mate, I'm a Computer Science student. I don't have either".

Score: 1451

Saw "IT" last night Far less "computer networking" and so much more "murderous clowning" than anticipated

Score: 1332

What's Adolf Hitler's favourite computer game? Mein Kraft.

Score: 1269

Painted my computer black hoping it would run faster... Now it just doesn't work.

Score: 1060

My brother wanted to play cowboys and indians So I put on a ten gallon hat and and chaps and he went to MIT and graduated in computer science.

Score: 815

My computer crashed a few hours into writing my paper looks like I'm gonna have to write my name and the date again

Score: 803

Making a new password like Me: beefstew
Computer: Sorry, password not stroganoff.

Score: 623

Me: I'm so sorry, my dog ate my homework Computer Science Professor: Your dog ate your coding assignment?

**Awkward silence**

Me: It took him a couple bytes

Score: 619

I like my women like I like my computer Turned on
On my lap
And virus free

Score: 602

What does Stephen Hawking say when his computer crashes? Nothing.

Score: 523

Wife texts husband on a cold winter morning: Windows frozen, won't open. Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and then gently tap the edges with a hammer."

Wife texts back 10 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now."

Score: 494

My computer has a virus that causes unblockable popups and constantly demands my personal information... ...it's called Norton

Score: 477

How many Mexicans does it take to run a computer? Dos

Score: 467

What's the difference between a feminist and a computer? You can punch information into a computer.

Score: 444

My manly password My wife and I were trying to set up a new password for our computer.

Trying to be clever, I put "Mypenis" and my wife fell to the ground laughing hysterically because on the screen it said:

**"Error. Not long enough."**

Score: 420

There was a computer dating back to Adam and Eve.. It was an apple, and a very bad one at that. It only took one byte for everything to crash.

Score: 394

I think my neighbor is stalking me.. she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night

Score: 389

A vegan friend's status said if we had to kill... A vegan friend's status said if we had to kill our own food, we wouldn't eat meat.

I think if he had to build his own computer he'd wouldn't whine on Facebook.

Score: 314

My wife and I found some S&M videos on my son's computer... "What should we do?"

"Well, we can't spank him."

Score: 272

I don't like computer science jokes.. Not one bit

Score: 270

Einstein famously said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. But doing the same thing over and over again and actually getting a different result - that's called Computer Programming.

Score: 174

TIFU by plugging in the wrong speaker into my computer, causing a blackout in my neighbourhood Whoops, wrong sub

Score: 125

What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and the computer he’s hooked up to? The computer runs.

Score: 116

The computer scientist failed when trying to hit on his waitress ERROR: Connection to server not found

Score: 110

What did Stephen Hawking say after his computer crashed ? Nothing.

Score: 88

What computer can sing the song "Hello"? A Dell.

Score: 87

New Computer Jokes

What do you call a computer that was dropped in the water? Adele Rolling in the Deep

Score: 6

Apparently statistics show only "5% o peple" have cracked their phone screens Edit: After reading the same article on my computer, it appears "50% of people" have cracked their phone screens.

Score: 9

Why can’t a member of the LGBTQ movement be a computer programmer? Because they are non-binary.

Score: 5

The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was Apple's and had *very* limited memory. Just one bite and everything crashed

Score: 5

Russian computer: Please enter password Me: Beef_stew
Russian computer: Password not stroganoff

Score: 5

Since i got fat, the only thing that goes down on me... ...is the computer chair in my office

Score: 5

My dog ate my computer science project "your dog ate your coding assignment?"

It took him a couple bytes

Score: 6

People say the brain is a computer, but if it is... Why can't it run Skyrim?

Score: 5

The difference between twitch streamers and homeless pan handlers a computer

Score: 6

What's a Canadian's favorite unit of computer memory? The Tim-byte.

Score: 7

How does batman schedule a task on his computer? With a .bat script

Score: 12

Why do computer scientists get confused between Halloween and Christmas? Because oct 31 = dec 25

Score: 24

Why was the computer mad when he got home? It had a hard drive

Score: 60

I like my women like I like my computer data, with the ability to back it up.

Score: 45

A man walks into a library... A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "do you have that book for men with small penises?"

The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."

"Yeah that's the one"

Score: 50

I opened my computer and it said hello.... It was a Dell.

Score: 23

How do you know when a blonde's been at your computer? There's white out on the screen.

Why white out?

'Cause the eraser didn't work.

Score: 10

A friend told me that Asians are the best at computer games because they use two keyboards instead of one. But that's just stereo typing.

