Computer Jokes

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Funniest Computer Jokes

Funny Computer Jokes
Score: 18972

The oldest computer... The oldest computer can be traced to Adam and Eve.

Yes, it was an Apple.

But with an extremely limited memory.

Just one byte.

Then everything crashed.

Score: 8125

I like my women like i like my computer Turned on
On my lap
Virus free

Score: 5299

A guy walks into a library and asks the librarian, "do you have that book for men with small penises?" The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."

The man replies, "Yeah that's the one."

Score: 3837

A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "do you have that book for men with small penises?" The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."

"Yeah that's the one"

Score: 3259

I like my women how I like my computer. On my lap.
Turned on.
Virus free.

Score: 2410

Wife texts husband on a cold winter morning: "Windows frozen, won't open." Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and then *gently* tap edges with hammer."

Wife texts back 10 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now."

Score: 2395

I give to you a joke I made up when I was seven: Why did the computer crash? Because it had a bad driver!

*drops mic*

Score: 2342

The oldest computer can be traced to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple.

But with extremely limited memory - just one byte.

Everything crashed.

Score: 2219

The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an apple but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.

Score: 2135

I painted my computer black so it would run faster. Now it doesn't work.

Then I painted my computer white so it would work.

Now the whole system is corrupt.

Score: 1996

On a cold winter's morning Wife texts husband on a cold winter’s morning:

"Windows frozen, won't open."



Husband texts back:

"Gently pour some lukewarm water over it."



Wife texts back 5 minutes later:



"Computer is really screwed up now.”

Score: 1861

I give to you a joke I made up when I was seven: Why did the computer crash? It had a bad driver!

**bows **

I'll show myself out.

Score: 1770

Yeah, I lost to my computer at chess. But it turned out to be no match for me at kickboxing.

Score: 1464

A mugger jumps out in front of a university student... ...and shouts "your money or your life!"

The student keeps walking, and says "Sorry mate, I'm a Computer Science student. I don't have either".

Score: 1451

Saw "IT" last night Far less "computer networking" and so much more "murderous clowning" than anticipated

Score: 1332

What's Adolf Hitler's favourite computer game? Mein Kraft.

Score: 1269

Painted my computer black hoping it would run faster... Now it just doesn't work.

Score: 1060

My brother wanted to play cowboys and indians So I put on a ten gallon hat and and chaps and he went to MIT and graduated in computer science.

Score: 815

My computer crashed a few hours into writing my paper looks like I'm gonna have to write my name and the date again

Score: 803

Making a new password like Me: beefstew
Computer: Sorry, password not stroganoff.

Score: 623

Me: I'm so sorry, my dog ate my homework Computer Science Professor: Your dog ate your coding assignment?

**Awkward silence**

Me: It took him a couple bytes

Score: 619

I like my women like I like my computer Turned on
On my lap
And virus free

Score: 602

What does Stephen Hawking say when his computer crashes? Nothing.

Score: 523

Wife texts husband on a cold winter morning: Windows frozen, won't open. Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and then gently tap the edges with a hammer."

Wife texts back 10 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now."

Score: 494

My computer has a virus that causes unblockable popups and constantly demands my personal information... ...it's called Norton

Score: 477

How many Mexicans does it take to run a computer? Dos

Score: 467

What's the difference between a feminist and a computer? You can punch information into a computer.

Score: 444

My manly password My wife and I were trying to set up a new password for our computer.

Trying to be clever, I put "Mypenis" and my wife fell to the ground laughing hysterically because on the screen it said:

**"Error. Not long enough."**

Score: 420

There was a computer dating back to Adam and Eve.. It was an apple, and a very bad one at that. It only took one byte for everything to crash.

Score: 394

What was Hitler's favourite computer game? Mein Kraft

Score: 238

Einstein famously said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. But doing the same thing over and over again and actually getting a different result - that's called Computer Programming.

Score: 174

The first computer can be traced back as far as Adam and Eve It was an Apple with extremely limited memory: just one bite.

Then everything crashed.

Score: 115

Why was the trombone player jealous of his computer's RAM? It has more gigs than he does.

Score: 31

The girls in my computer science class are like the matrix All you see is a bunch of ones and zeroes

Score: 25

What part of the computer the astronaut likes the most? A space bar.

Score: 19

How do you tell the difference between a computer scientist and an aspiring music artist? Ask them what 'unsigned' means.

Score: 19

Why did Steve Irwin fail his computer science class? String Arrays

Score: 14

Yesterday, my computer science teacher was teaching us about for-loops... ... he said it was a *for n* concept.

Score: 10

My girlfriend just emailed me a photo of us on our first date together. It's a very treasured memory for me. Problem is, the file wont open on my computer. I guess I have emotional attachment issues.

Score: 9

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New Computer Jokes

At whom does a Karen yell at if her computer isn't working? The task manager.

Score: 2

Why don't computer programmers like to dress up in fancy outfits? Because clothes like that are for malwear.

Score: 0

Why couldn't the computer technician build his computer? Because the lights were SO-DIMM.

Score: 0

My son asked me what incognito mode was on his computer. "I don't want you to know," I replied.

Score: 7

What do you call a computer that was dropped in the water? Adele Rolling in the Deep

Score: 6

A computer science major goes to his English professor and says "I've found a fault in the English language and I need an entomologist." "Don't you mean an etymologist?" the teacher asks.

"No," the student replies. "It's a bug, not a feature."

Score: 4

Why can’t a member of the LGBTQ movement be a computer programmer? Because they are non-binary.