Score: 6

Minesweeper It's either a computer game or an angry German custodian yelling at kids who stole his broom.

Score: 61

My Asian friend hooked up a computer keyboard to a bunch of speakers I guess that's stereotyping isn't it...

Score: 5

When was the first computer? Adam and Eve's time. It was an apple. It only had one byte, then everything went downhill.

Score: 22

I wish my wife was a computer That way I could actually turn her on

Score: 54

The girls in my computer science class are like the matrix All you see is a bunch of ones and zeroes

Score: 25

What kind of computer says "hello" when starting up? Adele

Score: 13

What does a blonde do when her computer freezes? She sticks it in the microwave.

Score: 5

I do not like computer jokes... Not one bit!

Score: 63

My addiction to computer gaming started when my family bought a PC in the 90's... I guess that was my Gateway drug.

Score: 8

My computer kept overheating while playing CS:GO I had to stop to give it a quick de_dust.

Score: 18

Apple came up with a tablet computer with touch screen, geared toward children. They cancelled the product when they realized nobody wants to buy something called iTouch Kids.

Score: 53

what does a baby computer call its parents? data & motherboard.

Score: 5

Why did the computer programmer go to see his boss? Because he wanted arrays

Score: 5

When my kids play The Sims, I always disconnect the power from the computer just after they've finished making their family It's character building

Score: 7

The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. Surprise! Surprise! It was an Apple.

But with extremely limited memory.

Just 1 byte.

Then everything crashed.

Score: 62

Want to make your computer run faster? Just paint it black, it may quit working, though.

Score: 10

What does a shark and a computer have in common? They both have megabites

Score: 18

What do you call a computer teacher who touches his students? A PDF file

Score: 11

The first computers were made by women... that's why computer language is so difficult to understand

Score: 5

I've decided I'm going to major in computer science and Japanese. I'm gonna master weeb design.

Score: 8

Why couldn't the computer feel anything? Num. lock was on

Score: 8

My mom told me if i didnt get off the computer and do my homework she would bang my head against the keyboard I think she mighfkgk57mo58ktzsrazxv78p

Score: 16

My computer auto-corrected "illegal immigrant" to "undocumented person." It's a PC PC.

Score: 7

Hey girl, are you a computer? Because you turn my floppy disk into a hard drive.

Score: 69

What happens when a computer programmer does a marathon? Runtime Error.

Score: 5

I work IT and this ladies computer would not stop playing Rolling in the Deep Asked her what brand her computer was and she said "a Dell"

Score: 6

I painted my computer black so that it would run faster, but now it doesn't work.

Score: 42

I wanted to study Computer Science but then I stopped... Turns out its just a sudo science.

Score: 6

My girlfriend's a crappy computer ... she always shuts down when I need her but never shuts up when I don't.

Score: 7

I was helping Mom with the computer and now she thinks I'm racist... All I told her to do was push "ALT + →"

Score: 5

A programming genius named Sewter Built a limerick-writing computer

The metre was fine

And the rhymes quite divine

But for some reason it always got the last line wrong

Score: 17

Yesterday, my computer science teacher was teaching us about for-loops... ... he said it was a *for n* concept.

Score: 10

How physicists see other sciences: Biology: squishy physics
Geology: slow physics
Computer Science: virtual physics
Psychology: people physics
Chemistry: impure physics
Math: physics minus the units

Score: 5

My girlfriend just emailed me a photo of us on our first date together. It's a very treasured memory for me. Problem is, the file wont open on my computer. I guess I have emotional attachment issues.

Score: 9

How do you annoy a computer person with a problem? Never mind, I figured it out.

Score: 14

Difference between computers and woman. I have no problem turning on a computer.

Score: 17

Why did the EU start downloading random stuff to it's computer? It had freed up one GB of space.

Score: 8

Whats the difference between and old computer and a woman? a computer accepts a 3.5 inch floppy

Score: 13

So I tried to play the Battlefront 3 beta today... But I couldn't play Hoth, because my computer kept freezing.

Score: 6

My wife is a computer geek and wants to name our son "one eighth of a byte" So I said "Really honey? Don't you think that's a bit...?"

Score: 57

You want some dating advice? Here you go. A man wanted to find a woman and asked the computer to find him the perfect match: "I want someone who is small and cute, loves the water sports and enjoys group activities."

Back came the answer: "Marry a penguin."

Score: 13

Why did Steve Irwin fail his computer science class? String Arrays

Score: 14