Score: 5

She said, "I love you to bits." He looked up from his computer, stared at her for a while and said.. "I love you to bytes."

Score: 2

Why did the British never get into the computer business? They couldn’t figure out how to make a computer leak oil.

Score: 5

Did you hear about the astronaut that got fired? He took to drinking and spent all his time on the computer.

The only solice he could find was at the space bar.

Score: 2

What do you call a cat on the computer? A hacker

Score: 1

How does Bill Clinton's vice president make a computer dance? He gives it an algorithm.

Score: 2

What's the Flash' computer password? 1barry1

Score: 3

Russian computer: Please enter password Me: Beef_stew
Russian computer: Password not stroganoff

Score: 5

What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and the computer he is hooked into? The computer actually runs

Score: 4

What is a computer programmer’s favorite book? A dictionary, because it defines variables

Score: 4

I don't care for computer science. Not one bit.

Score: 2

Since i got fat, the only thing that goes down on me... ...is the computer chair in my office

Score: 5

I tried to load an ASCII picture of ice cream on my ancient computer and I succeeded! I got a nice picture of Haagen-DOS

_
,' `,.
>-.(__)
(_,-' |
`. |
`.|
`

​

Score: 4

Great students get A+ on their computer's exam Genius student get C++

Score: 3

What is the worst possible chip a computer could have? A Dorito.

Score: 2

What do you get when you try to cross a pit bull and a computer? A lot of bytes.

Score: 4

We met that summers day, all those years ago. Just two computer mice ... ... we found the same OK button, and somehow, we just clicked.

Score: 2

What does the squirrel do on his computer late at night? He nuts.

Score: 2

What is the most commonly used language in computer programming? Foul

Score: 2

How does a Jedi exit a computer program? He Force quits.

Score: 2

Where do computer engineers like to go for entertainment? The circuits!

Score: 5

What brand of routers & switches do Native American indians use for computer networking on the reservation? **TP-Link** mostly, but occasionally they use **Buffalo**....

Score: 0

My computer nerd friend had a failed suicide attempt today... He wrote CTRL-X on both of his wrists

Score: 2

Why didn't the client tip the server? Because they didn't have enough cache!

(Computer Science nerds unite! This is my original joke, I originally posted it on Imgflip last year with bad pun dog and it got a decent response.)

Score: 4

Tech support got a phone call... Customer: "I don't get it, I pressed 'suspend' on my computer, the screen went black."

Technician: "Yeah, it puts your computer to sleep."

Customer: "But, it's still sitting on the desk..."

Score: 1

1000 years from now our president will probably be a computer. a ***racist*** computer.

Score: 1

How can you tell apart a computer scientist and an aspiring musician? Ask them what 'unsigned' means.

Score: 2

My computer notified me that my wife emailed me a picture of our newborn son since I was gone for a business trip "You've got male!"

Score: 2

My girlfriend's a crappy computer ... she always shuts down when I need her but never shuts up when I don't.

Score: 7

Steven hawking is setting a bad example for kids these days... Being on his computer all day

Score: 3

What do you get when you give a computer programmer an aggressive dermal viral infection? Open sores.

Score: 2

A computer programmer was asked if he used Java or something else. After a short pause, he replied "Yes."

Score: 2

I was in a computer room in college today... A black person asked where the coloured printer was. I said, "it's 2016 you can use any printer."

Score: 3

Joke for computer scientist How many kinds of people do exist?
10 - those who understand computers and those who don't.

Score: 2

I asked my Dad for help with course selection... My last block was either Psychology or Computer Applications. So I asked, "Which do you think I should take?"

"Whichever you'll excel in, son."

Score: 3

How do computer programmers like their cookies? GUI.

Score: 2

What was Adolf Hitler's favourite computer game? Mein Kraft.

Score: 5

How much money does the Government pay people with autistic disorder? Enough to buy a computer that can play League of Legends.

Score: 3

We all exist due to a radioactive explosion that formed the universe and with endless posibilities... ...you're sitting on your computer reading jokes on the internet.

Score: 1

I created a presentation on my computer but didn't use password protection... Now it has visual aids.

Score: 7

Why did the computer science student drop out? He just couldn't hack it.

Score: 3

Where do computer scientists go to have a drink? To the foobar.

Score: 2

Did you hear about the Bangladeshi computer scientist? Apparently, he is really good at hacking!

Score: 2

What do you call a tall, obese computer nerd with a bladder control problem. A Big Fat Geek Wetting.

Score: 7

What is it called when a dyslexic has a slow computer? A rack of lamb

Score: 7

How he set the new pasword for his computer A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."

Score: 4

Every day at my 4 PM computer science class that the teacher is late to... "4:04 teacher not found"

Score: 2

Why did little Jimmy break open his computer? It said that it had 20 cookies in it.

Score: 1

What are OJ Simpsons favorite computer keys? @Home //\ Shift shift shift esc

(At Home slash slash backslash Shift shift shift escape)

Score: 0

Computer Science joke: After you've been bit 8 times by a mosquito does that been you have a mosquito byte? Not understanding this joke is what causes malaria.

Score: 3

My father told me this one :D A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer.
The husband puts: "Mypenis"
and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says "Error. Not long enough."

Score: 8

Me and my friend were having a nerdy debate over our preferred methods of backing up computer data... I told him cloud storage was overRAIDed.

Score: 2

Mate your passwords not long enough A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."

Score: 1

I tried painting my computer black to make it run faster but now, it won't work!

Score: 2

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